Authors: Lauren Dane
“I don’t care anymore. It’s fine. Whatever.” Her bottom lip actually quivered just the tiniest bit.
Or, maybe she could hide it. Most likely she could, actually. But she wasn’t trying that hard. And that meant she wanted to get back on track with him. At least enough to not stab him.
Now that he’d cleaved himself to her the way he’d finally stopped fighting, the need to fix it, to make her happy—scratch that, she was, after all, still Rowan—keep her satisfied and not in pain, beat at him.
“Yes you do care. And I want you to.” He risked a quick kiss but the violence in the way she responded, the edge of her teeth, a growl of sound was going to lead to her undoing. He let her see it in his eyes, the way he meant to claim her until she was a trembling mess of muscles and skin once they had worked this out.
“Foreplay already, darling?”
She snarled and he continued speaking, amused but not letting her see it. “But you have to remember who I am.
Who we all are.
Including you. Vampires have built an empire around secrecy. It’s kept us alive. It’s a revered duty to us. As you know. Also, I hasten to point out that I am certain you don’t tell
me
everything about Hunter Corp.” Her frown only underlined what he already knew. “I know you’re puzzling over something with them right now but you haven’t said much about it. I don’t push. I assume you’ll tell me what you can.”
“I don’t tell you everything, but I’d never hold back something important. I trust you. I thought you trusted me too.”
He sighed and rolled to his side, his hand on her waist to keep her from running off. “I’m here with you in the place I am most vulnerable. How many times have I trusted you with my very life? I love you, Rowan. Those aren’t just words for me. There’s no one I’d rather have at my side in my life and at my back in a fight. But I’m a Scion. I have many responsibilities and I’m in charge of upholding the laws of my people. I was told what I could and
couldn’t
tell you, by my leader and your father. You have my heart and my trust. He’s got my allegiance and my Vampires have my diligence and protection. We both have myriad responsibilities and commitments and this will take work on our part, but there’s no reason we can’t continue to be together and face these things head on.”
“This is a lot of work.”
“Rowan.”
“What?” Her surly tone returned and made him feel a great deal better.
“You can only push me so far.”
She went to her elbows. “Is that so?”
“There’s still quite a lot I can get to before the sun comes up, you know.” He eased closer, pulling the sheath she wore to keep her blade hand free.
“You must be feeling quite lucky to be getting this close.” She bared her teeth. “I’m still angry, Clive.”
He cupped her cheek. “You’re good at anger, darling. I’m good at making you come when you’re angry. It’s obvious how perfect I am for you.”
She blinked slowly, one of her brows sliding up.
“Earlier tonight you were quite the one to watch.”
She tried not to smile for a brief moment and then gave in. “I knew that got you hard. You like it when I’m rough.”
“Watching you interrogate a prisoner is one of life’s finest pleasures.”
“Some men want threesomes. You get off on me beating people bloody. We’re a pair.”
“I never said I’d turn down an offer of a threesome. Should you ever be driven by the desire to have one, of course. It’s all about your pleasure.”
She rolled on top of him. Her sword still on her back because she might still want to use it. “Yeah? So I could invite Warren in here and you’d be down with that?”
His eyes flashing was the only real warning she got before she was on her back, the sheath and her shirt gone as he kissed her senseless.
She wrapped her legs around him, holding him close. “My goodness, that got a reaction. Is that because you like three ways with dudes? I could probably work with that. Just for future reference.”
“Don’t joke about that.” His voice had gone snarly and growly, the cultured silk of his accent a memory.
“Your ex can proposition you for a three way with me and then also try to kill me and I can’t respond to a three way joke
you
made?”
“Life isn’t fair. You told me that more than once. I’ll happily admit I know exactly what you mean now. You’re mine, Rowan. I share you with your Goddess and your job, but I don’t share with anyone else.”
Some part of her knew she should be offended and horrified. But that part was drowned out by all the hormones a declaration like that seemed to elicit from her in response.
All her life she’d been treated like a thing. A weapon to the Hunters, a weapon to the Vampires. The monster in the closet Vampire parents used to keep their young ones in line. A Vessel for Brigid. People saw Rowan and thought of her in terms of what she could do for them.
But Clive—though of course he knew what she was and how much power that came along with—saw her in a way she was pretty sure no one else ever had. It wasn’t just that he accepted her bad manners or looked the other way. He got off on her rough edges. Respected her talent and strength. Loved her mind. But he wanted Rowan the woman just as much, if not more, as he enjoyed and appreciated Rowan the weapon.
Thinking on what he made her feel dissolved a little more of her anger at him. He was right, she had known there were things the Nation hadn’t disclosed about the Blood Front. Information was power and Theo wasn’t going to idly give that away, even when Rowan was helping.
Still. Part of her was a little petulant, she admitted it. Knowing Theo had ordered Clive not to tell her things hurt her feelings. She wasn’t surprised. She understood how they all were.
She hadn’t lied when she’d said the entire situation was complicated. “This should be easy.”
“What should be? You? I think you are. When you want to be.” He kissed across her collarbone and against the sensitive skin at the hollow of her throat.
“This relationship stuff. Love.”
He grumbled and lifted his mouth from her skin so he could meet her gaze. “Love is the most complicated thing in the universe. And you’re an exceptionally complicated person. We won’t be easy. Nothing worth having truly is. But you know that.”
He brushed his lips against hers, coaxing her open so he could slow dance right in and rev her up so she kept forgetting to be mad at him.
“You wouldn’t be happy if it was easy anyway. You like being annoyed. It gives you an excuse to step in and fix things for people.”
“I kill people. Don’t romanticize what I am.”
He had the audacity to roll his eyes at that.
Roll.
His.
Eyes.
“Another plus to being on top is that your ability to whip your head around when you get angry at my audacity is hindered,” he said.
“I said it was an accident!” That time anyway. Make a guy’s nose bleed
once
and he cries about it like a baby for months. “Is this ever going to be all right for you? Do you need to go journal about it?”
“I find that even when I have no idea what the references you’re making are, I can still understand your tone. You’re mocking me, which means you’re not in a twisting-Clive’s-head-off-like-an-apple-off-the-tree mood anymore.”
“That’s a commendable way to throw shade. That means clever insult, by the way. And as you have painted such an evocative picture in my imagination of exactly how I plan to rip your head off when you’re being insufferable, I’ll let you slide. This once. But you’ve ripped my shirt and we have to go back out there.”
He frowned and one wayward lock of his hair dared to fall over his eyes. “We don’t have to do any such thing.”
“We have to plan our transit to Venice. I haven’t been updated on whatever else you may have found after I left. Or is that a Vampire Nation secret too? It’s not a recipe for fucking fudge or a secret sauce, you know. Holding back is petty and dumb and it wastes my time. I hate having my time wasted.”
“Warren’s clean up people came over once they’d finished up at the flat. Alice has the electronic devices you found and is having them all looked over. She said the data cards were still intact.”
She sat up and he frowned. Good.
“I should connect her with Carey. He’s a whiz with all this. And at least you guys and your perpetual distrust of technology is in my favor. Those data cards should give us some good intelligence.”
He banded her waist with his arm and she let him. She’d go whenever she pleased, so it wasn’t as if this little game was really keeping her there.
“She’s already acquainted with Carey so I’m sure she’ll loop him in. Warren will handle the travel arrangements.”
“Maybe for you, but I want to handle my own travel.”
He gave her a look. “And why is that? Talk about a waste of time. He’s got the pull to do it faster than you and to keep it light tight and safe for us.”
“I don’t need any of that. David and I can go right now and get working while you all catch up.”
“Rowan. This is a team. You’re angry right now because we didn’t inform you of something you felt the team should have.”
“I’m not hiding the fact that I’m leaving though.”
“I used to think it might be nice to see you agitated over something silly for once. Now I realize the error of my ways. Not that feeling like we hid things from you is silly, so let’s not argue that part again.”
“Isn’t this the place you’d throw something shiny at one of the chicks you banged before me? Shuffle her out with a new bracelet. Thanks for the pussy, now get the fuck out.”
“Darling, you’re so much more than a
chick
I bang. Such a delicate flower. I do adore your pussy. Far too much to send you, and it, packing. In any case, I don’t waste my time on jewels for you unless they also come with a weapon. When we get back to Las Vegas I’ll make it up to you with something that carries bullets. Or perhaps I’ll mix it up with something other than a handgun. Maybe a crossbow.”
She shivered and he chuckled.
“So easy when it comes to things that maim.” He kissed her ribs and let go. “Would you like me to send Alice to your rooms to get a replacement shirt?”
“No.” Rowan rolled from the bed and rifled through the shirts hanging in his closet until she found one she liked best. It’d be a little big on her and everyone would know it was a different shirt than the one she’d worn earlier. But there was no helping that part.
He put a hand at the small of her back as they headed out to reconnect with everyone else. “I like seeing my shirt on you.”
It smelled of him, which made her smile. Inside. Outside, she was still miffed.
Chapter Thirteen
“Any luck?” Warren asked as Rowan and David boarded the private plane they’d be taking to Venice.
Rowan had managed to chat with a few sources in Italy, as well as send some pictures from her phone to Susan and Rex with an encoded WTF message asking them to contact her by private channels.
Carey had sent a file with hard copies of all the data they’d put together, as well as a flash drive to London in the luggage of a family member. Rowan wanted to be sure Susan and Rex saw it all without any interference from Roth or his ilk.
“Just shook some trees. No sightings of her in Rome, as we figured.”
Clive and Warren continued to bicker over every little thing as they made it through takeoff and got underway. Rowan sighed, as she took them in. This was partly her fault. The presence of another power on the team, one that had a foot in both worlds and didn’t have to answer to anyone was bound to get them all worked up.
Warren made a cutting remark straight out of the Rowan playbook, but before she could call him on it, Alice sat on a nearby chair and leaned toward Warren. “Are you channeling Rowan now?”
“Are you all out of your minds?” She looked to Clive. “We need to talk.” Then to Warren. “I’m sick of listening to you bicker. I have work to do and since we have to take the same plane instead of David and I traveling ahead on our own and getting started, I have a few hours to do it but you two just won’t stop.”
“We were waiting for you so we could depart.”
Warren’s delivery was so bland and yet baiting at the same time she started forward, but Clive caught her around the waist. “You said you wanted to talk to me? Come, there’s a stateroom back here.”
He pushed her, although gently, down the hallway and into a small room with a banquette that could be made into a bed. He shut the door and gave her a measuring glance.
Rowan held a hand out. “You, stay back. You got me all addled last night and then I forgot to be annoyed with you. There’s something more than the usual Vampire power games going on. Spill about this situation between you and Warren.”
His expression, which had been arrogant and totally assured he was getting some, hardened.
“Don’t even think about avoiding the topic.”
He sighed. “I’m not. I’m just trying to figure out how to tell you.”
“This isn’t giving me any sort of closure. I think your reaction is making me nervous. Yeah, that’s it. Just say it, my goddess.”
“It’s you. Warren and I...this unpleasantness is because you’re bright and powerful and compelling.”
Then she got it. “Oh! You and Warren are swinging hammers over me?” She laughed at the horrified look on his face. “Is your look I said hammers and you think I mean penises? Or because you’re embarrassed to be fighting with Warren over me like we’re in grade school? Also, ew. He’s like my uncle.”
“I go out of my way to respect your world, Rowan. Do you think this is funny?”
Rowan paused, surprised by his vehemence. Did she hurt his feelings? Was it the penis thing? Gah! She was totally right about how complicated love was. She had no idea what the hell she was supposed to do.
He groaned. “Your face right now, as you argue with yourself about whether or not you want to feel bad for my anger. You make it impossible.”
She deserved that. “Listen, I make lots of things impossible.” He could he not understand the level of her commitment to him? “I’m with you. I shared my blood with you. Do you...” As she spoke, the emotion of it hit her unexpectedly deeply. Mortification as tears threatened. The question, the answer, what if she asked and he said the wrong thing? Why did it matter so much? Rowan opted to clamp her lips closed before she started oversharing or crying or whatever.
“Do I what?” Clive asked.
Rowan shook her head. “Never mind.”
He stood and was on her so fast she found herself nearly gasping. Clive breathed deep, taking her in and then he spoke and she fell so hard and fast her stomach lurched with it.
“I’m here, cut open. For you. Because of you. Tell me. You’re the bravest living creature I’ve ever met. Take a risk. Be real with me now. Honest. Let me be worthy of your trust. Do I what?” he repeated.
Rowan remained frozen for what felt like forever. Her pulse raced though she knew she could have hidden it from him. But it would have felt duplicitous. There was so much right then. So much emotion. Pain. Anger. Fear. Love. Damn it.
Love.
“Do you realize what it meant when I gave you my blood? I haven’t willingly shared my blood since I left the Keep.”
He cupped her cheek. “Rowan.” Just the word. Her name spoken like it meant something. Clive cocked his head, smiling. “Oh yes, I do know. I was honored then, as I am now. I’m continually felled by the way you love me. I adore you.”
Confused, she asked, “So why are you so shirty right now? You said I was impossible.”
“There are times,” Clive began, carefully, “when the nature of your childhood and the distrust you have because of it really gets in your way and it makes me so angry. It makes me want to confront your father and make him see what he’s done.” He stopped himself, took a deep breath and continued. “When I said you
make
it impossible, I meant
to stay annoyed with you.
As in the tenderness you evoke in me makes me want to fix you. And I know you don’t need fixing so we don’t need to have the feminism discussion again.”
She snorted a laugh. “Don’t do that. The confronting part. You’d die and then I’d have to get a new boyfriend. Took me this long to find you. I can’t imagine there’s anyone else out there I’d want to be with more than I want to set on fire.”
He shook his head. It was a compliment. A beautiful one and one only she could have delivered.
Rowan sobered. “So explain this to me. Obviously this isn’t just a run of the mill problem or I’d have known about it. What’s going on?”
“You grew up with Vampires, how could this be a surprise to you? Two Scions with an equally powerful female? Of course he’s pushing.”
“I’m
with
you. I mean, it’s all you whiny ass Vampires talk about! You’re the biggest gossips around. You and your information hoarding.” Her gaze narrowed and he knew she was remembering the night before.
Danger.
With one last glare, she appeared to let it go and kept talking. “Anyway, it’s not like they gave me a manual on Vampire mating habits in my biology class. I left at sixteen. I knew pretty much nothing about sex, much less how Vampires did it with one another and why. Apart from the obvious I mean like boobs and hair.”
She was so adorably befuddled by this. Out of her element. And she was doing it for him. When he’d told her he was laid open before her, he hadn’t been dramatic. She amazed him multiple times every night since he’d known her.
“And it’s not like anyone ever you know, fought over me before.” She paused and locked her gaze on his. “So tell me the rest.”
“What do you mean?”
She licked her lips, as nervous as he was.
“I told you I’m bad at this. It wasn’t like Theo had lovers, or whatever, not in my presence. Apparently Enyo and her magic screwed him so hard he wasn’t looking for it again. Or he took it elsewhere. Who knows? I just...I know how to kill you and prod you into a rage—Vampires I mean. I don’t want to kill you personally. Not usually,” she amended. “I thought we
were
together. We’re open in front of your people. All the Scions know because they saw us at the Joint Tribunal, including Warren. So I’m not doing something I’m supposed to. Or you aren’t. Vampires are endlessly on about your fucking steps and rituals and hierarchies. If Warren is flirting or showing his tailfeathers or whatever it is, it means he doesn’t recognize what we have as official. Still grossed out by the way. Tell me what needs to happen to satisfy even the most finicky of Vampires that you and I are in a relationship.”
Her brilliance was so sexy. But she hadn’t heard what he was going to propose to her yet. As scared as he was, he realized she had to own what they were openly or they’d never make it. And he wanted her to be totally sure she knew that. “Are you sure you really want that?”
She frowned. “When you say it like that I’m less sure than I was before. Stop it. I know Vampires are exhibitionists. Goes with the vanity. But I’m not fucking you in front of a bunch of people like we’re extras in
Eyes Wide Shut.
Which is a freaky sex movie, only it’s not sexy in any way.”
He wrestled a smile back. “All right, we’ll scratch that off the list.”
“Oh
you’re
mocking me?”
Clive thanked his centuries of training as he kept a smile from his face. Instead, he took her hands and unballed her fists, bending to kiss each palm. “I’d never dream of such a thing. I don’t need to have sex with you in front of an audience. Wherever do you get these things? Usually you’re the most Vampire of all Vampires I know.”
“Hey, fuck you sideways. I’m trying here and look what I get for it.”
He risked getting close enough to taste her lips. “I apologize. I’m teasing, not mocking and I’m still sorry I upset you.”
She sighed. “This was easier when we just banged and pretended to hate each other.”
“Not for me.” He shrugged. “You don’t need to do anything. You’ve given yourself to me and that’s enough.”
Her smile was wry. “Sure. Because Vampires never care what their friends think about the people they’ve collected.”
There it was.
The warmth she brought to his belly. She
understood
him. Understood what he was and she didn’t run from it. Even better, seemed to find it attractive. No one knew him like she did. It meant a lot in no small part due to the way they’d stumbled on one another.
“Do you know how hard it makes me when you accept and understand me this way? Who else but another Vampire could? And yet after centuries with Vampires it was
you
who understood me best. You know the beast inside me and you’re not afraid.”
The light in her eyes was all his. Her Goddess had retreated and it was truly just Clive and Rowan.
“I’m a monster. You know that, right?” Her voice was so soft. Soft enough the hum of the engines as they made their way through the sky nearly swallowed it up. “I’m stumbling and I don’t like stumbling. I do this all wrong. I don’t have the right words like you do. I’m also not a nice person. I kill things at an alarming rate. I really hate Vampires sometimes. Most Vampires all the time. I say bad words like it’s my job. I’m The First’s daughter though. Is that good enough for them?”
He cupped the back of her head as he spun her and walked her over to the plush couch near the windows.
“Darling. I’m a monster too. Remember? That’s why you’re perfect for me. I love you not because you’re the daughter of The First. I love you because you survived. You rose above it. My phoenix.”
“Love is fucked up.”
Clive had ceased to take her seriously when she said things like that. She might mean them at that moment, but Rowan, while she guarded against vulnerability with all her might, loved him with the same intensity she did everything else. And with her own unique take.
He sat and she joined him with a wary look.
“There’s a great deal of room right here in my lap.”
“Should I tell you what I want for Christmas?”
He patted his thigh. “Come over here and let me show you.”
Chuckling, she sat astride his body, knees tucked against his thighs. The weight of her was just right. Her scent—he moved closer to breathe her in—spicy. Oranges and cloves.
Like home.
He’d thought long and hard about what sort of gesture would satisfy any lingering questions regarding his relationship status. About protecting her as much as he could while he did it.
“During the Joint Tribunal meeting I publically claimed you to the other Scions. In front of Enyo and Victoriana. I said I’d draw blood to protect you because you were mine. That should be enough. It
is
enough, actually. The problem is more of whether or not another Vampire at my level believes you’re also as committed to me as I to you.”
She kissed him quickly. “So Warren’s calling me a liar or he’s saying you’re too weak to keep me?”
Already breaking the problem down so she could solve it.
“You do know how much I adore your mind. So clever. You’re an independent woman. You make your own rules and there’s an element of you openly acknowledging you’re mine.”
She growled. “
I
want to openly acknowledge your being
mine.
How come we’re not talking about that? Also, Warren is a tool.”
Clive agreed. But if he couldn’t have Rowan he’d be sad and petty too, he supposed.
“It’s clear I’m yours.” Scions didn’t go declaring their affections for someone the way he had so openly unless it was genuine and permanent. And he quite enjoyed how worked up she got at the idea of people not knowing he was claimed.
“How come
you’re
clear and I’m not?”
“I’m a Vampire and our rules are pretty defined on such things. You should know this. Since the last instance of Warren crossing the line—after I’d spoken to him about it—I’ve been thinking about what it would take. About what to do that would be effective and still protect your privacy as much as I can.” No need to share with her that they’d had a physical altercation over it more than once.
“One thing I’d been planning for a while but it dovetails with the next part so be patient. Would you consider wearing a piece of jewelry bearing my crest? Some Vampires have marks, like your mark of service, but I understand why that’s not possible.” He would never ask that of her. The mark she bore on her wrist identified her as a protected member of a Vampire household. It said she owed fealty and it was also a warning to anyone not to harm or otherwise interfere with that human.
He knew she saw it as being owned. And it was true. The mark was a mark of ownership.
The Hunter’s mark was also a stamp of fealty in a sense. He didn’t want her to feel shackled by their relationship in any way.
“Like a fox or bagpipes or whatever it is you guys put on your crest with diamonds around it?”