Bittersweet Symphony (9 page)

“Come on. Let me choose… I can hardly wear what I want without showing off my belly so the least you can let me do is dress you up. It’ll make up for my loss.” She says smiling. She is so cheesy, but no she still isn’t getting the chance to dress me.

“No. I need to talk to Ryder.” The words flowed freely from my mouth. I haven’t talked to Mimi about Ryder and I. Not ever since she told me that he is bad news. We have locked eyes for months across the library. I always went there to study and he went there for… Well I bet you can guess it.

“Ryder… Hmm… Why isn’t I told about this?” There is no anger in her voice, or irritation, in fact she looks kind of happy. Which kind of scared me, because at one point she is very certain that Ryder is bad news.

“Well it kind of just happened. We were friends and then we realized that we wanted to be more. We haven’t said I love you, and I don’t honestly know how serious things are. If anyone knows Ryder it’s you guys, and we all know he’s like a volcano. Ready to blow at any given time.”

She nodded “Yup. Except with you. He’s different. I think for the first time ever in his life he actually has something that he knows he can lose. He’s never had to be afraid of losing something because it’s always been him doing the leaving.”

I know what she meant. I know all about Ryder and his escapades. He is so secretive and dark. No one know what is burning just under the surface wanting to break free. It isn’t until we exchanged secrets that I learned a tiny bit about what it is that made him who he is. He is damaged goods, or so he thought.

“I don’t know about that Mimi. He can handle losing me, it’s me that I don’t think can handle losing him.”

She patted my knee as if mothering me. Who needed moms when you have Jenna and Mimi around?

“Just know that in the end if everything falls apart that it was beautiful well it happened and that though it didn’t work out there was a reason why. It’s hard but I think Ryder understands whatever it is he’s going through is wrong. I think he knows deep down that having you makes him a better person. So well it’s hard to be that rock for him right now, and you’re afraid just remember that he needs you. That everything will work out.”

Yeah, and we have now went from hurricane Mimi phase, to I think I’m a psychologist let me help you fix your problems even though I can’t fix my own.

“Thanks but if its falls apart it’s going to suck. I’m invested and the shit that’s going on between us is rough. Not just Ryder and I rough, just in general rough.” I know it is vague but I can’t be shouting from the rooftops my problems. One no one will care and two, Sam has friends everywhere.

“Oh Sam rough?” She isn’t really asking more along the lines of assuming. I don’t say anything in response which is just as bad as saying something. Either way it will be a lie, so I will rather just keep my mouth shut.

“You can tell me…” She trailed off as I got off the bed and walked the short distance over to my dresser. I wanted to tell her, tell someone but I can’t. Just can’t.

“I can’t. Not that I don’t want to, but I just can’t talk about it.” It will’ve been easier to be able to talk about it, to let the things that were bothering me go. To elevate some of the pressure.

“That’s a lie. You can. Everyone has a choice.” She says determined.

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

I turned around angry that she isn’t getting it. I can’t tell her what Ryder has told me about him. Which meant I can’t tell her that Sam possibly knows about it. I know that if that information got out there that it will be the end of me and Ryder. I have to hold onto the shred of hope that he won’t ever discover it.

“I can’t tell you because I promised Ryder I wouldn’t.” Her eyes grew large as if she doesn’t suspect it to be that big of an issue.

“Okay… Then don’t tell me whatever it is that you can’t tell me. Just tell me the other part.” She is moving her hands in a strange fashion. I hated people who talked with their hands. It made conversations hard.

I thought about it. Trying to figure out a way that I can go at it without letting Ryder’s secret out of the bag. Now that I am really thinking about it I wondered how Sam has found out. If Ryder doesn’t tell anyone other than me, then I am not sure how it got out.

“Sam knows Ryder’s secret… or at least I think he does. He hinted at some type of secret. Anyway… If he lets it out of the bag he ruins any chance of Ryder and me working out. Ryder will assume that it is me who fucked up and I can’t do that. I can’t let him think that.”

I look at her, watching her expressions change. She went from amused to angry, to amused to sad, I am about ready to give her a pill. Then she let out a laugh. A totally off the wall girly laugh that almost has me giggling too.

“Ahh… I’m sorry… But… That... Is so funny.” She says in between huffs of breathe. I however isn’t the least bit amused. In face now I am annoyed.

“How in the world is that funny?”

“Oh just I thought I had a world of problems, but now that I’ve heard yours I feel so much better.”

Bitch. That’s what she is.

“Awesome. So glad I could help you… Now get out.” I am seriously pissed that she takes it as a joke. Sam is tearing my life apart. Shredding it piece by piece and I know- just know that I will never be able to be whole again if he got what he wanted.

Her face automatically turned too shocked the second she realized what I have said.

“I am just kidding..”

“I don’t really care.” I say cutting her off.

“Yes you do. I’m here for you, I’m sorry that is inappropriate given the situation. What do you want to do about it?”

That is a good question I have no idea what I wanted to do about it. Take it day by day who knows.

“I don’t know…” I mumble as I pull out a pair of skinny jeans and a pink blouse. This will go perfect with my brown boots and I won’t have to look like a half dressed hooker.

“Well let’s devise a plan?” Mimi said. When I look over my shoulder at her she is rubbing her hands together like an evil master mind. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to come up with a plan. I don’t want to do any more damage.

“Let’s not. Let’s just go to this party and do whatever it is you wanted to do.”

“Sure.” I can tell by the huge smile on her face that this isn’t the end of the conversation. She is slowly but surely going to come up with something. I just know it.

Why the fuck isn’t she answering my text messages. I have been texting her all afternoon and haven’t received one fucking response. I am getting really close to going over to her dorm and making sure she is okay.

Instead of going out like everyone else does on a Friday night I am being a homebody. I am in one of my moods where I wanted nothing to do with anyone.

I am taking a few classes that I wanted too but I have no major yet which is kind of pointless. Kennedy’s question has sat in my mind drilling holes. I don’t really know why I am here. Then again I do. I have nowhere else to go. My father won’t allow me to live at home anymore- not that I wanted too.

My phone chimed on the couch cushion next to me. I am flipping through the channels trying to figure out what I wanted to watch. I look down at the text. It is from Landon.

Roomie: Come down to central they’re having a party. Rager man.

I let out a sigh. A rager always meant alcohol, and alcohol always meant sex. Had I not met Kennedy and valued her and our relationship I will be there right now.

I texted back.

Me: I’ll pass but thanks man.

Not even a second has passed before I received a text back. I let out a growl. He just isn’t going to give up is he?

Roomie: Are you sure Kennedy’s here. ;)

He is lying. He has to be. I know more than anyone that, that kind of thing isn’t her scene. She doesn’t like drinking and she doesn’t like being in a room full of drunks.

Me: Are you sure it’s her?

I have to ask. She hasn’t answered a single text and I am seriously starting to sweat it out. Wondering if what really occurred between us the other night is the end.

A minute later my phone chimed and I am almost afraid to look at it. It is a picture message and I am scared to open it. Swiping the message open it contained a photo of Kennedy next to Mimi. They were standing next to the punch bowl.

Me: Fuck. Be there in five.

Fuck no. I am pissed. I am going to beat her sweet ass behind till it is red for this shit.

Not even two minutes later am I in the car and headed to central. She has another thing coming if she thought she can run from me.

***

I pull down the street where the party is taking place. Of course it is packed to the brim with people. Everyone is talking, screaming, singing or dancing. Which is a given, it is after all a party.

I found a parking spot and threw it in park. I tried my best to calm myself but after everything that has happened between us and her ignoring me I am not sure I can contain myself.

I sent Landon another text asking him where he last seen them and waited. Once I received one back I am ready to go at least with some general idea of where it is they were at.

Getting out of the car the first thing I noticed is the immense amount of women. They were pooling in masses. Then there is the fact that some of them have clothing on and two have nothing on.

This is where daddies will get to see what there hard money is really being spent on. I headed to the house that they were at… It is only a short distance ahead.

“Hey big guy…” A girl with extremely little clothing purred at me. She pushed her chest into my arm if attempting to draw my attention elsewhere.

“No thanks.” I say pushing through the rest of the street crowd. I needed Kennedy more than ever.

Then I heard her voice. It is barely there but enough for me to push three people that were standing in the doorway down. I am like a bulldozer when I needed to be.

I saw her sunshine colored hair first and then my eyes landed on Mimi. If she is here that has to be a reason.

“Hey.” I say coolly directly behind her. Immediately she froze up but recovered quickly turning around and giving me a smile.

“Hey. I didn’t know you would be here.” She is still smiling at me but it seemed fake. As if something is going on and she is barely holding it together.

“What’s a matter?” I asked immediately completely concerned with her. Fuck being mad. I can deal with my insecurities later. If something is bothering her I needed to figure it out.

“Nothing.” She says rubbing her hands on her jeans. She looks beautiful. I mean she always looks beautiful but she looks real. In the crowd of all the skimpy dressed women and some with no clothes on I will always choose her.

“Are you sure?” I can’t shake the feeling that there is something deeper going on. Her eyes don’t meet mine and to me that is enough of a reason to be concerned far more. Reaching out I stroke the bottom of her chin with me thumb. Hoping the sensation will calm her enough for her to talk. I know what she is going through. When something is bothering me I will clam up too.

“You know I care about you right… I would do anything for you. If something is bothering you, please just tell me.” I am almost begging, and it is kind of pathetic because a couple months ago I never will have been acting like this. 

She looks up at me. Her beautiful blue eyes shining in the dim lighting. I wanted to eat up the space between us until there is nothing. No space, clothes, until are bodies were so woven together we can decipher who’s from who’s. I wanted to be one with her, after part of us beating together as one.

“I’m fine Ryder. Really.” Her hands flew up to my chest landing softly against the fabric of my shirt.

I can’t stop myself I have to have one taste. I have wanted to take it slow with her, but my insides were burning. I needed her like I needed air. There is no explanation for the way I am feeling.

My lips descended on hers fully. I can feel the apprehension in her, because it takes a second before she started kissing me back. Her lips were so soft, and succulent. I can’t get enough. I nipped at her bottom lip, begging, praying and pleading that she let me in.

When she does, I captured her tongue with my own drinking from her like I never have anyone else. Before I kissed just to kiss but with Kennedy it is so much more. I wanted to- no have to kiss her. My body hummed for her, and just when things were starting to get good she pulls away.

I let out protesting growl looking down at her with a hunger unknown to even me. All I can think in my mind is this girl is mine. I have finally found someone who wanted me for me. Someone I can tell all my secrets too.

“Slow down big guy…” She whispered for my ears alone. I can’t help the laugh that escaped me. It is husky and full of amusement. If she thought I is ever slowing down she is wrong. I will devour her every chance I got.

“Are you guys done making out?” Mimi butted in. Her comment is like cold water on the very perfect moment. I turned glaring at her. What is she doing here anyway? Jenna isn’t in site which doesn’t surprise me. Her and my brother were tighter than pb and j.

“Kissing isn’t making out. I have seen you do worse things with your tongue.” Okay, so I shouldn’t have said that but who cares. She ruined a moment that meant something to be.

Her eyes narrowed and she almost looks like a pissed off cat. “You want to see what I can do with my fist instead?”

I smiled slyly.  She is all bark and no bite.

“Enough you two.” Kennedy said interrupted, clearly annoyed with both of us. She seemed more upbeat than before.              

“Yeah Mimi, grow up.” I teased. Instead of responding she just stuck her tongue out at me. I am not sure any of us will ever grow up.

“We can go back to my place… If you want to?” I whispered to K. I wanted more than anything to get alone with her. To peel back the layers that she hid so well.

“I can’t. I have to help Mimi with something.” I watched her, and then swung my gaze over to Mimi. Whatever she is up to isn’t any good. I don’t really know if I wanted K getting caught up in that mess.

I am just about to ask Mimi is her sick plan is, when I very drunk, and very skimpy dressed Chelsea ran into me. How her red heal has snagged on my shoe I don’t know.

I take a step back, separating me and K, but putting much needed space between Chelsea and me. I can feel the disgust coming off Kennedy in waves. Her hate for Chelsea is something that I understood. I have the same exact hate for Sam.

“Ryder baby… Fuck me.” Her words were slurred, her makeup is smeared and it is only six in the evening. She must have been hitting the beer pong hard. 

“No thank you.” I say politely well trying to distance myself from her more. I am not interested not in the least bit. She takes another step and it is like watching a train wreck ready to crash. Her fingers landed on my chest and I am about ten second from throwing her off of me.

“I want…”

“He doesn’t care what you want. Get off of him.” Kennedy growled. I almost laughed when I saw her face. Her nose is scrunched up, her eyebrows down. She looks more like baby kitten then a mean little Kennedy.

Chelsea swiveled on her unsteady feet to face Kennedy. “Excuse me…”

“You’re excused, take your sluttyness and get packing ain’t nobody got time for that shit.” Mimi interrupted her. You can see the anger in Chelsea build rapidly.

“Tell them Ry… Tell them were together…” My eyes grew large. Together isn’t the same thing as random hook up. I am not with Chelsea. Not by any means.

I swatted at her hands gently not really wanting to cause her harm but most definitely not wanting to allow her to touch me.

“Were not together Chelsea. Never were, never will be.” I kept my voice tight and calm.

“Yes were!!” She says pouting. If she can have stomped her foot she would’ve.

“No you aren’t. He’s with me. Now, please stop making a mockery out of yourself and get back to whatever it is that you were doing.”

This time K put herself in between Chelsea and I, not even giving her a chance to get any closer.

Shock, and then anger morphed onto Chelsea’s face.

“He will never date you… Look at you.” She all but spat the words on Kennedy. It is as if she is referring to her as below her, and I am about to lose it. My protective instincts gearing up. Mimi must have been able to tell because she stepped in silencing everyone.

“Well he is. Now, I can draw you a map showing you where the local trash is, or you can take yourself there.” From Mimi’s stance alone I know she will open a can of whoop ass on her.              

Chelsea looks as if she is going to say something that slammed her mouth shut. Her eyes turning to slits as she eyed us all.

“Whatever…” and just like that she is off walking among the crowds again.

“Good thing you got Kennedy now, if I have to sit through one more group day where you brought her along or any other one of your sluts I probably will have started ripping my hair out.” Mimi said dramatically.

Kennedy’s eyes grew big. We haven’t really talked about how much sleeping around I have done. Even though every time is protected it doesn’t really soften the blow when it came to the fact that my dick has probably been in at least half the girls mouths on campus and inside at least one fourth of them.

“Oh you didn’t know Ryder puts the “whore” in “manwhore”” Mimi is kind of starting to piss me off.

“I knew he was a whore… Didn’t really change my opinion on him. We all have ways of coping.” She sent me a smile. One that is fanning at the flames deep within me. If I can just get her alone…

Then all those nice feeling flew out the window. I heard his voice before I seen his smug ass. The crowd parted for him as if he is the king.  The need to beat his ass is so strong I have to actually breathe through the anger. Kennedy stood in front of me looking as if she is going to try and protect me. But from what?

“Nice to see you here.” His words came out like a slithering snakes tongue. I wanted to lunge at him, and have my girl not been in front of me I would’ve. The way he looks at her, have me wanting to take a shower. It is dirty and possessive. Just from the way his eyes roved over every inch of her I can tell he thought he owned her. It made me sick.

Then he noticed me. The look on his face fell but a spark of something else showed. He doesn’t seem disappointed at all. If anything he seemed happy to see me. Which pissed me off more. I am seriously considering going to jail, just to give him a piece of my mind.

“Sam.” From the way K said his name I can tell she is uncomfortable. Her shoulders were tense, her breathing off the charts. She isn’t only uncomfortable in the assholes presence she is scared.

“Asshole.” Mimi said under her breathe. I wanted to laugh at her bitchiness. At least she got it right. He is an asshole, of epic proportions.

Sam’s eyes turned to slits as he takes in the three of us. It is as if he is eyeing us up, seeing who is the weakest, the one that can be taken out first.

“Who invited you to this party? If I recall parties aren’t really your thing Kennedy? Or have you decided to take some of my advice?” His voice made my blood boil. I so badly wanted to turn Kennedy around and shake her begging her to tell me what it is he is talking about.

His lips turned up in a smug smile. His eyes shining with an evilness like I’ve never seen before. He knows what he is doing. That simply his voice made me want to cause damage to his ugly fucking face.