Bittersweet Ecstasy (18 page)

When Tashina aroused, she found herself enclosed
in Silver Hawk’s embrace. She tried to sit up, but he told her to remain still while her sense cleared. She reluctantly obeyed as he revealed how he had arrived and slain the Crow scout, whose body she refused to view.

“My heart has never known such fear, my lovely flower. We have been tracking you for hours and waiting for the moment to strike at the Crow dog who stole you from us. How did he capture you?”

Tashina frowned as she related, “I was walking near camp last night and strayed too far. He was spying on our camp. He sneaked up on me and struck me senseless. I have not been awake for long.” She glanced around, to find they were alone, and she became nervous. “How did you find me? Where are the others you spoke of?”

“I sent them ahead to your camp to tell your family I have rescued you. Silver Hawk and his warriors have been riding each moon to catch the enemy scouts who trail us. We saw his tracks leading to your camp and we followed. The Crow dog passed near our hiding place and I saw your face. I feared you were injured. I dared not attack until I knew you would be safe. He is dead and cannot harm you or your people.”

Tashina realized this warrior was taking all the credit for her rescue, as if his men had done nothing. She was grateful to him for saving her life and for preventing the scout from taking his report to the fort, but she resented it was Silver Hawk who had performed this deed. Now, he would feel she should be indebted to him, and she already knew what reward he desired. She angrily concluded that her love was partly responsible for her predicaments with the Crow scout and with Silver Hawk. If Soul-of-Thunder had visited her with his father or sent her a message, she would not be here now!

“I thank you for saving me and my people, Silver Hawk. You will earn a large
coup
for this brave deed. I must return home quickly to prove I am safe,” she murmured, as his gaze increased her tension.

He shook his head and smiled strangely. “You must rest a short time. I will guard you. When we return to your camp, I will speak to your father about us. I have proven I can protect you and provide for you. I have proven my love for you. We will join, then ride to my camp and celebrate.”

Tashina removed herself from his arms and told him, “It is too soon to speak of such matters, Silver Hawk. My grandmother and father need me; these days are busy and dangerous for my family and people. Grandmother is old and will need my help setting up in her new camp, and Father has no one to help him. I have not decided to join you,” she confessed as pleasantly as possible. “Do not be angry or impatient; joining is an important decision and time for a woman.”

“Is there another who has asked for you?” he inquired oddly.

“Several braves and warriors have asked for me, but I do not consider taking any of them,” she replied truthfully. “I cannot think of such serious matters until my thoughts and the lives of my loved ones are settled. It is wrong to join a man without love or from gratitude. Is this not so?” she queried, feeling he must agree.

The warrior argued gently and firmly. “There is no better man for Tashina than Silver Hawk. I will make you happy, and you will come to love and desire me as I love and desire you. Do you care nothing for me, for my feelings, for what I have done for you and your people?” he reasoned slyly to appeal to her conscience.

“I did not know love was a lesson to be learned,
Silver Hawk. One person cannot make another happy. Such feelings must come from within the heart of each person. We have known each other for many winters, and I have thought of you as a brother, not a future mate. It is not easy to change such thoughts or feelings so quickly. I do not wish to hurt you or to reject you, but I must think of my feelings too. For me, love must come before joining.”

“If there is no other to challenge or to battle for you, then I will seek more patience and understanding. Help my friend and mother, then I will speak to you again on this matter. I have lived twenty-seven winters and I have no son to follow me. I pray you will give me your love and a son before another winter is added to my body.”

“I promise I will think seriously on you and your words, Silver Hawk,” she vowed, aware of what those thoughts would be and intentionally leading him to misunderstand her. She had to get away from him. She had to find a way to let Soul-of-Thunder know of her love; that could make a difference in his coming decision. Perhaps her love did not realize the girl who had lived as a sister to him loved him and desired to become his mate. Perhaps the thought of taking her as his wife had never entered his mind or he was afraid to approach her. She had to plant her seed in his head before it was too late. She was expecting him to know of her feelings, and to be purposely rejecting her, when that might not be true. If she did not take action to alert him to her love, she had only herself to blame for losing him to another.

“Your eyes say your mind runs in many directions at once, Tashina.”

She lowered her lashes to conceal her deceit. “I was thinking what danger I placed myself and my people in with my foolishness. It must never happen again, for I
love them above my own life.”

“One sun, I hope you say and feel the same for Silver Hawk,” he told her, then pulled her into his arms and sealed their lips.

Tashina wriggled free and softly scolded, “You must not do such things, Silver Hawk. Someone could see us and think badly of me.”

The darkly tanned Indian chuckled. “If others know of my love and pursuit, it will discourage theirs,” he teased. His fingers pushed straying curls from her face, then caressed her pinkened cheek. “When I am near you, my body and heart burn for yours. Come to me soon, and I will show you such love and passion as no other couple shares. I will make your body hunger for mine as if starving. I will make your lips thirst for mine. I will make you crave to join our bodies each moon. I will make you tremble with desire. Come to me soon, Tashina, and I will prove all I say is true. When I show you such things, you will regret this delay and doubt. You will wonder how I had the strength to allow you to keep me away. You will scold me for not going to your father and claiming you this very sun. But I will wait, and I will smile and tease you when you learn such things for yourself.”

Tashina could not suppress a grin as she listened to a tongue which was as smooth as the surface of a tranquil pond. For certain, Silver Hawk was experienced and skilled in clever seduction. She could understand how women would be ensnared by his looks, mood, and words. “Come, we must go before I am left behind. We will speak later.” She smiled as she hoped that talk would reveal her impending union with another man.

He stood, pulled her to her feet, then stole a quick kiss. He nimbly mounted and reached downward to assist her up behind him.
I will let you escape me this sun, my pretty flower, but I will pluck you and enjoy
you soon, enjoy you until you wither and die.
“Hold tightly, my pretty flower, and we will ride swiftly.” He waited for her to band his waist with her arms and to interlock her fingers, and his lips lifted at one corner as he relished the feel of her warm body snuggled against his. He gently kneed his horse and off they galloped, causing her to cling to him and to rest her face on his back.

Within an hour, they met Sun Cloud, Bright Arrow, Windrider and his warriors, and two Blackfeet warriors. The grim tale was related by an almost boastful Silver Hawk, who savored the leisurely telling of every detail; then his friends added more color. Tashina sat quietly and respectfully until it was her turn to reveal her side. Looking ruefully at her father, she promised never to repeat her mistake. She thanked Silver Hawk once more, eager to leave, but Bright Arrow was not; he asked the warrior to repeat the tale once more to make certain he knew each part so he could relate it to his tribe.

When Silver Hawk finished, Bright Arrow thanked him and praised him, then withdrew one of his eagle feathers and presented it to the grinning warrior. “When our tribes meet for the Sun Dance, I will sing the
coups
of my friend Silver Hawk who has returned my heart to me. Soon, I will reward you greatly for this brave and special deed. No warrior has shown more courage and daring, or more love for his friend and brother. My life is yours if you need it.”

Silver Hawk helped Tashina to dismount to join her father. He then said he and his warriors needed to return to their people, but would be on guard against more enemy scouts. The meaning and intensity of his parting smile to Tashina were lost to no one in the group.

Unaware of her feelings for Silver Hawk and Soul-of-Thunder,
Bright Arrow’s heart raced with happiness. He thought,
Who better to win my beloved Tashina than a great warrior who saved her life and who lives as my friend?
He mistakenly assumed that Tashina would be enchanted by a man of such appeal and prowess, and he looked forward to the day when Silver Hawk approached him for Tashina’s hand in joining. As that would leave him alone, he should begin his search for a new mate. He had been selfish to demand so much from his daughter, and it was past time to release her from what she felt was her duty to him. In a few days, he would visit the Blackfeet camp to carry gifts and to acknowledge his friend’s deed. Once he let Silver Hawk know he was seeking a new mate, that would allow his friend to speak up for his child.

They talked briefly with Windrider; then he and his warriors rode to join their people. There had been no way for Tashina to send a message to her love, not without being brazen before so many warriors. She was perturbed by her helplessness when time was slipping away from her. She had no way of knowing that Windrider would reveal the incident to his son, along with the way Silver Hawk had eyed her…

The Oglala band halted to welcome Tashina’s safe return and to praise Silver Hawk’s rescue. Gray Eagle embraced his granddaughter tightly for a few moments, allowing his fears and relief to settle.

Shalee did the same and, in doing so, sensed the curious trembling and anguish within her precious Tashina. She whispered in the girl’s ear, “We will talk later when we are alone.”

Tashina’s gaze met her grandmother’s and she smiled gratefully. Then Powchutu stepped forward to show how delighted he was with the return of Bright Arrow’s child. After the adults had claimed Tashina’s attention, her friends rushed forward and seemingly
covered her with questions and comments. When calm was restored, the journey began anew.

Sun Cloud rode off with the son of White Arrow, to take his place as a hunter that day. Far away, he reined in to speak with his friend. “My head is filled with worries and doubts, Thunder Spirit. I fear my brother will be tricked into giving Tashina to Silver Hawk. He is trailing her as a wolf with mating fever. I know it is bad to speak evil of another warrior, one who saved her life and who killed the scout who would have betrayed us to the soldiers, but there is something in him which troubles me. You have not taken a mate and your time is near. If your eyes and heart belong to no woman yet, think on Tashina. I do not wish her to join with Silver Hawk, but I cannot stop it. My brother is blinded by his friendship and gratitude. When Silver Hawk comes to ask for Tashina, Bright Arrow will accept, and Tashina will obey her father’s wishes, even though I read mistrust and fear in her eyes when Silver Hawk is near or his name is spoken.”

Thunder Spirit looked off into the distance as his mind traveled far away to where his true love lived as the mate of a Sisseton chief. “Your words are true and wise, Sun Cloud; yet, they are not. I must tell you a secret; I have loved and desired only Little Feet since females entered my blood. I was a fool; I waited too long to tell her of my love and to ask for her in joining. She is lost to me. For many winters I have waited for her return, but that is foolish. I will think on your words, for Tashina is beautiful and precious and she would be a good mate. First, I must push Little Feet from my heart and mind, and it will be a hard task. If Silver Hawk comes to speak for Tashina, I will also speak for her. If she feels as you say, she will choose me over him. When we reach our summer camp, I will play the flute for her and ask her to share a blanket
with me.”

“You are a true friend, Thunder Spirit. One sun, my brother will thank you as I do this sun. As with a fawn’s spots, Silver Hawk will lose his clever covering soon, then all will see the evil within him. I would challenge him before allowing Tashina to join with him.”

“How will you make peace with Singing Wind if you declare a private war with her brother?” his friend asked gravely.

Laughing roguishly, Sun Cloud replied, “I will find a way, my friend, for she has stolen my heart and eye. Soon, I will stalk her as the lovely prey she is, and I will capture her and make her mine.”

Thunder Spirit mused aloud, “Will it be different for us when we are both joined? Will we still ride and laugh and be playful?”

“Some things change between friends when they join and become fathers, but not all things. Look at our fathers and my brother: White Arrow and Gray Eagle are as close this sun as countless suns past, as is Bright Arrow and Windrider, and with your brother Flaming Star. The day will not come when Thunder Spirit and Sun Cloud do not ride, joke, and become as boys again together. I wish you could have the woman of your heart, but Tashina will be good to replace her sister.”

“Perhaps things are as they were meant to be.”

Sun Cloud parried, “If not,
Wakantanka
will change them.”

The Oglalas halted near dusk to camp for the night. Shalee and Tashina busied themselves with the evening meal, and when no one was around, Tashina told her grandmother what had really happened the previous night.

“You have much to learn, little one. Men always tease about such things. A father is eager for his firstborn son to find a mate, to earn his own tepee, and to
give him grandchildren. In doing so, his Life-circle and bloodline continue. Perhaps Windrider only spoke in jest or from wishful thinking, for his son is a warrior and a man. Too,” she teased mirthfully, “Windrider’s tepee is full with a wife and five children, and perhaps he misses his privacy with Sky Eyes. Love and desire are ageless, little one. It is so in every culture, Tashina; when spring arrives, all eyes and hearts think of love and mating; it is the way of nature to inspire hungers to renew old life and to birth new life. Warm and scented nights cause stirrings in young bodies. Such fevers are as old as
Wakantanka
and will continue forever.”