Authors: Michelle Love
Description
Fear. Defeat. Hope
Jude’s condition has him thinking Mercy is much better off without him.
Mercy isn’t about to let Jude go.
After a week in the hospital things are starting to change in Jude’s condition. Doctors are finding things they can do to change his situation.
But the choices he has can end in death and Mercy isn’t willing to take that chance and she has news that she thinks will have Jude thinking more about living and less about being able to walk or feel.
But will her bad luck continue? Or will Jude make it out of this, alive?
MERCY
“So that’s it then?” I ask Jude as he looks at me with a defeated expression. “You’re giving up the hunt for me?”
With a nod, he says, “How can I do anything now that I’m only half a man, Mercy? You tell me how I can compete with other vital men for you. The answer is, I can’t. And you know it.”
“So you want me to walk away from you and act like neither of us holds any love in our hearts for the other? You want me to turn my back on the man I love when life’s dealt him a sharp blow? That’s what you’re asking me to do, you know. Leave you when you’re at the lowest point in your life. Well, I can’t do that, Jude. So suck it up and get ready to lean on me because I’m not going anywhere.”
His eyes follow me as he holds his jaw tight. I know the man is used to getting this way and even I’ve given into him on most everything he’s wanted from me but not this time.
“Mercy, you can’t do this to yourself,” he says as he presses some button and lays his bed back so he’s lying flat on his back. “I’m not going to let you. If I have to make you hate me then I’ll just have to do that. But I won’t let you waste your life on me.”
Closing the curtains, I turn back to find him with his eyes closed and go to his side and kiss his cheek. “I love you, Jude Hurst. And I know you’re a very stubborn and bratty man. But you’re not going to win this fight. I love you too much to allow that. So get ready to hear the word, no. Get ready to hear it a lot out of me.”
“Mercy, leave me alone,” he growls.
I kiss his cheek again then say, “No.”
His eyes open and I see a ton of anger in the greenish brown depths. “Mercy, damn it! Don’t make me hurt you!”
I cock my head to the side and study him for a moment then stick my tongue out at him then say, “Get used to not getting your way, Jude. I know it’s going to be difficult for you but I’m not going anywhere. If you say mean things, I’ll know it’s the protective side of you saying them. Not the man I know you are and will be again in no time. You’ll see.”
The door to his hospital room opens and an older man with a Bible in his hand comes inside. “Hello, Jude. I’m Pastor Stevens. I heard about your terrible accident and I’m here to lend an ear and tell you about some fascinating miracles I, myself, have witnessed. And who is this lovely young lady who stands at your side, Jude?”
“This is Mercy and she needs to leave me alone,” he says with a snarl.
I give the man a smile. “Nice to meet you, Pastor Stevens. I’m Jude’s girlfriend. His live-in girlfriend and I’m not going anywhere.”
The man takes a seat in the one chair in the room and opens the Bible. “Jude, let me hear your story, son.”
I raise the bed back up so Jude can talk to the man and get an icy stare from him. Placing another kiss on his cheek, I say, “So tell him your story.”
“Not much to tell,” Jude says. “This morning things were great. More than great, actually. I had ordered something special and it had come in. I went and picked it up. I had big plans for this evening. Big plans that were crushed like my body was. The end.”
“What was this special thing you got this morning?” Pastor Steven’s asks.
Jude looks up at me and says, “It was an engagement ring. I was going to ask this lady to marry me.”
My heart stops and I stare into his eyes. “You were?”
He nods and the Pastor says, “So why change things now? You can still ask her. You’re not dead, son.”
Jude looks away from me and my head is still spinning from what he was going to do but now it seems marriage is off the table. “I might as well be. I’m not a man anymore.”
The Pastor pulls out a paper from the back of his Bible and looks at it. “I don’t see that here that has happened to you. I see paralysis that might be operable sometime later to restore mobility and some injuries to your reproductive organs but nowhere does it say that you’re not a man anymore. Nope, not anywhere on this paper.”
“I can’t feel anything,” Jude says. “Nothing is moving or putting out any kind of anything. I’d welcome pain right now. That’s how dead it feels.”
I run my hand over his head and whisper, “But you aren’t dead and I, for one, am glad you’re not in pain right now.”
The Pastor smiles at us then looks at Jude. “Jude, you have a good woman right there. Don’t let your foolish pride rob you of her. I’m here to tell you about some of the things I’ve seen. Now, nothing happens overnight, mind you, but with time and work, anything can happen. Even if it’s acceptance of new limits.”
“You haven’t even seen a specialist yet, Jude. You never know what can happen. Don’t try to throw us away just yet. Give this some time. Give yourself some time.” I run my hand over his cheek and smile at him. “Use that determined streak in you to move forward. This is a setback for certain but it doesn’t have to be the end of anything.”
He takes my hand away from his face then moves it with his and holds it near his heart. “I’m sorry, Mercy. I am so sorry I did this to us.”
“I take my part of the blame in this too. So don’t say it was all you because we both know it wasn’t. Since we made this situation together, let’s learn how to live with it, together as well.” I pull our hands up and kiss his. “I love you, Jude. I always will no matter what.”
“Can you please go get Zeek and tell him I need to talk to him?” he asks me.
I nod and walk away to get his brother. I have no idea why he wants to talk to him but I know I need to let him talk to other people about his situation. I know he needs help from everyone.
As I walk outside the door, I see his family leaning against the wall, waiting. They all look exhausted and I know they need to go home and rest. Making my way to Zeek, I touch his shoulder. “He wants to talk to you.”
He nods and goes into his brother’s hospital room as the rest of us wait and I hope Zeek is able to convince his brother to stop trying to protect me and accept the fact I love him and want to be here for him.
JUDE
“I honestly don’t know what to do, Zeek,” I tell my brother after I’ve explained things to him about how I feel about Mercy now.
The Pastor heard every word and seems to be sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for Zeek’s answer. Zeek paces around next to me then stops and looks at me. “You have to ask her. You had planned on doing it anyway. So don’t let this change anything.”
The Pastor nods in agreement. “He’s right, Jude. Don’t let this stop you from doing anything. This is where you take the reins and hold tight and let the Lord know you’re ready to take this little setback, head on. Or you take the other path where you let this terrible thing that’s happened to you take away your spirit. Your God-given spirit.”
Zeek smiles at me and pulls the little black box out of his pocket. “Look what I made sure to bring.”
I hold out my hand and take the box. The diamond sparkles as I open the lid. My plans were so very different from how this is going to happen now. I was going to propose, then we’d make love until dawn.
Now I guess I’ll propose and that’ll be it. No love making. Maybe not ever again. And here I am back to square one again. I can’t do this to her. I can’t tie her to my broken body.
I can’t do that to her!
Closing the lid, I hand the ring back to Zeek. “I can’t. I can’t do this to her.”
Zeek takes the box and opens it back up. “Look at this, Jude. You spent so much time picking this ring out. You took one of her other rings to the jewelry store to make sure it was made to fit her exactly. You took so much time when you bought this ring. This material thing that would cement you two together for the rest of your lives. Jude, if this accident had happened one day after your wedding would you ask her for a divorce?”
“Of course not,” I say as I look away. “But you don’t seem to understand. A marriage without the things that make a marriage isn’t fair to ask her to be a part of now. Plus, she’ll say yes now just because she feels sorry for me.”
“Oh?” the Pastor asks. “You think all that love she had for you has gone away and all that has been replaced with merely feeling sorry for you?”
“No,” I say and feel utterly confused. “Look, I just think this isn’t the right time to ask her to join me in what is sure to be a boring marriage. So, keep the ring for me, Zeek. If things change later, I’ll ask you to give it back to me. For now, though, keep it and don’t bring it up.”
The Pastor leans back in the chair and taps his fingers on his chocolate colored Bible cover. “You know, there’s going to be lots of paperwork with your recovery. Lots of things to sign and decide and a spouse can help with all of that. You know, making it all legal will also mean she and those kids you were talking about are taken care of no matter what happens. You did say you wanted that, no matter what.”
With a nod, I say, “Yes, but I don’t want her trapped with me.”
“Trapped?” Zeek asks with a laugh. “What a horrible trap! Married to a wealthy man with so much financial security that even those kids will have it the rest of their lives and then some. That’s some terrible trap, alright!”
I look at him and say, “Trapped in a bed with a man who can’t function.”
Zeek looks at the Pastor and asks, “Can you do me a favor and cover your ears for just a moment? I need to remind my brother of something.”
The Pastor places his hands over his ears and nods. “Sure.”
Zeek leans in close to me and whispers, “Stop talking like you only have one way to please a woman, Jude. We both know there is more than one way to skin a cat.”
I want to laugh but it hurts when I do that so I smile at him. “I don’t think that was so bad the old guy needed to cover his ears for that.”
The Pastor laughs and pulls his hands away from his ears and says, “No, that wasn’t quite so bad, Zeek. He’s right you know, Jude. There certainly is more than one way to skin a cat.”
“But isn’t there a very good chance that I’ll get pretty grouchy and hard to be around as I’m sure I’ll get frustrated a lot by this whole thing?” I ask the man.
He nods. “Sure. But if you have a loving woman to ease that frustration, it sure does make life easier.”
Looking back and forth at them, I lay my head back and think about everything. Life would be easier with her in it. Life would suck without her in it, that’s for sure.
But asking her to marry me now seems wrong. So how do I get around this?
Zeek puts the box with the ring in it in my hand and walks away. “Come on, Pastor, let’s tell Mercy to come see Jude alone and let him do what he’s been planning for some time now. We’ve been in his way long enough.”
The Pastor gets up and gives me a nod. “God bless you, son. I’ll be around to visit you every day while you’re here. And if you’d like me to, I’d love to officiate your ceremony.”
“I’ll let you know. Thanks, guys.”
Pressing the button to take me back a little more, I hear a buzzing sound coming from my IV and see a drip of clear liquid dropping into the line that leads into my arm.
Mercy comes in and her gorgeous smile makes my heart skip a beat. She looks tired and there are dark circles under her blue eyes but she’s still so beautiful. “Hey, the nurse told us we need to let you rest. So everyone wants to say goodbye before they have to go.”
I feel a little tired all of a sudden too. “Whoa, I suddenly feel really sleepy.”
She points at the bag at the very top of the IV stand. “The morphine timer went off. You got a few drips to take you into La La Land. I’ll be here in the morning to hang out with you for as long as they’ll let me.”
“Can you bring the kids tomorrow?” I ask as my words get slurry. “Can you put this on the table for me?”
I hand her the little black box with the ring in it. She doesn’t ask, she just sets it on the table and smiles at me. “I’ll give you a kiss goodnight and send the others in. I’ll bring the kids to see you in the morning. I love you, Jude.”
“I love you, Mercy. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say as my eyes start to close.
She presses the button to lay the bed back and kisses my lips. “You have sweet dreams. I love you.”
“Love you,” I say then I am out.