Bill The Vampire - 01 (11 page)

I got myself back into presentable condition and stepped out. Sally was sitting on a couch in what probably passed as the living room. She was holding a small mirror and wiping the last smudges of blood from her face with a wet wipe. As I approached, I said conversationally,

“Gotta say, I was surprised I could still see myself in the mirror.”

“Yep. Would be a pain in the ass to put on makeup, otherwise. So, how are you holding up?”

“Surprisingly well, all things considered,” I answered, and then asked, “How badly did I just embarrass myself?”

“Forget Alice. I wouldn't worry too much about trying to impress her. First time she tried to kill a meal, she wound up curling into a ball and crying for three hours. She's not your problem. I wasn't kidding about Jeff, though. I get the feeling he's going to be looking for an excuse to like you even less than he already does.”

“Dudes like him just seem to naturally hate guys like me.”

“Yeah, there's that, and you also turned his balls into mashed potatoes with your fist last night,” she commented with a smirk.

“Oh, yeah, I was kinda hoping he'd forget about that,” I replied with a grin.

“Would you?”

I thought about it for a second, then winced and smiled at the same time. “No, I guess I wouldn't forget that
spectacular
hit anytime soon. So where does that leave me?”

“In pretty deep shit.”

“What about all the others?”

“Outside of you, Jeff can compel pretty much everyone else in the coven. He probably won't have to, though. Almost all of the other guys are little mini Jeffs.”

“Back in high school, assholes tended to hang with other assholes.”

“Exactly.”

“So I'm fucked,” I said, sitting down next to her, but not too close. I had been hit enough times for one weekend.

“More or less. If you stay here, then definitely. So, if I were you, I wouldn't.”

My head snapped toward her, “What!?”

“You heard me.”

“Is that even an option?” I probed, not really letting myself sound hopeful, but feeling a bit of it creeping in, nevertheless.

“I'm pretty sure that's what I just said,” she went on, “Besides, Jeff really doesn't want you around... at least until he's allowed to have the type of fun with you that he wants to.”

“But he said last night...”

“Yeah, well he had a little while to think about it after he knocked you on your ass. He eventually calmed down enough to think things through. Under normal circumstances, he'd probably enjoy fucking up your shit for the next three months. However, this isn't normal. You're actually problematic for him.”

“How? I got in one lucky shot,” I pointed out. “He wiped the floor with me outside of that.”

“Yes, but you're missing the point. You got in that
one
lucky shot. Nobody else ever has, or would probably even get the chance to. And if you get in one lucky shot, who's to say you won't get in a second or a third? No matter how well Jeff keeps an eye on you, ninety days is enough time for anyone to let their guard down once or twice.”

I finished the thought for her, “Because he can't control me.”

“Give that man a cigar! You're a potential source of embarrassment for him. For starters, you talk back. You saw how quickly Jeff shut up Alice last night. That's par for the course around here... at least before you showed up. From what I've seen of you, I think it's fairly obvious that you're the type that just gets more obnoxious as the beatings go on (
she probably had a point. I tend to be strictly of the 'If I'm going to get an ass-kicking, I might as well deserve it' mindset
). Lastly, you've already shown you're not above taking a cheap shot if the opportunity presents itself.”

“Can you blame me?” I asked.

“No, but it makes you unpredictable. It's not like Jeff can just chain you up somewhere for the next three months either.”

“Because of James’ protection?”

“Yes,” she replied with a nod.

“And if he did, I'd squeal like a pig to James just to fuck him over, no matter what the threat.”

“Bingo! And James knows how Jeff thinks. He'll definitely be paying a few visits between now and then.”

“So?” I asked hopefully.

“So, we compromise a bit. Play with the rules a little,” Sally answered.

“How?”

“The ninety day protection is supposed to give you a chance to learn how to survive as one of us. What better way to learn to survive than finding your own way? At the same time, as part of the coven, we're honor bound to provide you with basic support, which we will. The fact that you seem to be a wuss (
she saw the look I gave her
)... have an aversion to killing, that is, actually works in your favor, here. It makes things easier for us since it means we probably don't have to worry about cleaning up any of your messes. So, to cover that, on the weekends you'll report back here and we'll give you enough blood to make it through the week.”

“And what if I don't come back? What if I just make a run for it?” I asked, but she smiled as if expecting this question and got up. She walked over to a desk, opened it, and pulled something out. She then tossed it to me. As I caught it, I was not surprised in the least to see it was my wallet.

She said, “If you run, or try to disappear...”

“You know my name and where I live. You hunt down and kill my friends and family, I suppose.”

“Smart boy.”

“I watch a lot of TV.”

“That doesn't really surprise me.”

I ignored the barb. “And Jeff came up with this plan?”

“Fuck no! This was all me. Jeff just dumped your ass on me and washed his hands of the whole thing.”

“So
you
came up with all of this?”

“Don't sound so surprised,” she said, sounding a bit snippy.

“Sorry, I just wasn't expecting it from...”

“From someone who looks like me?”

“Well, yeah,” I said sheepishly. “It's just that, well, this area of the city and all, I kind of had you pegged as...”

“As?” she glared hard at me.

“Well, either a model, or...”

“OR?”

“Or a stripper,” I said in a small voice.

“You know, you call Jeff an asshole, but you're just as big of one!” she exploded. “What would you say if I told you I was a physics major working toward my doctorate when Jeff turned me, huh, asshole?” I turned beet red as she continued to berate me. “I worked my ass off day and night for a perfect GPA. So I really don't appreciate dickheads like you coming along and assuming that all I'm good for is shaking my ass up on a stage!”

“Oh god. I'm sorry,” I stammered. ”I didn't mean anything. It's just that...”

Suddenly she was smiling again as she said, “Just fucking with you! I was a stripper.”

Bitch!

I sucked down the blood packs Sally had given me earlier (
no point in getting hunger pangs on the way home and finding myself contemplating chewing on some dirty homeless person
), and then got myself together as best I could. While this was going on, Sally ran downstairs to fill up a backpack with my week's blood rations. I was still pretty much fucked, but, nevertheless, I felt like some of the weight of the previous evening had been lifted from my chest. Sure I was still dead, but once I was back in my own place, I was pretty sure I'd be able to clear my head and think my way through this mess. Maybe not the being dead part, but some of the rest of it was sure to resolve itself.

By the time Sally came back upstairs, she told me that the sun had set enough for it to be safe to go out. One good thing about the city, the buildings provided plenty of cover from direct sunlight, especially around dusk. She gave me my wallet back and assured me that copies had been made of my IDs before I could get hopeful of the contrary. She also gave me her cell number with instructions to call if I got myself into any messes (
oh yeah... I got a phone number! Who's the stud?
).

In actuality, I had a
ton
of more questions. So far some of the stuff I thought I knew about vampires was true, but just as much turned out to be utter crap. Ignorance of my condition could come back to bite me in the ass. I mean, what if I turned into a bat accidentally and couldn't turn back? What if I discovered I couldn't cross running water while my train was barreling under the East River? What if I got home and discovered I couldn't enter until Tom or Ed invited me in? I wouldn't put it past them to make me sleep in the hall while they laughed their asses off.

Unfortunately, though, now wasn't the time for twenty questions. Freedom had been dangled in front of me... well, okay, not really freedom, but a week long furlough, at least. I wasn't about to risk screwing that up because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Trust me on this. I've fucked up enough things in my life by being unable to shut it when I should have. I was going to have to be mindful to not screw up my death in a similar fashion.

Fortunately, Sally seemed to be sincere about letting me go. Don't get me wrong, the bitch lured me to my death. It was going to be a while before she was getting any friend requests from me. Still, whatever her motivations, she was either directly or indirectly helping me out now. I'd have to remember that and maybe cut her some slack in the future. A small voice in the back of my head was telling me I was only doing so because of how she looked. If she had been an ugly chick, I probably would have staked her ass, myself, and rolled around in the ashes to celebrate. Maybe. Hey, I never said I wasn't shallow.

She walked me to the door and held it open. “Remember, you're back here at the end of the week, no later than Saturday night. If not, there will be people looking for you, and they won't be friendly.”

“Yes, Mom.”

She sighed and began to close the door behind me before adding a quick, “Good luck.”

I was going to need it.

* * *

To say that the short walk to the train station was
trippy
would be an understatement. Since most of my undead life (
is that an oxymoron?
) had so far been spent either preoccupied or unconscious, I hadn't realized how much my perceptions of the world had changed. Everything seemed sharper. I could overhear the conversations of the people around me (
no small feat in the city
). The smells were all sharper and more pronounced (
not entirely a good thing
). Best of all, everything was crystal clear, even the deepest shadows didn't seem to daunt my eyes. I had a flash of insight and took off my glasses (
dinged up, but miraculously unbroken after the last twenty-four hours
).