Beyond the Power of Your Subconscious Mind (13 page)

I believe that everyone in the world has some issues, doubts, or questions about their inner confidence and self-esteem. The whole point of sharing what we have covered so far is to do an inventory of what
you
would like to change, stop doing, or read up on so that you can begin building and increasing your psychological net worth! Remember, even more important than our beliefs, which are the building blocks for our way of being in the world, is
Choice!
We can choose to remain in the status quo or our comfort zone, or to experience the discomfort of change and create a different trajectory of our life. Obviously, by choosing to read this book, you have made a choice to release some of the old and to start breathing life into the new.

Just a brief reminder of how the 70,000 or so active receptors on our cells are tuned in to certain frequencies or signals. Some are tuned to our external environment, but many of the receptors have been programmed to the resonance and frequency of our attitudes and beliefs. As we stop the mental frequency of say, struggle and martyrhood, those receptors will stop triggering the release of stress hormones. As we begin breathing life into new ways of being in the world, whether more loving, more forgiving, or less judgmental, other receptors will respond to the new frequencies, the more empowering resonances, and will trigger the release of healing and feel-good molecules, which in turn will contribute to a greater sense of confidence to take the risk of making desired changes in our lives.

Let us now move on and look at some of the qualities that people with high self-esteem share to varying degrees.

The
first
quality is that they are continually seeking the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile
goals.
Goals, of course, are the purpose to all human activity. It is not necessary or even possible to achieve all of our goals, but to help us become more than what we were. Goals are like dreams and many people, rather than dreaming their own future, allow themselves to be woven into other people’s dreams. There are two ways to create our reality: to set goals and program an optimal future or simply allow whatever comes our way. Both are programs. Both work. High self-esteem people love themselves enough to dream, to create the optimal future they will be stepping into.

High self-esteem people realize that material things such as a fancy car or a mountain condo are symptoms of success, but not true success. True success is intrinsic in the way you treat yourself, your family, and other people.

People with a strong sense of self-worth
live consciously
as problem-solvers having a respect for facts, for truths, for being present in the now when someone is talking to them. They have a passion for self-awareness, for honest self-examination and an awareness of their inner world, not just the external world. And they don’t anaesthetize themselves with denial or addictions such as drugs or alcohol.

Most important, they are quick to forgive themselves and others. They release the past and don’t try to make the present conform to the past by hanging on to grudges or seeking revenge. They realize that it is not the prisoners who spend the most time in prison, it’s the warden. If you are keeping someone as an emotional hostage, then you are the prisoner. All healing, as mentioned earlier, has to go through the door of forgiveness.

Another quality is that people who value themselves value others and treat them with respect. You will never hear racist, sexist, or ageist remarks from people who feel good about themselves. They go out of their way to honor, respect and ennoble people regardless of sexual orientation, race, religious beliefs, or age.

As indicated earlier, high self-esteemers form
nourishing
rather than toxic
relationships.
They have open, honest communication skills and look for clarity rather than fearing it. If giving feedback, they take responsibility for their feelings and instead of a “you” blaming remark, will preface a statement with “I feel this way for what just happened.”

Another component is
humility
. That doesn’t mean false modesty or apologizing for being who you are. But regardless of how many times you have experienced a person in a certain way say, for example, if they are a gossip, or bossy, then humility is being open to each moment in life as something new by not prejudging that so and so is a bore. Rather, it’s having the humility to let that person be different this time. Humility is seeing each moment or experience as brand new without judgment.

Altruism
is an additional quality of high self-esteem. Altruism, or being helpful or of service to others whether by doing volunteer work, being a big brother/big sister, or whatever one chooses to contribute to create a higher sense of well-being or even excitement. Women in one social helping program reported that by volunteering for service at a convalescent home for older folks, they felt a long-lasting sense of deep inner satisfaction, even exhilaration, and an increased sense of self-worth, less depression and fewer aches and pains.

People with a higher sense of self-esteem also have a higher sense of accountability. Let me give you an example. One of my friends called me not too long ago, offered to buy me lunch and wanted to talk about how devastated he was as his wife had run off with his best friend. I thought, “Oh no, he wants to get into blame and self-pity.” So much for my humility in this instance. Instead, despite his torment he said, “Lee, you have known me for a long time, and you have been with my wife and me on many occasions. What was it about me, what could I have done or didn’t do that caused her to leave me?” I was almost in tears, as I could feel his pain yet he wanted to take accountability for what had happened rather than give his power away to blaming or “poor me’s.” In other words, he acknowledged that he is accountable for creating his life and his reality, and that whatever he did or didn’t do led to a very sad chapter in his life. But also he ended up, over time, learning a great deal more about himself.

People with a higher sense of self-esteem are also opening up more to an
emerging spirituality,
to a sense of connectedness to all living things, creatures and humans alike, to realizing that there is a higher power and how can one increase their connectedness to this creative energy. There is also a greater appreciation of mother earth and the environment and how can I be more loving, more giving to others. Spirituality, of course, has different meanings for different people, and I am sure you will find a way of interpreting this for yourself.

Finally, high self-esteem people will argue for their magnificence and the magnificence of other people rather than for their limitations.

But, what can we do on a conscious level without years of psychotherapy or psychological excavations to strengthen our inner strong self? Can all of the above be distilled and simplified? Following are the four qualities of self-esteem that I share with all my patients since they can be managed and controlled consciously.

High self-esteem people have good boundaries. They can draw that line in the sand and say “no” to what doesn’t fit or seem right to them. In other words, they choose to define themselves, their needs and beliefs rather than giving their power away and allowing others to define them.

Secondly, and perhaps most important, they avoid all judgments. Discernment, yes, but whenever you judge someone else, you are judging a part of yourself in them that you don’t approve of in yourself. Judgments freeze a part of you in the past and blind you to your real self. Thus, all judgments implicitly are self-judgments. Learning to love yourself and learning to love others go hand in hand.

Thirdly, as mentioned previously, our inner dialogue or self talk carries on throughout our waking hours at 150–300 words per minute or 45,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day! Since all thoughts are treated like “prayers” by the subconscious (it does not judge), what are you “praying” for all day long? High self-esteem people carefully monitor their inner dialogue as to whether they are “drugging” their minds all day long with good hypnosis or bad hypnotic thoughts. Are we planting weeds or flowers in the garden of our subconscious?

And fourthly, high self-esteem people feel worthy of both receiving from and giving to others. Generally, people with a low self-estimate will be “pleasers” and over-accommodating so as to not risk being rejected by expressing their own needs. In some instances, the only way pleasers can justify receiving is to subconsciously get “sick” or have an accident, which makes it acceptable to be nurtured or taken care of.

Fortunately, all of the above can be controlled consciously with mindfulness, giving from the heart, and embracing one’s self and others without judgment.

Negative and self-limiting thoughts are the real enemy we must face. They diminish our spirit, our mind, our sense of self-hood and the way we estimate ourselves—our self-esteem.

People often ask me, “Is all this concern about self-esteem something recent that has come about with the New Age movement?” Over 2,000 years ago one of the greatest teachers of all time said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” You cannot love thy neighbor if you don’t love yourself. You cannot give away what you don’t have.

That completes the invaluable contribution of my colleague Lee Pulos. Thanks so much for this wonderful input, Lee.

People with high self esteem consciously work at it. They understand these principles as well as applying the tools outlined in this book to build high self esteem.

Two excellent affirmations for the building of high self esteem are:

“I like (love) myself unconditionally.”

“I never devalue myself (or others) with destructive criticism.”

11

Mental Healings in Modern Times

Over the past four decades, the Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS) has had a catalytic influence on the evolution of mainstream medicine and the frontiers of scientific inquiry. Our investigation into the role of consciousness in healing has significantly contributed to the scientific understanding of how the mind influences health. Our work helped to transform mind-body medicine from a fringe idea into a vital component of virtually all major medical centers in the United States and, increasingly, worldwide. Our original research on the benefits of meditation and compassion sparked the development of new scientific methods and insights into how we can cultivate our highest potentials. Our pioneering scientific work on interconnectedness through time and space has challenged traditional notions of the nature of reality and is now making its way into mainstream physics. Our frontier research into perennial mysteries, including precognition, life after death, prayer and healing, and transformative experiences, continues to broaden the range of acceptable topics for scientific inquiry. In short, IONS continues to expand the boundaries of our understanding of ourselves and of reality.

—Marilyn Mandala Schlitz, Ph.D.

President/CEO

Institute of Noetic Sciences

We have been reading about the mind and consciousness. There continues to be a growing body of scientific evidence supporting the mind’s role in facilitating the healing of the physical body. Please enjoy Dr. Murphy’s chapter, “Mental Healings in Modern Times.” At the conclusion of this chapter, I will share with you a personal healing experience I had in 1981 that fully supports Dr. Murphy’s teaching.

Everyone is definitely concerned with the healing of bodily conditions and human affairs. What is it that heals? Where is this healing power? These are questions asked by everyone. The answer is that this healing power is in the subconscious mind of each person, and a changed mental attitude on the part of the sick person releases this healing power.

No mental or religious science practitioner, psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor ever healed a patient. The psychologist or psychiatrist proceeds to remove the mental blocks in the patient so that the healing principle may be released, restoring the patient to health. Likewise, the surgeon removes the physical block enabling the healing currents to function as normal. No physician, surgeon, or mental-science practitioner claims that he “healed the patient.” The one healing power is called by many names—Nature, Life, God, Creative Intelligence, and Subconscious Power.

There are many different methods used to remove the mental, emotional, and physical blocks which inhibit the flow of the healing life principle animating all of us. The healing principle resident in your subconscious mind can and will, if properly directed by you or some other person, heal your mind and body of all disease. Your subconscious will heal the burn or cut on your hand even though you may profess to be an atheist or agnostic.

The modern mental therapeutic procedure is based on the truth that the infinite intelligence and power of your subconscious mind responds according to your beliefs. The mental science practitioner goes into his closet and shuts the door, which means he stills his mind, relaxes, lets go, and thinks of the infinite healing presence within him. He closes the door of his mind to all outside distractions as well as appearances, and then quietly and knowingly turns over his request or desire to his subconscious mind, realizing that the intelligence of his mind will answer him according to his specific needs.

The most wonderful thing to know is this: Imagine the end desired and feel its reality; then the infinite life principle will respond to your conscious choice and your conscious request. This is the meaning of believe you have received, and you shall receive. This is what the modern mental scientist does when he practices healing therapy.

One process of healing

There is only one universal healing principle operating through everything—the cat, the dog, the tree, the grass, the wind, the earth—for everything is alive. This life principle operates through the animal, vegetable, and mineral kingdoms as instinct and the law of growth. Man is consciously aware of this life principle, and he can consciously direct it to bless himself in countless ways.