Beyond Broken (The Bay Boys #3) (48 page)

He dried his face with his shirt, but he didn’t feel any cleaner.
 
Caleb knew that not even the hottest of showers could clean off the taint that was clinging to his very bones.
 
He felt like he was drowning in it.

His eyes wandered over to the spot where Maddie had stood only a couple hours before and he felt that same restlessness take over him.

Why couldn’t she just leave it alone?
he thought.
 
The pain, the realization that had slowly shadowed her entire face wouldn’t leave him.
 
Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her, and he hated himself all over again.
 
What he’d been fearing, what he’d already known…she loved him.

Fuck!

He’d been
happy
with her.
 
The happiest he’d ever been in his entire life.
 
He’d finally started looking forward to his future, his future with her and their baby girl, and then Maddie said those words to him and it was like a sucker punch in the gut.
 
Immediately, it was like a defense mechanism went into effect.
 
He pulled away from her.
 
Distanced himself.
 
Because it was easier.

Tonight, he’d hurt her.
 
Because he’d needed to.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but she was there, and he gave a bellow of frustration, feeling his blood run hot and rapid in his veins.

He was useless here.
 
It was already past ten at night and he felt like he could sleep for a hundred hours, to make up for all the hours he’d tossed and turned this week, jolting in and out of sleep, reaching for Maddie’s warm body, only to realize that he wasn’t in their bed.
 
The worst part was that he resented her for it.
 
Resented her for making him want her,
need
her, for wiggling into his life so thoroughly that he couldn’t even imagine a life without her in it.

He took no pleasure in the drive back home that night.
 
Usually, it was one of the best parts of his day.
 
He liked his job, took pride in what he did, but going home, knowing that Maddie would be in the living room, reading one of her books with her hair up, belly slowing growing each and every day, knowing that Peter was safe and sketching happily at the kitchen island, knowing that he’d find peace the moment he stepped into that house…there was no greater feeling.

When he unlocked the front door and stepped inside the house that night, it was dark and quiet.
 
The light in Peter’s room was off and Caleb figured he’d gone to sleep already.
 
Maddie wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen.
 
She was probably tucked in bed already, sleeping on her right side, like she was prone to do, hair softly brushing her cheek.

Just the thought of her filled him with longing, but he tried to ignore it.
 
They’d get over this bump eventually, but even Caleb knew that she wouldn’t want to see him tonight.
 
He’d talk to her in the morning when she was fresh and make her realize that love was just a word, that it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but that what they had together was real.
 
The life they were building together was real.
 
That was all that truly mattered.

It still didn’t stop him from stopping outside the master bedroom.
 
No light was seeping out from underneath the door and it was quiet inside.
 
A part of him was so tempted to just saying
fuck it
and tell her that she’d been right, about everything.
 
But that scared the shit out of him and even as he reached for the door knob, he knew he’d never open it.

Tomorrow
, he reminded himself, pulling his hand away.
 
She’ll understand.
 
She has to.

He turned away.

*
   
*
   
*

Peter was quiet on the car ride to his high school.
 
Caleb had been dropping him off for quite some time now every morning after his run, so immediately, he knew that something was off.

“Did you schedule your driving lessons yet?” Caleb asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

Peter had passed his permit test just the week before and true to his word, he hadn’t missed a single question.
 
So, Caleb had agreed to pay for his lessons and even though he hadn’t told Peter yet, he already had a lead on a car for him when he finally got his driver’s license.

He nodded in the passenger seat, looking out the window.
 
“My first one is next Monday.”

“Good.”

Then it was quiet again.

“Are you excited?” Caleb asked.

All he got was a shrug and Caleb didn’t push him anymore.
 
A few minutes later, the high school came into view, a line of cars lined up on the street, parents dropping their kids off in a little roundabout area closest to the school entrance.

“You can just drop me off here,” Peter mumbled.
 
They were at least a quarter mile away from the gates.
 
Caleb usually waited in the carpool line to drop him off right in front and they were in no rush this morning.
 
He’d planned to go into work late after he had a talk with Maddie this morning.

“We have time,” Caleb said, casting a glance over at the teenager.

“It’s fine.
 
I can walk.”

Caleb frowned, but pulled up next to the sidewalk, right next to the edge of the football field.
 
“Is something wrong, Peter?”

Peter stared straight in front of him, fumbling with a flap on the backpack that Maddie had bought for him when she’d realized how worn down his old one was.

“Did I do something?” Caleb prodded again when the teenager stayed quiet.

“I may be just a kid,” Peter started, voice quiet yet careful, “but I like to think that I can read people pretty well.
 
And Maddie is probably one of the kindest people I’ve ever met in my life.
 
I’ve never seen her as hurt and upset as she was last night before she left, no matter how much she was trying to hide it from me, and I know that you had something to do with it.”
 
Peter turned to stare at him straight in the eye.
 
“I don’t know what happened between you two, but I hope you realize that she didn’t deserve it.
 
Whatever it was.”

With that, Peter pushed the passenger door open, slipped out, and slammed the door behind him.
 
Hard.
 
Caleb was still trying to process his words, feeling that knife twist in his chest when Peter said that Maddie had been upset last night, but then he realized something.

He accelerated to catch up with Peter and rolled down his window.
 
“What the hell do you mean by she
left
last night?”

Peter stopped and gave him an odd look.
 
“You mean, she didn’t tell you?”

Panic started clawing up his chest.
 
Her door had still been shut this morning when he went out for a run and when he returned, but he thought she’d just been getting some extra sleep.

“What happened last night?” he asked, his words coming fast.

“She said you guys got into a fight,” Peter said, eyeing him.
 
“She said it was best if she left for a little while.
 
She had a suitcase.
 
I helped her bring it downstairs and into her car and then she drove off.”

Disbelief made him process the information slowly, but no matter how long he sat there, the fact still remained.

Maddie had left him.

Caleb shook his head, fists gripping the wheel until his knuckles turned white, and then he was pulling away from the curb, leaving Peter looking after him with a puzzled expression, and speeding back to the house.

He refused to believe it.
 
Maddie had to be at home still.
 
She had to.

Caleb’s heart pounded in his chest the entire drive and when he finally pulled up into the driveway, he immediately opened the garage, which he rarely used.
 
The space where Maddie usually parked her car was empty.

He charged through the garage and through the door leading into the house.

“Maddie!” he yelled, taking the stairs two at a time.
 
He burst into the master bedroom.
 
“Maddie!”

It was empty.

Caleb looked at the neatly made bed, feeling his stomach sink and throat burn, before pulling open the closet door.
 
Her suitcase was gone.
 
After a quick glance in the bathroom, he saw her toiletries were as well.

He fisted a hand in his hair, trying to stay calm, but already he was beginning to feel a sense of loss so devastating that it made him want to sink to his knees.

On Caleb’s side of the bed, he saw a folded up piece of paper and he snatched it up, almost ripping it in the process of opening it.
 
Maddie’s soft, feminine handwriting took up the page and his eyes moved over the words quickly, but every one he read turned his mood darker and darker.

Caleb,

I hope you understand why I need to do this.
 
I need time away from you, from our situation, to think things through and to decide what’s best, not just for the baby, but for me as well.

I hope you know that I would never try and cut you out of the pregnancy.
 
I know how important it is to you and I want you to be involved.
 
I meant what I said when I told you you’d be an amazing father.
 
Just because we don’t live under the same roof, it doesn’t make that untrue.

I’ll see you in a couple weeks at the next doctor’s appointment, if you still plan on coming
.
 
I do hope you’ll be there
.

There was nothing more.
 
She didn’t tell him where she was going or when—
if
, Caleb’s mind whispered—she would come back.
 
Caleb reread the note three times until it really sunk in that she’d left him.

Are you really surprised?
he asked himself bitterly.
 
After what you said to her last night
…

Immediately, he pulled his cell phone out from his back pocket and dialed her number, taking deep breaths on every ring that she didn’t answer.

Pick up, pick up, pick up
.

Finally, her voice drifted over the line and Caleb felt a dizzying wash of relief.

“Caleb,” she said.
 
Her voice was quiet,
tired
, as though she hadn’t slept and he clenched his jaw.

“Where are you?” he demanded, trying to keep his voice even.
 
If there was a way to pull her through the phone and back into his arms, back into their bed, where she belonged, he would do it in a heartbeat.

Maddie sighed and a few seconds ticked by in silence.
 
“I don’t know what to say.
 
I don’t know what to do and there’s a lot I need to work through before I’m ready to do anything.
 
I hope you’ll give me that time.”

Caleb was anything but a patient man.
 
Especially when his pregnant, kind, playful woman
didn’t
want anything to do with him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, sinking down on the bed, her note loosely dangling between his fingertips.
 
Again, he asked, “Where are you?”

“Caleb…”

“Maddie, I swear, if you aren’t back by tonight, I will fucking lose it.”

Another sigh.
 
“The baby’s fine, okay?
 
You don’t have to worry about her.”

His chest squeezed.
 
She thought that the only reason he wanted her back was because of the baby.
 
Did she really think that he cared so little for
her
?

Friends with benefits
, his mind taunted.
 
Remember?

He felt like he’d swallowed a mouthful of sand.
 
And maybe a mouthful of crow too.

“Maddie,” he started, voice surprisingly even.
 
“Come back home.
 
Please.”

“Caleb, I won’t,” she said, irritation starting to creep into her tone.
 
Caleb was pleased to hear it.
 
Anything was better than the monotonous, empty ring of her words.

Anger and frustration made him say, “Is this my punishment?
 
For what I said?”

Maddie almost choked on her laugh and for once, Caleb hated to hear it.
 
It sounded harsh and biting, nothing like the laugh Caleb could listen to for hours.
 
“If anything, this is
my
punishment, Caleb, for falling in love with you in the first place.
 
I
knew
that this would happen.
 
I can’t say that I’m not surprised.”

The words hurt more than Caleb expected.
 
Squeezing his eyes shut, he rasped, “Where are you?
 
We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to see you right now,” she told him, sounding on the verge of tears and Caleb clenched his fists.
 
“Just give me time, okay?
 
I’ll see you in a couple weeks.”

A couple weeks?
 
Caleb instantly rejected her words.
 
A couple weeks without seeing her seemed like a lifetime and he wouldn’t have it.

“No, I—”

She cut him off.
 
“I need to go.
 
Bye, Caleb.”

She hung up.
 
He stared down at the phone in his hand and barely refrained himself from chucking it across the room.