Beyond Broken (13 page)

“Yeah, Doc Solomon already came in so I figured I’d try to catch up with you in the hall. My plan worked a little too well.” He raised an eyebrow and gave me a lop-sided grin. His hands slowly moved down my arms, searing blazing trails that turned to gooseflesh until he reached my hands. He grasped the one that wasn’t clutching the iPad and began to swirl his thumb over my wrist.

Instantly, my mouth went dry. “I should have been paying more attention—”

“Hey, don’t ruin it. I was already convincing myself that you were just in a hurry to see me.” He winked then released my hand.

It still burned from his touch.

“Take a walk with me? Or do you have someone you need to check on?” He leaned back and studied me but with a polite curiosity.

“I don’t have anyone that needs my attention right now. I’m scheduled to check up on you, actually.”

“Perfect. You can check up on me while we get outta here. I swear the walls are closing in on me, Sophia.” He shook his head and started toward the door, pausing for me to catch up.

“You’ll be finished soon, then you can get back to your life.” The words left a hollow feeling in my chest and put a vise grip on my heart.

Greyson, gone.

I hadn’t really thought of it. In about a week he would leave, go back to his billion-dollar company and lifestyle. It sobered me while causing my heart to shudder in pain as I realized I might only have a week before he left, most likely for good. Sure, he’d have to keep up on outpatient counseling, maybe attend group meetings and the like. But those activities had nothing to do with me. My thoughts sounded selfish and I berated myself for them, though my heart still ached knowing he’d soon be gone.

“Sophia?” Greyson paused as we reached the wide glass doors that opened onto the patio and lead to the garden trails.

“Hmm? Yes?” I glanced up.

His eyebrows were drawn together as he studied my face intently.

I held my breath, not sure of what he saw but slowly his expression changed and he pushed open the door.

“Come with me.” He waited till we were down one of the garden paths before he reached out and grasped my hand within his warm grip. The simple touch was almost a sensory overload.

“You just realized that I’ll be leaving in a week,” he said quietly as he ducked under a low willow branch.

I nodded, struggling to keep my expression open and unreadable. “Yes, but that’s a success for you. Something to be celebrated.” I turned my head to face him, using my other hand to punctuate my words.

“Hell, yeah.” Greyson grinned. “But it’s… Sophia, I’m not going to forget about you just because I’m gone from here.” Greyson paused and released my hand so that he could grip my shoulders tenderly. His gaze was deep, soulful, and willing. “I meant what I said… Even if I have to chase you for a while, I’ll still catch you because I’m not going to stop pursuing you. So, get used to that idea.” He shrugged a shoulder and leaned forward, kissing my forehead tenderly, sweetly.

I was so confused. Hadn’t I already made the decision to stop this? The kissing, the temptation… yet here I was melting into his every touch. My heart raced as I glanced around, making sure we were alone. The last thing I wanted was to be fired. Kissing Greyson? Even a tender kiss placed to my forehead… I’d be packing my bags before I could say ‘sorry’. Yet in the powerful presence of him, all those other concerns tended to fade to grey.

“I believe you, Greyson, I believe that you honestly feel that way but, practically? It’s just not feasible.” I shrugged a shoulder and offered him a weak smile as I realized I had just used the same words he had the day before.

“Then I’ll have to just prove you wrong.” His words held a powerful determination. He released my shoulders and grasped my hand once more, tugging on it until I followed him farther down the path. I let him.

“Tell me about your family,” Greyson asked after a moment.

“My mom and dad are in the Philippines. They specialize in teaching literacy programs to adults and helping drug addicts recover. They also plant churches.” I watched his expression.

“That explains a lot about you. Did you always want to follow in their footsteps?” He asked while casting me a curious glance.

“No, well, not really. But as I grew, I realized how much their work benefited others and I wanted to do the same. I needed to do the same. If you don’t give, then all you do is take and I don’t want to be that type of person. My dad was always telling me that. ‘There are two types of people, Sophia. Those who give, and those who take. Be the one that gives, because the more you give, the more you’ll be refilled to give more, God’s grace does that and satisfies you. But if you only take, then you’ll never be satisfied.’”

“Your father’s wise. I never heard it put that way before, but it makes sense.” Greyson turned his face toward the path. His expression clouded over slightly and I waited for him to explain why.

When we had walked in silence for a few minutes I asked, “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh…” He glanced to me quickly, as if I had interrupted an internal conversation. “It’s just that, well. I think I’m a taker, Sophia. And I don’t want to be. Your dad’s right. You’re never satisfied. It’s like… there’s this hunger, and the more you eat, the more you consume, the emptier you feel. And even if you do, by some miracle, find satisfaction in something or another, it’s gone—” He snapped his fingers. “—like that and you’re immediately searching for something else to get you to that feeling once more.” He exhaled heavily. “It sucks.”

As I watched him my heart broke a little, his brow furrowed before it lifted in a sarcastic expression.

“And what’s worse, is that in the end, you use people. Damn. For once I’d love to be around you and
not
see everything wrong with myself.” He released my hand and took a few steps away. His hand shook as he ran his hand through his dark chestnut hair, mussing it. “Shit, Sophia, I’m a mess. I didn’t even see it ‘til recently, and I keep telling myself, lying to myself that it’s not that bad but… damn, it is.
It is.
And here I am, promising you that I’ll chase you, catch you, and I can’t even get my own shit together.” He shook his head and leaned back inhaling deeply.

I watched his shoulders bunch under his gray t-shirt as his body tensed. Greyson was just beginning to realize how broken he was, how much further he had to go. But didn’t we all? None of us were born perfect and my heart ached to tell him, remind him of that truth but he began to speak again. So I listened.

“Damn it, I need to get it together. But…” He hung his head for a moment then turned toward me, his hands slightly outstretched. “But I think that’s why you’re different, Sophia. And as much as I
hate
that I’m not in control, that I’m a wreck, you don’t look at me like I am.” He dropped his hands and shrugged a shoulder. “You give it to me straight, damn the consequences, and haven’t once put up with my bullshit. You get up on your soapbox and preach to me, but you live it. You don’t just say it. You
are
it.” He took a step forward.

My heart started to kick up its cadence as I watched his expression transition from tormented to resolute.

“And that’s why I won’t let you get away, Sophia. You see me, my mess, and you’re able to still…
like
me. And that’s enough for me. Because one day, that
like
just might turn to love and I’ll be there waiting.” He closed the distance and sealed his words with a fierce kiss that immediately set my blood into frenzy. All rational thoughts left my mind as I lost myself in his kiss. His hand reached around my shoulders and drew me in close, pulling me into his hard chest until I could feel his deep breathing and pounding heartbeat. His tongue teased my lips, caressing them with a hunger that left me breathless. As he gently tugged on my lower lip with his teeth I gasped and gave him the opening he was waiting for. His tongue darted into my mouth, overwhelming me with his intense flavor that reminded me of exotic spices all bound up in passion. I ached for more, so I began to kiss him back, more than I had ever before as my senses closed out everything but him. His hands caressed my back as his lips broke from mine. “Sophia…” He spoke my name with reverence as he began to taste the sensitive part of my neck and place lingering kisses along my jaw line. His touch softened, his caress less intense and more of a tender exploration. I relaxed as his lips found mine in an achingly soft kiss. Once, twice, a third time he kissed me softly before turning his head simply embracing me. In the otherwise quiet garden, my heartbeat pounded in my ears from the passionate exchange.

He held me for a moment before releasing me. His lips tilted into an alluring smile that melted my insides like ice cream on a warm brownie. Reaching down he grasped my hand and tugged me gently until I started to walk with him once again. Belatedly, I glanced around, thankful we had walked to one of the outskirts of the gardens and were not easily seen.

I took a moment to collect myself then asked him the same question he had asked me. “So, tell me about your parents.” I glanced up at him, curious.

He cleared his throat. “My mom is currently married to a CEO from ARBS, and I must say, I’m impressed because she’s made it a whole two years without a divorce. A record, unless you count my dad.” He offered me a weak grin. “Speaking of which, my dad died about three years ago. Massive heart attack. Everyone was surprised that he left me the majority of the stock to the company. We hadn’t ever been that close, but it didn’t surprise me. Not because I wanted it. Hell, no. Just thinking about the company’s board members gives me a headache. But I knew he’d give it to me because his legacy was important to him. ‘We don’t live forever’ my dad used to always say to me. ‘You need to have a legacy, a legend to follow you, to survive even when you’re not around anymore. If you don’t leave a legacy, it’s like you never even existed.’” Greyson shook his head, and a harsh chuckle slipped from his downturned lips. “He didn’t want the company out of the family, more specifically, out of his family name. I’m the only one left with that name. He figured if they hear the name, then at least they’ll remember him. That was his legacy.” He twisted his lips and pierced me with a steady gaze.

“We all want to leave something behind,” I responded, holding his gaze.

“Yeah, but it’s all in how you do it. You better believe that people remember my dad. They remember his fortune, his company, his double crossing and manipulation. And that’s what
I
remember. That’s his huge legacy. Bullshit.”

“We all know, deep inside, that we were made for more,” I said softly as we continued to walk.

“More?” Greyson questioned.

“Yeah, we want to leave a legacy because that’s how we were created. No one wants to live as if their existence didn’t matter at all. We all want to have something to show for our time here on earth. We want to be remembered and remembered well. We need validation, but sadly, we often look for it in the wrong places.” I studied the grassy path in front of me.

“Yeah, tell me about it. But even if you do leave a legacy worth remembering, how long will it last? A few years? At the most a hundred. Or say you’re the next Joan of Arc or Martin Luther King, Jr. You’ll be remembered in history books but does what we do ever really matter?” Greyson shook his head, his grip on my hand tightening slightly.

“Depends on why you’re doing it…”

“How so?” His gray gaze cut to mine.

“Are you doing it to redeem yourself? Get into heaven? Do your motives serve your good or the good of others? We can’t buy grace with our actions or money. But if you’re giving of yourself, your resources with a selfless intention then that makes a difference. It might be one person, or it could be a whole country. But if you don’t do it with love, then it’s useless.”

“And now I’m even more depressed. Thanks, Sophia.” Greyson raised an eyebrow but didn’t change the subject.

“You make it sound so easy.” Greyson’s eyes narrowed as he studied me. He broke his gaze and studied his shoes. “But it’s not, Sophia. You grew up into that belief, I didn’t. You’ve seen the good… I’ve seen the shit—”

“Okay, you need to stop there.” I held up my hand and took a step back. Millions of mental images of poverty, sickness, death and abuse that I’d seen in the Philippines rushed through my mind in sequence. I was angry. Not because he wasn’t willing to believe what I did, but because he was pitying himself and using it as an excuse.

“Listen well, Greyson Bentley. Listen well to
yourself.
You are saying that since I grew up the way I did, seeing all the—” I raised my hands and made invisible quotations marks in the air, “—good in life, it’s easy for me to believe all this? That’s the excuse you’re giving me? Did I misunderstand?”

“When you say it that way…”

“Yeah, because I grew up with women dropping off half-starved babies on our porch. I’ve seen children die from malnutrition, abuse, and neglect. I’ve seen families struggle simply to survive, or drug-addicts starve their children so they can afford another hit.
That
is not what I would call the good side of life, Greyson.” My heart was pounding.

His eyes widened and he glanced away, studying the dirt.

I took a deep breath and calmed down. “It’s because I’ve seen hell, the worst, that I believe what I believe. It changes people. It saves marriages, families and delivers people from their worst enemy… themselves.” I released a heavy and shaky sigh as I willed the hot tears that pricked my eyes at the memories.

“Well, I feel like an ass,” Greyson said quietly.

Against my better judgment I giggled.

“Hey, don’t laugh. You’re supposed to be pissed at me.” Greyson gave me a small lop-sided grin but sobered immediately. “I really can’t see past myself, can I?” He stuffed his hands in his jeans and leaned back.

My shoulders sagged under the weight of his words. I wasn’t trying to make him feel that way, just offer some perspective; one he didn’t possess. Hopefully he saw that, didn’t just bring the focus back to himself. But it was hard. He was struggling to make it all fit.