Authors: Jenna Miscavige Hill
Beyond Belief (51 page)
I made a choice that I didn’t want to be controlled, and in walking away from everything, I learned the value of listening to the voice in my head telling me what was wrong and standing up for what was right. Being the lone voice of dissent is hard and almost always inconvenient and there isn’t usually instant gratification. However if you don’t speak up, you will most likely regret it and will have to live with the results. In my experience, often, the only reason that the church was allowed to get away with its abusive behavior is that people failed to say no. Saying no is difficult, even brutal at times. But, in the long run, many others will appreciate your courage, even if silently, and someday it may lead to them mustering up the courage to stand up for themselves.
Of all the gifts that my freedom has given me, perhaps the greatest was the ability to start a family. From the moment I began spending time in Australia with Janette and her daughter Eden, I knew that I wanted to be a mother. However, if I’d stayed in the Sea Org I would have never been allowed to. Leaving gave me the opportunity to discover for myself what it means to have a child, and, today, Dallas and I are thankful that we got out young enough to have kids and start a family. Our two beautiful children are a blessing that we never would otherwise have known.
For me, the ultimate beauty of humanity was shown to me when I had my first child. Our bodies are capable of creating miracles, regardless of whether we are spirits. In the end, I learned that just being my body was good enough for me. My body allowed me to be me a mom, which is by far the best thing about me.
Auditing
—Scientologists will tell you this is similar to counseling. An E-Meter is often, but not always, used. On the lower levels, an auditor guides the PC (pre-clear) through various questions supposedly designed to elicit a certain result.
Blow
—“To leave without permission” or “to leave before something is completed.” One can “blow staff,” “blow course,” “blow session,” or “blow the org.” It is a very, very serious offense in Scientology to blow. People who leave without permission in this way are usually declared. Depending on context, “blow” can also have a positive meaning. It can mean “to go away,” e.g., “My pain just blew!”
Bridge, The
—Shortened from “The Bridge to Total Freedom.” All Scientology doctrines put together are referred to as “the Bridge.” If one is progressing through their Scientology studies and sessions, they are “going up the Bridge.”
Cadet Org
—The Sea Org for children, and for the children of Sea Org members.
Checksheet
—A list of steps required to complete a Scientology Course. The steps must be done in sequence; they lay out which policies are to be read, which lectures are to be listened to, which policies require checkouts, what essays are to be written, which practicals or drills are to be done, etc. At the end of the checksheet, the student and his or her course supervisor must attest to the completion of all of its steps and their understanding of the material. There is always a test at the end of each checksheet.
CMO
—The Commodore’s Messenger Organization. L. Ron Hubbard called himself the “Commodore.” Originally created as an elite unit comprised mostly of young kids who ran messages for L. Ron Hubbard himself, enforced his orders, and took care of his personal matters and household. Anything being said to a messenger was considered as being said to the Commodore himself. CMO was the most senior management body in the Church. Only RTC was senior to CMO, but they were not technically considered management.
Comm Ev
—Committee of Evidence. This is the Scientology version of a trial. During a Comm Ev, the accused is required to sit before a panel of Sea Org members who evaluate their “crimes.” If you are accused of misdeeds and ordered to stand before such a panel, you are said to be “Comm Ev’d.”
Conditions, to do conditions
—A set of formulas to be applied to one’s life depending on the state of one’s life. For instance, if you are doing exceptionally well, you would apply the steps outlined in the condition of “affluence.” If you have done something bad, the org may require you to do a “treason” condition. The various conditions, from worst to best, are: Confusion, Treason, Enemy, Doubt, Liability, Non-Existence, Danger, Emergency, Normal, Affluence, Power Change and Power. There are specific formulas for each of these conditions. Lower conditions (those below “normal”) are frequently used as punishment.
Course
—One of many set study programs in Scientology in which the Scientologist studies L. Ron Hubbard’s texts and practices using various aspects of the texts. If one is regularly going to church to study Scientology doctrine, they can be said to be “on course.”
Declared, to be declared
—To be labeled a Suppressive Person (evil) and thrown out of Scientology. People who are declared may not have
any contact
with Scientologists, and Scientologists can be declared just for talking to a declared person.
E/O (or EO)
—Ethics Officer. Responsible for the “crime and punishment” division of any given church.
Enturbulate
—To upset or cause disruption.
EPF
—Estates Project Force. When one first joins the Sea Org, one must do a sort of “orientation boot camp” for several weeks or months. This boot camp is called the EPF.
Flap
—A major problem or serious incident. “There was a huge flap at the org.”
MEST
—Matter, Energy, Space, and Time. The physical universe.
MEST Work
—Manual labor.
OSA
—Office of Special Affairs. Often referred to by critics as Scientology’s Secret Service.
OT
—Operating Thetan. This is someone who, according to Scientology, has attained a high spiritual level. There are currently 8 OT levels. One begins the OT levels after attaining the state of Clear. An OT is supposed to be able to control Matter, Energy, Space, and Time.
(Out) 2D
—The second dynamic. In Scientology, the second dynamic refers to family, children, personal relationships and sex. It can be used in a variety of ways, including: “She was my 2D” means “I was dating her.” “Going out-2D” means cheating on your partner if you are married, or engaging in more than kissing if you are single. “I need to handle my 2D” can, depending on context, mean “I need to fix my relationship with my partner/spouse” or “I need to find a boy/girlfriend.”
Overt
—A sin or crime.
O/Ws
—Overts and withholds, which essentially means sins and secrets.
Potential Trouble Source (or PTS)
—Someone who is connected to a Suppressive Person (SP). According to Scientology, a PTS will often be sick (in fact, they believe that PTSness is the only reason anyone gets sick), have emotional ups and downs, and not be able to get very far in life.
PTS/SP (course)
—A major Scientology course in which one learns Hubbard’s thoughts on evil people and how to deal with them, and what happens when one is connected to a suppressive person. See also: Potential Trouble Source, Suppressive Person.
RPF
—Rehabilitation Project Force. When a Sea Org member has done something considered particularly bad, they are isolated from the rest of the Sea Org members in the RPF program. People on the RPF are not allowed to walk (they run everywhere), are not allowed to speak to another Sea Org member unless spoken to, and spend most of their time doing manual labor. This is a very controversial program. Scientologists call it “rehabilitation”; critics call it forced labor.
RTC
—Religious Technology Center. This organization is run by the top echelon of the Sea Org. They own all the copyrights to L. Ron Hubbard’s material.
Sea Org (or SO)
—The inner core of the Scientology parish. Sea Org members run and operate the churches, raise money, give auditing, and perform any number of other tasks. They sign a one-billion-year contract, promising to return and serve in their next life.
Sec-check
—Security check. A confessional given while on the E-Meter. Sec-checks can take anywhere from three weeks to a year or longer.
Suppressive Person (or SP)
—A person who does not support Scientology. If someone is found to be an SP by the Church, they are “Declared,” meaning they cannot have any contact with any Scientologist whatsoever.
TRs
—Training Routines. Basic drills meant to improve your communication skills. These include TR0, wherein two students sit across from each other with their eyes closed with the purpose of learning to “be there comfortably,” and TR0 Bullbait, wherein one student must sit perfectly still while another yells, screams, tells jokes, or in any other way tries to get him/her to react. See also: Out-TRs.
Twin
—A course partner. Twins study everything on any particular course together, and help each other through the course. You can also say you are “twinning” with someone.
Withhold
—A secret, something bad that you haven’t told anyone about.
Wog
—Derogatory term meaning “non-Scientologist.”
S
PECIAL THANKS TO
L
ISA
P
ULITZER, WHO BELIEVED IN MY STORY FROM
the very beginning and without whom this book would not have been possible. Thank you so much for all of your care, support, and hard work, and for being so darn nice along the way.
My gratitude to Lisa Sharkey for believing in my story and making it possible for me to get it out there.
Thank you Madeleine Morel for being the firecracker that you are and for being there for me all the while.
Super-special thanks to my editor for working so hard on this book and caring enough to understand my story and for making sure it is communicated as it should be.
I feel like the four of you are such special people and I am very lucky to know you and have you in my life.
I’d like to thank everyone at William Morrow and HarperCollins whose hard work on my book made it the best it can be.
I’d also like to acknowledge Martha Smith for her long hours and attention to detail.
Thanks to my family, firstly my husband, Dallas, for standing up for me, for teaching me about the world, how to drive, and how to cook, and for being such a nice person and for supporting my dreams, being there for me, putting up with me throughout the years and during the book-writing process. My two angels, who are the center of my life and bring me so much pure joy and who make this world so much more special for your being in it. I love you so, so much.
My heartfelt thanks to the all of the Pavlicks for your love and support and for taking me in and being the kind, loving, and caring people that you are. I couldn’t have asked for a better family. Love you all.
A special thank-you to my parents and my brother Justin for helping me when I was getting out of the Church and fighting for me and for being supportive and helping me to see the light.
My love and thanks to the Hill family for respecting our choices, staying strong under intense pressure, and choosing our family over religion.
Thank you to Astra and Kendra, my fellow ESK girls and friends for being amazing, strong, beautiful, smart, and well-spoken, and for doing everything you have done and do on a daily basis. You guys have been strong at times when I have been weak and I am just honored to be talked about in the same breath as both of you.
I want to acknowledge all of the ex-Scientologists and even independent Scientologists who have spoken out over the years on Scientology’s abuses, negligence, and human rights violations, taking on personal risk and attack to bring forward the truth and still persevering despite everything. Tory Christman, Mark Bunker, Marc and Claire Headley, Mike and Christie, Marty Rathbun, Tom Devocht, Jeff Hawkins, Amy Scobee, Matt Pesch, Lawrence Woodcraft, Chuck Beatty, Paul Haggis, and the many others I have not mentioned. Thank you.
Thanks to Anonymous, especially those I have met, for your continued support and care about this important issue.
Many thanks to my Aussie friends who have spoken out against the Church—the Andersons, Janette, Anna, and Dean.
I’d like to thank all of my friends who have believed in me along the way and have supported me or who have just been so nice and really helped show me what a kind place the world is. Ana, Jane, Lucy, Aimee, Liz, Laurette, and Gus, to name a few who really stood out, as well as my many other friends I met at HK and LHC.
And finally I can’t forget the many journalists who have worked over the years to get important stories out there and bring attention to an important matter with integrity, such as Jonny Jacobsen, Lawrence Wright, Tony Ortega, John Sweeney, Tobin and Childs, Anderson Cooper, and many others.
JENNA MISCAVIGE HILL
, the niece of David Miscavige, the current ecclesiastical and business leader of the Church of Scientology, was raised as a Scientologist. Since leaving the organization in 2005, she has become one of its most prominent critics. She cofounded the website www.exscientologykids.com, which features the stories of current and former Scientologists and supports those who choose to leave the organization. She lives in Southern California.
LISA PULITZER
is a former correspondent for the
New York Times
and coauthor of more than a dozen nonfiction titles, including
New York Times
bestsellers
Stolen Innocence
,
Imperfect Justice
, and
Mob Daughter
.
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Cover photograph courtesy of the author