Between the Sheets (9781476775807) (38 page)

The phone lines are lit up.

“Go 'head, caller…you're on the air.”

“Man, fuc—
bleep
that. I woulda beat
both
their asses that night; word to mother, yo. I'm out bustin' my ass workin' ‘n' holdin' shit down ‘n' you behind my back ridin' some rubber dic—
bleep
, tryna play me for some sucker…” Dude huffs into the phone. “Hell, nah. Both y'all's asses gettin' handled.”

I shake my head. “So, you think it's aiight for a cat to put his hands on a woman? By the way, what's your name? And where you calling from?”

“Oh, my bad. This's Truth from East Orange. And, nah, I don't think it's cool for any man to put his hands on a woman. Real men, don't beat
real
women. He gets his girl cousins or sisters to stomp her ass. Feel me? But bitches who on some grimy shit, or them stud bitches swingin' dic—
bleeps
hell yeah. Fuc—
bleep
what ya heard, fam, I'ma equal opportunity ass whooper. You dickin' my girl like you a dude, then you gettin' that ass handled.”

Oh, this muhfucka's thinking is real fucked up.
“I heard that, playboy. Thanks for calling in.” I end the call. “Next caller. What's ya comment? You're on the air.”

“Oh, hi. This Twinkie from Fairlawn…”

Twinkie? What the fuck?
“Oh, aiight, Twinkie. What's ya comment, ma-ma?”

“Well, I wanna say, I understand the guy who caught his wife in bed with his sister being upset and doing what he did. He was shocked and felt disrespected. I know because the same thing happened to my husband.”

I blink. Sit up in my seat. “Say, what? Ya hubby caught you in bed with his sister, too?”

“No, no. He caught me in bed with the same woman we'd had a threesome with.”

I swallow. “Damn. How'd that happen?”

“What? The threesome? Or him catching us?”

“Both,” I say, glancing over into the control room at Nina. She shakes her head, smiling.

“Well, the threesome was my husband's idea. He'd been asking for one for years, and I'd kept telling him no. But then, for my thirtieth birthday, we went to this sex club in New York and…. liked it. So when he asked me a few months later about doing a threesome with one of his coworkers, I said okay…”

“Damn, ma-ma.” I adjust my headphones as I talk. “So it was good like that?”

“Yes,” she says softly. “It made me curious for more. And I wanted to finally give my husband what he wanted.”

“Oh, aiight. So then what happened? Don't hold back now, baby? Give us the nasty.”

She chuckles, then lets out a heavy sigh. “Well, the
nasty
is, he brought his coworker home, who I knew and felt comfortable with, and the three of us”—she clears her throat—“well, we did what grown folks do behind closed doors. Afterward, she went her way, and my husband and I continued doing what we do.”

Will she get to the fuckin' juicy shit already, damn!
I sigh. “So what happened next?”

“I couldn't stop thinking about that night. And started questioning if I were a lesbian or not. I never had those kinds of feelings or thoughts before. But,” she pauses, “I don't know. Something must have happened that night. It made me come alive or something. All I know is, I started seeing her behind my husband's back. And the one day that my husband decided to come home for lunch…” She pauses again, then sniffles. “He catches us.”

“Oh, damn. What'd he do?”

“He cursed his coworker out and told her to get out. Then he stood there and watched her get dressed. Then when she left, he went off on me. Accusing me of always being a lesbian. He called me all types of undercover dykes and other dirty, hurtful names. And telling our two kids that I'm a whore.”

“Damn.” I shake my head. “That's crazy.”

“I know. Now he wants a divorce. And he wants custody of our kids. My whole life is a mess.”

Poor thing.

“I'm sorry to hear how things turned out for you. But like I always tell peeps, threesomes are nice fantasies, but they're not meant to be every couple's reality. Most peeps can't handle what might pop off afterward. All it takes is one person to disrupt your whole world…”

I shift in my seat. Relieved that things with that nutty-ass Ramona chick hadn't gotten much more crazy than her incessant phone calls and emails and idle threats. On some real shit, I'm just glad she finally got the hint. And we haven't heard anything else from her.

I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Stay lifted, ma-ma. Next caller. You're on the air with ya boy, Mar
Sell
…”

“Yo, what's goodie, man? This Lance from Teaneck.”

“Oh, aiight, playboy…what's on ya mind?”

“Man, listen. Me ‘n' my girl had a threesome ‘n' that shit was off the hook, fam. My girl's mad cool ‘n' real open 'bout gettin' it in.”

“Oh, aiight. Cool cool. That's what's up. So, what's the problem?”

He huffs. “Man, listen. Now she's pressing me for 'bout letting another muhfucka get down with us.”

I lick my lips. “Oh, word? And you tryna bless her with that.”

“Say what? Fuc—
bleep
outta here, man. I ain't with that gay-ass shit. Ain't no way I'm about to let another niggah run up in my girl. And I def ain't with touching up on no other muhfucka. What I look like tryna have another niggah's dic—
bleep
slapping up against mine?”

I shake my head. “Man, there's nothing
gay
about two cats who are comfortable in their sexualities making it pop in the sheets with a chick. You sound like you struggling with some other ish, man.”

“Yo, what the fuc—
bleep
is you sayin', B? I know you not even tryna call me out on some slickness?”

“Check this. Why you gettin' defensive, playboy? No slickness here, fam. All I'm saying is, if you're not comfortable with sharing ya girl with another cat, then cool. Say that. But saying all that extra ish makes you sound homophobic.”

“Yo, man, fuc—
bleep
you. Ain't shit homo about me, muhfucka. I'm all man.”

I laugh. “Yeah. And there lies the second red flag of the night. A
real
man doesn't need to
say
he's all man, he just is. Just like a man who is secure in his manhood and in his sexuality doesn't need to associate having a threesome with another dude in the sheets with him ‘n' his girl as some
gay-ass
ish. If it's not your thing, then it's not your thing.”

“Yo, fuc—
bleep
you, niggah. Just because you riding that rainbow shit ‘n' wanna be some gay activist, don't push that shit on me. Go suck a dic—
bleep
, muhfucka.”

I laugh again. “Sounds like insecurity to me, bruh. But it's all good. Go handle ya demons, bruh. Next caller.”

There's a silent pause.

“Caller, you there?”

“I'm here,
papi
. Oh, how I've missed you…”

I blink. “Yo, what the…? Listen, you've been told not to call here.”

“Before you hang up, or try calling the police, you should know I'm here with this sexy piece of ass you chose over me. But let's see how sexy she is when I'm done carving all in her face…”

My heart drops. “Excuse me? What did you say?”

“You heard me. I'm here with this sweet pus—
bleep
—y,
puta!

I hear muffled screaming.

Motherfuck!
“Yo, let me speak to my wife!”

“Oh, she's not taking calls. She's tied up at the moment.”

Oh, fuck!

My first thought is to snatch off these headphones and haul ass back to my crib, but my legs won't move. Something keeps me planted in my chair. Tells me to keep this broad on the phone for as long as I can.

I feel my whole muthafuckin' world crashing in around me.

“I love you, Mar
Sell
, baby…”

I blink.

“I've always loved you. From the moment I laid eyes on you eight years ago in
Vibe
, I fantasized about being with you. But I never thought it would happen. Then late one night when I was in my cell, I heard
you
on the radio. And I knew I had to have you. I fell in love with you that night,
papi
. I've played your voice over and over in my head, masturbating, bringing myself to pleasure. You always know the right things to say to get me so wet and juicy. You have no idea how many nights I laid awake in my bunk, playing with myself.”

I blink again.
Cell? Bunk? What the fuck?

Nina rushes over to my desk, and whispers, “I'll call the police.”

I shake my head. “Look, Ramona, I'm beggin' you. Let me talk to my wife.”

“Oh, now you wanna be nice. Now you wanna beg. Okay. I'll play nice, for now. Only because I love you.”

I cringe.

“Here, and make it quick.”

I hear what sounds like something being ripped off of flesh. Tape?

“M-mar
Sell…”

“Marika, baby?” Real shit, hearing her voice brings fuckin' tears to my eyes. “Yo, baby, you okay? Did that crazy broad hurt you?”

“N-no. But she—”

“Now, now. Let's not get all mushy on me.”

My heart is racing. I force myself to breath in. Then exhale. Fight to stay calm. “Just tell me what you want. And it's yours.”

“I
want
you. But you made it clear that wasn't going to ever happen. Remember? You practically told me I wasn't shit to you. Even after having all your dic—
bleep
in me. You treated me like shit. You hurt me, Mar
Sell.
I'm so sick of you big-dic—
bleep
niggahs using me.”

“I never used you…”

“Yes, you did! Just like that fuc—
bleep
—ing Alex did. I hate lying-ass, big-dick motherfuc—
bleep
—ers! Alex knew how much I loved him, too. And so do you. And you both fuc—
bleep
—ing shitted all over my heart!

This broad sounds like she's soaring off of something. My brain starts scrambling for words to talk her down, before she does some reckless shit. “Listen, baby. Please. Whatever you're thinking, you don't have to do it.”

“
Pendejo!
Now I'm your
baby
. What was I all those weeks ago when I begged you to be with me, huh? What was I when I told you how much I loved you? What was I when you refused my phone calls and blocked me from your life? What, you thought you could make love to me, fuc—
bleep
me in
mi coño
, then take it all away from me.”

I swallow. “Listen. I was wrong. Okay? I shoulda never treated you like that.”

She huffs. “Well, you did, motherfuc—
bleep
—er! Now I'm gonna hurt you. You broke my heart. And now I'm gonna break yours.”

“Let's talk this out. I'm sorry. Let Marika go. Okay? I'll come to you, and we can go anywhere you want. Just you and me.”

“Just the two of us?”

I nod my head as if she can see me. “Yes. You and me, baby.”

“Don't play games with me.”

“I'm not playing games. I got you. You ‘n' me.”

“And you'll leave this bitch?”

“Yes. I'll leave her. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't hurt her.”

“Well, then I want you to tell the whole world out there listening about our night together. Tell them how much you love me. Then we can be together. Tell the world how you realized how you
never
loved this bitch until the night you fuc—
bleep
—ed me. You and your fuc—
beep
—ing wife want to keep what the two of you did to me a dirty secret. Well, tonight, I want you to tell them, Mar
Sell
. Tell them how your wife fuc—
bleep
—ed me in my ass, while I rode your dic—
bleep
. Tell them how this bitch ate my pus—
bleep
—sy while I sucked all over your long, black…” She moans.

“Listen to me…”

“No! You listen! Tell your listeners how you and this bitch took turns fuc—
bleep
—ing me and how much I loved it.”

Nina gasps.

And, I, well, fuck. I practically shit on myself, fucking stunned that all this shit is unfolding over the air.

“Tell, them now, Mar
Sell
. Tell your precious listeners,
now!”

I look over and give Nina a pained look. She stares blankly at the phone lines, then manages to look at me and nod.

I swallow hard. “That's right, my freaky peeps,” I say slowly.

“No, goddamn you! Say it like you mean it! Give it to them how you love it. Real raw and juicy!”

I glance back over at Nina. She's still on the phone with the police. She rushes to my desk and slides me a note asking for my address and saying the police want me to keep this chick on the phone, which I planned on doing anyway. I quickly jot down my address, and slide the note back to her.

I take a deep breath, then go into script, for Marika.

“That's right, my freaky peeps. Y-y'all heard it here. Live ‘n' direct. Ya boy ‘n' his wife got it in w-with this beauty on the line ‘n' wore her guts out. We brought her up to our hotel room, got between the sheets, and rocked her lights out, dug in all three holes…”

She moans. “Mmm. Tell them how good it was.”

I swallow. Right now, all I give a fuck about is doing and saying whatever the fuck I gotta to keep this broad from hurting Marika. So I go into explicit detail, reliving that whole night over the airwaves.