Between Loves (The Pendant Series Book 2) (13 page)

Chapter 18

Fall for You

Maybe it was stupid of me to go. I’m almost positive it was, but that’s me; always going against my better judgment when it came to Ray. He and I constantly entangled ourselves into a disastrous web of chaos, and we liked to fool ourselves into thinking it was a relationship. Sadly, I always ended up being the fly while he reigned supreme as the spider.

It had been six months since that night in front of the bar, and although I ended up losing the love of my life, I had gained my own identity. For the first time in two years, I was finding myself, I was finding happiness again.

This past summer, I had found my voice and in it I had also found my freedom. Was I ready to throw that all away and crawl back into my prison with Ray, into my own personal cell of loneliness and desperation?

Maybe it will be different this time
, I foolishly reasoned with myself.

I took a deep breath and started fanning my perfectly made-up face. I could feel myself hyperventilating as I stood in the lobby of the Fairmont Hotel.

My bff noticed. “Calm down, Sidney, you look fab. I made sure of that.”

Chrissy squeezed my hand as she whispered the words of encouragement to me.
It didn’t take much to convince her to come tonight. She had strongly maintained that the only reason she was taking this trip was to give Finn a piece of her mind, and insist that he never speak of their personal history again.

But I was Chrissy’s closest confidant and I knew that deep down, she loved every second of this drama. Being in the emotional spotlight is what this girl craved. She always had to be the center of attention in high school and now she was staring into the possibility of being the center of the universe.

“Where are you meeting Finn?”

She nodded to the left. “There’s a café around the corner. I told him to meet me there. I’m not trying to get all intimate like you and Ray.”

Chrissy said this while she eyed the entrance to the restaurant Ray had specified as our agreed upon destination. It was very intimate and at the same time, intimidating. I began to fan myself more aggressively now. Why was it so damn hot in here?

Chrissy tilted her head, giving me a look of dismay. “Calm down, Sidney. You look like you’re about to walk into your own firing squad. It’s just dinner and it’s just Ray.”

Her pep talk seemed to work and I took a deep breath and gave Chrissy a hug. We said our goodbyes and we both turned in opposite directions and headed to face our men.

But as soon as Chrissy disappeared all of my self-doubt began to return and I repressed the urge to run.

That was the old Sidney. The new Sidney doesn’t run away.

I took another deep breath and entered the restaurant. The place was packed and I knew that I could easily turn around and escape through the lobby doors before anyone ever noticed me. But I pushed myself forward and approached the greeter at the wooden pedestal. She was a small, petite blonde girl with wire rimmed glasses.

“Good evening, Miss. Do you have a reservation tonight?”

“I do. I believe it’s under Ray Ryker.”

As soon as I said his name, the blonde’s eyes shot up at me and gave me a once over as she sized me up. I silently prayed she didn’t recognize me from the tabloids. His fans hated me for supposedly breaking his heart.

She grabbed her yellow highlighter and searched the long list of names on the white sheet of paper in front of her.

“Ah, here we go. He reserved the best seat in the house for you. It must be a special occasion, hmm?” she said icily.

I smiled and reddened a bit but kept my lips shut. I wasn’t about to give anything away.

She grabbed two menus and turned toward the dining room. “Follow me, please.”

We walked past a large indoor fountain and weaved through the white pillars that gave the place a “Caesars Palace” sort of look. The dining room was decorated in shades of gold, white, and tan and in the center of the room was a giant dome ceiling with a massive crystal chandelier.

We crossed the dining floor and entered a smaller, quieter room. There was an older man wearing a black tuxedo tucked away in the corner playing softly on the piano. I spotted Ray and immediately all of those old feelings resurfaced. He stood up upon my arrival.

“You came,” he breathed, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. He stared only at me and I wondered if he even noticed the hostess that had brought me to him, even though her eyes followed Ray like a hawk, desperately trying to get him to notice her.

He looked perfect, as always. His blond hair was combed back, revealing his high forehead and big blue eyes. There was a slight darkness under his eyes which showed that he hadn’t been getting very much sleep. He also had a bit of stubble on his chin.

Somehow, even with the tired look, he looked older, more mature, and wiser. It was as if I was now staring at the adult version of Ray, no longer that self-centered kid that I knew six months ago.

I sat down in the chair across from him and he went back to his seat. The hostess went over the list of specials, talking only to Ray, and handed him our menus. He ignored the entrees and grabbed my hand, never allowing his eyes to leave mine. He told her to bring us a bottle of their most expensive wine. Of course she didn’t card him as she went off in pursuit of the vino; he was freakin’ Ray Ryker, for god’s sake.

He gave me a warm smile, “How are you? You look great, Sid, your hair’s different.”

How am I? I chomp prescription pills like they’re candy out of a Pez dispenser. All so that I can remain numb to the fact that you dropped me like a bad habit.

I gave him a sparkling, forced smile.

I nervously twirled my long brown curls in my hand and responded, “The benefit of having Chrissy as a roommate, I suppose.”

Taking a sip of the water that was already on the table, I added, “Thank you for the dress.”

He gripped my hand tighter.

Was he still allowed to do that?

I thought that right was revoked the night he left me on my own, banged, battered, and broken in front of the bar. He became a stranger to me that night, and had continued in that manner over the last six months.

Ray must have seen the dismay on my face because his grip loosened and he withdrew the intrusive hand.

“I’m sorry. It’s just habit, you know; touching you.”

I should have let him sweat and made him realize what he’d lost. The right to touch me was no longer his. But that was my ongoing problem with him; I never could deny Ray anything. Never could say no to him, and tonight proved to be no different.

I reached across the table and gripped his hand. “No, it’s fine really.” Forcing a smile, I squeezed his hand as a reassurance, even though I wasn’t so sure myself.

“We moved out of the mansion last week. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the clothes that were meant for you. Even though you never touched them, they still reminded me of you and I couldn’t let you go. So I packed them up and brought them with me.”

I ignored the fact that the closet only brought back the horrid images of Lilly exiting as she was wearing
my
dress. A woman never forgets that kind of memory.

“You look good too, Ray. I like your outfit, you look a little gangster.” I smiled. “Like a young Al Capone.” I giggled.

He was wearing a light blue dress shirt with a navy blue vest. A gold tie poked out from under the vest. With that outfit and the slicked back hair all I could think of was, “
Boardwalk Empire
.”

We sat in silence, not quite knowing what to say to each other so instead we just stared, both unable to believe that the other was sitting so close. It was like a dream, and it was quite ridiculous. I felt like a nervous school girl on my first prom. That’s how I felt in front of him now, like I was sitting on pins and needles as my stomach gurgled. I had known Ray since our freshman year of high school and we had been the best of friends. We knew each other so well that we could literally have a silent conversation with just our eyes. But now, as I was sitting across from him in this lavish San Francisco restaurant, wearing this costly blue dress, I couldn’t even muster up the courage to ask him to pass the salt.

I could feel the heat on my flushed face as I nervously tapped the side of my water glass, not quite sure where to place my hands, just knowing I had to keep them busy. I snuck a glance over at him and found that he was staring at me with those intense blue eyes. I shot my eyes back down to the white linen table cloth.

“What’s the matter, Sid?”

I stumbled for the right words before I just spit them out. “You make me nervous.”

Ray tilted his head to the side, looking slightly astonished. “Me?”

“Isn’t that crazy? I mean we’ve been together forever, but then again it seems like forever ago when I knew you.”

My analysis made me sad. It was as if by saying it out loud, it made it true. It confirmed the fact that we had become strangers in such a short time.

“It seems like these days I only know you through your music, which kind of makes me more your fan than anything else, and now I’m sitting across a candlelight dinner in some fancy restaurant with some rock star. Yeah it makes me nervous,” I concluded.

Ray sat back in the chair with his arms folded, staring at me in disbelief before bursting into uncontrollable laughter. “You can’t be serious, Sid.”

The pesky hostess returned, no longer wearing her eyeglasses, as if this new look would somehow grasp Ray’s attention. She carried with her a bottle of red wine and a basket of bread. She uncorked it, poured some into the glasses, and let Ray know that our server would be over momentarily.

Six months ago, I would have become a jealous maniac, demanding that Ray somehow fix the situation. But now, I only felt sorry for the little blonde girl who was making a complete fool of herself.

I didn’t know if the change in me came from all the growing up I had done, or from the confidence I felt from the way Ray was staring at me. He looked at me as if I were the only girl in the room. Of course there was no reason to be jealous. I held 100 % of his attention. Time spent apart did not alter my feelings for him. If anything, it intensified them. He looked so much better in person than I had ever imagined and the whole thing felt right. The puzzle pieces of my broken life were slowly fitting back together.

I grabbed my wine glass and quickly downed the contents. I needed something to take off this edge. Ray followed suit.

He must be just as nervous as I am
. I laughed to myself.

At that point, a pretty, petite girl with dirty blonde hair stepped up to our table. She probably was about my age and gorgeous.

“Ray Ryker?” she breathlessly asked.

Ray brought his heavenly blue eyes up to her and smiled his perfect smile as he extended his hand towards her.

“Oh my gosh,” she gushed, “I can’t even believe that I’m meeting you right now.” She squealed, completely ignoring the fact that she was interrupting dinner with his girlfriend, or whatever the hell I was.

She was so focused on Ray that I don’t think she ever saw me. Of course Ray was just eating up all of the attention as he signed her napkin and listened to her babble on about her tickets for his show tomorrow night at The Warfield Theater
.
He promised to look for her in the crowd and they hugged before she anxiously ran back to her group of friends waiting on the other side of the restaurant.

I looked over at Ray and wanted to slap the stupid look off of his face. I guess I was still that same jealous person I was before. Some things never change.

“What?” he asked, trying to sound innocent and failing miserably.

“See? That’s exactly what I mean. You’re no longer Ray, my high school sweetheart, now you’re Ray the hot musician with all sorts of pretty girls throwing themselves at you. I don’t know how to compete with that.”

“It was just an autograph, Sid,” Ray said quietly, trying not to turn this conversation into a spectacle, adding to the fact that the girls had their cell phones out, trying to snap a picture to capture the memory of their shallow lives.

The last thing Ray needed was another publicized fight with me. I sat back in my chair, staring at his face, trying hard to read his expression, but I failed. He was Mount Rushmore. The connection we had as kids was non-existent and I was staring at nothing more than a stranger.

I pointedly asked him, “What would you have done if I weren’t here tonight?”

Ray gave me a look of confusion. “Not following you, Sid,” he said as he ripped off a piece of French bread and stuffed it into his mouth.

I clarified for him. “If that girl approached you tonight and I wasn’t here. What do you think you would have done?”

“I would have signed her autograph.”

“Then what?”

Before Ray had time to answer, a nicely dressed waiter approached the table. He was wearing a black pinstriped suit with a matching silk tie. “Good evening. I presume Mademoiselle announced this evening’s special to you?” he asked in his French accent.