Betrayal (6 page)

She looked at him standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes on her right hand although now and again he glanced at her face. 'I don't think you're very good at this,' he said after a few moments. 'I might have to punish you again.'

Despite herself she began to cry and he watched the silent tears with satisfaction. 'I see you're getting the message.'

'I can't,' she whispered desperately. 'I'm no good at it.'

'Of course you can. Just think of something exciting. Some wealthy father from the kindergarten touching you up for the price of a pair of ear-rings. Come on, Lisa, use your imagination.'

It was hopeless. She tried but the more he frightened her the more impossible her task became. Eventually he sat down on the bed. 'You're right, you're useless. Would you like me to help you?'

She lay quite still, not daring to answer because she didn't know what he had in mind. 'Answer me!' he said furiously, reaching out and pinching her left nipple.

'Yes,' she murmured faintly, lacking the courage to say no. 'Please?'

'Yes please.'

'There's a good girl!' He put the whisky bottle down on the floor and bent his head, moving her hand to one side and using his tongue instead. For ages sheer terror kept her from responding but finally to her own amazement and despair she found that she was building to a climax and when she finally arched into the air, Toby plunged into her, laughing triumphantly.

Almost immediately he slumped semi-conscious on to her and because of the tights fastened round her ankles and left hand it was impossible to move him. She had to wait several hours before he surfaced into consciousness, and then he groaned and fumbled with the knots, apparently unaware of all that had gone on between them that night.

In the morning when she woke he'd already left for work but there was a note for her on the dining table. 'Sorry about last night, I suspect I got drunk. Can't remember much. Hope I didn't behave too badly. Have booked a table at Langan’s Brasserie for 8 p. m. just in case I did. P.S. I love you.'

Tearing up the note, she wondered where they went from here.

Chapter Five

Lisa slept for most of the day but awoke at four and decided to shower and choose a dress for their dinner. It seemed safer for them to go out. She was still nervous after last night, and if they were going to talk about what had happened she wanted plenty of people around to keep Toby under control.

Her face was bruised, although nothing that careful make-up wouldn't conceal, and her breasts still ached where he'd struck her, but apart from that all the damage was mental. He'd terrified and humiliated her when she was most vulnerable, and quite obviously she couldn't continue their affair because she'd never be able to let him make love to her again.

Placing a hand gently on her stomach she thought about the baby, and after whispering to it not to worry, she turned on the shower. Whatever happened she was going to love this baby with all her heart, with all the love she'd never been able to give to anyone else; it would grow up knowing that regardless of what it did she'd always be there. She'd be the most perfect mother any child could ask for. It wouldn't even miss it's father because they'd have such a wonderful life together.

Still daydreaming unrealistically, she wandered around applying makeup, perfume, a heated brush to her hair and all the other necessities for ensuring that she looked her best. Toby wasn't going to see how terrified she was, but he'd soon know that she was angry.

He was unusually quiet when he got home. Touching her bruised cheekbone lightly with one hand, he frowned but apart from that gave no indication that he remembered the night's violence. It was only when they were half way through the main course in the restaurant that he plucked up the courage to speak.

'What happened?' he asked quietly. 'What did I do?' 'You got drunk.'

'I'm sorry, I should have warned you that I used to have a drink problem, but I thought it was cured. I went to one of those clinics and dried out. Since then I've been O.K.'

'Well, you weren't last night,' she said stonily. 'My head told me that! What happened?' 'Happened?'

'Yeah. Don't go all mysterious on me, Lisa. I know that when I drink I get violent, and despite your careful efforts with the foundation I can see that your face is bruised. Tell me exactly what I did.'

She told him everything, very quietly but in graphic detail, sparing him nothing. Only when she had finished did she look across the table at him, and was astounded to see that he was crying. 'I can't believe it,' he murmured. ‘I mean, to you of all people. The first woman I've… '

'Loved?'

'Yes!'

'Well you know what I think about that word.'

'But I do, Lisa, even if it's not what you want to hear.'

'You've got a funny way of showing it. Just coffee, please,' she added to a hovering waiter.

'What can I say?'

'Not a lot. I got the feeling you really hated me.'

'That's stupid! Sometimes I resent you. You're so much sharper than I am. You've always got a clever answer, you know about books and serious theatre, things I'm not even interested in, and sometimes that makes me feel a bit inadequate - but I don't hate you! As for the baby, well… '

'You don't have to worry about the baby. I'll move out as soon as I can find somewhere else to live. I promise I won't turn up on your doorstep with a little bundle wrapped in a snow-white shawl; neither will I sell my story to a newspaper, however desperate I may be for money!'

'I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. In fact, I want us to get married.’

'No way, Toby. I don't trust you any more.'

'It won't happen again, you've got my word on that. I won't drink at all, not even a glass of wine. How's that? It's what I should have done before but I thought . . . well, it's what all alcoholics think, isn't it?'

'How would I know? There aren't any in my family.'

He reached across the table and took hold of her hand. 'You've got every right to be annoyed with me, and frightened too I should think, but at least let me have another chance. We'll continue living together until the baby's born, and then if you feel that I'm O.K. perhaps we could marry later on. Surely I've got the right to one more try. It is my baby too.'

Lisa shook her head. 'Let's go back. I'm tired and I need to sleep.' 'Of course.'

Back at the maisonette, he tucked her carefully in bed and then lay by her side, watching her sleep. He didn't want to lose her, although he wasn't as pleased about the baby as he'd made out, but he was willing to put up with that as long as he kept Lisa.

In the middle of the night she had a nightmare, hitting out blindly at him when he tried to comfort her. He knew why, and hated himself for what he'd done. Never again, he vowed. He'd never strike her again.

Next morning Lisa sat down and considered her options. There weren't many. She could try and find herself a small flat using the money from her possessions to pay the rent, but that money wouldn't last very long and with the baby becoming more and more obvious the kindergarten were unlikely to keep her on.

She could also ask Stephanie about her trust fund. It seemed amazing that Simon had found the time to cancel out the fund between her leaving home and his death, yet according to the solicitor there was no mention of it.

She could also stay where she was. Toby had talked to her for over an hour before he left for work, promising yet again that he wouldn't touch alcohol any more. Assuring her it had been one isolated incident and entirely out of character.

The trouble was, she needed to believe him. She didn't want her baby to live in a small, badly heated room, growing up without any garden and with a mother out working most days. She wanted time to love the baby, enjoy seeing it grow, and above all to be with it. This baby would have everything she'd missed. Staying with Toby seemed the only practical solution for the moment.

When she told him that she'd give him one more chance, he was positively ecstatic, his relief seeming quite out of proportion. It was almost as though he were under pressure to keep her with him, except she knew that was impossible because she didn't have anyone left who cared.

They went out celebrating at Annabel's and had their photo taken, Toby even going so far as to tell the reporter that Lisa was expecting and hinting that marriage was imminent. She thought it amazing considering he was only drinking mineral water.

For several months it worked reasonably well. Toby's popularity grew until it became difficult for them to eat out, since he was mobbed by hordes of young girls and a few not so young ones. At parties too he became the centre of attention for all the attractive models and small-part actresses anxious to be photographed on his arm. By now Lisa was bulky and preferred to stay in the background. Occasionally she saw women slip Toby their telephone numbers, or follow him out of a room, returning later with such a complacent look on their faces that she wondered if he'd given them the benefit of one of his quick performances that left her totally unaroused but were part of the new pattern of their lives.

She minded, but not as much as she should have done. It was humiliating to stand around on her own wondering what he was up to, trying to ignore the sympathetic glances of some of the other men, but if she'd truly loved him it would have been unbearable and she knew this. As it was, she simply pretended it wasn't happening.

Once or twice she challenged him, but he always denied anything had happened. 'You can't believe I'd be unfaithful upstairs while you were downstairs on your own!' he laughed, his blue eyes full of synthetic charm.

'I believe you're capable of it,' she said coolly.

'In that case, I'm surprised you don't make a scene.'

'They're not taking anything I want!' she retorted swiftly, and saw his face darken.

'No, they're bloody well not, are they? You don't like me near you any more. You're always too tired, or too nauseous. It's hardly surprising if I do… It wouldn't be surprising if I did… '

'If you keep practising,' said Lisa furiously, 'you might get it down to under three minutes.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'That I might be a great deal keener if you spent a little longer over our lovemaking. You obviously think that foreplay's going out of fashion.'

'I see,' he said slowly. 'So now I'm not even any good at that.' 'You don't do much for me any more; I assume it's quite nice from your point of view?'

'Have you looked at yourself lately?' he asked aggressively. 'It's hardly surprising I don't want to spend hours poring over your body, is it? Frankly, you're a bit of a turn-off.'

'This lump isn't due to over-eating!' she shouted. 'I can't help my shape. It's your baby in there, and I'm beginning to think its head is as large as yours.'

For a moment they glared at each other, then Toby lifted his right hand and hit her with a casual backhand flip across the mouth. Even as the salty blood from her split lip trickled into her mouth he turned and left the flat.

Lisa sank down on the settee, holding a handkerchief to her mouth. She knew that she was to blame. She'd deliberately taunted him, hitting out at any area where she felt he was vulnerable, and why? Because she didn't know why she was with him. Because the sexual chemistry which had brought them together, and the emotional elation that had kept their relationship charged up, had died on her. They had nothing in common left.

She couldn't talk to him. He wasn't interested in anything except his career and the frivolous side of show business. He wouldn't even go to watch the R.S.C. or take her to the opera. Television was his god. It had made him famous and was the beginning and end of his world. He was also starting to believe his own publicity, losing his own identity in that of his character.

She understood all this and knew it wasn't uncommon, but it wasn't the kind of life she wanted. Yet she didn't know how to get out. Finally, she went to bed, swallowing one of Toby's sleeping pills as an afterthought.

When she awoke she felt muzzy headed. The room was still dark, but two of the corner lamps were on and the bedside clock said 4 a.m. The pill was making it impossible for her to wake up fully, but she was aware of Toby standing next to her.

'Awake?' he said politely.

'Not really. I took one of your pills and… ' She let her eyes close again.

He shook her by the shoulder. 'Wake up, I've got a surprise for you.'

She forced open her heavy lids and looked up at him. 'Can't it wait?' Someone in the room laughed, and it wasn't Toby. 'Who's that?' she asked nervously, pulling the duvet round her shoulders.

'Just a friend. We thought we'd see if we could satisfy you between us. I explained that I'm not enough of a man any more.'

'You're drunk again!'

'I've had a few, but I'm not drunk. You must remember Roger; he plays my partner.'

Now her brain was beginning to clear. 'Get him out of here,' she cried.

'That's not nice. Roger gave up a very attractive blonde to come and see you. He doesn't even mind about the baby. He rather likes big women, and you're certainly big, aren't you, Lisa!' As he spoke he pulled the duvet off the bed.

Lisa screamed and dived for a sweatshirt but Toby caught hold of her round the waist. 'Naughty! Let Roger have a good look. Come on, Roger. See what a big girl Lisa's grown into!'

Roger advanced towards the bed. Slightly below six feet tall and with a baby face, he looked the picture of innocence until you studied his eyes, which were tired and old. At twenty-three, Roger had done it all, or so he'd thought until tonight. This was something different, and high on drugs and alcohol he was beginning to feel a tingle of excitement at last.

'Hi, Lisa! Nice to see you again.' He gave another giggle, and she shivered with terror as Toby settled himself behind her on the bed, holding her tightly so that she couldn't wrench away from Roger's touch. 'She likes a lot of foreplay,' explained Toby. 'She was complaining earlier about my speedy technique. Are you good at foreplay, Roger?' He laughed, catching hold of both her legs before she could kick out, and with Toby holding her waist while Roger imprisoned her legs there was absolutely nothing that she could do.

It was like a nightmare. She wished that she hadn’t taken the sleeping pill. It had slowed down her already dulled reflexes and made it impossible for her to think quickly enough. After what seemed hours, Roger lifted his head.

'I think she's ready!' he exclaimed, nearly falling across her body. 'Stop it!' she shouted, beginning to cry as she felt Roger's fingers on her. 'Please, please leave me alone. Just go away, both of you.

Haven't you done enough? I can't… '

Toby lifted his head. 'You're not very grateful, Lisa. We thought you liked all this.'

'You're an animal!' she screamed. 'You must be insane. I only wish your fans could see you now.'

'Castrating bitch,' he muttered as he lifted himself above her, thrusting into her so hard that she was terrified for the baby. As she twisted and turned, trying to protect her stomach, flash bulbs suddenly exploded relentlessly around her. She screamed again, but Roger only smiled.

'Don't worry. It's just a friend taking a few snaps in case you try and run out on poor Toby here, who wants you to marry him.'

'I wouldn't marry him if they paid me a million pounds!' she spat out furiously and then realised with despair that although Toby had finished, Roger was going to take his turn. The realisation was too much for her and she finally lost consciousness.

Without her hatred and terror the excitement died away for both men. Finally they stood by the bed, looking down at her tear-stained face, her eyes now closed, her hair matted with sweat, and abruptly Toby realised what he'd done.

'Christ, Roger, suppose we've damaged the baby?'

'Don't be stupid, we didn't hurt her. We only gave her a good workout, like you said she wanted. Besides, you needed the photos, didn’t you?'

'Did I? I can't seem to remember… '

'You said she won't marry you, but if you threaten to have these published then she won't dare refuse and risk the publicity. That's what you told me. Because of her parents and some scandal they were in? You said she'd never be able to face that sort of thing.'