Beneath the Dover Sky (19 page)

“So then it means something to you when I say these things?”

“Means something?”

“It matters to you that I care about you?”

Albrecht gazed at her. “Of course! I’ve always liked you…only there was this sadness in your eyes—you were like a dark moth. I did not know if it could be chased away or by what means a person could help cause it to vanish.”

“So is it gone?”

He nodded. “For the most part. I’m not sure if it was the mountain air, or your son taking to the white horses, or the Swiss cooking and chocolate, or—”

She kicked him with her bare foot, a bit harder this time. “Stop it!” she commanded before laughing. “I’m serious.”

“So am I. All those things bless a person and take one out of tunnels and caves. I’m at a loss to say what I may have done that I had not already done to encourage you to be intrigued with me. The same old flirting, the same old teasing, the old-world Prussian charm. Nothing was new here in Pura. In fact, there was less of it because I was so caught up in writing the book.”

“Well, I suppose that was why. I was captured by your devotion to a cause. I was fascinated by what I read, chapter after chapter that you translated into English because you cared so much what I thought. Only an extraordinary man can write this well, this profoundly, this passionately. I have feelings for you because the book allowed me to read your heart.”

“Is this another card you’re playing?”

“It may be another card, but all my cards mean something, Herr Hartmann.” She drew a circle on his pants-covered leg with her toe. “I feel quite like a young woman of twenty-one again when I’m here with you. I wanted to leave a dungeon behind and get out into the light of day, and I did! I thank God in my prayers every night for your invitation to come here. My late husband may be in heaven, but I haven’t been anywhere remotely close—until this winter and spring.” She pushed her toe against his leg. “It wasn’t just the snow and the mountains and the sunshine and fresh air, Herr Hartmann. Or the cooking or the Lindt chocolate. It was
you
.”

Her eyes took on a golden light Albrecht had never seen.

“I want you to come to Dover Sky, my theologian. I want you to come as my man as well as my writer and my professor. Will you do that? Or is Berlin more important? Is Tubingen more important?”

He breathed out noisily. “What a bomb you drop on my head! I can scarcely think.”

“Good!”

“Good?”

“If I didn’t matter to you one way or the other, what I’ve just said wouldn’t have knocked you off your stride. Is that not true? I care about you, Albrecht. It matters a great deal to me that I see you also care about me. That I affect you.” She stood up. “Come with me, please.”

“Pardon me?”

“Can I make it any plainer?
Komme mit, bitte
.” She glanced out the window and saw that the white stallion with her son astride was far away, moving along the lakeshore. She held out her hand. “It will only take a moment, and then you can get back to your book.”

“I wonder if I will be able to do that. Are you going to play another card?”

“I expect I might. Don’t be afraid of me, Albrecht. I want you—I need you—at Dover Sky by my side, that’s all. A very simple need, really.”

Gripping his hand she led him down the hall towards the study where he worked. Books were stacked everywhere, and his desk was overflowing with paper. They’d hardly stepped through the doorway when she turned and pushed him up against the wall.

“This is my final card. Are you coming to Dover Sky?” She narrowed her eyes. “Why do you have those glasses on again? Did you think we were going to read a book?”

“I wasn’t sure what we were going to do.”

She removed the glasses, reached back her arm and placed them on the desk. “It won’t take you long to understand my intention, professor. Believe me.” She placed her hands on both sides of his face and ran her thumbs over his skin. “When was the last time you shaved?”

“Sunday…for church.”

“Five days. I don’t mind.” She rubbed hard against his cheekbones. “This won’t hurt, I promise.” Her lips brushed his, and then she pressed against him with more force before pulling away. “You see?”

He caught his breath. “Is that all, Lady Catherine?”

“No, it’s not, Professor Hartmann.”

She tugged his head towards hers. This kiss was stronger, and she didn’t release her grip on his face or stop pressing in with her thumbs. Breaking away a second time, she took the measure of him through his eyes.

“Do you understand me?” she asked him.

“I think so,
ja
.”

“Because this is my ace.” She leaned forward and kissed him again. When she finished, she continued to grip his face in her hands.

Albrecht felt warm and tired and weak.

“I haven’t felt this way about a man in a long time,” she said.

“You surprise me, Lady Catherine.”

“I hope I do.” She smiled. “You do look a little flushed.” She kissed him softly, letting her lips linger near his when she was finished. “Four of a kind,” she whispered.

“Yes?”

“I’m alive again, and I’m not going to die if I can help it. No more sitting alone in the dark. Will you help me with that?”

“
Ja
.”

“Will you?”

“
Ja—ich helfe. Yes, I will
.”

“Then we’re agreed. We will go to Dover Sky. And if there is more work to do on your book, we’ll do it there.” She kissed him gently. “And if there is more work to do on us, we will do it there also.”

He finally raised his arms up and around her, pulling her in with a sudden burst of strength that made her inhale sharply.

“That is my prayer,” he replied. “May God answer it!”

She caught her breath and ran her fingers over his lips. “Oh, He’s answering it,
Herr Hartmann
.”

8

June, 1925

Dover Sky

A rap on the door was followed by a woman’s voice calling, “Christelle? Are you all right?”

“I’ll only be a minute,
Maman
.”

“Please, dear, let us not stand on ceremony in a bedroom. I’m Mum to all my daughters-in-law and sons-in-law, especially when your own mother and father could not be here.” She opened the door a crack. “May I help you? Everyone is wondering where the birthday girl has gotten to.”

Christelle braced one hand against the bed and held the other over her stomach as she fought a wave of pain. “
Oui, oui, je suis désolée
, you needn’t come in. I’ll be right down.”

Lady Preston stepped inside. “It’s no trouble. Do you—” She saw Christelle bent over and rushed to her side. “What is it, dear? What’s happening to you?”

“Just a stomachache, nothing more. I’ve been having severe cramps when my time of month comes since Easter—” She suddenly drew in her breath sharply. “
Oh, mon Dieu, aie miséricorde. J’ai besoin de ton aide et puissance
…” she prayed through a moan.

Lady Preston gripped Christelle’s hands. “Squeeze mine. Go ahead. I’m years younger than my husband, and my bones are still strong.”

“
Non, non
.”

“Go ahead! I am not fine china. I won’t break.” She winced slightly as Christelle tightened her grip. “That’s fine. Go on. I’m fine,” she encouraged.

“
Non, Maman
.”

“I’m fine. Let me help.” Lady Preston shook her head as Christelle doubled up again. “It’s not cramps, is it? And it’s not this bug you say you’ve been fighting all winter and spring.”

“Yes, of course it is—it’s both. I only need another minute.”

“No one in the family believes you. We don’t know what it is, but it’s certainly not the flu or an ordinary illness.” Her eyes were sharp. “Back at Ashton Park I talked to the doctor about you.”

“What?”

“He was tight-lipped. No amount of threatening or pleas could get him to speak. He cited physician–patient confidentiality and a lot of rubbish. I told him, “Listen, every month she is thinner—and she was thin enough to begin with. Something is making her waste away, something serious. What is it?”

“He didn’t—he didn’t tell you though?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“By his very evasiveness, the doctor has convinced William and me that whatever it is it must be very bad indeed—worse than we had feared. And seeing you like this makes me quite afraid. Is it your heart? Is it your stomach or intestines? Come, my dear, we love you. You are family. Please don’t continue to leave us in the dark. Do you think you’re sparing us some pain? Seeing you this way doubles and triples my anxiety. Please tell me what’s happening to you.”

“
Non, Maman
. I will, but not yet.”

Lady Preston put her arms around the young woman until the spasms ceased. “Please, Christelle, listen to me. Kipp is saying nothing even though he looks like death with his worry over you. Ben has told us you must be using opiates. He saw a bottle at your house once. I chose to ignore him.”

“
Non, non
.”

“I’ve been worried. I’ve seen the way you…well, the way you drift in your speech now and then, and even more over the past few months. Once or twice your eyes were different—your pupils were so small—when you spoke with me.”

Christelle sank her head against Lady Preston’s shoulder. “
Maman
, do not be mad at the doctor or Kipp. I did not want anyone to know. I didn’t want to be placed in the hospital to die. I wished to be among all of you and for everything to be as normal as possible for as long as possible.”

“To
die
? What is wrong with you? What has the doctor said? With the proper treatment and medicine, you will get better, will you not?”

“No,
Maman
. It is cancer.”

Lady Preston’s body stiffened. “How long have you known this?”

“Since the fall.”

“Why…why on earth did you keep this a secret? It should have been operated on long ago. It should have been cut out.”

“They could not,
Maman
. Even back then it was growing all through me. It would be—how do you say it?
Etriper un poisson
, like gutting a fish.”

Lady Preston’s eyebrows darted inward. “The doctor said that?”

“
Non
, he was very polite, but that is what he meant. He said the surgery would kill me. So I said, ‘Tell no one. Keep this in strictest confidence. Let me live as ordinary a life as possible for as long as possible.’ He reluctantly agreed and prescribed opiates for the pain. He has been most kind.”

“He lied to us.”

“
Non
, Doctor Pittmeadow did what I wished and what a physician must do,
Maman
. It was between him and me, correct? He had no choice. Please do not be angry.”

“Still we can do something, check out more options and new treatments.”

Christelle kissed her on the cheek right where she’d spotted a tear slowly making its way to her mother-in-law’s chin. “You can pray,
Maman
. And you can go back out to the party with me. It is time for the children to have cake and ice cream. I want to hold Victoria and
Jeremy’s baby boy, sweet Timothy. Please help me enjoy those I love. If we talk about the cancer now, it will ruin the day. Tomorrow or the day after I will tell the family. But not now. Not today. I want this day to be special and joyful.”

“How long—how long do you have then?”

“The doctor said six to eight months last fall—if I am lucky…if I am blessed. So I am happy to still be here.”

“When did you tell Kipp?”

“Last month.”

“He is not doing well with what you told him.”

Christelle bit her lip. “
Non
. He is angry with God and angry with life.” She shrugged one shoulder. “And angry with Lady Caroline.”

“With Caroline? Why?”

“Because of me again. I am doing all these things and making all these decisions for when I am no longer here, and he is not happy with them.”

“What have you said to him?”

“That I adore Caroline. That our children get along so well. That there was a time he loved her, and I believe he still has love for her. I want him to marry her,
Maman
. I want them to become husband and wife and raise our children after I am gone.”

“Marriage!”

She took Lady Preston’s hands. “I trust her. I do not want Kipp to be with someone I’ve never met. I do not want Matthew to be raised by a stranger. Kipp is fighting me on this, but this is so much what I want for him. Can you help me?”

“Oh Christelle!”

“Will you help me,
Maman
?”

“Child, child, I don’t think Kipp will listen to anyone if he is as angry and upset as he seems. He is long past the age when he will happily listen to his mother’s counsel, especially when it goes against his will. I don’t like to even think about him being wed to a woman other than you. This is much to take in so quickly…far too quickly. I see it matters to you though. If it will put you at some measure of ease, I will speak with him. Caroline is a wonderful girl and, yes, there was a
time William and I were sure Caroline and Kipp would be husband and wife. I’m astonished you are the one who wants to bring the two of them together again.”