I blamed Cole. Seeing him last night had stirred up my feelings, brought what I tried to bury deepest closer to the surface. He affected me like no one ever before.
And I blamed Sam. All that talk about heaven and its beauty and peace, it made me remember where I came from.
I smiled. Blaming men made me feel a little better. My stomach rumbled and I figured since I was going to be staying here, I might as well get some groceries and supplies. It’d been a long time since I stayed anywhere that I could cook.
I stepped into a pair of jeans, tucked in the front part of my shirt, pulled on my boots, and zipped my coat around myself. Before leaving, I grabbed my phone and some cash out of my bag and closed the apartment door behind me. Instead of flashing myself to the nearest store, I decided to walk, enjoying the crisp morning air. A few blocks later, I came to a coffee house that I knew Heven often went to so I decided to grab a cup of coffee and a bagel before heading to the grocery store. I was about half a block away when the door to the place swung open, the strong aroma of coffee drifting out into the street, and I took a deep breath. It smelled so good.
But my enjoyment was short-lived because right after the scent came two people. Cole. And Kimber. I froze, not wanting them to see me but unable to move. Cole held the door until Kimber was completely out of the café. She had both her hands wrapped around a paper cup with a black lid. He let go of the door as she lifted the cup to her lips, taking a small sip. I heard her make a sound of appreciation and Cole’s lips pulled back into a smile. He said something to her, but I didn’t hear what it was, and she smiled. He was wearing dark jeans, a pair of brown boots, and a jacket with a number on it, a number I assumed was his for football.
The pair walked across the street where Cole’s truck was parked at the curb. He opened the driver’s side and Kimber climbed in, sliding all the way over, and then he jumped in and slammed the door behind him. I watched as he pulled away from the curb and drove off down the street. Someone bumped into me, but I barely heard their apology as I started moving again.
He seemed happy. His happiness should make me happy.
It didn’t.
* * *
I didn’t expect to hear the knock on the front door so when it sounded, I stood there for long moments, wondering what to do.
Answer the door, dummy,
the voice in my head intoned.
I set down the knife I was using to chop vegetables and made the few steps to the door. The only person it could be was Sam, probably stopping by to see how I was liking his place. I swung the door open, smiling, and said, “You don’t have to knock, you know…” But my words dropped away when I saw it wasn’t Sam.
“Good, next time I’ll just let myself in,” Cole said, smiling.
“I thought you were Sam,” I said, gripping the handle a little tighter than I had to.
He nodded. “Does that mean I can’t come in?”
His hair was slightly damp and it was messier than usual, sticking up like he’d been running his hands through it. He was wearing the same jeans and coat from this morning, and he was clutching a set of keys in his hand. He didn’t wait for me to answer but slid past me and stepped in the apartment so there was nothing left for me to do but close the door behind us.
When I turned around he was stripping off his jacket to reveal a snug-fitting long-sleeved red T-shirt. I tried not to stare at the muscles in his back as he tossed the coat on the back of the couch.
“Are you cooking?” he said, looking into the tiny kitchen.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked.
“Sam told me at school today.”
Of course he did.
“I figured since you didn’t call me back I’d stop by,” he replied, going over to the kitchen to lift the lid of the pot on the stove. “I’m starving.”
I walked into the space and shooed him away from the pot to use my spoon to stir the pasta sauce. Then I grabbed a plate off the counter and heaped some spaghetti noodles on it, adding a healthy ladle of tomato sauce over top. Then I handed the plate and a fork to Cole.
“I wouldn’t want you to starve to death.” I couldn’t help but tease.
He shoved a huge forkful in his mouth while standing there and made a bunch of noises around the food as he chewed.
“Go sit,” I said, laughing and pointing at the chair and table only steps away. He listened, and I went back to chopping up some vegetables for a salad. I liked having something to do instead of just sitting at the table where all I would do was stare.
I was surprised when he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to shove another bite in his mouth. I tossed a bunch of the veggies into a bowl of lettuce and delivered that to him as well. He made a sound of appreciation when I sat it down.
“Thanks. I had practice after school and it always makes me hungry.”
“Why didn’t you go home to eat?” I asked.
He set his fork down and looked at me. “I wanted to see you.”
I went back to make a salad for myself. “I saw you with Kimber this morning.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth I wanted to snatch them back. I had no idea where they came from.
His fork made a clattering sound against his plate and I heard the legs of his chair scrape the floor. I kept my back turned, not wanting to see the look on his face. Seconds later, I felt his hands on my shoulders. I stiffened but didn’t pull away as he turned me around to face him.
He bent slightly to stare right into my eyes. “There’s
nothing
between Kimber and me.”
“There used to be.”
“There used to be something between you and Callum.” He countered without heat.
My stomach dropped about two inches at the mention of the man for which I gave up heaven. “Callum is dead,” I said tightly.
“And if he wasn’t?”
I pulled away and put some distance between us. I wasn’t about to tell Cole that even if Callum were alive I would still be drawn to him. I wasn’t about to admit that my heart never beat for Callum the way it does for him right now.
“So he was it for you, huh?” Cole said, mistaking my silence for something it wasn’t. “He’s always going to be between us.”
“Callum isn’t between us,” I said, hating the idea that he would think my heart could belong to anyone but him. “You…” I glanced at him and he arched an eyebrow, almost daring me to finish my sentence. “You’re the only one I see.”
Something in his eyes flared and he stepped toward me, but I stepped back and shook my head.
He sighed. “I’ve just been spending some extra time with Kimber. Being trapped down there… in hell…” He glanced up. “She needs me right now.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice enough to say anything else about Kimber.
“I didn’t come here to talk about Kimber. Or Callum,” he said. “Our conversation last night was interrupted and I want to finish it.”
“What’s the point?” I said, going back over to chop more carrots. “It won’t change anything.” The knife made a loud banging sound every time it hit the cutting board.
He came up behind me and took it out of my hand, tossing it in the sink. “Then it won’t matter what you tell me, will it?”
“Being with me will taint you!” I burst out. If he wanted the truth so bad, I would let him have it. Being this close to him was painful so I decided to tell him what he wanted so he would go.
“Taint me?” he asked in a way that made it seem silly.
I sighed. “You’re a Supernal Being, Cole. That means that when you die, you’ll get to keep your body. You might even be assigned a job, by God.”
“And?”
“And being with me—a
fallen
angel—will taint you. It could get you stripped of your body, possibly even cast from heaven. Your entire eternal life is at risk.”
“They would kick me out of heaven for loving you?” he asked incredulously.
“It’s possible.”
“So you don’t know?”
“I got kicked out of heaven for loving the wrong person,” I snapped. He made it sound like I didn’t know anything.
“But you weren’t supposed to love anyone other than God. You weren’t considered a human.”
I moved past him out of the kitchen and toward the couch. This room seemed awfully small all of a sudden.
“I might be a Supernal Being, but I’m also a human. Aren’t humans allowed to love?”
“Not me!” I cried. “You aren’t supposed to love me!”
“Well, that’s too damn bad.” He took a few steps so he was standing right in front of me. I refused to look at his face. Instead, I stared into the solid wall of his chest. “Because I already do.”
A sound, could’ve been a sob, broke from my chest, and I think I might have swayed a little on my feet. He reached around me and pulled my braid over my shoulder, sliding off the band at the end and tossing it away. Slowly, he worked his fingers through the hair until it twisted free and fell in heavy waves around my shoulders. I could hear nothing in the room but the sound of my own heart pounding erratically in my chest. It filled my ears and drowned out every other sound.
Then he buried both hands deeply into the waves, almost as if he were trying to tangle his fingers in the mass so I couldn’t get away, and then he tilted my head up so I had no choice but to look at him.
His voice was soft, like he was confiding a secret that no one else knew, when he said, “You cannot stop me from loving you, Gemma. I already do. I love you so much that sometimes I can barely see.”
My eyes closed, shutting off the way his searched mine, because if I looked at him one moment longer, I wasn’t sure what I would say. His lips captured mine and I surrendered beneath them. He was warm and insistent. The way his lips moved over mine built some kind of delicious pressure somewhere inside me, and it drove me closer. I wanted closer.
He made a sound in the back of his throat as he untangled his hands from my hair and wrapped them around my waist, lifting me up so my legs could wind themselves around his middle and my hands could bury themselves in the softness of his hair.
The passion that erupted between us was unlike anything I’d ever known, and I would never be the same again. When I could think again, I would realize that I would never again miss my wings, I would never again miss heaven, because this kiss, his hands, his skin, and his body were the only things I would ever want again.
I didn’t even know we were moving until he sat down on the couch, with me firmly in his lap and my legs still locked around his waist. He never, not once, stopped kissing me, and the way his tongue tangled with mine made something inside me sing with delight.