Being Celeste (14 page)

“What if he likes you?” said Kate, grabbing
me by the shoulders. I was afraid that she would knock me over.

But what a question she had asked me. I had
never had to answer such a question before. “Who, Thabang?” I paused, thinking
about the possibility, my heart getting a jolt of excitement. “No! He doesn’t
like me.” My voice was all weird and mellow. “Besides, it’s his friend I’m
interested in.”

“Celeste, you’ve got to be kidding me!
Can’t you see the signs, he is into you, big time!”

“No he’s not.” I caught a glimpse of my reflection
on the mirror that was on one of the boutique walls and my heart went from
excitement to disgust. I immediately lost the will to participate in my talk
with Kate and where it was going. “Even if there was the slightest
possibility,” I continued, “Guys like him, don’t even think twice about girls
like me. He wouldn’t be caught dead with a fat nobody.”

Kate looked rather disappointed at what I
had said. “You know what, Celeste?”

No.

Kate dragged me to the mirror and placed me
in front. “Maybe I
do
need to take my glasses off this time. I’m only
going to tell you this once because I think that’s how much it should take for
you to hear and understand it. Celeste you are a strong and beautiful woman; a
ten out of ten even. Look at your face, it’s fresh and warm and gorgeous. You
may be a little over weight, but that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for
anyone. The only thing that will separate you from the rest, and make a catch
like Taboka notice your beauty, is confidence. You seem to be forgetting that.”
Kate leaned over and hugged me from behind.

I tried to see what she was talking about,
but it was difficult. There was no point in getting me all hyped up for
disappointment, something I was used to. I’m not worthy enough for a boy’s
attention as fat as I am, it’s impossible. That’s why I am still single, at
this age. Besides, Kate was only saying those things because she was supposed
to, as my best friend. I love her so much for always having my back. But she
was wrong. I was a
one
out of ten, even half. I always sang the song to
her, but I was far from being confident. The only way I would be confident was
if I lost all my extra weight and found myself able to walk out wearing a
pretty dress and feel pretty.

I spent the evening on the couch with mum,
watching programs on the local channel. Even though I thought of myself a
disgusting fat pig, I am still human. So the notion which Kate had planted in
my mind was just hovering in there, like a disease. All I could think about was
Thabang and the fact that he could have feelings for me. So I began playing a
game in the world of possibilities. I started asking myself what I would do, if
it were true. Would I actually go out with Thabang if he professed his love for
me? Then I really began seeing him in another light, a light which I used to
give to Taboka. The light which shone on him in every positive way, I thought
he was gorgeous. I could hear my mother trying to get my attention by making
comments on a drama that was playing on television. It was all Kate’s fault.
She couldn’t just let me live and remain ignorant to Thabang’s possible
feelings. It was wrong for me to think like that. This was exactly what Kate
and I were trying to run away from, doting over guys who hardly knew of our
existence. Human feelings or not, it was wrong of me to be confused by
something that may not exist. The sitting room was very chilly and I was
wrapped in the same blanket with my mother, on the couch, pretending to be
listening to the program playing on the television. My father was at his second
home, the cattle post. I wonder how he survives the cold, and the quiet, being
all out with nature, all alone.

“Celeste darling, could you please make us
some tea?” said mum.

Shoot me now! Can’t a girl think in peace?

“No that’s okay mum, I don’t want tea,” I
replied, snuggling deeper into the blanket we were both wearing. I should have
listened to the little voice in my head earlier, telling me to excuse myself to
my room. This way, I would have avoided my tea making duties.

My mother gave me a terrible look. I shot
up and hurried to the kitchen to make
us
some tea.

Kate has been gone
for three days now. It was a lonely weekend, I have to admit. She called as
soon as she arrived in the city and at the hotel she was staying at. The whole
time we were screeching at each other through the phone from excitement. She’ll
be back on Friday, and I can’t wait. Of course I’ll have to hear all about her
experience, everything. Those were my instructions for her. So it was a lonely
morning where I had to open up the boutique. It kind of gave me a glimpse of
life without Kate. I feel absolutely lost.

I did however have an interesting morning
at the gym. All in the freezing cold, I had an interesting morning, filled with
boys from the soccer team...well
a
boy. Thabang came over and told me he
found out that my name was Celeste, Steve told him. I didn’t know how to feel
about him coming all the way over to me, to tell me that he knew my name. It’s
as if I dared him to go and find it. Then it hit me, maybe Kate was right and
Thabang had feelings for me. I was absolutely pleased with myself, my
accomplishment. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, but I was on the fast
lane to the clouds, where I found my head already checking in and having a
drink. It was great.

“So Celeste, what are you up to today?” he
said, smiling like the friendly person he is.

My heart sank to my stomach. Was he about
to ask me out? I think my head started floating beyond the clouds, making me a
little light headed. I thought I was going to faint. But I couldn’t. Taboka was
right next to him, checking out the muscles on his arms, well what was supposed
to be muscles. At that point again, I began wondering why I was so obsessed with
him. He was so boring and rude and self obsessed. He didn’t even say
hi
to me. At least he should have done it because his friend was talking to me.
Where are his manners? I only tolerate him now because he’s still so good
looking. But I snapped out of my million thoughts to pay attention to the man
who wanted a piece of Celeste. Look at that smile, just for me. I whipped him a
smile of my own and flashed the pearly whites. I think there was a little tear
at the corner of my eye, just there from how proud I was feeling.

Right! What was I up to today? I can’t lie
about my plans, but I can’t tell him I’m going to be a slave to the shop all
day. Oh, but how many movies have I watched? I can’t base love on lies. Our
love has to begin with honesty and integrity! “I’m going to be at the boutique
all day,” I said, sweet, defining the tone of my voice. It was not too high
pitched or too low, just right and modest.

“Well, we are going to do some weight
training. Want to join us, Celeste?”

Us
? There’s
that word again. Why couldn’t he leave dorky Taboka out of this? But still, he
wanted me to work out with him. I thought I could just die right then and go to
heaven. I wondered what Kate was up to. Either way, she was going to die and go
to heaven too, once I told her that Thabang wanted me to work out with
him...them. He was so tall and handsome, and his manners were warm and cuddly.
I just wanted to cling onto him already and make it official. Thabang had this
clean shaven face and he was growing his hair out, probably growing an afro. I
just nodded, to the weight training invite. It was time,
my
time to
shine and be amongst the boys. I remembered how to use the weights and the
different machines, Trevor taught me.

“So where are you guys from?” I asked,
trying to be confident. I was also trying to pretend like I didn’t already
know. It would be weird, once Thabang and I began dating, telling him that I
used to stalk his friend.

“We are actually cousins, from Marapong,”
said Taboka. Oh well, he speaks. The king of all the hotties has a tongue on
him, a voice. If this were back in the day (two weeks ago), I‘d be bouncing all
over the place, filled with excitement. “We just play for the soccer team at
university,” he continued. There’s only one university in the country.

“Oh?” I said, like I didn’t already know.
But I had no idea they were related. Kate was going to have a field day with
the news I had for her. No wonder they were so inseparable.

“Yes, we are actually here for a boot
camp,” said Thabang, taking over. They both had equally mesmerizing deep
voices.

“Boot camp, that sounds like fun. So what’s
your take on Palapye so far?” I was leaning against one of the machines,
watching Thabang lifting dumbbells to over his head. This was such a treat. I
wanted to grab a bowl of popcorn and just sit there and watch the flexing
muscles on a cute boy. He was fit.

He looked like he was in agony. But go
figure; the dumbbells were the size of my head. I saw the sweat, dripping all
the way from his forehead, onto his chest. The sweat was also so cute. After
ten reps, he placed the dumbbells on the ground to have some rest and a sip of
water. As soon as he did that, Taboka took over and began lifting his set.

“Palapye is pretty quiet in terms of
hangouts and stuff, but it’s a cool place. After living in the city for a
while, village life can get to you if you’re not used to the scene anymore.”
Thabang took another sip of water.

I don’t think I was listening to a word he
was saying. I was just looking at his lips moving. He was all sweaty and hot.
Behind him, his cousin was lifting weights. My attention was a little
preoccupied.

“Do you know any cool hangouts, Celeste?”
he asked.

Ugh! What’s with all these tricky
questions? Why doesn’t he just ask me out already? If he doesn’t do it, I’m
going to have such a difficult day at the shop trying to figure out whether I’m
in or not. But anyway, do I know of any cool hangouts? My couch is pretty cool.

“Um, I have to go and eh...open up my shop.
I’ll see you guys.” I drifted off to the change rooms and didn’t look back.
This was too much for me and I needed a break. As soon as I shut the change
room door behind me, I did one mean victory dance. Shaking my shoulders and
moving my legs about like a crazy person. I was popular in the gym. Kate was on
speed dial. I pressed the number eight on my phone and Kate was ringing. She
didn’t pick up. Why wasn’t she picking up? Oh well, she must have been in the
middle of an intervention because she was refusing to have her eyebrows
plucked. Her episode was going to air on Friday. That however did not make my
spirits fall to the ground. You know the feeling one gets when they really have
to tell their best friend something and they don’t pick up? It can be a real
let down in the mood department. But I didn’t really care. I would call her
when I got to the boutique.

It was midday, lunch time and Kate was
still not answering her phone. I had called her like ten times. I was kind of
worried. I have never spent more than an hour without as much as a text from
her. I was also becoming a little annoyed because my great news was losing
momentum. In the morning the news I had for her were hot, a few hours later
they were lukewarm. They would be cold in the evening and not even worth
telling. I was about to pop from frustration when a customer walked in. I think
they distracted me a bit because my thoughts had been bouncing from Kate to the
gym. She must have been really busy then. We really need our girl’s night out
in the weekend to catch up and all. She promised me that she would send
pictures of herself, her
new
self once her transformation was complete.
I would see her look before everyone else.

The next day I thought was way worse than
the previous day. I had not heard from Kate at all in two days. Not even a text
or a page; nothing. I had never gone this long without talking to her. I was
thinking that maybe she lost her phone. I was becoming really worried about my
best friend. What if something had happened to her and the makeover thing was
just a hoax. What if she had been kidnapped? It was her first time in the city
all alone; I didn’t trust she had that much independence to survive on her own,
or at least without hearing my voice. I started feeling like one of those
people who get lost in the hot desert and are so dehydrated but there is no
water. I kept checking my phone the whole time, hoping to find a missed call or
something, but there was no sign of Kate. Or maybe she lost her phone. But
don’t hotels have phones? When in the gym, I had my phone with me. Thabang
invited me over to workout with them, but I was not in the mood. Besides, I
didn’t want something to happen, something new, before I got to tell Kate what
had already happened. I began hallucinating, seeing people that kind of
resembled her. I was going crazy and it showed. I excused myself from Taboka
and Thabang, which under normal circumstances is something I wouldn’t encourage
anyone to do, but I did. I didn’t even feel like working out.

Mum asked me about Kate in the evening and
I had nothing to tell her. I just explained that I hadn’t heard from her in a
while. She was shocked because I’m usually on the phone with her when I’m at
home. She even made her
own
tea, that’s how shocked she was. This was
not fun anymore.

******************

It was Friday, the day Kate would return to
her roots. I was so excited. Even though we had not spoken in four and a half
days, which was killing my inside, I was excited. I woke up with a warm feeling
inside me, just oozing with all sorts of positive energy. I wanted to fly
because I felt I could if I wanted. I was a carrier of different kinds of
interesting news, and Kate had her own baggage. Maybe I would stay over at the
resort she calls her home and we can share our experiences. I had been really
distant to the boys at the gym, my new friends. Even at tae-bo the previous
day, Steve called me out for not releasing a powerful jab. I couldn’t be
bothered, and I gave him a
look
. After I was done on the treadmill,
which was like a ten minute thing, I felt like leaving. But that would mean
opening the shop an hour early. It was really cold outside. The sun was
shinning but the air was cool. But I couldn’t wait to see Kate, that is.