Being Amber (15 page)

Xander lathered his balls and palmed his stone hard erection. How he wanted her there with him right now. He wanted to lather her body. To brush his fingers between her legs and find her wet for him. He braced his left hand on the tiled wall of the shower in front of him and stroked his cock with his right.

In his mind’s eye, she was there with him, her soapy body rubbing against his, her hands roaming, slippery over his skin. She knelt in front of him and opened her mouth. Pink lips caressed the crest of his cock. Her tongue and teeth grated gingerly against the sensitive skin. She took him into her mouth. All of him. Her hands cupped his balls firmly as she worked him, sucking him hard.

Xander’s muscles locked as an almost painful sounding cry flew out of him. His orgasm was intense. Exquisite. His fantasy of being surrounded by her mouth, of being skin to skin with Jaci was overwhelming.

She was a need now. He had to have her.

His insides lurched. His heart was doomed to be quietly breaking, longing for someone he could never openly love. This was a whole new kind of hell. It was custom made for him, testing his resolve to do the right thing. As usual, the correct road was the one that was an immense challenge and miserably hard to travel.

Xander never thought he would feel this way. In fact, he’d counted on not ever feeling this way. But Jaci slipped unnoticed under his skin. Her presence ambushed his resolve and annihilated the safe, uneventful world he’d built for himself.

He stepped out of the shower and dressed.

Now what
?

He was at a loss. Every approach, every idea was tossed away as not possible because it ultimately ended with him being a helpless burden to the one he loved.

Loved
.
Shit
.

Xander put his com in his ear. He had a com waiting. “Play.”

“Hey it’s Rock. He took her for a walk through the gardens. He isn’t wasting any time he’s got his hands and lips all over her. I knew you’d want an update. Later.”

“Erase.” Xander paused “Call Rock.”

“Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

“Sitting outside CoCo’s”

“I’m on my way.”

Xander met Rock at a solar cart parking area that allowed a great view into the corner bar’s front patio.

“Can’t stay away?” Rock asked with a raised eyebrow.

Xander didn’t answer.

“Heard about your session with her. According to Brady, Jordan almost had an aneurism.”

“Tell Jordan to butt out. Jaci is my female. It’s my job to take care of her. She’s my responsibility, case or no case. I gave her what she needed.”

“Maybe waiting until the case is solved…”

Xander didn’t answer. Didn’t need to. They’d been partners a long time, long enough to know that Xander was giving him a silent “fuck off.”

He glared in the direction of Coco’s and found the two of them. They sat close together at a small two-person table. He grabbed the binoculars out of Rock’s hands and lifted them to his eyes. The late day sun reflected the highlights in Jaci’s hair giving her a radiant aura. Like an angel. Asher was smooth and handsome. His hands were always on her and his gaze focused on her like she was the only person who existed. He must have a great repertoire of date material because he maintained her full attention. Xander understood how a woman could fall for Asher’s well-honed seduction skills. It looked like he definitely knew what he was doing.

She looked happy. She was having a good time.

Xander wasn’t. His teeth ground together. His shoulders tightened.

“You think he’s the guy?” Xander asked Rock.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. But…I don’t think so. He’s been too public with his contact with her. They walked the park, went to the bar.”

“He told Hannah about his date too. Plus, what’s the motive? None of the girls were sexually assaulted.”

Long, long pause while he continued to glare through the binoculars.

“Com me when they’re headed back so I can supplement your surveillance as soon as she arrives at the mix,” Xander finally said as he handed the binoculars back to Rock. He didn’t wait for an answer from his partner. He stalked back toward his apartment, trying to blow off some steam. He needed to at least appear social when he got to the mix.

But, by the time Xander arrived back to building seventeen, he was miserable. He didn’t want to go to the mix. He didn’t want to see Jaci having a good time with Asher. He lumbered through the courtyard, up to the apartment and then shut himself in.

“That’s it, no more of this tonight,” he mumbled to himself. He jerked open the refrigerator, pulling a beer from the stash he’d been saving and sat at the undersized table for two. He declared himself officially off-duty. He wasn’t going to let this case consume him. He tapped the com in his ear.

“Call Gwen.” He paused until he heard her voice.

“Xander. What’s up?”

“You busy?”

“No.”

“Come over?”

“Sure, what time?”

“I’ll be here all night.”

“Is everything all right?”

He hesitated. “Yeah.”

“Kay, be there in about an hour.”

She disconnected.

Xander took a deep breath and forced his mind to think about other things.

He was on his third beer and sitting in the dim twilight of the apartment when he heard Gwen’s knock at the door.

“It’s open,” he yelled.

“Jesus, Xander, what the hell is going on?” Gwen asked as she came in and closed the door behind her. “You’re sitting in the dark for God’s sake.”

“You want a beer? I’ve been saving it for a special occasion,” he grumbled.

“Looks like I’m going to need one,” she said, eyeing him. “Only a woman could make a man look as dire as you do right now. Who is she?”

Xander didn‘t answer in hopes the question would be forgotten. But Gwen wasn‘t going to be distracted. “Jaci.”

His silence told her more than if he were speaking. “Ohhh, and…she doesn’t feel the same way about you?”

“She did. But now I have no idea.”

“Why not? You’ve never had any problems talking the language of love with other women.” She snickered. Then her look became serious again when she saw humor wasn’t going to cut it with him tonight. “Is it because she’s a fallow? Oh, Xander, please don’t tell me you’re holding back about your feelings because she’s a fallow.”

“It’s not.”

“Then what?”

“She’s involved in a case I’m working on.”

“And?”

“I haven’t told her. I haven’t told her that she’s my roommate because I’m part of the task force assigned to her. She doesn’t know her com and apartment are bugged. She doesn’t know her work assignment was arranged to be with another undercover. Since she’s arrived, pretty much everyone she’s met and everything she’s done has been set up or monitored by the CCPD.

He braced his head in his hands. “I let her go on a date tonight,” he said, the low rumble of his voice amplifying with each new word. “I didn’t say anything. I can’t tell her my feelings, and I didn’t warn her she might be in danger. It’s tearing me up, Gwen.”

“Well, tell her! Tell her everything. Now, before it goes any farther.”

Xander slumped at the table across from his sister, pressing the heels of his hands pressed on his eyes. “I can’t.”

“You can’t tell her she’s a work assignment? You can’t tell her you have feelings for her? Which is it? Or is it both?”

“Both right now. I can’t be romantically involved with an assignment. As it is, I’ve already crossed that line a little bit.”

“What do you mean a little bit?” She raised her eyebrows.

Xander shook his head and looked straight into Gwen’s eye. “I have already done some things that could be interpreted as sexual.

“Plus…Gwen, I never planned on falling in love. Ever. You know that.”

Gwen looked at Xander with an expression of dawning understanding. He saw the stream of thoughts rushing through her brain. Now she knew precisely what held him back.

“You can’t let that stop you from love.”

“I can, and will.”

“Well then, you’re fucked. I have no advice for you, little brother.”

* * * *

Asher was too charming, too confident. His compliments combined with his amusing stories were told as if by rote. Everything seemed like a well-crafted formula to achieve his end game. He was like saccharine, sweet, fake and left a bad taste in her mouth. After having a couple drinks with him and then heading back toward her building for the mix, Jaci’s negative feelings concerning Asher only intensified.

She longed for different company and searched for Xander when they arrived at the mix. The room was huge and dim. A small stage held the seated form of a man playing acoustic guitar and singing. Small handfuls of people stood around the bar, talking and laughing. The scattered love seats held groups of two or three lounging, kissing and fondling each other. After her gaze made several passes around the room, she realized Xander wasn’t there. Her disappointment was tangible. It weighed solid and heavy inside her. He’d said he would protect her, take care of her, and she hoped for his help with Asher.

Since the date began, Jaci’s internal red flags triggered regularly. Asher was constantly in her personal space. She didn’t like it at all. And even though she kept an open mind, acknowledging that his behavior was typically Amber, she couldn’t shake the feeling that being with him didn’t feel right.

She felt cornered by his continually errant hands, but she remained polite and smiled in response to his attempts at flattery and seduction. But bottom line, Asher was like a silk flower, pretty to look at but not authentic in any other way.

She didn’t want to keep up the charade with him any longer.

“Let’s sit over there.” Jaci pointed to a love seat in the corner of the room away from the crowds of people. As they walked toward the darkened corner, she knew by Asher’s grin that he got the wrong idea about her desire to sit with him away from everybody else.

“Listen, Asher,” she said as they sat, “I’m flattered that you asked me out but I’m not feeling anything between us. I’m sorry.” Jaci tried to be gentle and kind.

His expression fell for a split second, then he smiled at her. “You can’t fault me for trying. You’re a beautiful woman, Jaci.” He cupped his hand on her cheek. “It’s definitely my loss.” He exhaled a long breath of air. “Would you like me to walk you upstairs?”

“No, I’m going to hang out for a while.”

“Are you sure? I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here by yourself.”

“Actually, having some time to myself would be nice, but maybe outside would be better.”

“How about I walk you out.”

Asher stood and took Jaci’s hand, pulling her up from the love seat. He kept her hand in his as they wove their way through the crowd and walked out of the building into the dark. Strolling in silence for a few minutes, they followed the courtyard path. In the slight breeze of the beautiful balmy evening, Jaci thought it ironic that it was actually the most comfortable she’d felt with Asher all night.

“I guess I should be going. Do you want me to walk you back?”

“No, I’m okay.”

He stopped, leaned over, and kissed her on the cheek. “Com me anytime,” he said with a sly smile.

“Thanks, Asher.” Jaci hugged him and started walking away into the darkness of the green space. The night was warm and humid. She listened to the trickle of water from a fountain in between the slow
click, click, click
of her steps on the path. Faint moonlight penetrated through the trees, illuminating random patches ahead of her. Crickets chirped their slow, lazy, night music into her ears.

She was alone. It felt weird and good at the same time. Now that she was recovered from her surgery and adjusting to the Amber Zone, being alone wasn’t as depressing as it had been those first few days.

Jaci strolled and started to get lost in her thoughts when she heard yelling and scuffling behind her. She turned to look at what was going on but couldn’t see around the curve of the path. She turned and walked back toward the direction of the noises and found Rock’s imposing form on top of Asher. Her jaw dropped as she took in the scene that was unfolding. She moved near the two, and Rock caught sight of her.