Bed of Lies (14 page)

"What are you going to do? Go back to him?"

"Zach? No. He's hardly ever in Ohio." Thank goodness for that. She wouldn't have to face him. "My mother and stepfather are there."

He looked mad all over again. "So you do have family?"

"I guess you could call them that. They're in trouble, and Peter... he's my half brother. He's only thirteen, and..."

If he was feeling half as lost and confused as Zach had felt last night... That's what she kept thinking about. What if Peter was feeling the same way, with no one to help him through it?

God, she didn't want to go. She felt like the past had swooped in and grabbed her, and now that it had her, it wasn't going to let go until she was back in the midst of that whole mess.

"I don't really know, Steve," she said. "Maybe I'll go find Peter and see if he wants to run away with me. It's all I ever wanted to do when I was growing up there."

Grab her brother and run. How bad could that be?

"Steve, it probably doesn't matter now, but I want you to know I never intended to lie to you. When I got here and rented an apartment, my landlady was hard of hearing. I don't know what I said, but she thought I was from St. Louis, and as I was sitting there trying to correct her, I thought, what does it matter? It was a chance to reinvent myself, be anyone I wanted to be, and it felt so good. Just me and whatever I could make of my life here."

And look where it had gotten her.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," she said.

"I'll be all right." He kissed her forehead. "Take care of yourself, Julie."

Chapter 7

Zach found Gwen inspecting arrangements in a banquet room at a fancy hotel, where her father had an event that evening.

She could keep a thousand details straight in her head, was absolutely unrattleable, hardworking, ambitious, brilliant and beautiful. He'd met her five years ago, when she'd been doing grunt work in the district attorney's office because it would look good on her resume if she followed her father into politics. She'd seemed as out of place prosecuting petty thieves and drunks as she would have been in a third-world country. Zach had been doing a favor for a friend whose son had gotten in trouble. He and Gwen had faced off in court that day and gone to dinner that night.

They'd been together ever since, as often as their schedules allowed. Both young and ambitious, they'd been fine with the way things were and saw no reason to rush into the wedding and family thing. They had plenty of time for that.

Zach hated that he was going to hurt her this way.

He walked across the ballroom. As Gwen spotted him, a slow, satisfied smile spread across her face.

"Hello, stranger." She gave him a long, slow kiss. "You look terrible."

He nodded, holding her close. "Bad day."

"Well, we'll just have to make it a better one. We're starting in two hours. I hope you brought your tux."

"I can't stay, Gwen. I'm heading back to Memphis in three hours."

"Not even one night?"

He shook his head. She wouldn't want to spend the night with him after what he had to say. "Sorry."

"You're scaring me, Zach."

And she wasn't a woman who frightened easily.

She passed her clipboard, with a neat line of checks running down the page, to her assistant. They took the elevator to the penthouse suite. Hotel employees were setting up for cocktails for a smaller group there, before the main event. Gwen glanced over the arrangements, then led him into her bedroom and closed the door.

She walked to the window, which held a stunning view of the lake and the lights of the city below just starting to come on. Coolly, she said, "You met someone?"

"No."

She turned to face him. "You didn't come to tell me you're in love with someone else? Then what?"

"I was upset last night."

"I know. You and I talked about it."

No, they hadn't. Not as far as he was concerned. He'd needed her and tried to tell her as much, but ended up feeling like she just didn't care. Or maybe that was a total cop-out and he hadn't given her a fair chance. He honestly didn't know. But none of it excused what he'd done later that night.

"Zach, what is it?"

There was no easy way. No real excuse. He blurted it out. "I was upset last night, about Tony Williams, and I had a little too much to drink, and I slept with someone else."

She stood there, staring at him, her lips parting slightly. He could see the words sinking in slowly, her bottom lip starting to tremble. "I don't think... Uhh. I don't think I heard you correctly."

He approached her slowly, putting his hands on her arms. "I'm sorry. I did."

She shivered and backed away from him, a tear falling down her cheek that she hastily brushed away. She took a breath, raising her chin. "Why?"

He threw out his arms in a sign of frustration. "I don't have an excuse. No good one, anyway. Hell, I don't think there is a good excuse for doing that. It happened, and I'm sorry."

She nodded, her hand covering her mouth. He wondered if she was going to yell, if she was going to throw something or get hysterical. He couldn't imagine Gwen hysterical, couldn't imagine where they went from here.

"So, you just... What? Thought this would make you feel better? Having sex with someone else?"

"I wasn't thinking at all," he said. "I just... felt so bad."

"Having sex with this woman? It felt bad?"

"No—"

"So it felt good?"

"I didn't say that."

"One or the other, Zach. There aren't that many possibilities. It either felt good or it felt bad."

"It felt..." Necessary. That was the most accurate word he could come up with, but that one would require a lot more of an explanation than he planned to give, even now. He tried Julie's own words. "It wasn't about sex."

"Oh. Okay." Gwen jumped on that. "It wasn't about sex. That's just what you did. Have sex. So what was it about, exactly?"

Zach told himself to suck it up and take it. He'd screwed up royally, and whatever she dished out, he deserved.

" I just...
Come on. Spit it out.

"I trusted you. All those long trips, the trials. I never doubted you," she said. "Was this the first time? The first time you've been unfaithful to me?"

"Yes," he said.

She kept her head up, fury mingling with tears she just barely held back. "And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"It's the truth."

"I don't know if I can believe anything you say right now. And the fact that you're sorry doesn't seem to help, Zach. Not a bit."

He nodded, accepting that.

"So? What now?" she asked.

He wasn't going to say anything else about what had driven him to this point. He couldn't. Maybe he never would. Maybe things would get better. Maybe he hadn't just screwed up his whole life. Maybe she'd forgive him, and they'd go right on.

"Whatever you want," he said. "Whatever you say."

"I don't know what I want."

"Okay. Think about it. I'll..."

He went to her, tried to draw her into his arms, but she shoved him away. Then, taking a minute to think about it, she slapped him across the face.

The sound echoed around the room. She was furiously brushing away the tears that had finally escaped.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked. "I'll go."

She nodded. "I have two important events tonight, and half a dozen tomorrow."

"I'm sorry. I felt like I owed it to you to tell you right away, and there's just no break for either of us anytime soon."

"I'll handle it," she said, head held high. "I always handle everything."

He nodded. He hoped she could.

He was halfway to the door when she called to him, "Who was she, Zach?"

He turned back around. "No one you know."

"You picked up a total stranger?"

"No. I ran into someone in Memphis. An old friend."

"Old girlfriend?"

"No. Nothing like that."

"But you'd been seeing her while you were there?"

"I ran into her and her fiancé at a restaurant one night and had dinner with them and her future in-laws."

"She's engaged, too?"

Zach nodded. "I was at her engagement party for about five minutes. We had lunch one day during a break from the trial. That's it."

"And when you got upset and a little drunk, you knew right where to go?"

"Actually, she came to me."

"Oh, I see," Gwen said.

"No, you don't. There's a lot going on that you just don't understand, Gwen, and that's my fault, because I haven't told you. But I was trying last night. I was trying to tell you." He'd been reaching out for help, the first time he'd ever let himself do that, and it had been like she hadn't even heard him.

"About your case?"

"More than that," he said.

"The kid killed his own father. What's he going to do the next time he gets mad? Pull out another gun?" she argued. "And what's he to you, anyway, Zach? Other than an excuse to screw around with another woman?"

He just blurted it out. "He's me, dammit. How can you not see that? That so easily, I could have been him."

She shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

"My life. You know what my life was like in the beginning. You know my old man was in jail for murder and just got out."

"What is this? Some kind of psychobabble crap that's supposed to keep me from focusing on the real issue? That you've been seeing someone in Memphis and you ended up in bed with her while you were engaged to me?"

"No. It's how I feel, Gwen."

It was how lousy and lost he felt.

It was feeling like he'd just laid his soul bare to her, and she'd dismissed it as nothing at all. Which he knew wasn't fair. He'd just told her he'd cheated on her. She thought he was trying to make excuses. Hell, he supposed he was.

I feel like shit, Gwen. I need help. It's bad, and I don't know what to do.

If he said that, would she help him? Could anyone?

He started again to try to explain it all, but a knock sounded on the door. A moment later, without waiting for an invitation, Gwen's assistant, Tina, walked in. "It's a quarter till. People will be arriving any minute for cocktails, and... I can hear you in the next room."

Gwen looked embarrassed. "I'll be right there."

Tina backed out and shut the door. Gwen sat down at her dressing table, covered all traces of her tears, then stood and faced him.

"Don't go," he said. "There's more. Things I haven't even begun to tell you. Let's go somewhere. Talk this out."

She shook her head. "Oh, stop it, Zach."

"I need this, Gwen. Surely your father can get through one damned cocktail party without you."

"Look, I'm furious, and I'm hurt, and I'd really like to smack you again. Maybe I will. But right now, I'm going to make sure this evening runs smoothly," she said. "And you're going back to finish your trial. We both knew going in what our relationship was going to be like, given our schedules, so I guess it can't come as any great surprise that this happened."

To which he could say nothing.

"I have to go," she said.

"Should I call you? Or would that just make it harder?"

"I don't know, Zach. I don't know anything right now."

With that, she squared her shoulders and walked into the other room.

* * *

Julie packed her things from her office and drove home in a cold, dreary rain. She collapsed on the sofa, then thought of getting up and turning on the heat, because she was cold, but that seemed like too much trouble. So she pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa and wrapped herself up in it.

Here she was, no fiancé, no job, no idea what she was going to do next. When the phone rang, she stared at it like it was some kind of monster. It couldn't possibly be good news.