Becoming Mona Lisa (19 page)

“And that would be what?” I asked, curious as to the silver lining in this latest disaster.

“The kitchen floor is a lot sounder than we thought.” This earned him another laugh, and I shuffled him toward the door. “I got a job for you while I'm gone,” Robbie said.

“What's that?”

“There are about ten empty Fangerhouse boxes in the spare room. Take one and patch the kitchen ceiling. If anything gets in here, let's make sure it stays in the attic.”

“Patch it with cardboard?” I asked.

“Yeah, and duct tape. There's some in my tool box,” Robbie said.

“Cardboard and duct tape?”

“Yeah, Mona. Believe me, you can repair anything with cardboard and duct tape. It'll work fine until we can get something more permanent up there.”

“Will do, boss,” I said, as Robbie disappeared out the front door.

I lumbered back to the kitchen and took a moment to appreciate my new skylight. I remembered hearing rain was in the forecast.

Great!

You knew you were screwed when your
bucket list
actually included buckets.

Seventeen

Being brave enough to tell someone what you want,

is often the easiest way to get it.

I was in the kitchen washing dishes when I first heard the singing.

“
Who is that?” I said aloud.

It sounded like it was coming from the drain. “Hello?” I said into the kitchen sink.

No answer.

“
Huh.” I picked up my coffee and carried it to the porch, where I discovered the source of the singing. The CD player was blaring, and I recognized the distinctive voice of Celine Dion.

“
I thought you were gonna play the crow CD!” I called to Robbie.

He made a hand gesture I assumed meant “I can't hear you,” and I scoured the new CD player for a
power
button.

“
I thought you were gonna play the crow CD!” I repeated, once the music stopped.

“
That's it!” he said.

“
Celine Dion scares crows?” I asked.

“
Evidently. That's what was in the case,” Robbie said.

“
If you say so,” I said, depressing the button once more. The music restarted, and I went back inside.

A few minutes later I heard the deer car. I hauled myself to the porch to greet my husband. Celine was going full throttle, and I recognized the song from the movie
Titanic
.

“
What the hell is he doing?” Tom asked, as he came up the walk. I left the porch, and moved to stand beside my husband. I peered up at the roof and laughed loudly.

Robbie was balanced on the edge of the roof with his arms straight out - head thrown back, eyes closed - surrounded by birds.

“
Is he supposed to be Jesus?” Tom asked.

“
I don't think so,” I said.

Tom's brow creased in thought. “Alfred Hitchcock?”

“
No. I'm gonna go with Leonardo DiCaprio,” I said.

“
Jesus,” Tom said and I looked at him.

“
You all right up there, Leo?” I asked, once Tom had turned down the volume.

Robbie opened his eyes. “Actually, I'm Kate,” he said. “This is the best part! God, I love this part.”

“
Me, too,” I said.

“
What in the name of God is he doing?” Tom repeated.

“
He's acting out one of the scenes from
Titanic
,” I explained.

For a moment we said nothing, and Tom and I just looked at each other. “For the love of God. You know, I bought that CD player for the crow CD,” he complained.

“
That is the crow CD,” Robbie explained. We hadn't heard him descend the ladder, and Tom and I jumped, then recoiled. Robbie was covered in bird shit.

“
Crows are afraid of Celine Dion?” Tom asked.

“
We were wondering about that. If they're supposed to be, it doesn't seem to be working,” Robbie said, surveying the damage to his clothing, which was colossal.

Tom rolled his eyes. “I'm calling Ray. The web site didn't say anything about Celine.”

Tom dialed Ray Cunningham, while Robbie and I danced, although I was careful not to get too close to him.

“
Celine doesn't scare crows,” Tom said, from the porch, “but Ray's wife is happy to know her favorite CD has been located.”

“
Glad we could be of service,” Robbie said.

Tom popped the CD out of the player. “It says Celine Dion on it, Rob. Didn't you see that?”

“
The sun was in my eyes. I couldn't read it. I'd have played it if it said 'if you listen to this your head will explode.'”

I laughed so hard mine nearly did. “Good one,” I said, once I'd recovered.

“
God give me strength,” Tom muttered. “All right, the guy who installs the Internet isn't coming until next week, so I'm gonna drive over to the coffee shop and use their WiFi so I can order the CD. Ray insists it would work if anyone could find it. Do you think you two idiots can behave while I'm gone?”

Robbie and I tried to look wounded. “I guess,” I said.

“
Rob?” Tom said.

“
I'll try.”

“
You're a mess,” I said to my brother-in-law.

“
It was worth it,” he admitted. I totally understood.

Robbie pulled off his old sweatshirt and threw it in the trash. “Where'd the bandage go?” I asked him.

“
I had to take it off. It was so tight my hand was starting to die.”

“
Oh,” I said.

“What the hell happened to the roof?” my husband asked, seemingly noticing the tarp for the first time.

“Um......,” Robbie stammered.

“Well....,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “Let's just say Robbie was assessing the structural integrity of the roof. One minute he was on the roof, and the next thing I knew, he was lying on the kitchen floor.”

“Jeez, Mona. Okay, I'll be back in a little bit. Try to stay out of trouble. I think you guys are giving me an ulcer.”

Tom planted a kiss on my lips. He held his stomach dramatically, but failed to hide the amusement in his eyes. I knew my recaptured spirit and silliness were driving him mad, but I knew he appreciated the return of his crazy wife.

“Behave yourself,” Tom chastised with a wink, before heading out.

I stayed in the yard until my Jeep disappeared from sight. Robbie made a bee line for the guest room, which now contained a twin bed, and a quarter of the Fangerhouse shit it once did. Anything salvageable was stacked in the garage, ten feet from the resin cavalry.

The remainder was in the dumpster that had been delivered earlier in the day, and was already half-filled with moldy collectibles.

I was standing in front of the open freezer when Tom returned.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Trying to decide what to make for dinner.”

“What are our choices?” Tom asked.

“Freezer-burned fish sticks or ice.”

Tom laughed.

Robbie appeared in the doorway wearing an attractive gray v-neck sweater and jeans that looked like they cost more than my Jeep. “If you guys have a decent place around here, I could go for Chinese. I'll buy us dinner, and then I'm gonna get out of your hair for a while.”

I couldn't possibly turn down Robbie's offer, so I chucked the fish sticks in the trash, and began pulling menus from a drawer next to the sink.

“Here,” I said, shoving the mess at Robbie.

We placed our order, waited the customary ten minutes, paid the delivery guy, and proceeded to stuff ourselves. Robbie headed out to a party around seven, leaving Tom and I alone in the house for the first time in forty-eight hours.

“I'm gonna take a bath,” I announced. “Tom?” I called.

I found him asleep on the couch, and I pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth.

He didn't stir.

I tiptoed toward my spa with a glass of wine, stepped through the rabbit hole and closed the door. I'd brought in a radio, and found an easy-listening station. Robbie had installed the new tile and it was cool beneath my feet. The room was magnificent, and I decided if it had a bed and a television, I'd move in permanently.

The water was still slow to warm, but the tub filled in record time. I slid into the bath and brought the wine glass to my lips. I took a few sips and set the glass on the edge of the tub. I felt bubbles tickle my chin, and the music nearly lulled me to sleep. I wasn't sure how long I'd simmered when I heard a knock on the door.

“Mona?” Tom said.

“Yeah?”

“May I come in?” he asked in a soft voice.

“Of course,” I said. He stepped into the room with a familiar notebook in his hand.

Shit.

I thought I'd put it away.

He sat on the toilet seat and looked at me. I said nothing. “This is your
bucket list?”
he asked, and I nodded. “This is all you want to do?” He smiled at me, and I felt myself shiver in the warm water. “You're easy to please. Most women would want to travel to some exotic place, or jump out of an airplane.”

“My pen ran out of ink,” I said, and he chuckled.

“Liar,” he whispered. He knelt on the floor, and laid the notebook on top of the new vanity. He crawled toward me, and sat beside the tub. “You want to have a baby with me, Mona?”

“Yes,” I replied in a voice so soft I wasn't sure I'd said the word at all. “I want a family, Tom. I've always wanted that.”

“Me, too.” He leaned into the tub and kissed me. His touch was so gentle, it took my breath away. “You're sure about this?”

“Yes. I've fallen in love with you again, Tom. I want to have a baby with you,” I admitted with raw honesty.

Tom laid his head on his arm, and touched my nose with his finger. He smiled at me, and I forced myself not to cry. The room was lit by a dozen candles, and had become the romantic spa of my dreams.

Tom undressed. When he was done, he slipped into the warm water and sat facing me. “I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you, too,” he said.

“Let's make a baby,” I said softly, and as long as I live, I will never forget his expression as he moved toward me.

“Let's.”

Eighteen

Thursday

The ripple effect of trying to live a lie is very long lasting.

By Thursday afternoon, things were looking better. Our Bye Bye Birds CD order was being processed and I had survived one-half of my first day back at WalMart.

The cash registers were overstaffed, so
I'd been shipped off to the stockroom. I devoted the morning to lining up individual cans of cat food, and by noon my back was killing me. I took my lunch break, heated up some leftover Chinese food, ate it like someone was chasing me, and returned to the stockroom. I'd decided if someone handed me a can of cat food, I would find a way to kill myself with it.

“Can you put these out?” Joe, the manager, asked. I wasn't sure what Joe's last name was, and before today, I'd only seen him in passing. I was fine with it staying that way. I had a whole new respect for the stock people. Plain and simple, the job wasn't for me.

Joe loaded a rolling cart with six boxes destined for the Shoe Department, and I stepped behind it with some hesitation. I wasn't the most coordinated thing to ever walk the earth, but I was all about trying new things.

Joe hit a switch, and the doors to the stockroom hissed and opened wide. “Here we go,” I whispered, pushing the cart through the door. I made it half way without issue, then took out an entire DVD display.

“Electronics pick up on line two,” sounded over the store's loudspeaker, and I had a sneaking suspicion this had something to do with my driving skills.

A crowd of blue-aproned personnel gathered around the mess I'd made, and I got a few dirty looks from the first responders.

“Sorry,” I mouthed, looking sympathetic. I reminded myself to keep my eyes forward, as I narrowly avoided a pregnant woman pushing a cart full of diapers, and microwave dinners.

I arrived in the Shoe Department without any other disasters, and carefully began opening cartons. The boxes were filled with Converse knock-offs of every color, tied together as part of some bizarre security system.

I began unloading the sneakers, placing them on the floor in the first aisle. I'd only removed two or three pair when I knew something wasn't right.