Beauty for ashes: receiving emotional healing (7 page)

Doorways of Pain

Because I personally experienced so much emotional pain, as you may have done also, I grew weary of hurting. I was attempting to find healing by following the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Yet I could not honestly understand why the process had to be so painful. I felt that if I were to be able to continue enduring the pain, I had to have some answers from the Lord. I was actually improving, getting better, gaining a victory here and there, but it seemed that every time I made any progress, the Lord would bring me into a new phase of recovery that would always mean more pain and emotional upset.

As I prayed about my situation, God gave me a vision. In my heart, I saw a series of doorways-one after another. Each represented a traumatic event in my past life that had brought pain when it had occurred. The Lord showed me how that each time I went though one of the painful events or situations

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The Doorways of Pain(being sexually abused at home; being ridiculed at school because I was overweight; being unable to have any close friends; being subjected to constant fear; being abandoned by my first husband; being betrayed by a group of friends at church; and so on), it was a new doorway of pain, through which I was forced to pass.

I can remember vividly the anguish of fear, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal-and so can you if you were a victim of these abuses that place people into such bondage.

When I finally allowed the Lord to work in my life, He revealed to me I had been hiding behind many such "doorways of pain." I was deep in bondage, taking refuge behind false personalities, pretenses, and facades. I was simply unable to understand how to free myself. When the Lord began to deliver me from bondage, it hurt.

I now understand that in order to be led out of bondage and into freedom, we must pass back through the same, or similar, doorways of pain that we previously went through so that we can get on the other side of them. When we are taken into bondage through doorways of pain, we must pass through the same doorways to get out of its captivity. Both times through

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the doorways is painful, first from the actual abuse, and again from the memory of it.In order to deliver and to heal us, the Lord must lead us to face issues, people, and truths that we find difficult, if not impossible, to face on our own. Let me give you several examples:

Example One

I was always terrified of my father. Even as a grown woman in my forties, with four children of my own, I was still frightened of him. Many painful events had brought that fear into my life.

I was forty-seven years old before the Lord led me to finally confront my father. I will share more about this confrontation later in this book, but I had to look my father straight in the eye and tell him, "I am not afraid of you anymore."

When I finally spoke to my father about the abusive way he had treated me, I did it in obedience and by faith, but not without "fear and trembling" (see Philippians 2:12 kjv). I had come face to face with one of my doorways of pain. I knew that either I could go back through it and come out free on the other side, or I could stay in bondage behind the door, hiding, and remain forever afraid of my own father.

It is important to note that Iconfronted my father, who was the primary cause of my pain, only because the Holy Spirit led me to do so. Do not confront your abuser just because I did it.You must pray and listen to God's leading concerning the right steps to your deliverance.

Example Two

Sometimes people get hurt in the church by other Christians. Somehow we seem to think that believers should not hurt other believers-and they shouldn't. But things are seldom as

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they ought to be, even in the lives of God's people. We in the Church do hurt one another, and it does cause pain.Frequently, when this happens, the injured party withdraws from any association or involvement with the ones who caused the pain. Hiding behind a doorway of pain, the wounded individual may decide: "Since I got hurt at church, I will continue to go to services (maybe), but I will never get involved with those people again." That is a form of bondage, because the person is allowing the past to control him.

God will bring us to a place in which we must step out of hiding and take a chance on being hurt again. When we do step out, it is the equivalent of going back through the same doorway of pain that led us into bondage.

Example Three

Learning to submit to authority can be difficult for some people. It was extremely painful for me. Since I had been abused by every authority figure I had ever known, my attitude was, "Why should I allow someone else to tell me what to do?" I did not trust anyone, especially men.

When the Holy Spirit led me to the phase of my recovery in which I had to submit to my husband, the battle was on! I experienced a terrible sense of rebellion in my flesh. I wanted to be submissive, because I truly believed that it was scriptural, but the pain of submission was more then I knew how to handle.

I did not understand what was wrong with me. I realize now that submitting to someone else and allowing that person to make decisions for me brought back all the old fears and memories of being manipulated and taken advantage of. Having my father (an authority figure) telling me that the hurtful decisions he was making for me were formygood, and all the time hating so much what he was doing to me, combined with

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my frustrations at being unable to do anything about it all, did not leave me thrilled about submission.In order to be set free and to become the whole person that God desired for me to be, I had to learn to submit to my husband. Like many other Christians, I believed that the Scriptures teach that submission of the wife and children to the husband and father as the head of the home is God's revealed plan for families. I was convinced that this principle is set forth in His Word and that therefore I had no choice but to submit to it, or be in rebellion against the Lord. But it certainly was painful! Now, I am free and can see the safety and security in godly submission.

Many people get confused about submission. They think that it means that they must do everything an authority tells them to do, no matter what it is. The Bible teaches that we should be submissive only "as it is fit in the Lord" (Colossians 3:18 kjv).

I trust that these examples will help you understand the "doorways of pain" and how they must be faced. Do not look upon them as the entrance to suffering but as the threshold of recovery. Jesus will always be with you to lead you and strengthen you as you pass through these gateways to wholeness.

Remember,painisreally a part of the healing process.If a person falls on concrete and skins his knee badly, he will most definitely hurt. The next day, the pain may be even worse than when the wound was fresh. By that time a scab may have formed over the wound, which is a sign that his body is involved in the process of healing. But although now covered with the protective scab, his wound is also drawing, burning, and throbbing because of the increase of blood rushing to bring healing to the affected area.

The initial wound brings pain, but often healing brings even worse pain. Yet they are not the same kind of pain, nor

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do they have the same result. Some people's emotional wounds have been ignored for so long they have become infected. That kind of pain is totally different from the pain of healing. One is to be avoided; the other is to be welcomed.No Pain, No Gain!

I gained an excellent piece of wisdom through personal experience: Do not be afraid of pain! As strange as it may seem, the more you dread and resist the pain of healing, the more you increase the effect that pain has upon you.

An example of this truth happened years ago when I went on a fast for the first time in my life. God called me to a twenty-eight-day juice fast. In the beginning, I went through some really hard times. I was very very hungry. In fact, I was so famished that I was in actual pain. As I cried out to the Lord, complaining that I just could not stand it any longer, He answered me. Deep within me I heard the "still small voice" (see 1 Kings 19:12 kjv) of the Lord say to me, "Stop fighting the pain; let it do its work." From that time on, the fast was much easier, even enjoyable, because I knew that every time I felt discomfort, it was a sign of progress.

The rule is that the more pain is resisted, the stronger it becomes. When a pregnant woman goes into labor, the advice she is given by her attendants is, "Relax." They know that the more she fights the pain, the stronger it will become, and the longer the delivery process will take.

When you are going through a difficult time, when the pain becomes so severe that it seems to be more than you can endure, remember Hebrews 12:2: "Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leaderandthe Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the

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joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despisingandignoring the shame, and is now seatedat the right hand of the throne of God."

Endurance Produces Joy

When you are experiencing pain, do not fight it. Allow it to accomplish its purpose. Remember this promise: "They who sow in tears shall reap in joyandsinging" (Psalm 126:5). Learnto endure whatever you need to, knowing that there is joy on the other side!

Healing may be painful, but you have nothing to lose. You are hurting anyway; you may as well reap the full benefit of your suffering. As long as you allow past abuse to keep you in bondage, you will live in continual pain. At least the pain of healing produces a positive result-joy, instead of misery.

Let your pain lead you out of bondage, not deeper into it. Do the right thing, even if it is hard. Obey God and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, knowing that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).

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The Only Way Out Is ThroughIn one of our meetings, a woman came forward asking us to pray for a certain bondage to be broken in her life. As soon as I started to pray for her, she began to cry. Almost immediately I received a vision of her standing on a track, as though she were about to run a race. As I watched, I saw that every time the race would begin, and she would start moving toward the finish line, she would go about halfway and then turn around and come back to the starting line.

After a while, she would repeat the process. This happened time after time. I shared with her what I was seeing and told her that I believed that God was saying to her, "This time, you need to go all the way through." As I shared that message with her, she immediately agreed that God was speaking to her. Her problem was that although she often made some progress toward emotional healing, she always gave up under pressure.

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Now she was determined to see the process through to complete victory.It is always much harder to finish than it is to start.There really are no "quick-fix" methods to emotional healing. In 2 Corinthians 3:18 the apostle Paul speaks of Christians being transformed "from one degree of glory to another." If you are going through the difficult process of emotional healing, I encourage you to enjoy the degree of "glory" you are currently experiencing as you move toward the next level.

Many people turn emotional healing or recovery from abuse into such an ordeal that they never allow themselves to enjoy any aspect of it. Do not allow yourself to be tempted to focus on how far you have to go. Instead look at how far you have come!

Remember thatyou have a life to live while you are being healed!Adopt this as your attitude: I am not where I need to be, but, thank God, I am not where I used to be. I'm okay, and I'm on my way!

Going Through

In some aspects, spiritual growth can be compared to physical growth. There are certain stages that we have to go through in order to mature. I think it would be safe to say that many people do not enjoy their children while they are raising them. At each stage of growth, the parents wish the child were in another stage. If the child is crawling, they wish he were walking, out of diapers, in school, graduating, getting married, giving them grandchildren, and on and on.

We should learn to enjoy each stage of life as it comes because each has joys and trials uniquely its own. As Christians, we are growing throughout our lifetime. We never stop progressing.

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Make a decision right now to begin to enjoy yourself while you are striving to reach each new level of victory.In Deuteronomy 7:22, Moses told the children of Israel that the Lord would drive out their enemies before them "little by little." Between each victory in our lives, there is a time of waiting. During this time the Holy Spirit deals with us, opening to us new revelations, helping us to face and receive even greater truths. The waiting is usually difficult for most of us because impatience is always present within us to stir up dissatisfaction. We want everything now!

Patience Reaps Promises

A lot of people want blessings, but they do not want to prepare for them. John the Baptist came out of the wilderness crying, "Prepare ye the way of the Lord" (Matthew 3:3 Kjv). He wanted people to know that Jesus was coming to do a work in their lives, but they needed to be prepared.

The Bible says, "Eye has not seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefits He has bestowed]" (1 Corinthians 2:9).