He stared down at her, and his eyes softened.
‘Maybe so.’
Her heart leaped. ‘So you did want me? You admit it?’
‘I wouldn’t put it in the past tense.’ He glanced over at the couch, where his wife was holding court, and Ludo, like a little puppy, was sitting next to her, making notes in his phone. ‘Let’s step outside, into the garden. He’ll find you. You can say you went for some air.’
Meekly, she followed him, her blood singing, the desire and excitement crackling across her skin like electricity. She had the feeling of being right on the edge with him, of saying things that could never be unsaid. But she didn’t want to unsay them. She wanted to speak the truth, let it all out, tell him, plainly, how she felt, and then let the cards fall where they would. It would be a relief, a massive relief, not to have to pretend.
He took her outside, away from the spotlights, across a lawn with a few people on it, and into a garden with hedges; through the darkness, she could see roses and English topiary, lit with candles.
‘Stop here.’ She did, stumbling after him, her heels sinking into the grass. He stood close to her, really close, his huge, tall, strong body looming over her, in her space, and the eroticism hung about him so hard she could hardly breathe.
‘There’s something I have to do,’ Gaines said, and he drew her in close, his arm around her waist, pulling her tight, and kissed her, full, deep. His strong arms folded around her, his tongue in her mouth, and she was wet, hot and open, moaning with a desire that he swallowed, his lips strong on hers, firm, exploring her, feeling her need, and the warmth of her body stretched all across him.
And then, finally, he let her go.
Dina wiped her hand across her mouth, panting.
‘I had to taste you,’ he said. ‘I’ve been thinking about it, dreaming about it since we met. You have no idea how hard I’ve fought to get you out of my system. I wanted to be so foul to you, you’d never speak to me again.’
She sobbed. ‘And it worked.’
‘No. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was obsessed. I couldn’t even tell my shrink.’ He chuckled, without mirth. ‘And I haven’t even slept with you.’
‘Nor will you,’ she said, wiping away tears. ‘I won’t be your piece on the side. Ludo is good to me.’
‘You don’t love him.’
‘And you don’t love your wife.’
He sighed. ‘I deserved that. I guess I love her enough not to divorce her, after all these years, and two kids together.’
Dina froze; she couldn’t disagree with the words, but the pain in her heart was acute, so strong she could hardly breathe.
‘Then please do not torture me,’ she said. ‘Let me make a life.’
‘I want to be in touch. I want to be your friend. We don’t have to see each other, just talk on the telephone.’
‘That’s fine.’ She wiped her eyes, trying to repair her face. They would have to go back inside. ‘Ignoring you didn’t work.’
‘I get that. Same here. You know I want you; I want to make love to you. I want to turn you inside out. I think about it all the time. I hate to see you with Ludo Morgan.’
‘He’s a good man,’ Dina said, flatly. ‘What the hell difference does it make? It would be the same with anyone else.’
‘You might be in love with somebody else.’
She shook her head. ‘I’m in love with you, Joel. It’s stupid and hopeless, but there it is. I know it now. I knew it when you kissed me. So I may as well date a friend. There’s nothing better out there for me.’
‘Oh, God,’ he said. He crouched down, squatting, and put his hands over his head. ‘Oh, God. This feels so wrong. I can’t; I wish I could. My God. I just want to have you. Only that’s not it. I want to talk to you the next day. And every day.’
‘You can call me,’ she said. ‘It’s probably unhealthy, but I don’t care. If talking is all I can have, I’ll take it.’
He stood. ‘We must go back. You know, Ludo Morgan is ripping you off. Perhaps you’ve been too busy to see it.’
‘He’s backed me.’
‘Backed you by signing his own name to every press release. Backed you by ripping off your ideas as his own. He does the interviews; he’s the brand. Susan was crass, but that’s how people will see you – as a better paid version of a make-up girl.’
Dina slowly turned the idea over in her mind. ‘I really don’t think—’
‘Yes, you do. You just didn’t want to admit it to yourself.’
‘He gave me a pay rise, a company car. A budget—’
‘That’s cents on the dollar, baby. You’re making the stock of his company soar. Come on, Dina. Don’t let this guy screw you. At least not like that.’
‘He’s not that way. He really loves me, wants me to succeed.’
‘So ask him to make you a partner. You deserve it; the company was treading water. You’ve opened up everything. You should have stock.’
She walked with him, back to the house, back to her life.
‘And, Dina, you can do whatever you want, of course you can, but I think you’re wrong. Don’t make any big decisions while you’re on the rebound. You . . . you can find the right man.’
‘You really have no say in that, do you, Joel?’
He bowed his head, and they walked back into the house together. She left his side as fast as she could, and went to look for Ludo; he was still sitting there, like a puppy looking up at its mistress.
‘Hey, Susan. So sweet of you to take Ludo under your wing! But he’s really got to come back to me now, or I’m going on strike.’ She flashed a bright smile at the older woman.
‘Sure! I hope Joel took care of you.’
‘He was the perfect host,’ Dina said, lightly. ‘Sweet of you both.’
‘I’d better get back to him myself. But we’re looking forward to seeing you both soon!’
Susan stood up; Ludo did the same and they exchanged air-kisses. Then she smiled benignly at Dina and wandered off into the crowd, looking for Joel. Dina pictured it: the clutching at his arm, the laughing, the rich patroness regaling him with stories of how she’d helped the eager young man. She wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the party, not one little bit; socialising was too much.
‘Hey! How was it?’ Ludo was peppy, full of excitement. ‘Please tell me you made friends? Susan was so great. They want to have a dinner party for us next month—’
‘Oh, let’s not go so fast. You’ve hardly settled into the house—’
‘No time to waste. He can really help me, you know. Joel Gaines is an
incredible
person to know. I’m excited, Dina. Did you get on with him?’ His eyes were wide and hopeful.
‘I got on fine with him,’ she said, dying a little inside.
‘That’s perfect! We’ll be such a hit here. I can’t wait. Come on outside, would you?’
She baulked. ‘Not the garden – I really don’t want to go out there . . .’
‘No, Dina – the beach. The ocean. It’s romantic, see?’
He gestured out front to the door, and the spotlights on the shore. ‘I would really like you to come, OK?’
Dina nodded. ‘OK. Sure.’ She could hardly turn him down. ‘And then maybe . . . maybe we could go home – to the cottage? I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by all this.’
‘Oh no, sweetheart. You’re doing great. Believe me, you’ll want to come back in after this.’
He held out his hand, and Dina took it. It was clammy with sweat. She followed him out of the packed crowd of beautiful people in their jewels and silks and bespoke suits, grateful at least to be outside, away from everyone, away from Susan Gaines – away from Joel Gaines.
‘Come here, where we can see the sea.’
She dutifully followed. She was barely paying attention. Her mind was back in the garden, in Gaines’ arms, in the insistent mastery of his kiss.
‘Stop – that’s enough.’
Dina jerked herself away from her thoughts and looked around. They were just at the edge of the light, and in front of them was the dark, quiet sand of the beach, with the immensity of the ocean crashing on the shore. It was lovely, and soothing, and she wished to God she were almost anywhere else.
‘I have something to say.’
She looked at him. She could still hardly pay attention to him. Whatever it was, it could wait.
‘Dina, we’ve been going out for a while now, and each month I feel I’m getting closer to you. You’re so beautiful, and stylish, and stunning, and you make me feel great about myself. You’re funny and you work so hard.
Too
hard. I’d like your work to be different, to be us, and our family.’
‘Our family?’ Dina repeated, blankly.
‘Yes. The one we can start, any moment now. Once we get married.’
She gasped. For once, Ludo Morgan had taken her completely by surprise.
‘You can’t believe it, can you? But it’s true. Dina, fairy tales do happen. We met by chance, and now, this.’ He reached into his pocket and drew out the small Tiffany box; as she looked, transfixed with fear, Ludo flicked it open.
Proud. Smug. Looking up at her for acceptance.
‘My God,’ Dina whispered. The diamond was huge, the sapphires exquisite.
‘Yes. It’s true. I want to marry you,’ Ludo said. ‘What do you say, Dina Kane?’
She didn’t hesitate.
‘No.’
Chapter Fourteen
‘You have a visitor, Mr Kane.’
The therapist put her head round Johnny’s door. She wore those green slacks they all wore, with different T-shirts to make them look a little less medical. He hated how she never knocked; you lost your dignity fast in here.
But then he’d lost his dignity a long while ago, somewhere in all the pills and the bottles. Same as he’d lost Brad.
‘Show her in.’
There was Dina – and he loved Dina – but Johnny Kane almost hated her, too. So she was spending all her money on him, and for what? To save his body, so he could go back to his shitty life? Without Brad? What the hell was the point?
He was better – maybe. He was bored and depressed, and the anxiety crept all over him, every day, like ants. No college – he was long since a dropout – no job prospects. Of course, Dina would find him something to do, or keep him, but he didn’t want to hang round his little sister for the rest of his life, like a bad smell.
Maybe she was a half-sister. Jeez, they were so different, he wondered if his mother had been fucking around long before it became obvious. He was the product of the construction worker with the bottle of booze in his pants pocket, and Dina was the secret daughter of some high-powered mafia boss. Johnny smiled – that would totally fit.
‘It’s not your sister,’ the therapist said. ‘It’s a man called Johnson. Edward Johnson. Do you want to see him?’
Johnny considered. He didn’t know any Edward Johnsons, but he was bored out of his skull and there was nothing to drink or smoke up here.
‘Sure,’ he said.
The door opened wider and a handsome blond man, around Johnny’s own age, thin and well dressed, stood there. He was gorgeous. Man, Johnny hadn’t seen any hot guys for a lifetime.
‘Come on in,’ he said.
‘How are you doing?’ said the young man. ‘I’m a friend of Brad’s. I thought maybe you’d like to get out of here.’
Johnny Kane beamed with pleasure.
‘Of Brad’s?’
‘Hey, don’t get too excited. He left for Europe with his new boyfriend. But he did want to check up on you. He asked me if I would come see you when you got better, take you home and give you a little fun. He said you’ve been real short on fun, and you’ve got your life in front of you.’
‘Why would he do that? If he left for Europe?’
The blond shrugged. ‘He didn’t want to see you himself, said it would be too emotional for both of you. But he did want to look out for you. Brad left a place you could stay in the city, and a list of a few guys to hang out with. At least till you get back on your feet.’
Johnny chewed his lip.
‘If he did that for me, he must have feelings . . .’
‘Johnny, please. He’s rented a furnished place for you for two months – so you can find something. Thought maybe you’d want to organise your own life. It’s paid for, but then it runs out. Up to you if you want to live with your sister instead . . .’
‘I want Brad’s phone number.’
‘No can do. He made me promise not to. I think he’s serious about this new guy – a Brit. They went to Paris together for a while and they’re getting married in London.’
Johnny sank back against the pillows on his bed, despondent. ‘Then what do I care?’
‘There are other fish in the sea.’
‘Like you?’ he asked, idly. The boy was so smoothly good-looking; maybe he could be distracted from his broken heart.
‘I’m straight.’
‘Of course you are.’ Johnny sighed deeply. ‘And I bet you didn’t even have the courtesy to bring me some cigarettes.’
‘How wrong you are,’ Edward said. He reached inside his jacket and drew out a pack of smokes, then fished into his pants for a lighter; it was solid gold, and monogrammed
EJ
.
Johnny stared. He licked his lips.
‘A little smoke’s hardly going to kill you. Face it: you aren’t drinking anymore. Anyway, since you don’t want to come out, I’ll leave you here to wait for your sister. Doing well, isn’t she? So busy these days . . .’
‘Dina always does well.’ Johnny stared at the cigarettes. ‘You know, there’s no smoking in here.’
‘I know. They were for the car ride; kind of a celebration. If you checked yourself out . . .’
‘Checked myself out?’
‘It’s not prison.’
‘Doesn’t Dina have to sign off on it?’
‘Dude, I don’t know. Is your sister your jailer? Maybe she had you committed? Because then I can’t help you.’
He got up and put the cigarettes down on the table. ‘Good to see you’re in good health. Keep them, but you need to find your own matches.’
Johnny looked round at the little room that had been his oppressive prison for almost a year now, in between hospital visits and bouts in the little cell nobody talked about – the padded one where they sent you to kick.
‘Screw it,’ he said. ‘I’ve really had enough. I’ll come with you.’
Ludo shuddered with fury. He was having trouble believing it.
‘No,’ she said, just like that.
After that, she tried something softer: not ready, liked him as a partner, wasn’t in love with him yet, not sure if it could be anything more. She even tried the line about friends. And then the one about colleagues.