Four
“G
ood to see you again, too.”
Kayla took a breath and huffed it out. “I think we’re past the whole ‘polite’ thing, don’t you?”
“Fine.” He reached out, covered her hand with his and held on when she would have pulled away. “Let’s talk about that night.”
She flushed, the heat inside her bursting into an inferno of fire that raced through her system like an out of control blaze. “I’d rather not.”
“Too bad.”
Her gaze snapped to his. His grip on her hand tightened further.
“Let me go, Matt.” She said the words through gritted teeth.
“If I do, you’ll run away.”
“You’ve got that wrong, don’t you? You’re the one who ran all the way to California, remember.”
He frowned. “I remember. Do you remember I was taking a promotion?”
“I remember you not bothering to call before you left.”
Not much he could say to that.
“Besides,” she continued, “why would I run? You don’t scare me.”
“Liar,” he whispered, a soft smile curving his mouth.
Well that was enough to stiffen her spine and strengthen her weakening will. She wasn’t afraid of him, but she
was
afraid of what she felt for him. Naturally, admitting that to Matt was completely out of the question. She wouldn’t give him any more ammunition to use against her. She was still too vulnerable to him, whether she liked acknowledging it or not, and there was just no way that she was going to line up for more pain.
He had flattened her when he left without a word. And the past nine months had been long and cold and lonely. She was done.
All around them, couples sat at small tables, leaning toward each other, smiling, laughing, talking. Waitresses moved through the room serving up orders of bar food and drinks. The clink of glassware and the ripples of conversation became a white noise that hummed in the background.
Kayla stared into Matt’s brilliant green eyes and resisted the urge to reach out and brush a lock of soft brown hair off his forehead.
His fingers slid across her skin and she fought desperately to hold on to the control and the willpower she had developed over the past several months. It wasn’t easy.
“I didn’t call.” The three words caught her attention and held it.
“Yeah, that much I know,” she said shortly. The memory was thick and rich and so clear it could still jab at her heart, reawakening the ridiculous fantasies that had resulted from that one amazing night she and Matt had had together. The two months building up to it had been filled with tension, a delicious tugging and pulling between them that had finally exploded into a moment in time that still had the ability to wake her up in the middle of the night with a hunger that couldn’t be assuaged.
“I was going to,” he was saying, and Kayla bristled.
So much for memory lane. Mentally, she paved right over it.
“Really? What stopped you? Abducted by aliens?”
One corner of his mouth quirked. “Not exactly.”
“What then? Broken dialing finger? Couldn’t find a phone?” Yes, she sounded bitchy. But for nine months, hurt and anger had been simmering inside her and it seemed that it had chosen now to boil over.
“None of the above,” he said, keeping his voice low in spite of the surrounding clatter. Pushing one hand through his thick, dark hair, he fixed his gaze on hers and said simply, “It’s complicated.”
“So complicated you couldn’t use the last
nine months
to come up with an explanation?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “Something like that.”
Amazing that she could still feel disappointment. Pain. He wasn’t telling her anything new. Wasn’t even trying to explain away what had happened after their time together. And she wasn’t going to sit here pretending that it was okay with her.
“Great.” She stood up again and this time he didn’t try to stop her. “Glad we got that all straightened out.”
“Where are you going?”
“Home.” She glanced around, then shifted her gaze back to his. “No point in staying now, is there.” It wasn’t a question.
“I suppose not,” he agreed and stood up. Fishing into his pocket, he drew out a folded stack of bills and peeled off two of them to toss onto the table. Then he took Kayla’s elbow and steered her toward the door before she could twist out of his grasp.
Once outside in the cold, he let her go and she slipped into her coat. Wrapping the edges of it around her as if it were body armor, she said, “Goodbye, Matt.”
“I’ll take you home.”
Her heartbeat jittered. “You don’t have to. I have my car here.”
“Fine. I’ll follow you.”
“Not necessary.” She took a step past him.
He moved to stand in front of her, blocking her way. “It is to me.”
“Forgive me if I’m not really interested in what’s important to you.”
“You can keep giving me grief or you can hear me out somewhere more private.” He stared into her eyes. “What’s it gonna be?”
Kayla was torn. She wanted to know why he’d disappeared on her so abruptly after what she had considered the most magical, romantic, life-altering night of her life. But she also didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she cared. But the longer she stared into his eyes, the more convinced she was that she’d never be able to get over the memory of him if she didn’t listen to him for some answers and find the closure—God, she hated that word—that she needed.
“Fine. You can follow me home.”
“You still live in the same place?”
Her small, cottage-sized house on the outskirts of Cheyenne. “Yes.”
“All right then. We’ll talk there.”
Yippee.
* * *
What the hell was he supposed to say? On the short drive to Kayla’s house, Matt’s mind raced, jumping from one idea to another, never settling on one. There was no easy way to say that meeting her, going to bed with her, had jolted him out of his complacency.
She was the reason he’d happily taken that promotion and moved to California—and more importantly,
she
was the reason that Cheyenne still haunted him. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind. Hadn’t been able to convince himself that she was just another woman. Just another passing blip on a radar that was so finely tuned he’d managed to avoid commitment for most of his life.
And that was why she’d hit him as hard as she had. He was so used to cruising smoothly through his romantic encounters that when he slammed into Kayla, she’d knocked him off his feet. The first couple of months he’d known her, he’d worked to convince himself that there was nothing special there. That he was overreacting because she irritated him on so many levels. But that irritation was really just a form of sexual tension so taut it took his breath away. And once he’d had her under him, over him...once he’d been buried deep inside her damp heat, he hadn’t been able to lie to himself anymore. She was different. Special.
And he hadn’t been ready for special.
The question was, was he ready now?
And if he was, could he convince her to leave Cheyenne with him? Or would he be coming back home to stay, career or no career?
He parked at the curb outside her small cottage. The last time he was here, it had been summer and the flower beds were crowded with color and scent. Now, winter was still clinging to Cheyenne and the plants were bedraggled, the front of the house dark. Then his gaze fixed on Kayla as she hurried up the walk and stood beneath the porch light, unlocking the door.
It took him only seconds to join her there and then follow her into the house. Just as he remembered it, the place was small, but comfortable. She had collected pieces by local artists that were sprinkled around the living room. There was a green couch and two chairs sitting opposite each other in front of a stone fireplace. When she hit a switch, puddles of golden light fell across the hardwood floors.
He draped his coat across the back of the couch, and turned to meet the blue eyes that had haunted him for months. “You’re so damn beautiful,” he murmured without thinking.
She swayed as if his words had delivered a physical blow.
“Don’t say that,” she said, shaking her head for emphasis. “I’m so furious with you. I just don’t want to hear it.”
Her eyes flashed, and yeah, there was fury there but he also saw desire. The same hunger that held him in a tight grip. “I get it. You’re mad. But mad tells me you still care. If you didn’t, that anger would have been gone a long time ago.”
She bit down on her bottom lip but she didn’t deny it. That was enough for him. Matt couldn’t stand it anymore. He’d been away from her too long, had wanted her too much. In a few long strides, he was standing in front of her. Then he took hold of her shoulders, pulled her in close and kissed her.
For one split second, he thought she’d pull away, but that moment passed in a heartbeat and then she was leaning into him, kissing him back as if this kiss meant life itself. His tongue tangled with hers and hot shafts of pleasure shot through him, dazzling his brain, enflaming his body.
Her hands on his back felt like live wires, searing his skin right through the fabric of his suit jacket. Lifting one hand, he pushed his fingers through her soft, silky hair and relished the slick feel of those curls sliding across his skin.
He would have kissed her all night, would have given up food, water and even air to breathe if he could keep his mouth fused to hers. But all too soon that kiss ended and she was pulling away, stepping out of his arms and looking up at him through wide, shocked eyes.
“I can’t believe you did that,” she whispered.
“I didn’t do it alone,” he reminded her.
Shaking her head, she said, “That was just instinct.”
“Well, let’s hear it for instincts then.”
She laughed but there was no humor in the sound. Lifting one hand to her mouth, she whispered, “We can’t do this.”
“We were
meant
to do this,” he countered, his voice low, deep and filled with the same need he could see was nearly strangling her.
“If that were true,” she said, “you wouldn’t have disappeared for nine months.”
“Yeah.” He pushed one hand through his hair, blew out a breath and said, “I should’ve called. Should have talked to you before I left.”
“I agree.”
His head snapped up, his gaze fixed on hers. “It was you, you know.
You’re
why I left so suddenly.”
“You’re blaming
me?
” He heard the outrage in her voice and couldn’t blame her for it.
“Of course not. I’m just telling you. I left because of the promotion, the L.A. job. But I left so quickly because of what you were making me feel.”
Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around her middle and hung on. “Panic?” she asked lightly.
His laugh was short and harsh. “Maybe a little, though I don’t like admitting that out loud.”
“Why?” she demanded. “I’ve waited nine months to have that question answered, Matt. Why would you leave like that? No word. No nothing. You disappeared.”
“I thought it would be easier on you—”
She laughed, dismissing his words. That told him she wouldn’t settle for less than the truth—so he would give her what he could for now.
“Fine. I wanted to make it easier on
me.
” Scowling now, he scrubbed both hands across his face. He wasn’t ready to tell her everything—what she’d made him feel before and what he was feeling now. So he looked into her eyes again and said, “But now I’m back.”
“Temporarily.”
“And I had to see you. Try to explain.”
She swallowed hard. “Meaning what exactly?”
“Meaning that night with you threw me. I wasn’t expecting it. I thought distance would help. But I couldn’t get my mind off you,” he said, moving closer. “Every night I dreamed of you. Every day I thought of you. Damn it, Kayla, you’re inside me and I had to come back to tell you that.”
She took a shallow breath but didn’t look away from him. “I still don’t understand why you left without so much as a goodbye. You
hurt
me.”
He winced. “I know.”
“I won’t be hurt by you again.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then leave.”
“I can’t,” he said, taking another step closer and celebrating internally when she didn’t move away. “And you don’t really want me to.”
“Yes, I—” She broke off when he reached out and pulled her into him. “No, I really don’t.”
Five
“T
hat’s what I needed to hear.” He kissed her again, pouring into that kiss every emotion, every ounce of hunger that had hounded him for the past nine months. And she moved into him, opening for him, leaning closer still, wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his passion with her own.
Just like before, she staggered him. The connection. The intensity of the fire that leaped up between them threatened to engulf him and this time, he welcomed it. This is what he had been missing for far too long. This place. This passion.
This woman.
He swept her up into his arms, never breaking the kiss that held them bound by breath and soul. Carrying her through the small house to her bedroom, he set her on her feet and in seconds they were naked and falling onto the brass bed covered in a soft, silky duvet and a mountain of pillows.
Holding her close, he rolled her across the bed and she went with him willingly, eagerly, entangling her legs with his. Her hands slid across his skin as he explored every inch of her body. Heartbeats thundered and each breath was a sigh sifting into the quiet. There was an old clock on the wall and the steady tick of seconds passing pounded out around them like a drumbeat.
He broke free of the kiss long enough to say, “Please tell me you still have condoms in that bedside drawer.”
She pushed her hair out of her eyes, looked up at him and nodded. “I kept them.”
“Grateful to hear it.” He reached for one, tore it open and sheathed himself before turning back to her. “I’ve missed you, Kayla.”
“I missed you, too, Matt. So much.” She reached up and cupped his face in her palms. “I still don’t know why you left, but right now, it doesn’t matter.”
Guilt pinged in his chest, for the pain he’d caused her and for holding himself back from her still, but he ignored it. Now wasn’t the time. Now was for the two of them. To reconnect. To reestablish what they’d found that night so many months ago. What he’d so stupidly thrown away.
Then his brain shut down, overloaded by his senses. All that existed was the slide of skin on skin, the soft sighs of their heightened breathing, the crashing beats of their hearts. He meant to take her slowly, to draw out the experience of being together again. But that plan dissolved in a raging sea of desire that pumped so hard, so hot, it was impossible to ignore.
She moved into him, arching her hips as she ran the flat of her hands across his chest. “Now, Matt. Please, now.”
“Yeah, baby. Now.”
He entered her in one long stroke and instantly felt the sense of rightness that he remembered so clearly. Her body cradled his, her arms sliding around his back, holding him close. They moved together in a nearly silent dance of passion that crested faster and higher than either of them had expected. He felt it when her body began to tighten. He heard her breath hitch in her chest, felt the frantic slide of her hands, the sharp edge of her nails raking his skin. And when she cried out his name, lost in the pulse of release, Matt let himself go.
Let himself find what he’d been missing for too long.
* * *
She was an idiot. There was no other explanation, Kayla thought, when her brain at last kicked back into gear. Her body was still humming, buzzing with sensation. But already her mind was listing the innumerable reasons why she shouldn’t have done what she had. First on that list was that she didn’t trust Matt and had good reasons for it.
He hadn’t explained anything, really. Yet that hadn’t stopped her from making the same damn mistake all over again.
Heat rose up inside her. How easy it was for her heart and her body to forget the past and concentrate on the now. She couldn’t believe it. Pain twisted with misery and the still-powerful hum of desire and became a tangled mess deep inside her.
Closing her eyes, she swallowed the groan of regret that built up in her chest. When he lifted his head and looked into her eyes, Kayla braced herself for whatever was coming next. If she were to go by history, any minute now he’d be leaping out of bed and driving to the airport.
“I’ve waited a long time for this,” he said, voice tight and low.
“
You’ve
waited?” Shaking her head in amazement, she gave him a slight shove and he responded, rolling to one side, but keeping her pinned closely to him. She set one hand on his broad chest and levered herself up so that she could look down at him. “You’re the one who stayed away, Matt.”
“I know. And running marketing for Lassiter Media L.A. has kept me damned busy, but I should’ve come back before this.”
“You’re right.” Slipping out of his hold, she scooted to the edge of the bed and off. “Just like I shouldn’t have done—” she waved one hand at both him and the rumpled bed “—
this.
”
“Like I said before, we were born to do this,” he argued.
They were, her silly heart shouted. They really were.
“Sure, until you leave again.” She looked at an imaginary watch on her naked wrist. “In fact, you should be grabbing your clothes and making a run for it right about now, shouldn’t you?”
He frowned, rolled off the bed and stood there, staring at her. “I’m not running. I’ll be right here until after the wedding at least. Cheyenne’s still my home, too, Kayla. At least part of the time. And even if I return to California, I won’t be staying away this time. And I want you in my life.”
A part of her warmed to hear that, but how could she believe him? How could she let herself trust again? He was going back to California and the life she had chosen was here. In Cheyenne.
“You should go,” was all she said. It was better this way. Better that
she
be the one to tell him to leave. Quickly, before she started believing again.
“You don’t want me to go, Kayla.”
“This isn’t about
want
,” she said quietly. If it were, she’d grab him, and let them both fall back onto the bed. “This is about need. And right now, I need you to go.”
He looked as if he wanted to argue. His eyes flashed and his mouth worked as if he were struggling to hold back a torrent of words trying to escape. Seconds ticked past and Kayla held her breath, hoping he would leave before her self-control dissolved into a fresh puddle.
“Fine,” he said at last, and she didn’t know whether to be pleased or disappointed.
Before she could speak, he continued. “I’ll go. For now. But I’m not going far.”
Kayla took a deep breath and held it, unsure of just what he was really saying.
He stalked around the edge of the bed until he was beside her, then he grabbed hold of her and pulled her in close. Staring down into her eyes, he said, “I’m home. At least for the next month, I’m in your life, so you’d better get used to having me around.”
* * *
Kayla was shaken and she didn’t want to be. Didn’t want having Matt in her house again to
matter.
But it did. Over the next two weeks, she couldn’t find peace in her own house because the memories were too thick. She could still smell him on her pillows. She dreamed of his arms being around her in the night and when she woke up every morning, Matt was the first thought in her mind.
And not
once
had he even tried to get back into her bed. Which was making her even more insane. How could he talk about wanting her and then do nothing about it? Was he acting this way on purpose? Driving her to the ragged edge and leaving her hanging there?
She was in very deep trouble and she wasn’t even sure she would get out of it if she could. Oh, her brain kept telling her not to trust this new-and-improved Matt. But her heart and her body were shouting at her to give him a chance. To give
them
a chance.
And he wasn’t making the situation any easier for Kayla to figure out. Not only did he keep her
wanting
, every day, he found a reason to search her out. Every evening they weren’t with Angie and Evan dealing with the upcoming wedding, Matt took her to dinner, a movie or art shows at rival galleries. He was making himself indispensable. He had become such a part of her everyday life, Kayla couldn’t imagine
not
having him with her all the time.
Only yesterday, he had arrived at the art gallery at lunchtime, carrying a picnic basket. It was too cold to sit outside and eat, so he’d spread out a quilt in the storage area of the gallery. For an hour, he’d kept her laughing with stories about his months in California.
And by the time he’d gone again, Kayla was in more of a quandary than ever. She loved being with him. Loved watching his smile, even when listening to him describe the life he was building in L.A. He’d kept his house in Cheyenne, though, so what did that mean? Was he coming back? Was he going to be living in
both
places? And even if it were true, what did it mean? How could she believe that he would stay with
her?
He’d walked away without a backward glance once. Why not again?
She took a deep breath, pushed those thoughts out of her mind and tried to concentrate on the conversation at hand. Angie was sitting opposite her at the diner and going through her list of last minute prep for the wedding. So Kayla focused on her best friend’s life rather than her own. It seemed way less complicated at the moment.
“So,” Angelica said between sips of her coffee, “I finally managed to get my brother Sage to
promise
to come down off his mountain to attend the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night.”
Kayla nodded absently as Angie made notes on her computer tablet. The woman was so organized she could give generals lessons in strategic planning during wartime. Kayla tried to keep her mind on the wedding and being a supportive friend, but Matt insisted on sneaking into her thoughts no matter how hard she tried to keep him out.
She felt as if she was on a tightwire, desperately trying to keep her balance in a high wind.
“Dylan helped of course,” Angie was saying. “Sage is so stubborn it usually takes the two of us to make a dent.”
But both of Angelica’s brothers were crazy about her, so it wasn’t surprising that even Sage the Hermit was willing to please her. Sage had plenty of issues with their father, J.D., so much so that he had split off from the Lassiter Group and built a billion-dollar fortune his own way. Kayla couldn’t help thinking that the rehearsal dinner might be filled with more drama than Angie was expecting.
“And, Dad’s feeling well enough to come, too,” Angie said, smiling. “I’m so glad. Of course, his nurse Colleen will be there just to keep an eye on things and as a guest. She’s really become a member of the family in the last few months.”
“I’m glad your dad’s feeling well enough to come.”
“Me, too,” Angie said, “but he’s still seeming so...fragile to me lately.”
Her father’s health had affected all of the Lassiters in one way or another. J.D. was a legend in Cheyenne, and seeing someone so much larger than life suddenly becoming almost frail was hard. For everyone.
“On another note entirely,” Angie continued, “I noticed you and Matt haven’t been fighting lately. No arguing, no snide comments...”
“We’ve come to an...understanding,” she said without giving away too much information.
“Which is?”
“I’m not sure.” Frowning, Kayla thought back over the past couple of weeks. They’d spent so much time together, yet Matt hadn’t once tried to seduce her. Hadn’t even kissed her. What was he up to? After that frenzied night they’d shared, he’d completely backed off. But he hadn’t gone away, either. True to his word, he was inserting himself into her life, making it impossible to ignore him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Kayla lifted her coffee cup for a sip, then cradled the mug between her palms, letting the heat slide into her skin. “It means having him back here is good. But it’s also confusing.”
Angie smiled. “From everything you’ve told me—and by the way let me say again that you should have told me all of this nine months ago—”
“I know,” Kayla agreed. Two weeks ago, she had finally confessed the whole truth about her and Matt’s relationship to her friend. After being furious at having been kept in the dark all those months, Angie had been supportive. “You’re right. Again.”
“Thank you,” Angie said. “I think Matt’s trying to let you get used to the idea of him being with you with none of the sexual tension.”
“That’s what you think,” she muttered.
Angie laughed. “Ooh, interesting. So there’s still tension. But the question is, are you enjoying having Matt around?”
“Absolutely.” The word had popped out before she could even think about holding it in.
Angie grinned. “That’s the good news. Now the bad news?”
“That’s easy. How can I trust him?” Kayla set her coffee cup down on the table. “He lives in L.A., Angie. And I live
here.
What will I do when he leaves again?”
“How can you trust him? People do occasionally learn and grow, Kayla,” her friend said quietly. “And it sounds to me like he discovered he really didn’t like his life without you in it and so he came back home.”
“For how long?”
“You want guarantees?” Angie asked, shaking her head. “There aren’t any. Even as wonderful as Evan is, as happy as we are together—there’s no guarantee for us, either.”
“And that doesn’t worry you?”
“If I focused on it, it probably would,” Angie admitted. “I choose to focus on the fact that I love him. And I know that he loves me.”
Which was something Kayla
didn’t
know about Matt. He had never said those three specific words. The words that would maybe make taking a chance just a little easier.