Beautiful Things Never Last (22 page)

             
“It’s okay. It’s the truth. I knew you wouldn’t walk away from that girl—”

             
“Quinn, her name is
Quinn
.”
I can’t wrap my mind around the disrespect that Mom continues to show someone she knows means the fucking world to me.

             
“I know
it is
.
Just like
I
knew
you’d never walk away from
Quinn
.
”

             
“Then why’d you do it? Why’d you give me that dumb ultimatum if you didn’t think I’d do what you wanted?”

             
“
I was just so scared that you were ruining your chance for a good future
, Benny
. But what was I supposed to
do? I couldn’t condone it, Ben.
I
couldn’t.
My entire adult life has
been spent
taking care of you. You don’t
even
realize that m
y
whole
identity is
wrapped up in how well I took care of you. If you faile
d, I failed, Benny.”

             
“I’m not failing, Ma. I’m doing really well,” I say. “
School’s going great
.
I just sold some of my work, and I’m happy Mom, I really am. I wish you could see that.”

             
“I’m glad that things are working out for you now, Ben. And no, I haven’t always agreed with your choices
.
I wish you would have made different ones. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth. I wish you would have chosen someone else.
Someone who does the right thing. Someone who gets along with your family.
Someone who challenges you—”

             
I can’t help but laugh, because one thing that Quinn does every single day is challenge me.

             
“Don’t laugh, Ben. The choices you’ve made wouldn’t have been the ones that I would have made for you, but I am proud of you.
I am.
”
And her words may not seem like much to anyone else, but to me, I know that my mom is opening her perfectly crafted world just a little to the idea that Quinn is here to stay.
At least I hope she is.

             
And in that moment, m
y mind flashes to Carter seeing Caroline and I together, and I just hope to God I get the chance to explain it all to her before he says anything.

             
“Thanks, Ma.”

             
“I’ve got to go get dressed. Brunch in an hour,” she says. She hugs me again. “One hour, Benny.”

             
I wait until Mom has left the room and pull my phone out of my pocket. I don’t take the time to calculate what time it is in Quinn’s end of the world before it’s already ringing.

             
And this time, I’m the one talking to a voicemail box.

             
“
Hey, doll. I don’t know what time it is there, but it’s Christmas morning here and I miss you so damn much today. I hope you’re having an amazing time, and I can’t wait to see you. Love you, baby.”
She’s just busy. Or sleeping. But I have to believe Carter didn’t tell her.

Fourteen

Q
UINN

“Are you all packed?” Amalea asks.

             
“I think so,” I say. I mailed several boxes of wine, balsamic vinegar, and books back
to the States
earlier in the week, so I’m down to just my one, red suitcase. Same as when I started, but I’m so completely different.

             
“Are you ready?”

             
I trace the stitching on the quilt that I’ve been sleeping under for the last month. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to leave this place— or ready to leave Amalea.

             
“I guess, but the train doesn’t leave for another three hours,” I say.
             

             
“
S
ciocchezza!
”Amalea says.
She throws her hands up.
“No train for you. I will take you to Rome.”

             
“No way. T
hat’s over a two hour drive,” I say, shaking my head. “You don’t have to do that
. The
train is fine.”

             
“I know that I don’t
have
to, Quinn. I want to.” I can’t believe they’re the same words Ben said to me at the airport.

             
“Okay. I’d love that, thank you.” I smile. “Is Davide coming along for the ride, too?” I slip in his name, because Amalea hasn’t mentioned him since they spent Christmas Eve together.

             
Amalea cuts h
er eyes at me. “You stupid girl.
”
S
he laughs.
It’s not my favorite nickname, but
at least
I know it’s meant to be endearing.

             
We load my luggage into her small Fiat, make a stop at the
Pasticcceria
at the bottom of the hill so that I can buy Shayna these darling cookies that look like real peaches that I saw my first day in town and make our way to Rome.

             
The drive is beautiful, full of rolling hills and dotted with ancient ruins. I wish I would have gotten out to see more while I was here, but there will be a next time.
This time was for cooking and learning, and finding out just how much I can do on my own.
I’ve already promised Amalea that I’ll be back, with Ben
.

             
I decide to call
Ben
once more before we get to the airport. I should be furious that I haven’t been able to talk to him as much as I want, but with the crappy signal in Spello, and the time change, I guess it’s forgivable.
But he’s going to owe me when I get back home. And the thought of being back in his arms, in our bed, is enough to smooth the frayed nerves.

             
“Baby?” My heart goes
tachycardic
at the sound of his voice. It
isn’
t until I’d hear it again that I realize just how much I’
ve
missed it.

             
“Ben, oh, god I’m so glad to hear your voice. I’m on my way to the airport right now and I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you!” I cram it all into one excited breath.

             
“You—no—miss—too.” His voice cuts in and out and I could cry out of frustration.

             
“I can’t hear you. I’m in the car on the way to the airport. Damn hills!” 

             
“I’ll—you—soon—love.”

             
“Fuck,” I say. Amalea gives me a disapproving glance, and I hang up the phone, feeling defeated.

             
“I finally get him on the phone and the service is complete and total shit again! Sorry, crap.”

             
“You’ll see him soon.”
             
“How about you? When will you see your man again?” I’m pressing my luck, I know. Amalea may leave me in the Italian countryside without a map if I keep it up.

             
“Things are not so simple for Davide and I
as they are for you and your Ben
.”

             
I laugh. “Things are never simple with Ben. I just love him too much to walk away, I guess.”

             
Amalea shrugs. “I think Davide and I are more complicated still.”

             
“
Are you saying you can’t work things out with Davide?
”
             
Amalea considers her words for a minute. “
I’m staying I don’t know yet. Sometimes life hands you jagged pieces to the puzzle, Quinn. They won’t fit toget
her no matter how hard you try.”

             
“But you lo
ve him,” I say matter-of-factly, feeling like the romantic sap I’m definitely not.

             
Amalea shrugs her delicate shoulders. “In a perfect, neat world, l
ove should be all that matters. But sometimes, it’s not.
Sometimes it’s hard too hard to hold all of the pieces together.
”

             
The Quinn of last year would agree with her.
That love is too complicated. That hearts are worth protecting at any cost.
But right now, on my way home to see Ben,
I don’t believe any of those things, and
I have to bite my tongue. I want Amalea to be happy, and I hope that Davide will fight for her like I think he will. It may just take time.

             
The ride takes longer than we had anticipated, and I’m left with a quick, curbside good-bye.
It’s probably better that
way,
I’ve always been terrible with good-byes.

             
“I think you should try. With Davide, I mean,” I say.

             
I lean in to kiss Amalea’s cheeks, but she pulls me in for a tight embrace instead.

             
“I love you, stupid girl,” she says. And I cry harder than I have during any good-bye I can remember.

             
I want to tell Amalea all of the things that this trip has meant to me. The words climb up my throat, trying to string themselves into the perfect arrangement, before dissolving and slinking back down. Unspoken.