Beautiful Sacrifice (21 page)

“A little girl is your brother’s best friend? You don’t find that odd?”

“No, because I know my brother, and I know their story.”

I took in a deep breath.

“Falyn, you’re not going to go over there, are you? They don’t know you’re here, and I don’t think you can handle it.”

I shook my head.

Taylor was quiet for a while, and then he sighed. “You can tell me. My feelings won’t change. Was it you?”

“Was it me what?”

“I don’t know much about it. I mean … I only know the little bit Dad and Trent told me. I know it was an accident. I know no one was arrested. I can see you wanting their forgiveness, but, Falyn … they might not be ready to give it to you.”

I didn’t have a response.

“Are you the one who … you know … the one who hit Austin? Were you driving?”

My eyes filled with tears, and I looked down.

Taylor draped his arm across my shoulders, his hand cupping my upper arm and squeezing me to his side. “It’s okay. It was an accident.”

“It wasn’t an accident,” I said, wiping my eyes.

I looked up at Taylor, and his brown irises bounced from one of my eyes to the other.

He hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“It wasn’t me. I didn’t take their son, Taylor. I gave them my daughter.”

Taylor recoiled, pulling his hand away.

“You thought I was the one who hit and killed Olive’s brother, Austin?” When he didn’t speak, I continued, “Now, it makes sense when you mentioned earlier that I didn’t drive.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.

“I’m not here because of Austin. It’s Olive.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Olive?”

“My parents didn’t want anyone to know about her because of my father’s plans. My father was the mayor in Colorado Springs. He decided to run for governor of Colorado in the next election.”

“So, this year,” Taylor said, unhappy. “What does that have to do with Shane and Liza … or Olive? I’m really fucking confused right now. You’re saying a lot, but you’re not telling me anything.”

I wiped a tear that had escaped down my cheek. “She’s … mine.”

Taylor stared at me as if I were on fire. “But she’s, like … a kindergartner.” He shook his head. “How does no one know about this? I don’t understand how you’ve kept it a secret all this time.”

“My parents know. And Phaedra and Chuck know. A lot of people suspect. There’ve been rumors. A
lot
of rumors.”

“Kirby?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“That’s why your parents were horrified that I was from Eakins. They didn’t want it to come out. They didn’t want me to bring you here.”

My bottom lip trembled. “They want me to pretend it never happened, that
she
never happened. They held college over my head, saying that if I didn’t sign the papers, I would be throwing my life away. And then,” I said, almost breathing the words, “I realized it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I’d already thrown my life away because she was gone.”

He shook his head. “Falyn, I don’t know what’s going on here, but”—he cringed, already regretting his next words—“Olive wasn’t adopted. She is Shane and Liza’s daughter. There’s been a mistake.”

“You don’t believe me?” I asked.

“It’s just that … this is weird as fuck. I mean, what are the odds? She ends up with a couple from Eakins, who live next door to my dad, and then you and I meet and become friends. I don’t want to upset you, but this is wrong. I remember when Shane and Liza moved in. They have baby pictures of Olive on their walls, ones of Liza holding Olive in the hospital. They moved in next door when Olive was two. They’ve never mentioned that she was adopted.”

“Exactly,” I said, wiping my cheek again and pointing at him. “Exactly. It’s too perfect. You and I were supposed to meet. This was supposed to happen.”

Taylor’s entire face contorted, and he stood. “You’re serious. You’re really telling me that Olive is your daughter?”

My mouth fell open. “Didn’t you see her? Phaedra says she looks just like me. Think about Shane and Liza. Which one does Olive look like, Taylor?”

He thought about that for a moment, his eyes glued to the floor. “She does.” He looked up at me. “Same eyes. Same hair. Same nose and lips. The chin is different.”

I laughed once without humor. “She has her father’s chin.”

He blinked, trying to process what I had said. “But their pictures?”

“The pictures of Liza and Olive were taken right outside my hospital room. Go over there now, and look. Liza isn’t wearing a hospital gown. I can promise you that. I can take you to the birth center at Saint Francis in the Springs. If the pictures show Olive as a newborn in a hospital, those pictures were taken there.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just … I brought you here. You want to interrupt those people’s lives? I’m not okay with that.”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“You know how I feel about you. I mean, you have to know. I’m not sure there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you. That sounds pathetically inadequate when I say it out loud,” he said, disgusted. “But this is …” He looked away, his voice trailing off. “We can’t do this to them.”

“I agree,” I said. “I don’t want to do anything to them either.”

He paused. “What is the plan, Falyn? I don’t think Olive knows she’s adopted. You’re not going to …”

“No. I just …” I took a deep breath. “My parents made me believe I had no choice, and I’ve lived with the decision I made. I’ll live with it forever, even now while sitting next door. I know she’s already suffered loss. I don’t want to turn her life upside down twice.”

Taylor looked like he’d been punched in the gut. “They made you give her up?”

“I didn’t tell them I was pregnant. I hid it until Blaire found me. I was on my bathroom floor, on all fours, soaked in sweat and trying not to push. I was barely eighteen.”

The visual disturbed Taylor, and he shifted his weight, unsettled.

“My mother heard noises coming from my room. She found me and took me to the emergency room.” I touched my fingers to my lips. “After Olive was born, I only had a few hours to decide. My parents said if I didn’t give her away, I would lose everything. My entire life, I had planned on going to college, having a career, making my parents proud.” I choked on my words. “A signature seemed like an easy solution. I didn’t understand what I was giving up.”

“How could your parents force that on you? That’s fucking atrocious, Falyn.”

The room grew quiet, and suddenly, it was too awkward to talk.

A sob was caught in my throat, and I swallowed it down. “I went away to college. It’s easier to think when someone isn’t in your ear all the time. I realized it wasn’t what I wanted, but it was too late. I couldn’t take Olive from her mother twice. I got sick not long after I started college. I thought it was the stress of everything. So, after a year at Dartmouth, I came home. That’s when it happened. Blaire took me to the doctor, and they told me I had developed endometriosis. That was my punishment for what I had done.”

Taylor shook his head, confused. “What does that mean?”

“I can’t have any more kids.”

His eyes fell to the floor as he thought about my words.

“I left my parents because I was surrounded by the things they’d promised, and I didn’t want it … any of it. I realized that anything I took from them was tarnished. It was all something I’d traded my own child for.”

Taylor reached out for me, but I pulled away.

“I just wanted to see her,” I said. “I can’t raise her. I accept that. But I can still be in at least one of her memories. Some days, I think that’s the only place where I want to exist.”

Taylor shook his head. “No wonder.”

“No wonder what?” I said, wiping my cheeks with my sleeve.

“Why you hate your parents so much.”

“I hate myself more,” I said, only just realizing this as I said the words aloud.

He clenched his jaw. “I can’t imagine someone making me feel so alone that I would feel like I had to give up my child.”

My eyes stared at nothing as I became lost in the memory. “I held her for just a few precious moments. Her entire body fit in my hands,” I said, showing Taylor how tiny she was. “I cried more than she did. I already loved her, and I knew I would never see her again. William wouldn’t come into the room. Blaire called him, but he stayed in the hall. He refused to even look at his grandchild, the thing threatening his entire campaign.”

I laughed once. “A baby. She was just a baby. Blaire whispered in my ear as I held Olive, as I cried over her, careful not to let the nurses hear. She said, ‘It’s called sacrifice. It’s the most loving thing you can do for her.’ And maybe she was right. Olive has a good life with Shane and Liza.”

“She does,” Taylor said.

“I’ve made it on my own—from nothing. I could have taken care of her. It would have been hard, but she was mine, and I was hers.” I sniffed. “I would have been a good mom.”

“No,” Taylor said. “You
are
a good mom.”

I looked up at him, seeing him with a new perspective and seeing myself through his eyes. It was almost easy not to hate the woman he saw. He’d glued a few of my broken pieces back together in a few weeks. I’d been trying to do that for more than five years.

“You need to stop,” I said.

“What?” he said, tense.

“I’m—” I bit my lip hard, punishing myself for my next words. “I’m a mess. I’m nothing, and I’m going nowhere.”

Half of his mouth curled up into a smile. “You’re with me, right? That’s not nowhere.”

“You don’t want me. I’m a coward,” I whispered. “I was more worried about material things than keeping my child.”

“You’re wrong. I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.”

I leaned my head into his chest. He pulled me against him, holding me, while my entire body rattled with overwhelming sobs. The harder I cried, the tighter he held me. He kissed my hair while whispering words of comfort, trying anything to make the pain stop.

“We’re here, in Eakins. Somehow, we’re going to fix this,” he said as I quieted down.

I finally took a deep breath, letting my body melt into his embrace.

“I think it’s pretty obvious that I don’t just want you.” He laughed once, nervous. “I can’t stay away from you. That qualifies as need.”

I looked up at him, managing a small smile. “You’re just trying to be the hero again.”

He wiped away a tear from under my eye with his thumb, and then he gently cupped my cheeks in both of his hands. “It’s more than that.” A line formed between his brows. “I have an idea what it is, but it scares the shit out of me to say it out loud.”

I pressed my lips together, seeing the desperation in his eyes. “So, don’t say it. Show me.”

He slowly shook his head and looked down at my mouth. He inched closer, his breath skipping as he anticipated what was about to happen.

The air between us electrified. Every beat of my heart was banging so loud that I was sure he could hear it. I wanted nothing more than for him to hold me tighter, for us to be closer.

His fingers pressed into my skin as his lips barely grazed mine, but we both startled when someone knocked on the door.

“Falyn?” Abby called from the other side. “You okay? It sounded like you were crying.”

Taylor’s shoulders sagged, and he took a few steps to turn the doorknob.

Abby’s concern was replaced by anger the instant she saw my face. “What the hell is going on?”

“She’s okay,” Taylor said.

Abby glared at him with accusing eyes. “She’s bawling. She’s not okay.”

Taylor’s eyebrows lifted, and he looked at everyone around him. “But it’s not because of me. I’d let Travis beat the shit out of me before I made her cry like that.”

“I’m okay,” I said with an appreciative smile. “We’re not fighting.”

Travis made his presence known, stepping into the doorway next to his wife. “Since when does a Maddox not fight with his girl?”

Abby tried not to smile, and she nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.

“It’s not like I trashed the room or anything,” Taylor said.

I wasn’t sure what he’d meant, but the mention wiped the smug grin off Travis’s face.

Unable to let Taylor take the heat any longer, I spoke up, “We’re talking about something else, something that happened a long time ago.”

“Oh,” Travis said, suddenly enlightened. “Past shit. We know all about past shit.”

Abby narrowed her eyes at Taylor. “What did you say to her?”

“Nothing!” Taylor said, defensive.

Abby pointed at him. “You’d better not have brought her here just to make her cry, Taylor Dean!”

“I didn’t!”

“What did you say?” Abby demanded.

“That I love her! Kind of.” He paused and then turned to me.

My breath caught. “You … what? I’m pretty sure you didn’t say anything close to that.”

“Well, that’s what I’ve been trying to say for a while,” Taylor grumbled.

Abby’s mouth fell open, and then she smiled.

Taylor ignored our audience and took a few steps until he was just inches away from me. He scanned my face with such adoration in his eyes that I began to tear up again.