Beautiful Chances (The Beautiful Series) (27 page)

I awoke early, relieved at the thought of not having a nightmare. I was also extremely grateful for not waking up with a headache from the previous night’s drinking marathon. Turning to face Kyle, I looked at his handsome features while he was still sleeping. He was so young and carefree. I snuggled in closer to him, wanting to feel him beside me, as I went back to sleep.

The second time I awoke, something wet was licking my hand. I turned my head to see Harley sitting patiently on my side of the bed. Assuming he had to go potty, I got up and walked him to the back door.

After he finished his business, Harley happily followed me back to the bedroom. He returned to his bed as I collapsed onto Kyle’s bed for a second time. I snuggled back into Kyle’s side as his arms wrapped around me.

“Good morning.” He rubbed my hands tenderly. “Sleep well?”

“I did.” I smiled. “Your bed is so cozy.”

Kyle cocked his head toward me. His tousled hair was devilishly sexy for so early in the morning. “It is…but I think your body is cozier to snuggle with.” He was glowing. “And definitely sexier.”

We lay there quietly for a moment.

Then, he sat up a bit and pulled me onto his lap. “I called Dr. Peterson, and she told me she could meet with you sometime today if you still wanted to.”

That was fast.
I bit my lip nervously, hesitating, as I put my hands on his stomach. “Okay.”

“And then, I thought maybe we could go to the larger part of the lake and Jet Ski, or we could hang out here and relax,” he suggested kindly. “Your call, beautiful.”

“Here and relaxing is fine. We have dinner tonight, right?” I ran my hands up his arms.

“Ryan and Kate were supposed to join us for a double date, but Ryan texted me last night. He said Kate wasn’t feeling well, so I think it will just be us.” Kyle kissed my cheek and then my lips. “So, I get you all to myself.”

“That sounds terrible.” I giggled. “I hope Kate feels better soon. That must be horrible to be sick and pregnant.”

“I bet so too.” Kyle caressed my arm affectionately. “There is something else I wanted to ask you.”

“What is that?” I asked warily.

“I wanted to know how you feel about starting birth control…so I don’t have to use condoms anymore.” Kyle watched my eyes carefully.

Blood filled my cheeks, and I suddenly felt shy. “Oh…well, I’m already on that.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You are? Why?”

“Well, when my family passed, I started having irregular cycles, and my skin broke out from all the stress.” I shrugged uncomfortably as my fingers made small circles around his navel. “My doctor thought it was a win-win for both cases.”

“Oh. I wish I would have known that last night.” His hips lifted slightly, rubbing his erection against my sex. It thickened and elongated with the motion of his waist. “I would have come inside you…” He gave me his mischievous grin. “Instead of down your thighs.”

Shock waves rolled in an outward motion from my center. “It slipped my mind, or I would have mentioned it. I never even thought about you being inside me without protection.” My eyes widened at how careless I had been.

“I remembered.” He smiled that sexy smile I loved. “I love the things that come out of your mouth when you are otherwise…engaged.” He smirked at me.

I looked at him, bewildered and slightly embarrassed. “Like what?” I had to know.

“I love the way you moan and say my name before you come.” His eyes sparkled.

I blushed a deep red, knowing I had no power, physically or mentally, over my responses to Kyle.

“Your voice gets all breathy, almost like a whisper.” He grinned softly, rocking me on his lap. Then, his smile fled, and his expression darkened with a raw need.

“Oh.” I was unable to find words. My insides writhed and clenched. I was ready from just the way his eyes were devouring me.

“I can tell when you’re about to come by the look in your eyes. Your pupils darken, yet the rest of your eyes grow soft and warm.” His voice became gruff. “It makes me lose control.”

He flipped us over and pinned me beneath him. Desire shot straight to my sex, taking my breath away. The way he made me feel…was exhilarating.

“I love it when you lose control,” I replied.

Curling my hips up, I brushed myself along his erection. A growl came from his chest, making my mouth quirk up into a smile.

Dr. Peterson arrived just as I was pulling Kyle’s brownies out of the oven. When Kyle brought her into the kitchen, all the air left my lungs as nerves took over.

“Lily, this is Dr. Jeanine Peterson,” Kyle introduced us. He walked to my side, put his hand on the small of my back, and caressed me, trying to ease my tension.

“Hello, Lily.” Dr. Peterson stepped forward slowly, sensing my nervousness. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She smiled kindly.

I inhaled a deep breath and reached forward to shake her hand. “Hello, Dr. Peterson. It’s great to meet you, too. I’m sorry. I’m just a bit edgy.”

“I understand, and it’s perfectly normal, Lily.” Her eyes were gentle and sympathetic. “Would you like to go somewhere and talk for a bit?” she asked, as she set her bag down on the counter.

“Sure.” I was hoping the fresh air would help put me at ease.

“Why don’t you both go for a walk? Lily loves to be outdoors, especially by the water.” Kyle turned to face me. “Why don’t you show Dr. Peterson the lake?” he suggested before kissing my cheek.

He sounded like he was trying to help break the ice between us, and I appreciated the gesture.

“Okay, that sounds great. Dr. Peterson, we can head out back this way.” I pointed to the back patio door.

“Sure, and please call me Jeanine,” she offered, shrugging out of her suit jacket that fit her slim figure.

“Okay. Thank you.” I smiled as we both reached the sliding door and stepped through.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself, Lily. Kyle said you have been living in Florida for a few years now. Do you like it there?”

“Yes, I’ve been there for almost three years now. I live in Sanibel, Florida. Sandy beaches, beautiful sunsets, and warm water pulled me in, and I never left.”

“Where are you from originally?” she asked as we continued to walk out to the lake.

Harley had joined us, and he was walking quietly by my side. We seemed to be forming a bond.

“I’m originally from Colorado. I left after my family passed.” My heart began to pound as I dreaded explaining the story to her. It was the only story I hated talking about.

We approached the lake, and I sat down along the shore. Jeanine followed suit. We sat quietly for a moment, just taking in the view.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Jeanine asked softly. “I can see by the look in your eyes that you don’t like to talk about it, so in return, I promise that I will only ask you to tell me the details once.”

I hesitated, but then I decided it was time to take this leap of faith. “Okay.” I took a deep breath, and then I began to tell her the story of the whole evening—dinner, the drive, the headlights and metal, the ambulance, and waking up in the hospital to find out my family hadn’t survived. I even discussed the unbearable days leading up to the funerals that I couldn’t stay around for.

I was shaking by the time I was done. Familiar feelings of shame, regret, and loneliness pulsed heavily in my blood. I tried to remind myself to take deep breaths.
Stay here with me
, Kyle’s voice rang in my mind. A sad smile formed at my lips as I thought of Kyle. I was amazed that he could comfort me even from afar. I exhaled and pushed the pain out of my mind.
I can do this.

“And that is how you ended up in Florida?” Jeanine questioned softly.

“Yes, I needed space and time to try to heal. I couldn’t seem to do that around my aunt and cousins.” I shook my head, feeling a deep sadness. “It was too much, too many memories.”

“Do you ever think of going back? After three years, do you think you are ready yet?”

“Sometimes. Maybe to visit. I don’t think I will live there again. I’m not sure where I want to live permanently,” I said honestly.

“That is understandable. I heard that you are a writer.”

“Yes, I love to write.” I looked out toward the lake, noticing a flock of birds on a broken log. “In Florida, I love nothing more than to sit on the beach with my laptop and create a story. It clears my mind of all the bad thoughts, giving me a sense of peace.”

“And the nightmares?” Jeanine asked, waiting for my reaction.

“They happen all the time. I try to run from them, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. They chase after me and pull me in. Sometimes, I get a break, but it’s not very often. They always come back.”

“Do you ever tell anyone about them?”

“No, it’s not something I like to talk about. I don’t like to talk about any of it. The only person I have really talked to about them is Kyle because he’s been there when I wake up from them, so it’s kind of unavoidable.”

“Why do you feel like you don’t want to talk about it?”

“Well, for one, they are dark and scary, and I prefer not to taint anyone with them. Also, I guess because I feel it’s easier to keep them at bay that way. Talking about the nightmares makes me feel like they are winning.” I looked back out at the water.

Jeanine shifted beside me, taking a minute to absorb everything I had said. “Are you afraid to talk about your family and the accident because you don’t want to see other people’s reactions? Or because you don’t want to talk about them?”

“I guess a bit of both, but it’s more that I don’t want to talk about it. The pain gets to me the most. It starts in my chest and just keeps growing, and then it soon feels as though it’s going to take over my whole body if I don’t push it away.”

“The pain of loss never goes away, Lily. But we do have to learn to live with it and manage our lives around it. Over the course of our life, one of our stages of loss…is acceptance. When the time is right of course.”

“I don’t think I can accept the death of my family.” I shook my head in denial. “It wasn’t just one family member. It was my mom, my dad, and my sister…and somehow, I lived. Why? Why should I live when they didn’t?” I was on the brink of tears.

Jeanine let out a small sigh. “That I cannot answer, and no one can. I believe it is an act of a higher power that we have no control over. I certainly don’t think it was fair, Lily, but you still need to live your life to the fullest. You still need to love, dream, and aspire. You can’t just give up.”

“I’m not giving up. I just don’t know how to move forward,” I said defensively.

“That sounds like giving up to me. You need to decide what you want to start living for. Any ideas?”

“I want to live and be happy in my life. I want to be able to think of my family and all the good memories we shared…without my heart breaking. I want to live a long healthy life. I want all of those things. How am I doing so far?”

“Very good.” Jeanine smiled. “Now, you just need to start doing it.”

I sighed. “I know. I’m trying to have those things with Kyle. I
want
those things with Kyle, but I fear always seems to grasp a tight hold over me.”

Thinking of Kyle, I glanced over in the direction of the house and then turned back. I felt emotionally empty now, and it was only morning. It was proving to be a very long day. I wanted Kyle. I wanted his sweet, tender touches and comforting arms wrapped around me.

“I hope that you two can work together and make your relationship work. I can see why you two are drawn to each other.” She smiled again. “You are both very similar and different in so many ways. I have known Kyle for quite some time, and I’m happy to see he has met someone. He deserves to be happy, and so do you.”

I blushed at her compliments as I folded my hands in my lap. “Oh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Lily. I will see you again, right? I think we covered the basics very well today. I know it’s rough, but the worst is over. Next time, we can move forward. Would you be interested in doing that even if it’s just over the phone?”

I thought honestly about her question. I guessed it couldn’t hurt. “Sure, that would be great.”

“And, Lily? There is much more to do before I can give you my professional opinion, but I just wanted to say to keep your head up. Things will get better. We just need to work through them.”