Bad Son Rising (27 page)

“It feels surreal to have you here, Zac. Like a dream and I’m so afraid I’m going to wake up.”

Pulling her in for a crushing hug, “It doesn’t get more real than this, Lils.” Knowing he needed to sweep her fears away and reassure her of their stability, he pushed his own apprehension further into a corner, kicking it with the same fervor which he had kicked the insurgent after being shot. Lily feared they weren’t real, he feared that he didn’t really have a heart, not like most people had anyway. He feared this was some little game he was playing, pretending to be the new, good Zac, and that the ‘real’ Zac could appear at any given moment and blow the whole thing to shreds. And enjoy it. Enjoy destroying everything around him. And everyone’s hope.

Zac Moore was afraid of himself.

Sitting next to Marit Castillo in Woolsey Hall, Zac marveled at the beauty and craftsmanship of the old beaux-arts style building. From the dream-like murals on the ceiling to the elaborate Newberry pipe organ, the turn-of-the-century concert hall was filled with the ghosts of America’s dreamers and the exuberant energy of those just about to embark on their dreams.

Zac could feel his heart racing as he waited for Lily and her cohort to enter the building, his nervous energy exacerbated by the unsaid words between him and Lily’s mom.

Looking at his watch, there was still ten minutes before commencement was set to begin, giving Zac enough time to address the situation, and if it was not going well, ensuring a natural end to the conversation at the commencement procession’s start.

Shifting in his seat, he locked eyes with hers, a deeper, darker blue than his own. “Hurting her the way I did was the hardest, most painful thing I have ever had to endure. The wounds from the gunshots paled in comparison.”

She remained silent.

“I knew I couldn’t protect her and I’m sorry, but I could not, and would not, trust anyone else to protect her. Anything short of leaving that continent was not good enough for me. I knew she wanted to stay. And I had to make that a painful and miserable alternative for her.”

“You broke her heart. Her spirit.” Marit’s eyes narrowed, her lips barely moving as she spoke.

Only Zac could know how deeply Marit’s words sliced. Nodding, “I understand. And I am sorry. Hurting Liliana killed me. It really did. But the thought of her being in an unsafe environment, where she could be violently attacked and killed, just wasn’t an option for me. I knew what men like those who had attacked us would do to her. I wasn’t going to let that happen - at any cost. So, I didn’t have a choice. I knew she could recover from a broken heart. I don’t know that she would have had the opportunity to recover from another insurgent attack.”

“Why didn’t you contact her?”

Smiling, Zac spent a moment inside his head before beginning to verbalize his fears, “I didn’t know if I was strong enough to hear the words, ‘Go away, Zac’. And I didn’t think I was good enough for her.” Looking down, Zac didn’t know how much more honest he could get with her mother. He’d told her the truth and that was all he could do.

With eyes still narrowed, “You’re a good looking boy, I’m sure you have no problems finding dates, so what is it about my daughter, that you have come back?”

With a smile that he hoped would disarm her, “Mrs. Castillo, I have never, ever met anyone like your daughter. She is a challenge in every way and that is a great thing. I feel like we’re missing parts of one another. Her intensity makes me want to be better, to achieve more and I make her stop, look around, smile and enjoy life. We complement one another.”

Her raised eyebrows matched the near sneer on her lips. With a sinking heart, Zac realized that Marit Castillo was not going to forgive him for hurting her daughter - no matter the intent behind his actions.

Pomp and Circumstance
could not have started any sooner and Zac focused on the procession of entering seniors, needing to see Lily’s face, yearning for a smile, so that she could reassure him that everything was alright, even though she was unaware that there was anything amiss.

Packed with the new graduates and their families, the Payne Whitney Gym looked like it was competing for a Guinness Book of World Records competition for the largest line dance in college history when Zac and the Castillos arrived at Yale’s famed Boolah Bash.

An excited and proud Lily pulled Zac into the raucous celebration, eager for them both to be a part of the Yale tradition and to make even this last minute moment of her undergraduate career a memory that she shared with him.

“This is the only event where the entire graduating class and our families are together. It’s legendary.” As the line dance ended, she dragged him out onto the dance floor.

Twirling her around, the skirt of her white and red cherry sundress floated around her, dipping and waving in a near blur. Lily seemed more alive and carefree tonight than he’d ever seen her.

Pulling her to him tightly as the opening strains of Lifehouse’s
You and Me
began, Zac had Liliana Castillo right where he wanted her — in his arms
.
With her head against that special spot on his chest, Zac couldn’t help but smile. The memories flooded back. Memories of a dream that dissipated like steam every time he reached for it. But now, in this moment, he held it tightly in his grasp and finally, Zac Moore had everything he wanted but didn’t think would ever exist in the reality he called his life.

“Lils,” he whispered in her ear.

Looking up with shining eyes and that beautiful smile which was becoming exceedingly less elusive, she waited for him to continue.

“I’m going to marry you.” Zac was dead serious.

Lily’s eyes widened. “Are you asking me?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m telling you.”

Smiling, she put her head back against his chest, nuzzling her face into him.

For someone who didn’t easily relinquish control in any aspect of her life, when it came to Zac Moore, Liliana Castillo was handing it over to him willingly, carte blanche.

With a faster song starting, they walked off the dance floor, each lost in thoughts of the future, as excitement from Zac’s words vibrated around them.

They were upon Marit, before they realized she was engaged in an animated conversation, her smile bright. Zac felt Lily stiffen under his arm and looked down at her. Smiling Lily-face was gone and had been instantaneously replaced by pissy Lily-face.

“Sweetheart,” Marit began brightly, “look who I found.”

Colby Phillips turned around, an insincere smile plastered on his well-bred face, “Kitten, there you are. I’ve missed you.”

Leaning forward, he kissed her left cheek, possessively placing a hand on her right cheek and stroking it with his thumb.

Zac felt himself stiffen, but didn’t think it was visibly noticeable. Extending a hand to Colby, “I don’t think we were properly introduced the last time we met. Zac Moore.”

Colby shook his hand with a tight grip. “Ah yes, Moore. You’re Liz van der Heyden’s boyfriend.” He clearly knew better.

Zac smiled politely, “Actually, Liz is my best friend. I’m Lily Castillo’s boyfriend,” his tone cool and assured.

Turning to Lily, “Kitten, I think we need to talk.”

Lily looked up at Zac and he gave her a slight nod. She needed to end it with this guy and leave no open ends. Old Zac would have wanted to take him out. New Zac was confident enough in Lily’s feelings for him to let her handle it and quickly put it behind them.

“Such a nice young man,” Marit said, as they walked away.

Zac had had enough. “Mrs. Castillo, I love your daughter. We were put into an impossible circumstance and we both came out scarred. But we came out. And we came out alive. Anything else can be fixed. Dead can’t be fixed. I had only one goal and that was to do everything I could to save your daughter’s life. And I succeeded. I hope you appreciate that. Now I’m going to get myself a drink. Would you like one?” Zac did not wait for a response before walking away.

Returning with two glasses of white wine, Lily was back with her mother. Colby Phillips was nowhere in sight.

Zac handed each woman a glass.

“Is this your first time back?” Lily took in the campus as they drove up.

“It is,” Zac had a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Do you miss it?” Reaching for his hand, she turned in her seat toward him.

Nodding slightly, “Mostly the people. I had the best group of friends here. You’ve already met Liz. Now you’ll get to meet Brian,” he turned to her and smiled. “He was my partner in crime.”

Laughing, “Another bad boy?”

Zac’s eyes were alight, “Totally.” He was quiet for a moment, “That’s all I miss though. The people. I enjoyed the classes more at CCNY. I was definitely a better student there. I got a lot more out of it.”

“Where are we going now?” They were on the fringe of campus.

“Washington Tavern,” Zac looked jazzed. “My old pool playing stomp. And I’m going to show you off and let the other guys drool.”

As they walked through the crowded front of the bar, Zac held on tightly to Lily’s hand and prayed that neither of them got groped. Every two feet they were stopped by former classmates who recognized Zac and wanted to catch up with him.

Pulling Lily in front of him as they stopped to talk, a hand that was meant for his crotch grabbed Lily’s by mistake. Looking up at him with a shocked look on her face, eyes wide, and mouth hanging open, Zac laughed at her response. “I’m using you as a human shield,” he whispered in her ear.

Elbowing him playfully in the stomach, “You dog.”

“If I let you move, who knows whose hands I’ll end up in,” Zac teased.

“They’re going to have to pry me off you.” Lily feigned anger.

“A few more hours and you’re going to have to pry me off you.” This time it was Zac’s hands doing the groping.

As they made their way to the pool tables, Zac could see Brian and Liz at the table in the far back corner of the bar. Waving at them, he pulled Lily through the crowd with his long legged strides.

With a warm hug from Liz and a chest bumping hug from Brian, Zac was beaming with pride, “Brian, this is Liliana.”

“So nice to meet you. I hear you’ve tamed this beast.” Brian’s white smile was at full wattage.

“I don’t know about that,” she yelled over the din. “I’m not sure he’s tameable,” and she smiled at Zac.

“Oh, he’s totally pussy whipped,” Liz chimed in. “He’s yours to abuse, Lily.” Liz’s smile was bright. From the moment she learned that Zac had not let Lily walk away yet another time, she knew her friend finally had a shot at repairing his smashed compass. This was the love that was finally going to heal him, and he was not only pursuing it fervently, he was embracing it.

“Mine to abuse, huh?” Lily poked him in the ribs.

With a hand on either side of her face he smiled down at her, eyes locked. Here he was, hanging out with friends he loved, with the girl he loved. It was a moment where everything came together for him and he possibly, for the first time in his life, truly felt a part of something and whole.

“Yours in every way.” He planted a soft kiss on her lips.

Standing hand-in-hand, they waited with Liz and Brian for a pool table to open up and filled Lily in on some of Zac’s bad boy antics during his time at Bryson.

“Zac!”

He heard a familiar voice call his name and turned. In a scene straight from a reality TV show, she came running toward him at full speed, leaping and wrapping her legs around him. He had two choices, catch her or let her knock him on his ass. Unfortunately, reflexes kicked in, and he let go of Lily’s hand as he caught her.

With arms and legs wrapped tightly around him, she planted kisses all over his face. “I knew you’d come back for my graduation. I knew it. Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much.” She continued to cover him with kisses, then took his face in both hands and crushed her lips down on his.

“Britt, get down off me.” Removing his arms, he hoped she would fall away.

Shaking her off, it took a moment to recover from the assault and to realize that Lily was no longer by his side. Everyone’s eyes had been transfixed on the scene that Britt had caused that Lily’s disappearance had gone unnoticed.