So it was the most enormous shock when, even though she wasn’t a man, and was actually panicked for a second that, because of her gender, it wouldn’t count if she said anything,
Brianna Jade opened her mouth and blurted out: ‘Wait. This isn’t right.’
Edmund’s hand froze in hers.
‘
Brianna?
’ he said disbelievingly.
‘Edmund.’ She turned to look at him directly. ‘This isn’t right. It’s not what you think.
I’m
not what you think.’
‘You
are
,’ he said, looking very confused. ‘I don’t understand.’
Every member of the congregation was leaning forward, their heads almost in the pews in front of them; just below Brianna Jade, Tamra was trying to get up, but Lady Margaret was pressing her
back.
‘Edmund . . .’
Brianna Jade looked around her, at the fifty-plus faces all tilted in their direction, at the cameras trained on them from the back corners of the chapel, and dragged her fiancé around
the altar to the curved apse where they were partially concealed behind a marble pillar. She was as tall as him in her heels; she didn’t need to go up on her toes as she leant towards him and
whispered in his ear, the colours from the stained-glass windows playing over both their faces.
‘That night you were talking about yesterday? The one that you couldn’t stop thinking about, that was the best thing that ever happened to you?’
She took a breath, knowing the news she was about to deliver would shock him profoundly.
‘Edmund, it wasn’t me with you that night!’ she hissed. ‘It was
Tamra
!’
Edmund gasped out loud at this revelation. He took an instinctive step back, his shoulder knocking into the window. Brianna Jade reached out to steady him. Even with the multi-coloured light
streaming in, she could see he had gone white as paper with the shock.
‘It’s no one’s fault,’ she whispered. ‘I’m okay about it. It was an honest mistake. Tamra thought you were Dominic, and you thought she was me.’
The Earl of Respers was speechless, the congregation, unable to hear a word, agog. The vicar, deciding that an intervention might be needed at this point, started to walk around the altar
towards the bride and groom, but Brianna Jade waved her impatiently away.
‘Mom?’ she said. ‘Can you come over here?’
That request was all Tamra needed to jump to her feet, practically tearing around the pillar to get to her daughter.
‘What’s happening?’ she begged. ‘Honey, why on earth—’
‘Mom! Listen to me!’ Brianna Jade interrupted. ‘I just told Edmund: that night you had sex with Dominic after the party – it wasn’t Dominic, it was
him
!’
She took in her mother’s stricken expression, reading the guilt rather than the expected surprise.
‘Oh my God, you already know!’ she exclaimed. ‘But why didn’t you
say
anything?’
‘Honey, it was your
fiancé
!’ Tamra said, pale with shock and guilt. ‘I felt so terrible – worse than I can possibly tell you. I didn’t want to do
anything to mess up your future . . .’
‘Oh, so
that’s
why you took off so suddenly!’ Brianna Jade gasped. ‘That’s why you stayed away for so long! Oh, yay – I thought you were pissed with
me. Wow, now I get it. I get
everything
!’
She turned back to Edmund, who was still propped against the window for support.
‘Edmund, it’s okay,’ she said in utter happiness. ‘It’s more than okay. I don’t want to be Countess of Respers, and honestly, no offence, I don’t want
to be married to you either – I really don’t. Mom, it’s the God’s honest truth!’
Words were spilling out of Brianna Jade faster than they had ever done before, her tone now louder, passionate, reaching wedding guests in the front pews: everyone was unashamedly craning
forward to listen, and the
Style
photographer and videographer had both sneaked up the sides of the chapel to get closer views of what was going on.
‘I wouldn’t be a good Countess at all,’ she said, her smile huge. ‘I mean, we all
know
that, right? It’s totally not my skill set – if I even
have
a skill set.’
‘Honey—’
Tamra started an attempt to reassure her daughter, but Brianna Jade was far beyond needing reassurance. She was taking out the earrings, unfastening the necklace, reaching back to undo the
sapphire and diamond hair clip, and putting them all down on the altar.
‘It’s
you
who should be marrying Edmund, Tamra! Don’t you
see
?’ Brianna Jade looked from her ex-fiancé to her mother. ‘It’s you two
who’ve got all the stuff in common. You read the same books – those ones about the heiresses and whatever – and you can talk for hours about Stanclere and making it run properly,
and Edmund actually really liked the party you threw. Well, of course he did, considering what happened at it . . .’
Edmund and Tamra glanced at each other involuntarily, went the dark pink of Tamra’s dress, and kept looking at each other.
‘I mean, it’s obvious! It was staring us all in the face,’ Brianna Jade continued, delighted. ‘Just look at the two of you! Okay, I’m getting out of
here.’
‘You’re
what
?’ Tamra dragged her eyes from Edmund’s grey ones.
‘I have somewhere to be,’ Brianna Jade said with even greater delight. ‘Someone to see. The right guy for me.’ She grinned in sheer happiness. ‘Seriously, no
offence, Edmund. But you’re the right guy for my mom, and
he’s
the right one for me, and I need to go find him right now.’
Reaching out, she took her mother and Edmund’s hands, put them together, picked up her train and swivelled around. Kicking off her heels, she started to run down the aisle. The wedding
planner, the florist, and a few others who had been stationed at the back of the chapel jumped aside just in time as Brianna Jade flung open the doors and tore through them: the chapel was at the
end of the east wing, and there was a door to the outside almost directly opposite. In a second she had reached it and pulled that one open too, and, in her stockinged feet, she dashed away over
the lawn, the silk and lace wedding dress so well cut that it moved beautifully with her even as she tore along with the speed of a natural athlete.
Guests poured out of the chapel, riven with curiosity as to where Brianna Jade could conceivably be going.
‘Well, she’s not going to throw herself in the lake,’ Dominic drawled. ‘It’s completely in the other direction.’
‘Ohmygod, ohmygod, do you think she’s going to the pig guy?’ Minty said, actually jumping up and down in excitement, forgetting to care about her high heels sinking into the
grass and getting ruined. ‘That would be the absolute best gossip moment ever in
history
!’
‘It really would,’ Sophie agreed as Brianna Jade took a path that skirted the ha-ha. ‘I must say, this is beyond epic.’
‘Lucky Ed,’ Dominic said enviously. ‘He gets the hot cougar and probably even
more
money! God, I’m never going to get to shag her now, am I?’
Brianna Jade vanished from sight behind the shrubbery, and the
Style
journalists turned from capturing her flight to recording the reactions of the guests.
‘I must say,’ the wedding planner commented ironically to Massimo, the designer, ‘your dress looked really beautiful in motion.’
Massimo threw his hands wide, hunching his shoulders: Brianna Jade had hitched up her train, but there was no question that his exquisite creation was going to get torn up as the runaway bride
raced through the bushes. At least he could take some satisfaction in the knowledge of how wonderfully his tailoring was coping under pressure.
It truly was. Brianna Jade was tearing along at a positive sprint, and though sweat was dampening the silk and lace, and her stockings and feet were getting ripped up by the occasional twigs and
stones on the path, she didn’t even notice because adrenalin was pumping a constant stream of energy and excitement around her body. Later she would realize how cut and bruised her soles
were, but right now she was like a ballet dancer who breaks bones in her foot during a performance and doesn’t even notice until she comes offstage after the final curtain call.
The path looped into the cart track, and the cart track led to Abel’s cottage. She passed it without even checking, as sure as she could be that Abel would be at the piggeries at this time
of day. As she took the turn into the narrow lane that served the piggeries, her heart rate sped up so fast that she felt almost frantic with the need to see him, and overcome with fear that she
might not, after all. What if he’d gone down to Stanclere village to drown his sorrows at the pub, or taken off on holiday? Worse – what if that afternoon in the barn hadn’t meant
as much to him as it had to her, and he didn’t care at all that she was getting married today? What if, God forbid, he had a girlfriend who was hanging out with him?
And when she didn’t spot his large figure beside the Empress of Stanclere’s sty, she could have sobbed aloud in misery. She’d told everyone that she was going to find him! He
had
to be here, he
had
to make those crazy, romantic, elated words come true—
She could see the Empress now, her enormous shape in the middle of the sty, another enormous shape beside her. For a moment, she wondered if Abel had imported another pig to keep the Empress
company, but why would he risk the Empress having any competition for the epic quantity of food she needed to consume in order to win the Fattest Pig silver medal at the County Fair? And then, as
she neared the sty, the shape resolved itself into not a pig at all, but a very large man squatting in front of the Empress, scratching her between the ears, his head ducked down
disconsolately.
‘Abel!’ she managed to yell, though she didn’t have much breath left. ‘Abel, it’s me!’
His head rose and he stared at her in utter disbelief, this blonde vision racing towards him, her white dress hitched up to her knees, her muscled legs rising and falling even faster as she saw
him jump to his feet, start striding towards the gate in the side of the sty. But Brianna Jade was there first, and she couldn’t wait for the gate to get opened: she reached the rail, put one
hand on it, and vaulted over it in a titanic jump that did, at last, succeed in tearing her dress. Abel stepped aside just far enough to miss her feet and legs, catching her body as it shot through
the air towards him: she landed in his huge arms with an ‘Oof!’ of breath and an audible ripping sound as her train, flying out behind her, caught on a splinter of wood and shredded the
lace trim.
‘I didn’t get married!’ she said ecstatically. ‘I nearly did but then I didn’t!’
Pulling his head down, she kissed him fiercely. When she finally let him go, he was breathing as rapidly as she was, his eyes shining.
‘Your lovely dress,’ Abel said idiotically, beaming from ear to ear. ‘You tore your lovely dress!’
‘No problem – I’ll get it cut down and wear it for our wedding!’ she said, feeling absolutely drunk with love and happiness. ‘You don’t mind if I don’t
have a train, do you?’
He goggled at her, his mouth open. She couldn’t help laughing: his expression, plus his mess of hair and the dungarees he was wearing over an old T-shirt, made him look exactly like the
dozy yokel that she knew he was far from being.
‘Hey!’ She stuck her tongue out at him. ‘I just proposed to you, Abel Wellbeloved! It’s rude not to say anything back!’
‘But Brianna—’
‘You can put me down if you don’t want to marry me,’ she said.
His massive biceps swelled as he shifted her higher on his chest.
‘Of course I want to marry you,’ he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘But you can’t marry me! I’m just a pig farmer!’
‘That’s one of the main reasons I want to marry you,’ she said blissfully. ‘I’m
dying
to be a pig farmer too.’
He nodded seriously: this was, at last, something that made sense to him.
‘So that’s a yes?’
He nodded again, this time with great enthusiasm.
‘But—’ he began.
‘I’ll tell you everything later,’ she said, reaching up to kiss him again. ‘But right now I want you to carry me back into that barn we were in before and put me down on
that hay bale we were on before, and fuck my brains out just like you did before. What?’
Because, even as he started to walk towards the barn, Abel was frowning deeply.
‘We’re going to be married, Brianna,’ he said firmly. ‘I love you. People who are getting married, in love, don’t use that word. We make love.’
‘Fine!’ she said, delirious with happiness now, at the supreme achievement of having finally taken charge of her own life and made a happy ending come true not just for herself, but
her beloved mother. ‘Take me into the barn and make love my brains out!’
And he did.
Back in the chapel of Stanclere Hall, Edmund, Tamra and the highly confused vicar were the only three people left inside. Everyone else had raced outside to watch a sight they
would only see once in their lives: the near-mythical spectacle of a runaway bride. As soon as the exodus had taken place, Lady Margaret had stationed herself at the chapel doors to make sure that
no one went back inside again, and though attempts were made, no one was capable of breaching her very capable defences.
Edmund, holding Tamra’s hand, stared down at her.
‘That night was . . .’ he said eventually, in a very soft voice.
‘I
know
,’ Tamra said equally softly.
The vicar, deciding that something very important was calling her away, slipped as quietly as she could down the aisle and out of the chapel, where she joined Lady Margaret in barricading the
doors.
‘I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind,’ Edmund confessed.
They were both still bright pink, and Tamra’s colour didn’t dissipate at all as she said: ‘Me neither. It was . . .’ She gulped. ‘It was . . .’
‘I
know
.’ He paused. ‘Brianna Jade was completely right about everything, I think. I mean, you’ve been the biggest boon that could ever have happened to
Stanclere. Which is
not
the reason I’m about to say what I’m going to say.’