I toweled off and threw on a pair of boxers then climbed into my bed for a short nap. Being awake wasn't an option any longer. I needed the peace that being unconscious would bring to my inner turmoil, even if only for a few hours.
Tyler
After I paid for dinner, Riley and I left and walked side by side to The Silver Lining, also known as TSL, which was several blocks away. It was a nice night, a little on the warm side, but not unbearable and I continued to point out places that I thought he might enjoy.
As we walked, our shoulders would bump into each other’s, seemingly innocently, but I found myself looking forward to each accidental brush. There was something about him that I found extremely appealing; he had this quality about him that I couldn’t explain.
“So this club we’re going to, you work there?”
“Yeah, on Friday and Saturday nights, but I got someone to cover my shift tonight so I could show you around,” I explained.
“So does that mean I’m going to get the VIP treatment tonight?” He shoulder bumped me on purpose that time, probably to indicate he was joking but it sent chills down my spine regardless.
“I’m sure I could arrange something special for you tonight.” I took a chance and grasped his hand, threading my fingers through his.
He gripped my hand tightly and instinctively looked around but everyone around us was going about their business, not paying any attention to us. I finally felt the muscles in his hand relax after he realized there wasn’t any danger and a smile lit up his face. I was really enjoying seeing such little things bring joy to him, but then it also made me a little sad for him to remember what he’d said about not being able to be himself before.
Has he ever been with a man before? Does it matter? I don’t even want to be with him in that way… do I? Damn you, Andrew!!!
There was an outside seating area for one of the restaurants up ahead of us, so I led him to a seat and we sat down. He looked at me a little confused. “What’s up, Tyler?”
“Look, Riley, before we get to the club, I’d like to ask you a few questions so I know what to expect and what is and isn’t off limits, okay?”
He drew out his answer a little, “Okay…”
I hesitated because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answers. “How old are you, exactly?”
“Just turned nineteen a few months ago.”
Nineteen… Wow. At least he was old enough to get into the club.
“Okay, so no alcohol for you at the club then, because if I get caught contributing to a minor, even off the clock, I’d be fired.”
He laughed again. “That’s not really a problem; I’m not much of a drinker. Next question?”
“Have you ever actually been with a man before? I only ask because you mentioned about having to hide who you were back home earlier and you seem so nervous tonight.”
He looked past me over my shoulder as if he couldn’t look directly at me while he answered. “I went to a gay club in Wichita one night, a couple months after I turned eighteen. Worked up the nerve to go, told my mom I was going to stay the night at a friend’s house and then drove the two and a half hours there. It was incredible dancing with whoever I wanted to, grinding against hard, male flesh and the pure manly smell was to die for.” His eyes got all glossy as he described it. “It was probably the best night of my life so far… at least until I got home.” He shivered and his eyes narrowed like he was having a horrible flashback.
“What happened when you got home?” I asked him gently, a bit concerned with the change in his posture so I took his hand back in mine.
He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, which I knew was a technique for getting through moments of anxiety without breaking down. “Long story… Anyway, I met this guy named Gabriel, he was probably twenty-three or twenty-four—I’m not quite sure, I didn’t really ask—and we danced most of the night. He was really cute and I was incredibly turned on but it was kind of like having a sensory overload. He took my hand and led me to a dark corner and we kissed for a long time, rubbing up against each other and we ended up giving each other hand jobs in the club. He wanted to take me home with him but I wasn’t ready to give up that kind of trust to a stranger, so we said our good-byes and I went home.”
“So you’ve had some experience but you’ve never really been with a guy then?” I clarified, trying to put it in simpler terms.
“Yeah, basically.” He looked embarrassed again.
“Then I won’t be letting you go home with anyone tonight, just so you know. Everyone in that club is going to be a stranger to you and I can guarantee that there will be several who’ll want to take you home with them. With what I just heard, that’s not going to happen,” I warned him. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to tell you what to do or how to live your life, but I promised Robyn I would take care of you, and I will.”
“I appreciate that. There aren’t too many people that I can say would do that for me.” The sad demeanor was coming back, I could sense it, so I stood up and pulled him up with me.
“Okay, it’s time to go have some fun now; the club is just a couple blocks down the road. Are you ready?”
“Let’s do this thing,” he said with some enthusiasm and I was really glad to hear it back in his voice.
It didn’t take us long to get to there and when we walked through the door, I instantly felt like I was at home. TSL was a place where everyone was welcome and no one would judge you, which was great because I was pretty sure it was exactly what Riley needed.
“Hey, Big Man!” I greeted our bouncer. “How are you, man?”
“I’m good, Ty, I’m real good,” he answered, pulling me in for one of those one-armed man hugs. What can I say? It’s a friendly place. “You here as a patron tonight?”
“Yup, showing my friend Riley around; he’s new to town and needs a night to let loose!” Riley smiled shyly at Big Man; he
was
a bit intimidating. I mean at six-three and nearly two hundred and fifty buffed up, beefy pounds, he could scare the crap out of anyone, but if you knew him, he was really a big softy.
Big Man reached out and pulled Riley in for a hug too, and I could see Riley’s entire body tense up and he flinched almost instinctively.
I wonder what happened to this boy.
I put my hand on his shoulder to calm him. “Okay, Big Man, let’s give Riley some room to breathe here.” I coaxed Riley out of his grip and slipped my arm around his waist.
“Sorry, got carried away.” He flashed us a goofy grin and winked as he said good-bye, then turned to talk to some folks who had come in behind us.
After I paid the cover for the both of us, Riley got a big, black X put on the back of each of his hands to indicate that he was underage for drinking. I got my wristband then led him to the bar.
“Hey, Jesse, what’s up, man?” I fist bumped him from over the bar. “Got a good crowd going tonight, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s been crazy busy! Bet you’re glad to be on that side of the bar, huh?”
“I’m not complaining,” I answered, winking at him. “And not to mention the great company I brought with me.”
He nodded and laughed then asked, “So, what can I get you two?”
I looked at Riley who ordered a Coke while I ordered another beer. Jesse filled the orders, I paid for them and then we told Jesse we’d see him later. I led Riley over to an empty corner where we talked a bit and drank our drinks.
After we returned the glasses to the bar, I grabbed Riley by the hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor. He’d said that dancing with a man was one of his favorite things about being at a club so I wanted to let him have a good time.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and we swayed back and forth to the beat of the music. The bright multi-colored LED lights flashed wildly around the dark room as we rubbed up against each other. I could tell Riley was enjoying himself and it almost seemed as if we were in our own little world. The smile on his face was priceless and the hard-on he was sporting was impressive from the feel of things. I spun him around and tweaked his nipples through his shirt and the groan he let out turned me on like crazy.
He ground his ass up against my dick and I realized I was so hard it was almost painful. Damn, he was hot and we hadn’t even made it through four full songs yet. Riley seemed to be gaining a little more confidence, and when he turned around to face me again, his hips still moving to the beat, he trailed his fingers down my chest, flicking my nipples and grazing the bare skin right above my jeans where my shirt had bunched up and then he grabbed my cock through my pants and stroked me once.
I wanted him so badly in that moment that I leaned down and kissed him. He shoved his tongue in my mouth and wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer. His dick brushed against mine through our jeans and we moaned simultaneously. I slid my hands down his back, cupped his ass and squeezed, bringing us back together again. I was incredibly close to coming in my pants on the dance floor grinding up against him when it hit me.
What the fuck am I doing? This isn’t right… He isn’t Alex.
I pulled away from him a little too fast and he stumbled backwards into a group of dancers next to us. I grabbed his hand to keep him upright and he apologized to them quickly before turning to me with a look of genuine hurt on his face that made my heart clench.
“Want to tell me what the fuck just happened there?” he asked me, yanking his hand from mine.
“I’m so sorry, Riley; I didn’t mean to get so carried away.” I turned to walk off the dance floor, ashamed of myself for not only what I did to break my promise to Alex, but for leading Riley on and wanting him so badly.
“Why are you sorry? I was enjoying myself out there.” He shivered as if he were thinking about it. “Jesus… Fuck, that was hot.”
“I know, but I just can’t do this, to you or to me.”
“You can’t do what? Enjoy a night out with a guy while you’re single?” He closed in on me and grabbed my dick again, which was still rock hard, and squeezed. “I know you liked what was going on, Tyler; the proof is right here!”
I felt horrible. I’d promised to always love Alex and that I’d be waiting for him when he decided to come home. Yeah, it had been two years, and being with a man, especially one as hot as Riley, had felt amazing, but was the price of the guilt I’d be feeling in the morning worth one night with someone else?
“I did like it, Riley, I swear. I just don’t know if I’m ready to do this. I’m sorry if I led you on or made you think something more was going to happen.”
Riley looked at me with that hurt puppy dog look again. “I think I’m ready to go home now.”
I didn’t try to talk him into staying which made me feel like even more of a bastard. I really needed to talk to Andrew and I needed to try to work things out in my head before that happened.
“Okay, I really am sorry, Riley.” We headed toward the door and I waved good-bye to Jesse and Big Man as we left.
We walked back to my car in silence. I had no good explanation and he obviously felt rejected. God, that was so far from the truth. The truth was that I wanted him more than I’d wanted anyone since Alex and that scared me to death.
We got in the car and before I started it, I turned to face him. I cupped his cheek and stroked it gently with my thumb. I needed him to hear me and understand how sincere I was. “I’m really sorry if I hurt your feelings. I hope you know it’s not because of anything you did and that I feel like a huge jerk right now.” And I did.
“It’s okay. Andrew warned me not to get my hopes up. Just take me home, please.” There was a quiver in his voice so instead of trying to talk any more, I simply followed his instructions and took him home.
Alex
“What the fuck?” Donny shouted, anger practically dripping from his words. “Are you seriously doing this to me?” My heart was racing as he yelled at me. “So, what you're telling me is that because you've decided I can't handle this and you don't want to feel bad about it, you're putting a stop to what we've got going on?” He paced back and forth in front of me, glaring at me in the process. I could almost see the tiny invisible daggers he was shooting at me from his eyes; I'm sure he wished they were real at that moment.
“You know you mean the world to me, hun; I just don't want to see you hurting because of me,” I tried to explain, needing to smooth things over.
“NO! I'm a big boy and I've been making my own decisions for quite a long time now! Don't you dare start to think that you can control me, because I've got news for you, Alex. It won't work out well for you.” He was pointing his finger at me to emphasize each word, his voice getting angrier by the second.
“I'm sorry, but I just can't keep this up, knowing that it's hurting you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I intentionally caused you pain. You know how I am, Donny. You know how it ended up with Tyler and I can't do that again.” My heart thundered in my chest at the mention of Tyler's name.
Donny practically launched himself at me to get in my face. “Do NOT even think about bringing him into this. I've watched his memory control your fucking life for two years now and I will NOT let him control mine! I fucking love you, Alex, but I won't let you make this decision for me.”