“
Thanks Brooke. Did I ever
tell you, you’re the best friend anyone could ever have? Cause you
are. I love you. Thanks for everything.” She smiles and gets out of
the car, shutting the door and waves.
I get home and Sarah is still not here. I
can imagine where she’d be, with Lucas probably. I go upstairs and
put my backpack on the floor then lay down on my bed. I close my
eyes and hear a knock at the door. I sit up and see my mom walking
in. “Hey sweetheart. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come back
yet.” She sits next to me on the bed, looking distraught. I hate
seeing her in pain, especially knowing I caused it. Or at least
part of it. “I’m sorry mom; I shouldn’t have walked out like that.
I just. Sarah is really acting out these days and it’s affecting me
too. Um, well the truth is I’m angry with her.”
She nods her head and looks away. “I got
that much. And I’m sorry she’s not behaving. I wish I knew what to
do. I’m on the verge of sending her away.” Of course that sounds
like an ideal plan but really, would I be happy if she was sent to
some private boarding school all because she was going through some
normal teenage angst ridden drama? I’m still mad at her for taking
my best friend from me and not because I still love him, I don’t
think. We’ve been friends since we were little and he was always
there for me and now it seems I’m out of the picture. If I could
just go back and change my feelings for him, I would. I’d rather
have him as my best friend again than not have him in my life at
all.
“
Honey, what’s going on?”
She lifts my chin and tears sting my eyes. I look at her and tell
her the truth. “Mom, I still love Lucas. I tried not to. But I
can’t deny it. And now he’s with Sarah. He’s with Sarah now mom. I
don’t know how serious it is, I mean they only started dating. But
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. She’s such a bitch and she
hurts every guy she dates. He is the one guy I don’t want her
hurting.” My mom is speechless. She keeps making gestures or little
sounds like she wants to say something. But I know she’s at a loss
for words, kind of like I was. “Are you sure? That’s insane.” At
first I’m not sure if she means the fact that I’m still in love
with my ex while I’m dating someone else. Or if she means that
Sarah being with him is insane.
“
What’s insane?” She
reaches out and grabs my hand. Her eyes are filled with sympathy
and love.
“
I mean the fact that
Lucas would date your younger sister. That’s what’s insane. And
that Sarah would date your ex. It’s all very twisted. I don’t think
you having lingering feelings for him is insane at all. You were
both so close for so long. I figured it would happen sooner or
later. But what are you going to do?”
As the words sink in, I’m amazed by how
normal my mother makes it sound. Why do I feel so guilty? I guess,
I just can’t come clean with Brady yet, or Lucas for that matter.
I’m sure he’s over me anyway now that he has my sister on his hip.
I clench my stomach as a nauseous feeling settles over me. I lay
back, groaning.
“
Look honey, it won’t
last. Eventually he will see what he had with you had been real and
will probably want you back. Maybe you and Brady will not work out.
I guess only time will tell. I’m here though. I will support
whatever you decide to do.”
I lean up far enough to see her face and
smile. “Thank you mom. That’s means a lot to me.” I hug her tight
and close my eyes. Having her support is so important and she
really made me feel like I could count on her no matter what. She
pulls out of our embrace, looking at me for a moment. “Look, I know
what Sarah is doing to you is messed up, but let’s try not to let
it show for now. Okay? You don’t want her to think she’s won. Until
you sort out your feelings for Lucas, let’s not think anything is
wrong. She will get tired of him and let him go. You just do your
thing for now.” I nod and smile, laying my head on her shoulder.
She gives me a pat on the leg and gets up to leave my room. She
turns when she reaches the door. “You’re a good kid Abby. I know
you will go far in life.” And she leaves, closing the door behind
her.
Before dinner mom got a call from Sarah
saying she was at Haley’s house and might stay the night. It gives
me a break from her torture. I guess if she had to be around Lucas,
I was glad it was at someone else’s house. I couldn’t stand seeing
the two of them together. They don’t fit well. Not that my feelings
didn’t have anything to do with that statement. I walk to the sink
to wash my dishes and help my mom clear the table from our
delicious steak, mashed potatoes, stuffing and corn bread dinner.
Before I forget, “Hey there’s a party on Friday night at Eric’s
house. Brooke and Brady wanted me to go. Can I?” She smiles,
putting the dishes in the dishwasher and looks at me. “I guess that
would be good for you to have some fun. Sure. As long as you are
careful and not driving home. I’m not dumb enough to know what goes
on at these parties. I expect a designated driver.” I am baffled by
her interpretation of a good time. But I wasn’t going to question
her motives. If she wants me to have fun, then fun it is.
I kiss her on the cheek and finish cleaning
up. “Thanks mom. Believe me, I’m not driving. Brady will take me
and Brooke. We won’t be home too late.” I walked out of the kitchen
to my bedroom where I stayed the rest of the night studying.
Chapter 6
After what seems like forever studying and
doing homework, I take a break and lay down on my bed. It feels
soft and warm and inviting. Almost like it’s calling to me. My
thoughts have tired me out and I’m emotionally and mentally
drained. Thoughts of Sarah, my dad, Brady and Lucas, they all take
over my brain and I can’t concentrate. I long for the days as a kid
when I had no worries or boy drama. I could just be happy and
carefree. I sigh heavily. Looking up at my ceiling, I hear a loud
thump. I feel like I’ve gone crazy and shake my head thinking it’s
my imagination. Maybe I am going crazy.
Thump
I hear it again and realize it’s coming from
my window. I move the curtain and see Lucas standing there. He sees
me and gives a slight wave; a little worried look crosses his face.
I open it and chastise him for throwing rocks at my window. “What
are you doing?” He comes forward and leans against the brick siding
of my house. “Sorry, I didn’t know who was home. I didn’t want to
disturb the rest of your family. And I didn’t want Sarah to see me,
thinking I was here for her. Hey remember all those nights when you
used to sneak out of this window and over to my house?” He lowly
chuckles to himself, head down in a shy manner. “Don’t change the
subject Lucas. What do you want?”
He looks up at me with sad eyes and my heart
aches. I don’t want to turn him away this time. We used to do
everything together. I miss his late night calls, or his texts to
come over, or help him garden because he never knew what he was
doing. Or our walks to the river by our house and skipping rocks or
just being together-as friends. But most of all, I miss him.
“
I’m sorry; I just wanted
to talk to you. You ditched me at school today and I….I know I
messed up. I hadn’t been a good friend lately. I’m sorry. I miss
you though Abby. I miss our friendship. Sarah means nothing to me.
I guess I felt that if I was with her, I would get to see you more.
I didn’t think how it would make you feel. Actually I wasn’t
thinking at all.”
I raise my hand to stop him from talking.
“I’m sorry too. Luke, you are my best friend and we used to do
everything together. I know I haven’t called you lately either. So
in a way, it’s my fault too.” Pausing for just a moment, I add. “By
the way, Sarah is not here. She’s at Haley’s house, possibly for
the night. I figured you’d be over there.” I sit on the ledge of my
window leaving a gap between us in case he wanted to sit down. But
he stays in position. It is nice to talk to him again. I guess this
was what I needed. Maybe we will never be together, but a
friendship-I’ll take what I can get.
“
So you wanna go down by
the river? Like old times?” He smiles and I can’t help but look
away. His smile sends shivers down my spine and goose bumps spread
all over my body. Just being near him does things to me, Brady
could only dream of. Brady. Shit, I internally yell at myself for
having these thoughts of Lucas while I am still dating
Brady.
I am sitting with my legs dangling over the
edge of my window sill. Lucas finally sits next to me with his
hands folded in his lap. He is wearing some worn out jeans and a
blue t shirt that fits his form quite nicely. I keep wondering if
he ever thinks about me, the way I’ve been obsessing over him. I am
not about to ask him though, in case it isn’t what I want to hear.
I was never good with rejection. Not that it matters, even if he
did feel the same way. I am not going to just drop Brady and hook
up with Lucas. He and I couldn’t be together. It was complicated,
but he and I were never the right ones for each other. As much as
it sucked, we both knew the truth.
“
I can’t tonight. Gotta
finish my homework and get some sleep. But we can definitely do
that tomorrow maybe, if you’re free.” He perks up. It reminds me of
a dog when asked if he is hungry or wants a treat, and his ears
would go up, tongue hanging out and all. His hair, blowing from the
slight April breeze, covers his face a little. I can’t help but
blush and look away as he stares at me. I want to kiss him so bad,
I can taste it. It’s driving me insane. He hops off the ledge and
puts his hands in his pockets and leans against the brick
again.
“
Well, I guess I’ll see
you tomorrow then. And thanks for not running me off again Abby.
You’re more important to me than you’ll ever know. I’m just glad to
have my best friend back.” I hop off the ledge and walk into his
arms, catching him off guard and almost send us to the ground but
he rights us and I look into his eyes, shyly. “Me too.” I hug him
tight and he wraps his arms around me, laying his head on mine. I
hear a sigh escape his throat. I inhale his spicy scent, which
makes me dizzy. It’s intoxicating. We pull apart and he grabs my
hand, lost in his thoughts.
“
Well, I’ll see you
tomorrow. You get in there and finish studying. Have a good night
Abby.” He drops my hand; a sad expression crosses his face as he
walks away without looking back, which is a good thing because I
probably would have run back to him. After he’s disappeared beyond
sight, I turn to go back in through my window. I didn’t really need
to study, considering I had mostly finished everything. It was a
cop out I’ll admit. I wasn’t ready to be around him when I’m
feeling this strongly. Not that tomorrow would be any
different.
I sit on my bed and call Brooke.
“
Hey, I was wondering how
it was going over there.”
“
Hey, it’s fine. I had a
talk with my mom earlier. Sarah is at Haley’s and it seems she
won’t be home tonight. But that’s not why I called. Lucas came
over….”
Silence.
“
Brooke?” I look at the
phone, which shows the minutes going by. She didn’t hang up.
“Sorry, did I just hear you correctly?” I laugh and then let out a
loud sigh.
“
Yeah, he came over. First
he threw a rock at my window; I thought I was hearing things. He
said he didn’t want to disturb anyone or for Sarah to think he came
over for her. We talked. It felt nice Brooke. Really nice.
Like…”
“
No, don’t say it. Don’t
do that Abby. What are you going to do?” I wasn’t sure
myself.
“
I don’t know. I just want
my friend back. I need him back, whether it’s just that or. Well,
never mind. I know I got myself in quite a predicament. But I want
to see how it goes. I don’t want it to be weird between us.” For a
minute I wonder if he’s going to continue to see Sarah or if he’s
going to break it off. He never said and I never asked.
“
Abby? Are you there?” I
hear Brooke call back to me.
“
Yea, sorry. I got lost in
my head for a minute.” I lie down on my pillow, clutching it to my
chest. I kick my shoes off and curl under my decorative
blanket.
“
Well, I guess that’s good
that y’all made up. I know he means a lot to you. I kind of miss
him being around too.”
“
Well, it might be
difficult to be around him when Brady is there. They don’t get
along. It really sucks because then, I have to choose who to leave
out. I hate being the bad guy.”
“
I know, you always have
to exclude Lucas. Well, I’m glad things are somewhat working
out…for now. Hey I’ve gotta go, my mom needs me. See you at school
tomorrow?”
“
Yep. Talk to ya later
Brookie. Love you.”
“
Love you too Abby.
Night.” After hanging up, I put my phone on my bed and pass
out.
“
Abby.”
I am not sure how long I’d been sleeping but
I am suddenly woken up by a shake of my arm. I open my eyes and
can’t quite make out the culprit that has interrupted my dreamless
sleep. I open one eye and think I am dreaming as I see Lucas
standing over my bed and I blink a few times thinking he’d
disappear but he is still there-in my bedroom. “What the-“ I sit up
abruptly, giving myself a slight headache. I hold my head for a
minute and wince. I look down and notice I am still wearing my
clothes from that day. I look over at my clock which reads 1:30 am.
Damn, I crashed hard. I look over at Lucas in confusion. “What are
you doing here? And how did you get in my room?”
He motions to the window and looks back at
me. He sits down on my bed across from me, our knees touching
sending electrical shockwaves through my body. I freeze and almost
forget to breathe. “I had to come back. I need to talk to you.” He
stands up and starts pacing back and forth from one side of my bed
to the other, running his hands through his hair. Then he stops
midway and looks at me with determination all over his face. “Look,
I came back to tell you. To say I….I” I can’t quite decipher the
fact that he is struggling with words. He used to always be able to
talk to me, about anything and now he is at a loss for words. It is
a sight to see, but I was not aware that I had such an effect on
him. It makes me smile on the inside.