Authors: Jessica Mastorakos
“Listen, Mills,” I
kept my voice low, “Ellie is just a friend, and she always will be. I’m not in
the market for a girlfriend, and Ellie wants a boyfriend who will eventually
marry her and settle down with her. I don’t want that, and I don’t pretend to.
The girls I hook up with know what they’re getting themselves into, unlike
Olivia, who probably thinks all of this shit is romantic but doesn’t realize
that she’s probably going to be left alone more often than either of you
think.”
Mills recoiled.
“What the fuck, man?”
I braced both of
my hands on the windowsill and squeezed my eyes shut. It wasn’t fair of me to
lash out at my only friend in this place just because he was curious about my
love life. But I hadn’t told him about my past and now he probably thought I
was the biggest asshole on the planet. I pushed myself upright again and faced
him.
“I’m sorry, that
was messed up. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Mills narrowed his
eyes at me. “Yeah, no shit.”
“Look, my dad made
a career out of the Marines. He met and married my mom after he’d been in for
about five years, then they had me. He planned to put in twenty years and then
get out. I remember him promising my mom all the time that things would be
different after he got out, but she always just said she was happy with the way
things were. He was gone on deployment a lot while I was little, but he was
still my hero. Then, a couple years before he was supposed to retire, my mom
got diagnosed with cancer. Instead of getting out right then, he had to finish
his contract. They let him stay back from a deployment because she was sick…
but he missed a lot of her good years… pretty much all of them actually.”
Mills’ eyes
softened. “I’m sorry, Hawk. That had to be hard for you.”
“It was. But I
still shouldn’t have said that shit to you. It’s just that I watched my mom
struggle just like a single parent and move around all the time, and I would
never do that to a girl I cared about.”
“Yeah,” Mills
allowed, “but Olivia’s dad was a Colonel in the Air Force. She grew up in this
life just like you did, and actually liked it. Over the last five years I’ve
heard hundreds of stories about adventures they’ve had as a family in all these
different places. If this is something that she’s willing to take on to be with
me, I’m all in.”
“I’m sure you and
Olivia will be happy, Mills.”
My friend nodded.
“I’m going to go wash another window. One that actually needs to be washed.”
***
The next day, we
stood in the chow line after a brutal morning of physical training. The Drill
Instructors stood in a huddle a safe distance away from us, so I risked
whispering to Mills in front of me. I figured that now was just as good a time
as any since we wouldn’t be able to say much before we got our
asses
chewed for talking.
“Hey, sorry again
about yesterday.”
Mills whispered
back without moving his head, and I could barely make out the words. “It’s
fine.”
“I’m just a little
on edge,” I whispered.
“We all are, bro.
Now shut the fuck up before you sick the DI’s on us.”
I glanced at the
imposing men with their campaign covers and Desert Digital
cammies
.
The campaign cover was the traditional hat worn by Drill Instructors, and I thought
that it definitely added to their look of authority. I peeked down at my own
boots, annoyed instantly by the fact that my
cammie
pants were hanging down over the laces of my boots. It wasn’t until the initial
drill competition that we would be able to use boot bands to roll our pants up
to where they should be at the top of our boots. I felt like an idiot, but
supposed that was exactly the point. It was a great example of one of the mind
games they play in boot camp.
The back of Mills’
head was becoming very familiar to me. In fact, I thought the back of Mill’s
head might be more familiar to me than my own face since I rarely had the opportunity
to look in a mirror.
I still felt bad
for jumping down Mills’ throat the day before, but I was glad that we’d kissed
and made up since we’d just found out that we were heading to the same job
school after boot camp. We were both going to be Aviation Ordnance Technicians.
After standing in
line for what seemed like forever, we marched into the cool air of the chow
hall. The room was packed with sweaty recruits rushing through their meals. I
scanned the room and blew out a breath. I absolutely couldn’t wait for
graduation.
Ellie
I was surprised by
how fast the last three months had gone by. It was hard, there was no doubt
about that, but it seemed like only yesterday that Spencer and I were hanging
out at his going away party. He had seemed so happy that night, apart from the
awkward comments about Tim. I conveniently didn’t respond to what he said about
Tim in his first letter, and he didn’t bring it up again. Hopefully that meant
that the subject was as good as dead. Sure, I was grateful that he cared about
me, but he probably wasn’t the right person to be handing out relationship advice.
After taking a
long and nerve-calming shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and headed to my
closet. I flipped through the rack of clothes, then grabbed my phone off the
desk and opened my weather app. It was the last week of October, and San Diego
would be clear and sunny with a high of seventy degrees. I tossed my phone on
my bed and went back to the closet, selecting my favorite skinny jeans from the
top shelf and a brown long sleeved shirt. The material was thin enough that I
wouldn’t be hot in the sun, but it was better to wear long sleeves than short
in case the wind picked up.
I went back into
the bathroom to blow dry my hair, impressed with myself for not agonizing over
what to wear. I normally went back and forth between several outfits before
finally deciding on one. Maybe it was the fact that I was so comfortable with
Spencer that had me so focused. I didn’t ever feel self-conscious with him, and
he always expected me to be myself. I flipped my head over to blow the bottom
of my long blonde tresses, and when I righted myself I saw a girl with a
wide-eyed smile staring back at me from the mirror. Comfortable or not, I was
almost giddy at the prospect of seeing my best friend again.
Finished with my
hair and make-up, I checked the time. Interesting. I’d spent almost twice the
usual amount of time on my make-up. No big deal, I must have been distracted or
something. I dressed quickly and pulled out a pair of socks and brown boots.
Being able to wear boots made Fall one of my favorite seasons, and I loved to
shop the sales for more pairs than necessary. This compulsion of mine had
Spencer laughing every time I told him about a new pair. I could always throw
some of his habits in his face, and I often did. Everywhere we went, he bought
a new shirt, so I rarely saw him in the same shirt too frequently. I made a
mental note to buy him a USMC T-shirt at the gift shop on base.
When I was ready,
I used my laptop to look up the directions to the Recruit Depot. They had a
section on their website for Family Day, and I clicked the link. The page
outlined what I should bring, what I should expect, and how to get there. According
to the site, there was a breakfast buffet for the families, but the new Marines
wouldn’t be joining us until later. Since Spencer’s dad wasn’t going, I decided
to skip the breakfast. I didn’t want to go in there and sit at a table by
myself.
I grinned as I
continued reading the timeline for the day’s events. The first time I’d get to
see Spencer was during the “Moto Run.” There was a picture on the site showing
Marines in tiny green shorts and tight green shirts running in formation. The
families were lined up along the track. After that, apparently the Marines
would go change for the ceremony and the families would find their seats.
I wondered if I
would recognize the girl Spencer had told me about. I opened the desk drawer
and took out his most recent letter. In it, Spencer had told me to be on the
look out for his buddy Mills’ girlfriend, Olivia. Spencer had said that Mills
was planning on proposing to her that very day, and I could tell by the tone of
his letter that Spencer thought the guy was a complete moron. I, on the other
hand, thought it was adorable. I fully intended to be there to witness the
romance of it all. Yes, eighteen was a little young to be married, but who was
I to judge?
I continued
perusing through the webpage, trying to see if there was anything else I needed
to know before I got there. I learned that the Marines would be released after
a thirty-minute ceremony on the Parade Deck, and wouldn’t have to be back at
the barracks for another six hours. Spencer had already told me that he
wouldn’t be able to leave the base on Family Day, but I figured it would still
be really fun to hang out and explore the base with him.
I was sure that he
was really looking forward to tomorrow when he’d actually graduate and get to
go home. Thankfully, even though Spencer’s dad had decided to skip out on
Family Day, he would definitely be at the Graduation ceremony. I was going to
pick him up myself, just to make sure that he didn’t blow Spencer off. It was
bad enough that he was missing the first of the two days, but he better not
miss the second.
My feelings for
Spencer’s dad were complicated. I felt terrible for him for losing his wife the
way he did. But I also resented him for completely checking out after Jane
died. It was almost as if he forgot that he still had a son to take care of. I
knew that Mike had been happy when Spencer first told him that he wanted to be
a Marine just like his dad, but when they lost Jane, Mike just turned into a
complete shell of his former self.
I closed the lid
on my laptop and leaned back in my desk chair. My workspace faced a large
window, and I often sat there and stared out at my unobstructed view of the
ocean to think. My parents had chosen their house in La Jolla specifically
because of this view, and I loved it. There was nothing more peaceful than the
rolling waves of the ocean.
I wondered idly if
Spencer would be any different. The letters he had sent me had always seemed
like the Spencer I was used to. They reflected so many new experiences, but his
tone was always just the way I would expect it to be. Would he think that I was
different? After months without him, I felt like I was.
***
When I hit the
off-ramp that would lead me to the front gate of the base, traffic came to an
absolute standstill. My little white coupe was sandwiched between two very
large SUVs, and I couldn’t see anything in front of or behind me. After sitting
in the exact same place for more than twenty minutes, I opened the car door to
see what the hold up was.
As I peered around
the large vehicle in front of me, I saw that every car in the line seemed to be
going on base. I got back in the car with a huff and settled in for a long
wait.
I switched the radio to the
country channel. I tried to pass the time by singing along with my favorite
songs, but when I didn’t move more than ten feet in thirty minutes, I put the
car in park and got out again. I could see that some people were pulling out of
the line of cars and parking in a dirt lot under the freeway. It looked pretty
sketchy, but I was getting dangerously close to missing the “Moto Run” if I
didn’t hurry. I ducked back behind the wheel and followed another car over to
the lot.
After parking, I
checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. I gathered what I needed to get
on base and slung my purse over my shoulder. I locked the car and walked
briskly to the front gate. There were a few other pedestrians walking with me,
so I didn’t feel bad about avoiding the long line of cars. I made my way up to
the Marine checking IDs, and then followed the hoards of people wherever they
were going. I noticed that a lot of families had made their own T-shirts with
their Marine’s name and platoon number. I scanned the numbers and recognized
the platoon that Spencer was in. I figured that family would be the best to
stick close to, so I followed them.
My phone vibrated
in my pocket. I pulled it out and frowned at the unfamiliar number, then swiped
to open the text message.
Olivia: Hey! This is Olivia, Matt’s
girlfriend. Matt told me that you were the only one coming for Hawk, and he
wanted me to find you and invite you to sit with his family and me.
I cocked an
eyebrow at the reference to Spencer as ‘Hawk.’ Mike had been answering to
‘Hawk’ ever since I had known him, and it made sense that shortening their last
name and turning it into that nickname would happen to Spencer, too. I figured
the reason he hadn’t mentioned it was because of the connection to his dad.
Before I had a
chance to respond, another text came in from the same number.
Olivia: Sorry, I just realized you
probably don’t know my BF as Matt. His last name is Mills. I don’t know Hawks’
first name either!
I smiled. This
girl seemed very friendly, and she literally punctuated that by a smiley face
at the end of each of the texts. I typed up my response as I continued
following the other family members of Platoon 2109.
Me: Hi, thanks for the invite! I’m
walking up now, where should I meet you? His first name is Spencer, BTW.
Olivia responded
with her location and I looked around, trying to see any signs that would point
me in the direction of the Command Museum. I saw one up ahead, and figured that
the family I was stalking was probably going there too.
After what seemed
like forever, I finally walked through an arch that led to the courtyard of the
museum. I looked around for a family that had a girl my age, and cringed when I
realized that almost every group had a girl my age looking anxious to see their
Marine. I supposed that they were all waiting to see their boyfriends just like
Olivia was. Just as I was about to get discouraged, I felt a hand tap my
shoulder.
“You must be
Ellie!” A small brunette squealed, pulling me in for a hug. She looked
beautiful in her long, flowery maxi dress. The deep purples and bright yellows
of the design looked great with her olive complexion. Not to mention the fact
that she was practically glowing. This was a girl in love, no doubt about it.
I returned the hug
and smiled at the girl’s tenacity. “Yeah, how did you know?”
Olivia released me
and stood back. “Well, Matt told me you were blonde, and if you haven’t
noticed, you’re the only one wandering around by yourself.”
I glanced around,
confirming that I stood out from the girlfriends and families surrounding us.
“Very true. It’s nice to meet you, thanks again for inviting me to sit with
your family.”
“Oh, this is
actually Matt’s family. Come on, I’ll introduce you.” The bouncy brunette
headed over to a group of people all wearing matching shirts with Matt’s name
and platoon number on it. I watched her skip happily over to them, remembering
that little did she know, they would soon be considered her family, too.
***
I stood with
Olivia and Mills’ family as they eagerly awaited the sight of the runners to
round the corner. I wondered if I would even be able to pick Spencer out of the
crowd. Cheering began, and I stood on my toes to get a better view. Men in
olive green t-shirts and matching shorts ran in formation toward us. I craned
my neck, my eyes quickly scanning each of the faces as they went by.
Right in the
middle of the group, I spotted a familiar face. Spencer kept his eyes straight
ahead; they all did. He looked skinnier than when I had seen him last, but
other than that he looked the same. My stomach flipped at the sight of him and
a wild grin spread across my face as I cheered and waved with the crowd.
Spencer’s blue eyes shifted in my direction, and I could tell by the
barely-there quirk of his mouth that he had seen me.
“Did you see him?”
Olivia asked excitedly.
I nodded, smiling
at the happy tears in the girl’s eyes. I turned back in the direction of the
Marines as they rounded another corner and disappeared behind the yellow
buildings of the museum.
“Well, now I guess
we can go find our seats for the ceremony.” Olivia said, wiping the underside
of her eyes to make sure none of her mascara had run. “That was crazy. I only
saw him for like, a second, but here I am crying like a baby!”
I laughed and linked
my arm through Olivia’s as we started to follow the crowd toward the Parade
Deck. “Well, I can tell you love him a whole lot. How long have you guys been
together?”
“About five years.
We started dating the summer before high school. He’s such a great guy.”
“I’ve heard a lot
about him. Spencer’s really glad they have the same job so they’ll get to be in
more training together after this.”
Olivia smiled.
“Yeah, Matt said the same thing. I’m glad that he found a friend. I could tell
by his letters that he was really homesick, but it seemed like Spencer helped
him out a lot. You’ve got a good friend there.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“He really is.”
We had reached the
bleachers and I followed my group as they made their way up the metal steps to
an open row that would accommodate the whole family. I took a seat next to
Olivia at the end of the row, right next to the stairs. The view from the
bleachers was amazing. I gazed out at the beautifully maintained landscapes of
the base, admiring the red roofed buildings with the contrasting yellow hue of
the exterior. It almost looked like a college campus from this angle.
I turned to look
at the barracks behind the bleachers, and saw a scattering of recruits cleaning
windows and gazing out longingly at the families. I would bet my life that they
were all wishing that it were their turn to graduate. I felt bad for the
recruits that had to have their sleeping quarters right next to the Parade
Deck, since they had an unobstructed view of families embracing new Marines.
Spencer had told me in a letter that there was a graduation every week, so a
front row seat to the elusive event was constantly torturing these poor guys.
“So, how long have
you known Spencer?” Olivia asked.
“Since middle
school. We’ve been best friends since high school, though.”
Olivia nodded.
“Right on. And you’ve never dated before?”