Authors: Laura Dower
Back Online (7 page)
“Maddie!” Dad's voice boomed.
MadFinn has left the chat room.
Madison snapped her laptop shut. He sounded angrier than angry. Uh oh.
A moment later, Madison learned why.
Phin had attacked a box in the hallway. It was now shredded. The object inside the box had chew marks on it, too. Then he'd gotten so excited about it, he'd peed on the rug.
Madison didn't know what to say. Dad was waving his arms and pointing at Phin, who had scurried under the sofa with his little curlicue tail tucked down.
“Jeff, we can fix this,” Stephanie said, examining the newly munched section of a table leg that had been lying unassembled in the box. Stephanie had a bottle of Stain-B-Gone and a cloth. Madison grabbed it and tried to clean up the pee.
Dad shook his head and grumbled. “Phinnie can stay for this trip, Madison, but never again. Never. Again. I am tired of this!”
Phin's whole body was shaking under the couch. Madison didn't go over to him right away. She had to figure this out and make things right first. Dad hardly ever got mad like this.
Stephanie pulled Dad over to the hallway, and they began whispering excitedly. What were they saying?
“Really?” Dad yelled at one point, pulling his arm back. Then his face softened. “No, I see what you mean.” He tore off the wrecked cardboard and sighed.
“What's the table for?” Madison asked.
“Forget the table. Let's just eat dinner,” Dad barked. “Phin can wait in the bathroom while we do.”
“Daaaaaad,” Madison groaned. “He's just a dog. And he was just at the vet. He was frisky, that's all. ⦔
Stephanie moved over to Dad and put her arm on his. “Dinner is all ready,” she said calmly. “And I've got food for Phin, even if he was a bad, bad doggy. Ahem.”
The longer Stephanie was in Madison's life as stepmom, the more she'd make these little gestures or comments that felt so right, like the perfect Mom thing to do. Like right now, she was giving Madison a look that said, “Let's give Dad a chance to cool off. Phinnie will be fine.”
The first few bites during dinner were silent, but then the conversation began. Dad started grilling Madison about school and homework. Dad was
not
cooling off. Not one bit. She wanted to scream.
“Do you have a lot more homework to finish tonight?” Dad asked.
Madison bit her tongue. “A little,” she mumbled.
“What's a little? More than ten pages? Less? Tell me.”
Madison waved her fork. “I don't know,” Madison said with a little bit of attitude. She knew where this conversation was going. “I almost finished my science lab, and I have a chapter for English class, too. Why do you care?”
“Why do I care?” Dad snapped.
“Jeff, please ⦔ Stephanie tried to interject.
“What did you do this afternoon, Maddie? I can't have you coming over if you're not going to behave and do all your work in the afternoon. That's the deal.”
“Jeff, why don't we just have dessert, and then Maddie can finishâ”
“No!” Dad interrupted. “I am tired of this.”
“Jeff, please don'tâ”
“Dad, I didn't know we had a deal. I thought I came over to stay with you because ⦠well, because you love me.”
“I do love you!” Dad howled.
“Jeff!”
Silence fell over the table.
Dad ran his hand through his hair and let out a long breath to calm himself down. “Of course I love you, Maddie. It's just that I'm frustrated.”
“With what? With Mom?” Madison asked. “Because she leaves and you get stuck with
me
?”
“Madison!” Stephanie gasped. “That really wasn't ⦔
“Madison, work has been a bear, and I'm trying my best. I just don't have time for a pug with a chewing disorder and a daughter who doesn't do her homework,” Dad growled. His voice was shaky. “Your mom has no idea how much she inconveniences things. No idea!”
“Dad, I understand, and you don't have to watch meâor Phinâanymore, okay?” Madison said. “I can stay with Aimee or Fiona or someone else. Whatever. I don't want to inconvenience you. I didn't know you felt this way.”
“Madison, that is NOT what I am saying!” Dad bellowed.
“Jeff, lower your voice. I really think you're overâ”
“Over
nothing
!” He cut off Stephanie. “This is still my house.”
“
Your
house?” Stephanie said, standing.
“Um ⦠Isn't it Stephanie's house, too?” Madison asked.
“Why thank you, Maddie,” Stephanie said, putting her hands on her hips. She shook her head and stared down Dad with a look of total disappointment. “Perhaps you'd like to answer that one, Jeff?”
Dad's face went pale. “This house is for all of us. Oh, I know that,” he said. “You're both getting it wrong. You're messing with my words.”
Dad put his face in his hands. Stephanie went right over to him. She touched his shoulder gently.
“Jeff, it's time. Tell her the
real
truth. Tell Madison what all this is really about. Let's both tell her.”
She and Dad stood there, eyeballing each other for a full minute. Dad was breathing so hard, his chest heaving up and down like something was stuck in there.
Phinnie crawled out from under the sofa, and Madison worried that Dad would snap. But he didn't snap. He didn't even notice the dog.
Dad stood very still, leaning on one of the dining room chairs. Then he walked over to the pile of wood and other things he'd emptied from the mystery box.
Madison felt a knifelike pang in her side. Why did Dad look like that? Why was he acting this way? Was this the announcement of the Big D, round two? That would explain why Dad couldn't bring himself to talk about anything. That was also why Stephanie didn't want to tell Madison first. They knew it would be too hard for Madison to understand or even survive. Bad news was coming like hot lava ⦠and there was nothing Madison couldâ
“Hey!” Madison blurted out. “You guys are making me nervous. What's going on?”
Stephanie rubbed Dad's shoulder. “Jeff, it's time,” she whispered.
“The truth is,” Dad started, sniffling, “Madison, this isn't really about Phin or your mother.”
“And it's not about a table, either, is it?” Madison crossed her arms.
Dad picked up a few pieces of the wood and stared at them in his hands. “This table ⦔ Dad choked on the words.
“Madison,” Stephanie said softly, “it's a changing table. For the baby.”
“Baby?” Madison's eyes grew wide. “Wait. What baby?”
“Our baby.”
“You're having a baby?!” Madison squealed.
All at once, Dad started to cry, for real this time.
Chapter Six
ALMOSTS
The past 48 hours have been a mega-WHOA.
Rude Awakening:
I've heard of crying like a baby, but tonight Dad cried about a baby. Awkward AGAIN.
Here's what Dad told me: Stephanie got pregnant, but THEN she got sick and that made the baby inside of her sick, and then I think she was in the hospital for a little bit, but I did NOT ask for any of the real details after that. It was the hugest secret in the universe, and somehow they kept it from me? I almost had a brother or a sister? I'm not sure if I'm angry or sad or what. How am I supposed to feel about something like this???
It's like life keeps bringing all these “almosts” (a baby, a boyfriend, whatever â¦) but then snatches them away again.
First, I almost stopped being in major like with Hart, and then he emailed, and now I don't know what to do or feel. And I keep running into Dan, and for some reason he is cuter than usual, and that's a feeling I should totally ignore.
I was this close to having an almost-role on Aim's reality show. But now the show will probably be canceled or relocated, and she's acting weird. She won't talk about it no matter how many emails I send, and she definitely won't talk about it at school. Of course these TV things change all the time, so it might start up again. Was it ever really happening in the first place? I have a lot of questions.
And what about the fact that I believed Mom when she said, “I'm ALMOST done with these business trips”? When she promised things would be different with work??!! She swore she wouldn't travel last minute and that she would cook more and that she would come to school and offer this filmmaker workshop the PTA asked her to run. Yeah, right. Mom is always GONE. She forgot to pick up Phin before she leftâwhat does that say??!!! Fiona jokes that “Francine Finn phones it in,” every time Mom texts or wants to Skype. I know that it's pretty rude to say that, but I don't care. My friends are so right. Mom says, “I just had to take this one trip, honey bear, and then I will be right back. I swear. ⦔ According to my files, Mom has said words like that exactly 31 times.
It makes me want tÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂoÂo
When Madison woke up on Thursday, her laptop was still wide open to the document she'd been writing last night. She must have leaned on the
O
key too hard as she was dozing off. Madison rubbed her eyes and hit SAVE before shutting down the computer.
Phin was somewhere else in the apartment, not here. Madison made the bed, got herself dressed in her ripped-in-all-the-right-places jeans, the
GRRRRLY
shirt with the bear on the front, and her crocheted sweater. She went downstairs for breakfast, wondering if Dad was still there or if he'd already left for work.
Stephanie was in the kitchen stirring something in a shallow pan, humming to herself. Madison could see that Stephanie's eyes were bloodshot. Her stepmother had obviously been crying most of the night. The whole kitchen was filled with sadness.
“Hey,” Stephanie said, putting down the spatula. She came right over and hugged Madison. “You should eat and pack up your bag. School starts in an hour.”
“What's to eat?”
“Finn gruel,” Stephanie teased, “with eye of newt and tongue of frog.”
“How do you even remove a tongue from a frog? Seriously ⦠how?” Madison quipped.
Stephanie kissed her on the head. “I have often wondered that myself,” she said, scooping out some warm oatmeal into a porcelain bowl with the words
GOOD EATS
on the side. “Frog scissors?”
Madison loved Stephanie's oatmeal with maple syrup and brown sugar and walnuts all over the top. Stephanie's meals were like hugs.
At her feet, Madison found Phin, in sentry pose with his little head cocked to one side. He stared at Madison with a blob of drool hanging from his mouth.
Madison ignored his slobber and dug into the large bowl of cereal, wordless. Really, what was there left to say?
Stephanie shuffled back around the kitchen island and poured Madison a cup of orange juice. “Well, this hasn't been the happiest visit of all time,” she said, sliding the cup over to Madison. “I'm sorry if you get put in the middle of things sometimes.”
Dad popped into the kitchen, tying his necktie. “Can you help me with this, Steph? I'm all thumbs.”
“So all thumbs, no fingers ⦠I guess that means you can't clap,” Madison chimed in. “Or snap.”
The lousy joke sat there on the counter for a few seconds, and then Dad burst into laughter. “Maddie, you can do better.”
Madison smiled. “I get my best bad jokes from you, Dad.”
“I'm sorry, Maddie,” Dad countered, speaking more seriously now. “I'm sorry if we've been unfair to you.”
“No, Dad,” Madison said. “What's not fair is you not having a baby.”
“We have
you
, Maddie,” Stephanie said. “Now let's talk about something else. The Madison taxi leaves in ten minutes.”
Dad came over to Madison and kissed her gently on the top of her head.
“Stephanie is right, Maddie. We have you.”
Madison didn't mind one bit having Stephanie on drop-off duty. Her stepmom packed an awesome lunch: cheese sandwich, sliced apples, yogurt raisins, a bag of chips, and cucumber slicesâa regular feast of snacky foods, better than a Bento box. Better than Mom's?
Madison went back to pick up the last of her bedroom mess and get her school stuff together. Phin stretched out on the carpet like he owned the placeâand like he wasn't going anywhere. But then he wasn't. Stephanie was doggy-sitting while Madison was at school.
“Ready to go?” Stephanie called up.
Madison glanced down at Phinnie. “No more chewing. Be good or else,” she said, blowing her pug a kiss before heading down to the parking garage with Stephanie.
The drive over to Far Hills was over before it even began. Stephanie hit green lights all the way. She said it was a lucky way to start the day, especially after what had happened the night before.
“Your dad loves you so much,” Stephanie said. “I think he's a little embarrassed about last night.”
Madison shrugged. “Yeah, I know.”
“So what's going on in school today?” Stephanie asked.
Madison gazed out the window. “The usual plus I have Spanish and Tech during last period. And I'm sure there will be some kind of weird drama today. There always is.”
“At home, at schoolâit never stops!” Stephanie said, pulling up to the curb. “Well, we're here!”
“Bye,” Madison said. “Thanks a zil.”
“I'll bring Phin later when I pick you up, okay?” Stephanie cried out through the car window.
“Great!” Madison waved to Stephanie as the car pulled away, but as she turned to run up the school steps, Madison lost her balance.
Whapppp!
Madison slammed to the ground hard, and her bag, of course, spilled open. Out flew notebooks, paper, her pencil case, a pair of ballerina flats she'd forgotten Aimee stuffed in there, her favorite hoodie, a water bottle (which thankfully did not explode on contact), and horrifyingly ⦠her orange laptop.
Madison watched as the laptop tumbled, step by step, down, down,
down
onto the next concrete landing. Her gut clenched
.
Her homework, her files, her
life
was on that machine. She wanted to spring into the air and scoop it up, but she could hardly stand up.
All around her, kids scrambled to pick up the things that had flown out of the bag.
“Are you okay?”
“What else did you have?”
“Do you want to go to the nurse?”
“Maddie!” she heard. Fiona came over, followed immediately by Aimee.
“OMG!” Aimee cried. “We were walking up, and I saw you turn and trip and ⦠Oh, Maddie, you might wanna pull down your shirt.”
“What?” Madison felt her cheeks go beet red. Her shirt was practically up over her
bra
. She pulled it down faster than fast.
“Yo, Madison,” Egg snickered and reached out to lend her a hand. “I mean, I know the time of year is fall and all that, but it doesn't mean ⦔
Drew was right there, too, giggling.
“Hey, Maddie's always falling for someone,” Aimee said cheerfully.
Of course
, Madison thought to herself. She couldn't just fall like a normal person. She had to make a scene, lose everything she was carrying, get her shirt pulled up,
and
have every single one of her BFFs show up at the exact same moment!
“Hey, Maddie,” Fiona said, pointing to Madison's hands and legs. “We have a bleeder.”
Madison glanced down. What?! Her ripped jeans were really ripped now, exposing a scraped knee. Her hands were raw, too. She was a mess.
“Tough break,” someone said, handing her the laptop. Madison saw the big dent, and one edge of the cover had cracked off.
“Thanks,” she mumbled and glanced up to see Dan standing there. Today he had on a cool faded T-shirt with a nubby sweater, black jeans, and Doc Martens. Something about him was different. Madison wasn't sure what.
Dan reached for Madison's hand.
“Let me help you get all this back in your bag,” Dan said, letting go and leaning down to grab whatever had dropped. Aimee and Fiona were there, too, helping.
Madison was glad Dan let go. Holding his hand felt so â¦
“Uh ⦠yeah ⦠uh ⦠thanks â¦
everyone
⦔ Madison said, looking around.
All at once, someone came up and smacked Dan on the backâand just like that he turned, high-fived the kid, and bounded up the steps toward school.
Fiona grabbed Madison by both shoulders.
“Okay. What was
that
about?” Fiona asked.
“What?”
“Dan's being Mr. Helpful, isn't he?”
“What does that mean?” Madison asked. “Friends help.”
Madison's eyes absentmindedly searched the steps for Dan. Was that his backpack heading inside? Wait! Was that
Leyli
chasing after him?
“Maddie, is there something you forgot to tell us?” Fiona asked, smirking.
“What?” Madison said. “Ewwww. You're talking about Dan? Pork-O!”
“Well, he really isn't Pork-O anymore,” Fiona said. “He's actually getting
cuter.
He has muscles now.”
“
Blecch
,” Madison said. “He'll always be Pork-O to me.” Madison laughed aloudâat Dan's expense. She felt a little guilty when she heard herself do that, but it
was
a funny thought. And she'd had enough embarrassment for one morning.
“Yeah, what do I know.” Fiona said. “There will always be one true Hart.”
“Right,” Madison said.
“Hurry up, students!” Ms. Goode, the assistant principal was perched at the top of the landing, where everyone entered the school building. Aimee, Madison, and Fiona raced up the steps. No one wanted to snag a late slip.
Lucky for Madison, she escaped without any major angst about incomplete homework, and the remainder of the day was pain-free. In social studies, she actually answered a question that stumped all the other studentsâincluding Poison Ivy! Madison finally caught up with Leyli in English class, but her new friend seemed totally overwhelmed.
“This place is bigger than I thought,” Leyli said.
“Maybe you should do cartwheels from one classroom to the next,” Madison joked, referring to Leyli's awesome gymnastics skills.
“Back handspring coming right up.”
Near the end of the school day, Madison ran into Poison Ivy in the third-floor bathroom, and they talked a little bit about science. Once again, they were lab partners. This year, however, science with Ivy wasn't a prison sentence for Madison. In fact, it involved no sentences whatsoever. Ivy wasn't copying Madison's notes anymore.