Baby's First Homecoming (3 page)

“I’d have taken care of you and Jamie,” Clay said.

“You would have.” His sense of duty was nothing if not strong. Unlike his father’s. “Jessica, I was pretty sure, might have objected to you having a child with another woman.”

He didn’t answer, letting her know she was right.

“I refused to be responsible for ending your marriage before it even began.”

“That was my decision to make. Not yours.”

“Blame the hormones. I was confused and—” she decided to be honest with him “—hurt. I wasn’t thinking entirely clearly.”

She’d also been depressed. Deeply depressed. Enough that her obstetrician had become concerned and prescribed private counseling along with a support group. Sierra’s health insurance didn’t cover counseling, and she wasn’t earning enough money to pay for it out of pocket. She did attend a support group. Three meetings. Talking with other single mothers in similar situations had only made her feel worse, not better.

Chronically sick, hormonal and at an all-time emotional low, she’d been an easy target for someone with a personal agenda. Like the Stevensons.

“I didn’t intend to hurt you, Sierra. Those two weeks we had together were wonderful.”

“Not wonderful enough, I guess.” The wound he’d left her with ached anew.

“You were going back to San Francisco. My job was here. If I led you to believe we had a future—”

“You didn’t.”

Sierra had been the one to hope for the impossible. Clay and Jessica had dated for years. Six, no, seven. They were constantly breaking up, only to reconcile days or weeks later. Sierra had been a fool to think he wouldn’t run back to Jessica the second she snapped her fingers.

“What made you decide to come home?” He’d gotten around at last to asking the second-toughest question.

She took her time, watching Jamie push the keys across the floor instead of answering Clay. It required all her willpower not to dash into the kitchen and grab Jamie. She didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to be having this conversation with Clay. What had made her think returning to Arizona was the solution?

“Sierra?”

“My brothers’ wedding, of course. And I realized I needed help. Raising a child alone isn’t easy.”

“Are you home for good?”

“I…” Here was another chance to fib, but she couldn’t. “I think so. I haven’t discussed it with Dad yet.”

“You weren’t planning on telling me, were you? Not ever.”

“I thought it best to get settled in first. Give my family time to adjust.”

“Bullshit!”

“I told you, I thought you were in Texas.”

“You could have found out easily enough if you’d bothered asking.”

She shot to her feet. “You have no right to lecture me!”

“And you have no right to hide my son.” He stood, too. “What was it? Revenge? Because I hurt you?”

“God, no!”

He snorted. “Right.”

Jamie began to wail. One glance informed Sierra he was responding to her and Clay’s escalating argument.

She went to him. Clay didn’t object when she lifted Jamie into her arms. Patting his back, she murmured soothing phrases until he quieted. Before too long, he wanted down again.

When she released him, he toddled over to the cabinet under the sink where there was probably bleach, dish soap and a multitude of potentially dangerous cleaning products. Sierra opened an overhead cupboard and found some plastic cups and mugs. Sitting on the rug in front of the sink, Jamie proceeded to bang cups against mugs in a noisy symphony.

“You’re good with him,” Clay observed when she sat back down.

“I’m learning. Every day is a new experience. A new lesson.” Many of them hard.

“At least you’ve had the opportunity these last, what? Fourteen months. I’ve missed out on everything.”

She swallowed. Now that the moment had come to reveal the whole, horrible truth, she was having second thoughts. Clay was already angry with her. He might try to obtain custody of Jamie by proving her to be an unfit mother. He might win for, in her mind anyway, she was indeed the worst mother on the planet.

Lying to Clay and everyone else was the only way she could protect herself. Protect Jamie.

Her mind in a whirl, she opened her mouth, ready to blurt some concocted story. Clay’s eyes stopped her cold. They were no longer ablaze with anger but filled with sadness and grief.

He truly regretted those missing fourteen months with Jamie.

Sierra’s own heart shattered. Could she have been any crueler? She’d done to Clay exactly what the Stevensons had done to her—stolen a child from his parent.

“I’ve missed out on everything, too.” Tears pricked her eyes, and she brushed them away. “Except for the last three weeks.”

“What are you talking about?”

There was no easy way to say it, no way to soften the crushing blow she was about to deliver. “I gave Jamie up for adoption when he was born. Last month, on January twenty-third—” she’d remember that day always “—he was returned to me.”

His expression darkened. “I don’t understand.”

“I gave him up for adoption. His…caretakers—” she refused to use the word
parents
, even with
adoptive
in front of it “—changed their mind and returned him to me.”

“You gave him up?” Clay recoiled in disbelief.

To Sierra, it felt like a slap.

“Why? How could you?”

Good question, and one she’d asked herself a thousand times.

“I was ill all during my pregnancy. Really ill. Day and night.”

“That’s no reason.”

“I was also an emotional wreck. I took the news of your marriage hard.” Boy, that was an understatement. “Maybe because I was pregnant, things overwhelmed me. I was alone. I didn’t think I could confide in my family. My job didn’t pay that well, had minimal benefits, and I was required to travel ten days a month. I wanted Jamie, truly I did. I just didn’t know how I was going to manage everything.”

“So, you decided not keeping your baby was easier.”

The disgust in his voice cut her to the bone and echoed her own feelings about herself. This was why she hadn’t come home before or confided in her family.

“It didn’t happen like that. I was vulnerable, physically and emotionally weak. Confused and scared. I don’t remember when my boss Ken first approached me about adopting Jamie. He was subtle, dropping tiny hints here and there, letting me get used to the idea slowly. The next thing I knew, I was in my last trimester and meeting with him and his wife and their attorney in order to finalize the adoption.”

“You had to understand what was going on.”

“I did understand.” Sierra shoved her fingers through her hair. She’d gone over this again and again in her head, tried to justify what she’d done. So far, she hadn’t. How could she expect Clay to understand? “They were very persuasive and nice. Or so I thought. Ken and Gail had been married twelve years and spent most of them trying to have a child. I was sure they’d be good parents, give Jamie a better life than I ever could. They helped me, supported me, paid my medical bills. I believed they wanted what was best for my baby. I didn’t realize they were manipulating me.”

“You wouldn’t have had to go through that if you’d told me you were pregnant.”

His sanctimonious attitude irritated her. “That’s easy for you to say now that you’re divorced.”

“You’re right,” he admitted grudgingly.

“Believe me, I regretted my decision the moment I handed Jamie over to the Stevensons in the hospital.”

“Why didn’t you tell them you’d changed your mind?”

“I signed an agreement. And I was still convinced they’d be better parents than me.”

“What happened?”

“Instead of getting my old life back or my new life together, I fell apart. Guilt, regret, remorse, you name it. Every aspect of my life suffered. I hit rock bottom and was about to lose my job, my apartment, friends, probably my family. I thought of hiring my own attorney, something I should have done in the first place, and seeing if I could get Jamie. Not long after that, Ken and Gail contacted me out of the blue. They didn’t want Jamie anymore.”

“What?”

“Gail had finally gotten pregnant. With twins. She was almost eight months along. Guess they were like those childless couples you hear about. They adopt, and suddenly the woman conceives.”

“That’s no reason to give back your child.” Clay sounded as appalled and disgusted as Sierra had been. “He’s not a shirt you decide you don’t like once you get it home from the store.”

“Gail said they never really bonded with him. And now that they were having their own biological children, they thought they’d give me first shot before their attorney arranged another adoption. She said they were also concerned about the baby’s father.”

“Me?”

“You didn’t sign off on the adoption, which is usually required. Ken and Gail’s attorney had advised them not to go ahead without your signature, but they were desperate and willing to take the chance you wouldn’t appear one day. That changed when she got pregnant.”

“And you decided to come home.”

“I quit my job, gave up my apartment, cashed in my 401K and headed here. Now that I have Jamie, nothing or no one is going to take him from me again.”

“I see,” Clay said in a tone that made Sierra think he didn’t see at all.

“I’ve been given a second chance, Clay. An opportunity to correct all the mistakes I made.” The hell with her pride. She’d plead with him if that was what it took.

“Do those mistakes include not telling me?”

“I’m here now, and I’ve explained everything.”

“Have you?”

Everything except the part where I fell in love with you.
“Yes.”

Jamie promptly abandoned the mugs and cups and waddled over to Sierra. She gathered him to her and kissed the top of his downy blond head.

Clay watched them. “We’re going to have to come to an agreement about him.”

“All right.”

She’d let him visit Jamie at the ranch. A few times a week if he wanted. Then later, say next year, when she’d conquered her separation anxiety, Clay could take Jamie for the afternoon or maybe the whole day. Assuming she was still in Mustang Valley. She’d need a new job and these days a decent one was hard to find. Chances were she’d have to look outside the Scottsdale area, possibly outside the state.

“I’m glad you agree.” Clay stood, went over to Jamie and patted his head, his smile tender and, this was a surprise to Sierra, almost fatherly. “I’ll have my attorney contact you this week regarding the custody agreement.”

“Custody agreement? Don’t you mean visitation?” Sierra also stood, Jamie holding on to her leg.

Clay reached for Jamie, hefted him into his arms. “I want joint custody of our son.”

“No! Forget it.”

“We’re going to raise him together, whether you like it or not.”

She didn’t like it. She didn’t like it one bit.

Chapter Three

Clay rang his mother’s doorbell. She always told him to use his key and just come in, but he didn’t feel right about that. Perhaps because the spacious townhouse in the upscale Scottsdale neighborhood had never struck him as home.

His
mother’s
home, he reminded himself.

The door swung open. “Clay, sweetheart! Come in.” Blythe Duvall kissed his cheek. “I’m so glad you called. What a perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon.”

He gave her a fond squeeze before releasing her. “How are you, Mom?”

“Great. I shot an eighty-seven this morning. My best game in months.”

All this time, and it still surprised him to see her in golfing attire. Or in the business suits and heels she wore to the title company where she worked as an escrow officer. She should be in jeans and boots and the floppy straw hat she’d refused to give up till it literally fell apart on her head.

Except she hadn’t lived on a ranch in more than eight years and probably wouldn’t ever again.

“Good for you.” Clay followed her into the kitchen where a newspaper lay spread open on the breakfast bar.

“Can I get you something? A cold drink? Coffee?”

“Just ice water.”

“You sounded so serious on the phone.” She busied herself pouring their water. “Something the matter?”

“Not exactly.”

He sat on a stool at the breakfast bar and let his gaze travel the stylish, ultra-contemporary kitchen, with its high-tech appliances and built-in flat-panel TV. Like his mother’s clothes, the kitchen felt wrong. He remembered her cooking hearty meals at their huge gas range and a refrigerator covered with photos, reminder notes and school papers.

His parents had divorced about the time his father exercised a small-print clause in his contract with the Powells and sold off their land, effectively putting them out of the cattle business. Clay honestly didn’t know if the sale of the land was the final straw in a marriage circling the drain or a last-ditch effort to save it.

The story changed depending on which parent was telling it.

Because his mother sided with Clay against his father regarding the Powells’ land, they had remained close. Neither of them kept much of a connection with Bud Duvall.

“I have some news,” Clay said. “Rather incredible news.”

“Uh-oh.” The twinkle in her eyes dimmed, replaced by worry. “The last incredible news you had was when you told me you and Jessica were getting married and moving to Texas.”

They both knew how badly that had turned out. No two people had been more ill-suited for each other or more blind until it was too late.

“No, I’m not getting married again.”

“What is it then?” She placed two glasses of ice water on the breakfast bar and slipped into the stool beside him.

He hesitated, honestly not sure how his mother would react. She wanted grandchildren. She also wanted Clay happily married and settled first.

“I told you Sierra Powell was coming home for the wedding.”

“You did.”

Clay’s mother and Sierra’s mother had been good friends before tragedy had struck, cutting Louise Powell’s life short.

“She brought her young son with her.”

“Really! I wasn’t aware she had any children.”

“No one was, including her family.”

His mother’s hands flew to her cheeks. “That must have come as a shock. Though I’m sure Wayne is overjoyed. He dotes on his granddaughter, Sage’s daughter, too.”

“He is overjoyed.” Clay inhaled deeply. “There’s something else you need to know. It’s good news, I assure you. But unexpected.”

“Now you’ve got me scared.”

“Sierra’s son… Well, I’m the father.”

His mother stared at him blankly for several seconds. “How in the world did that happen?”

“The usual way.”

“You haven’t seen her since her mother died.”

“I have. Two years ago when she came home for a visit. We didn’t tell anyone. We thought it wise, considering how her family felt about me, us, at the time.”

“You cheated on Jessica with Sierra?”

“No. Jessica and I were on the outs. I ran into Sierra at the Corner Diner. We got to talking, hit it off, and one thing led to another.”

He summarized his brief affair with Sierra and what she’d told him about her pregnancy, Jamie’s birth, adoption and getting him back.

“I can’t believe it.” His mother’s happy smile warmed Clay. “I’m a grandmother. Wait till I tell—” She stopped, covered her mouth. “What am I saying? Poor Sierra. Such a terrible ordeal for her to go through.”

Her? What about him? “She kept my son from me!”

“You dumped her.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“It was entirely like that. No wonder she was hurt and confused.”

“She had no right to pawn Jamie off on strangers.”

“We’re all guilty of making bad decisions we later regret.”

True. Clay was a walking, talking example. “I told her I want joint custody of Jamie.”

“Is she agreeable?”

Clay thought back to how he and Sierra had parted yesterday at Ethan’s apartment and her vehement protests. “She’d prefer I start with supervised visitation. I told I have no intention of being an every-other-weekend father.”

His mother reached over and covered his hand with hers. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, sweetheart, but why not?”

“I’ve always wanted kids. That was one of the reasons Jessica and I divorced.”

“I remember how devastated you were when she miscarried.”

“She didn’t want children, Mom. She couldn’t have been more relieved.” Clay was the one who’d grieved over the loss. When he’d discovered not long after that Jessica was secretly taking birth control pills, their shaky marriage had rapidly deteriorated. “This is a second chance for me.”

“I worry that you’re so busy. You work seven days a week at the rodeo arena. You’re at Powell Ranch at least two days a week helping Gavin with the stud and breeding business. And then there’s the wild-mustang sanctuary. How are you going to fit raising a child, a
young
child at that, into your life?”

“I’ll hire more help if necessary.”

“I suppose you could.”

“What happened to the happy grandmother?”

“I’m thrilled, of course. And I’ve always liked Sierra. It’s just such a huge responsibility and an enormous adjustment. I think the two of you should proceed slowly. Whatever decisions you make must be best for everyone, especially little Jamie. Let him get used to Sierra before you start taking him.”

His mother made sense, but Clay wasn’t convinced. He had a lot of catching up to do with Jamie.

“Would you like to see him?”

She brightened. “I can’t wait.”

“Let’s go over there now.”

“This second?”

“Sure.”

“Shouldn’t you call Sierra first?”

“She’s already expecting me. I told her yesterday I’d be by.”

“But not that you’d be bringing me.”

“You’re Jamie’s grandmother.”

“Have you told your father yet?”

He shook his head.

“Don’t you think you should?”

“I will. Later this week.” Clay may be at odds with Bud, but he wouldn’t deny the man his grandson. Not like Sierra had denied him.

“Tell you what.” Blythe hopped off her stool. “You call Sierra while I change into slacks.”

Two minutes later, Clay was shutting the Arcadia door behind him as he went onto his mother’s back patio to make the call. He didn’t want her hearing the conversation in case Sierra gave him more grief.

She answered the house phone on the second ring.

“It’s Clay.”

“Oh, hi.”

He ignore her lack of enthusiasm. “I should be there in about a half-hour, forty-five minutes tops.”

“It’s not a good time. Jamie’s napping.”

“He’ll wake up eventually. Won’t he?”

“Yes—”

“We can wait.”

“We?”

“My mother’s coming with me.”

Silence followed.

“We won’t stay too long, I promise.”

“All right. But in the future, I need more than a moment’s notice you’re bringing someone with you.”

“She’s my mother.”

“Even so.”

“Until we hammer out the custody agreement, I’m going to see Jamie every day. I’m more than willing to work out a schedule that’s convenient for both of us.”

“You don’t get to dictate all the rules, Clay.” There was an unaccustomed edge to her tone.

“Neither do you. Not anymore.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath.

“Fine, I’ll see you shortly.” She hung up without saying goodbye.

Clay refused to get angry. This was only the beginning of a potentially long battle, since Sierra was intent on resisting him at every turn.

Unless…

The idea that had suddenly sprang to his mind quickly grew into a full-fledged plan.

And Clay liked having plans.

* * *

“
Y
OU
OKAY
, S
IERRA
?”

She glanced up to see her future sister-in-law Sage enter the kitchen wearing her khaki uniform. She was a field agent for the Arizona Game and Fish Department and often worked on the weekends. Later, as her pregnancy advanced, she’d be assigned to a desk job.

“I’m fine.” Sierra moved away from the wall phone. “Clay and his mother are coming over.”

“From the look on your face, I’d say that’s bad.”

“I was hoping for more time alone with Jamie before pulling him in a dozen different directions.”

“Kids are resilient and do better with change than we think they will. Especially at his age.”

“You’re probably right.” She
was
right, Sierra thought. It was her and not Jamie who needed more time.

Sage reached into the refrigerator and came away with a piece of leftover pizza, which she then placed on a paper plate and put in the microwave.

“Miss lunch?”

“No.” She smiled embarrassedly. “I’m just always hungry.”

“Lucky you. I spent most of my pregnancy throwing up or feeling like I wanted to.”

“You’re also lucky.”

“I am, but what are you referring to?”

The previous evening, after Clay had left, Sierra had finally unloaded the entire story about Jamie to her family. They were supportive, sad she’d gone through so much misery alone and ecstatic she and Jamie were reunited. They also didn’t quite understand her reasons for not telling them about her pregnancy from the start and, at least in Gavin’s case, were a little mad at her.

“You’re lucky Jamie’s father wants to be part of his life,” Sage said.

Sierra leaned her back against the counter and watched Sage devour her warmed-up pizza. “I’m okay with Clay being part of his life. It’s his need to control that bothers me.”

“Wanting to see their sons every day is natural for most dads. I wish my ex wanted to see Isa. Not for my sake, mind you. For hers. Gavin is wonderful and a hundred times the father my ex will ever be, but Isa still asks about her daddy and can’t help feeling rejected. Jamie won’t ever experience that.”

The advice was good, and Sierra appreciated it. When she’d first got Jamie back, Sierra hadn’t thought ahead to when he might ask about his father. Certainly not about what she’d say to him or how it would affect him.

Now it was irrelevant. Jamie would know his father. Very well, if Clay had anything to do with it.

“I just wish he’d calm down a little. Quit trying to run the show.”

“That’s Clay for you.”

“Is it?” Sierra really didn’t know him, not the adult Clay. The youth and teenager she’d grown up with had been a lot like her older brothers. Competitive, confident, a talented athlete and enormously popular with the girls. The Clay she’d spent time with two years ago had been vulnerable and wounded and unafraid to show his gentler side. That was the man she’d fallen in love with.

“He’s a really good person, Sierra.” Sage smiled fondly. “Hardworking, loyal, caring and sweet.”

Sweet?

“He’s not hard on the eyes, either,” Sage added with an appreciative sigh. “You could do worse.”

“We’re not… There’s nothing between us,” Sierra protested.

“There was at one time.”

Jamie’s I’m-awake-where-are-you? cry carried through the house from the bedroom. “Oops.” Sierra excused herself with a smile. “Someone’s up from their nap.”

“And demanding your attention. Isn’t that just like a man? Big or little.”

Jamie’s crying stopped the moment Sierra stepped into the bedroom. He stood up in the portable crib, clinging to the side. One good growth spurt, and he’d be tall enough to crawl out on his own. She was going to have to buy a full-size crib soon, though she couldn’t imagine where she’d put another piece of furniture in here.