she said firmly. "When I'm done, I'll holler. "
Becca and Rafe exchanged worried looks. "She's just tired, " he said.
"Poor dear, " Becca said.
Maggie felt like pulling her hair. To her relief, though, they both left the room to afford her some privacy.
She had just started to unbutton her blouse when Rafe opened the door and poked his head back in. She jerked her blouse closed. "If you need me, I'll be right here in the hall. Don't hesitate to call me. "
Maggie felt guilty after he shut the door. He was only concerned about her, and here she was, biting his head off. Little wonder he was treating her like a child. She was behaving like one.
She finished undressing and slipped into the flannel nightgown before sitting on the edge of the bed.
Taken separately, the things she was upset about seemed trivial. Not being allowed to hold her own glass.
Having pills shoved in her mouth. Being packed around. Starting to do things, and having him stop her. It was a hundred little things. It was only when they were heaped together that they became something big.
He was suffocating her.
Feeling drained, she slipped between the crisp sheets and fell back against the pillows. Scanning the large
BABY LOVE 191
room, she took in the ecru walls and slightly darker drapes. There was no fire in the grate of the rock fireplace, a smaller version of the one in the kitchen, but Maggie could imagine the amber warmth, even so.
In one corner, two easy chairs were cozied up around a small reading table. On a cold winter night, reading near a crackling fire would be nice, she guessed. It was just a little difficult to feature herself in here with a husband who might want to have sex with her after he closed his book.
She turned her face into the pillow, wanting to cry, which made no sense at all. She'd never been the weepy sort and had no patience with people who were.
Post-natal blues?
She'd read about the hormone imbalances women could get after having a baby. Was that what was wrong with her? She didn't feel as if her system was out of whack. It was the world around her that seemed to be careening.
She heard the bedroom door open. Thinking it was Rafe returning to check on her, she didn't look up.
"Maggie?"
At the sound of that sweet, familiar voice, Maggie's heart leaped. She sat bolt upright and stared at the child standing just inside the room, her small hand still clasping the doorknob. "Heidi?" Maggie couldn't believe her eyes. "Oh, Heidi! What—how did you get here?"
Her little sister gave a glad cry and came racing across the room. When she reached the bed, she bounded onto the mattress and flung both arms around Maggie's neck. "Oh, Maggie, I'm so glad you're here! It's been lots and lots of fun, but I've been so awful lonesome for you!"
Maggie barely noticed the pain of being hugged as she caught her sister in her arms.
Heidi.
She ran her hands over the child's back and pressed her face into her hair, breathing in the familiar, sweet scent of her.
"Oh, Heidi. I've been lonesome for you, too. I had no idea you were here!"
192 CATHERINE ANDERSON
"It was a surprise. " Heidi reared back, her big brown eyes dancing with excitement. "Guess what! Rafe and Ryan have horses.
Tons
of 'em, and Sly says he'll teach me to ride. "
"Who's Sly?"
"The ranch foreman. He's really nice. You'll like him lots. Just wait till you see him spit. "
"Spit?"
"Yeah. He chews. " Heidi wrinkled her nose. Then she brightened. "He says he can nail a fly at four paces. "
Maggie gave a startled laugh. "What an amazing accomplishment. "
"He says he'll have me ready to barrel race at the rodeo next summer. Won't that be awesome?"
"Barrel race? Heidi, you're only ten. "
"That's old enough. Sly says the younger I start, the better chance I'll have to become a champion. " She giggled at the worried expression on Maggie's face. "I won't get hurt, Maggie.
It's so fun. There are fourteen horses, just in the stable. I helped muck stalls this morning. As soon as you say it's okay, Sly says I can have my first riding lesson. "
Heidi had always wanted a horse. It was a wish that Maggie had never been able to grant.
"Say yes, Maggie.
Please?
I'll be real careful, I promise. "
"Give me some time to discuss it with Rafe, " Maggie settled for saying. "If he says it's safe, then I'll give the go-ahead. But in case he doesn't, don't go getting your hopes up. He may recommend that you wait until you're older. "
"Oh, he won't!" Heidi assured her. Then with a giggle, she kissed Maggie's cheek. "Thank you!
Thank you! I'm so excited. Just wait and see, Maggie. I'll be an awesome rider. Rafe says I've got a great build for racing because I'll never weigh very much. "
BABY LOVE 193
Fantastic. "You mean he's already said you can learn to ride?"
"Not until you say I can. But when I asked him on the airplane, he said he'd talk to you. He started learning when he was a lot younger than me. "
Rafe stepped into the open doorway just then. Loosely folding his arms, he leaned against the door frame, his gaze meeting Maggie's over the top of Heidi's dark head. He smiled slightly, then appeared to listen intently to the child's excited chatter.
Maggie was dying to question him. For the life of her, she couldn't imagine how he had managed to get Heidi away from Lonnie. Absently, she attended Heidi's enthusiastic accounts of her experiences at the stable. When the child wound down, Rafe finally spoke.
"Heidi, I know you've got all kinds of catching up to do with Maggie, but Sly's waiting for you.
He says you asked to ride over to Ryan's with him this afternoon. "
Heidi bounced off the bed. "To see the colt! Sly says he's beautiful. " She whirled to glance back at Maggie. "Is it all right if I go? He's a brand-new baby. His name is Lightning Dancer, and I want to see him
so-o-o-o
much!"
Maggie no sooner gave her permission than Heidi raced from the room. Rafe gazed after her for a moment, still smiling. Then he returned his attention to Maggie. "She thinks of you more as her mother than a sister, doesn't she?"
Maggie nodded. "Mama's so childlike that Heidi naturally looked to me. The feeling's mutual.
I've taken care of her since she was tiny. "
"I suppose you're anxious to hear how I got her here. "
"Day before yesterday, when you came by the hospital to tell me you'd be gone all day 'taking care of some business, ' that's where you went, isn't it, to get" Heidi?"
194 CATHERINE ANDERSON
"I did it in a way that didn't upset your mom, " he hastily assured her, "just in case you're concerned about that. "
Naturally that worry had occurred to her. She loved her mother, and due to Helen's heart condition, the very thought of distressing her was terrifying to Maggie. "How did you manage not to upset her?"
He rubbed beside his nose, looking sheepish. "Well, actually, I lied through my teeth. " He explained about the fictitious honeymoon plans to Disneyland. "Amazingly enough, she fell for it, " he marveled. "There I was, a total stranger who popped up on her doorstep, and it never occurred to her to be suspicious. " He gave her a slow wink. "She kept patting my arm, saying, 'It's about time my Maggie found herself a nice young man. ' "
"I told you, she's not very—well, it doesn't occur to Mama that anyone might lie to her. " Maggie searched his gaze. "How did you know how much she's always wanted to take Heidi to Disneyland?"
"It seemed like a sure bet. " He sighed, bending his head and lightly scuffing the sole of his boot on the rug. "I would have told you what I was up to, Maggie, but I didn't want to worry you. A lot could have gone wrong, and I figured the less you knew, the better, until you could see for yourself that Heidi was here, safe and happy. "
He launched into a detailed account of how he and Ryan had pulled it off. "Apparently she's enjoyed staying here the last two days, " he concluded. "I've never seen a kid quite so wound up. She really loves horses, doesn't she?"
"Yes. She always has. I could never afford to get her one. " Maggie smoothed a hand over the blanket that covered her knees. Her throat went tight when she met his gaze again, for she suspected that he'd glossed over the very real risk that he had taken in getting Heidi there. "If Lonnie gets Mama to file charges, isn't there a good
BABY LOVE 195
chance you could go to jail for doing this?"
His mouth quirked at the corners. "Hoping to get rid
of me?"
A pang of guilt stabbed into her chest. "No, of course
not. "
He pushed away from the door frame and stepped to the foot of her bed. "I've got my lawyer working on it. If I get my hand slapped, I get my hand slapped. The important thing is that Heidi's safe. " His gaze held hers. "You may have to give a deposition, but my attorney feels we can present a strong case and that once we're married, we can get temporary custody of her. When that's accomplished, he'll start to work on a more permanent solution. "
Maggie seriously doubted it was as cut and dry as that. Nothing that involved Lonnie Boyle ever was.
"Thank you, Rafe. " Her voice came out sounding tight and a little shrill. "Having Heidi here—knowing she's safe and happy—that means more to me than I can say. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you. "
His firm mouth tipped into a grin, and a mischievous twinkle entered his eyes. "I'm sure I'll think of something. "
Rafe tapped his pen on the desk and then tossed it on the blotter. Kicking back in the leather office chair, he propped his boots on the edge of an open drawer and stared at the check he'd just written to Lonnie Boyle. To someone like Boyle it would seem like a fortune. It was no small chunk of change, even to Rafe, and it rankled to give the bastard so much.
Everything within him rebelled.
He sighed and ran his gaze over the richly appointed study. After being away for so long, he was acutely conscious of the smell of orange oill and furniture wax each time he drew breath, scents that had been nonexistent for him these last two years. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with leather-bound classics and agricultural and animal husbandry tomes lined most of the cedar-paneled walls. The few bare spots played host to paintings, all of them nature scenes by a local artist named Dobbs.
The last time he had sat in this chair, he'd felt as if his life was over. Now he had Maggie, Jaimie, and Heidi. He no longer mourned what he had lost. The future beckoned to him, as shiny-bright as a brand-new penny.
There was so very much that he could give them.
A second chance.
He remembered how Lonnie had thrown it up to Maggie about the advantaged childhood Jaimie
BABY LOVE 197
could have with his adoptive parents, making it sound as if anything she had to offer was little better than chopped liver. Well, the boy would have even more advantages now, and so would Heidi. Maggie could pore over decorating books to her heart's content and bring in professionals to fix up their rooms. Those kids would never want for anything. As for college, Rafe would definitely encourage both children to further their educations, be they related to ranching or another field entirely. Rafe had two degrees himself, and no doors would be closed to his kids.
When it was all said and done, Maggie would never regret keeping her child or feel that by doing so, she had shortchanged Jaimie in any way. He would make damned sure of that. He already loved the boy, and he'd be a good father, not only seeing to it that Jaimie wanted for nothing, but that he was raised with a sterling set of values and work ethics.
Right now, Rafe suspected that Maggie found the vastness of the ranch intimidating, but she'd slowly acclimate and grow to love it here as much as he did. He just wished she were well enough to begin enjoying it now. But she wasn't.
Rafe sighed. It felt so strange, being back at his desk. True to his word, Ryan had closed none of Rafe's bank accounts. An authorized cosigner, Ryan had written occasional drafts to reimburse himself for Rafe's half of the ranch expenses and left the banking setup alone. Rafe needed to get his driver's and pilot's license reinstated, but otherwise, it was as if he'd never left. Yet so much had changed, all for the better.
Maggie.
God, he was so lucky to have found her.
A smile touched his mouth as he pictured her sweet face and recalled her telling him that she wasn't Susan. As if he had the two of them confused? That was another concern of hers that he needed to address, but everything in good time. She was nothing like Susan in looks or personality, and Rafe wouldn't have wanted it any other
198 CATHERINE ANDERSON
way. Maggie was a beautiful person, inside and out.
He drew his gaze back to the check. He was stalling. No matter how he circled it, paying Boyle off was a necessity. He could fantasize about beating the hell out of the son of a bitch, but for Maggie's sake, he had to set aside his feelings and get this settled, cleanly and as painlessly as possible.
He dropped his feet to the floor and pulled a business envelope from the drawer. After writing Boyle's address on the envelope, he sealed the flap, the muscles across his shoulders bunching with tension.
For
Maggie.
Under any other circumstances, he'd never buy Boyle off. He had to think of this as an investment, the price he had to pay to have her in his life. Once he mailed this check, she'd be safe.
And his.
The thought jolted Rafe, and for a moment, he gave serious thought to the warning Ryan had voiced the other day. This was a hell of a foundation on which to build a relationship. Was he being selfish? What if he was wrong, and he couldn't make Maggie happy? If he put his mind to it, he could come up with alternative ways to help her without binding her to him in marriage. Legally, they wouldn't be as surefire, of course, especially when it came to Heidi. But he could give it a shot and only marry her as a last resort.
I
could also climb out on a high limb and saw it off,
he thought dryly. He needed her. That was all he could think about, how very much he needed her and how much she needed him. Despite her determination to control her own destiny and do everything on her own, underneath all of that, she was vulnerable and scared. When she looked at him, he felt like a man again, someone worthwhile with a purpose for existing.
He
would
make her happy. They were meant to be together. He sensed it every time he looked at her—a bone-deep feeling of rightness that defied explanation, but was no less compelling, for all that. Meeting her had
BABY LOVE (99
given him a second chance, and this time, he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes. Nothing would ever be more important to him than his family. Nothing.
He couldn't let her go. He simply couldn't. If he was being selfish right now, he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to her.
Maggie surfaced from sleep slowly the next morning. The first thing she focused on was an ornately carved mahogany bedpost, and her stomach immediately knotted. At home she didn't even have a headboard, only a mattress and box springs on a cheap metal frame.
Last night, she'd fallen asleep staring at that bedpost, for in her mind, it was representative of everything in Rafe Kendrick's world—amounts of money beyond her comprehension and all the power that accompanied wealth. Maggie was used to choosing the cheapest brands of tuna. She felt as if she'd wandered into a maze and might never find a way out.
She heard a sound behind her and realized someone besides just Jaimie was in her room. No big surprise.
Yesterday evening, she'd barely been able to yawn without getting pills shoved down her throat by Rafe or Becca. And water. They'd continually pushed tall glasses of the stuff at her. If it was possible for a person's pipes to rust, hers were corroded.
Rolling over, she sought the source of the sound that had awakened her and saw Rafe. This morning he wore a chocolate-brown shirt, the sleeves rolled back over strong, tanned forearms dusted with dark hair.
Bent over the borrowed bassinet to change Jaimie's diaper, he held a cordless phone wedged between his jaw and shoulder to free his hands.
Maggie watched him care for her son with mixed emotions. When it came to Jaimie, he was the epitome of patience, every touch of his big hands gentle, his voice—which could boom when he barked orders into the phone—always pitched low and laced with affection.
200 CATHERINE ANDERSON
Jaimie was
her
baby. Rafe didn't even know who the child's father was. Yet to watch him, a person would think Jaimie was his.
No big surprise. Almost from the beginning, his feelings about Jaimie had been glaringly apparent to her.
He'd lost his own little boy, and in a twinkling, he'd had a substitute child dropped in his lap.
As grateful as Maggie was for all that he'd done for her, and all that he planned to do yet, a part of her grew frightened every time she considered the possible ramifications. A grief-stricken man who'd been running away from life. Now, he had put that grief on hold by submersing himself in a fantasy. Jaimie wasn't the little boy Rafe had lost. And, God help her, she wasn't Susan, the paragon, whose praises were continually sung by the plump housekeeper, Becca.
What was going to happen when Rafe Kendrick woke up one day and realized that his surrogate family could never replace the one that had been taken from him? That Maggie herself was a pathetic substitute for the woman he had adored? When he finally came to his senses, would he begin to resent her? And if that happened, wasn't it possible that he might vent his frustration on Jaimie?
As he tended to the baby, he listened to whoever was on the line, interjecting an occasional "Hmmm" or a low-pitched "I see. "
Evidently unaware she was awake, he tossed the soiled disposable diaper in a nearby receptacle, then scooped Jaimie from the small bed, laid him over his shoulder, and stepped into the hall, drawing the door partly closed behind him. Through the crack, Maggie saw him pacing back and forth, patting the baby's back as he talked, his voice modulated so as not to disturb her. She found it amazing that a man who seemed so absorbed with other matters could, at the same time, give a child the attention it needed.
Women did that sort of
BABY LOVE 201
thing all the time, but in Maggie's experience, men rarely did.
Maggie wanted to believe his feelings toward Jaimie would never change. But if they did, he'd get the surprise of his life if he ever tried to mistreat her son. He'd have to go through her first.
"I called Harry yesterday right before he left the courthouse, and he's arranging for a waiver on the waiting period. " Rafe turned to retrace his steps, jiggling Jaimie, who was starting to fuss. "How's the situation with Heidi looking?"
He listened for a moment.
"Yes, Becca got her enrolled in school this morning. I spoke with the principal on the phone and told him heads would roll if he allowed anyone but Becca or a family member to pick her up. "
He gave a decisive nod.
"Got it covered. I understand we need to move fast. Dr. Kirsch is coming out this morning, and a courthouse clerk is coming by with the paperwork. So get on it, will you, Mark? Before we get married, I want my name on that birth certificate. This Boyle character is a fruitcake. I sent him the check, but according to Maggie, he can't be trusted. I tend to think she's right. "
Silence. Then Rafe released a weary sigh.
"No problem there. She's willing to sign Whatever's necessary. Just fill out the forms, draw up the papers, and bring them out. "
Maggie drew the covers closer and gazed forlornly at the empty fireplace across the room. When Rafe Kendrick decided to do something, he was like a bowling ball rolling down a steep incline. She was glad, on the one hand. She didn't want there to be any chance she might lose Jaimie, and it was critical that they get temporary custody of Heidi as soon as possible, which probably couldn't be as easily accomplished if they weren't married. But having everything happen so fast was a little unnerving as well.
She hadn't yet been in this
202 CATHERINE ANDERSON
house twenty-four hours, and Rafe had been making arrangements ever since they arrived. It sounded to her as if he was pushing for their marriage to take place immediately.
"I don't give a frigging damn about how you accomplish it, " she heard him say.
Startled by the vehemence in Rafe's voice, Maggie jerked her gaze back to the partly open door. She saw him make another turn and then pause.
"Yeah? Jameson, huh. Never heard of him. How good is he?" Another silence. "Get him on retainer then. "
Maggie glimpsed the housekeeper's stout form in the hallway. The next instant Rafe had a baby bottle in his hand. "Thanks, Becca, " he murmured. He shifted Jaimie from his shoulder to the bend of his arm and began feeding him. "Hell, yes. I won't hesitate, " he said. Then he laughed. "It's the least of many evils. I won't lose any sleep over it, I can tell you that. "
He stopped pacing to gaze warmly at the baby in his arm. "The way I see it, in all the ways that count, he
is
mine. " Another long silence. "I appreciate it, Mark. "
She heard the phone bleep as the connection was broken. The next instant, Rafe poked his head in the doorway. When he saw that she was awake, he smiled and reentered the room. He clipped the phone to his belt as if it had become a necessary body part.
"Good morning, sleepyhead. " He came to the bed. "Would you like to finish feeding your son his breakfast?"
Maggie held out her arms for the baby. Keeping his hand tilted so Jaimie wouldn't suck air, Rafe settled the child beside her. As she grasped the bottle, her fingers brushed against his, and a tingling sensation trailed up her arm. As though he sensed her reaction, he rested a twinkling gaze on hers. Maggie was so unnerved that she forgot to keep the bottle angled, and the nipple emitted a whistling sound.
BABY LOVE 203
"Oops. " Rafe caught the end of the bottle to tilt it back up. A knowing grin tugged at one corner of his mouth. "Colic, here we come. "
He stepped over to a cream-colored box mounted on the wall by the door. Pressing a button, he said,
"Becca, Maggie's awake. " An instant later, the housekeeper's voice came back, saying, "I almost have her tray ready now. "
He pressed the button again. "Don't forget her medication, please, Oh, and Becca? Bring in a fresh pitcher of water, would you?"
Though Maggie kept her gaze on the baby as Rafe returned to the bed, she was aware of his every movement. She could feel him watching her and guessed that he was smiling. At least one of them was enjoying this situation. Personally, she felt as if she'd climbed onto a high-speed roller coaster with Rafe Kendrick manning the controls.
"Penny for them, " he said as he sat on the edge of the mattress, the rich, faintly spicy smell of his shaving cologne surrounding her. "You're looking mighty solemn about something this morning. "
Her thoughts
were
solemn. If left to her own devices, she would never get married. A little voice at the edge of her mind kept saying.
Don't do this, Maggie. It's not just a temporary arrangement.
"Honey, can you talk about it? Whatever's upsetting you, just tell me. If you're still worrying about losing Jaimie or that we'll have to send Heidi home, don't, " he told her in a husky voice. "The legal arrangements are being taken care of. I was just on the phone with Mark Danson, an old friend and attorney. He told me to tell you there's nothing for you to fret about, that he's on top of everything. He can handle the changes on Jaimie's birth certificate by fax and have it done this afternoon. He's also phoning an adoption attorney named Jameson. The guy is a guru. He'll handle any legal difficulties resulting from those papers you signed,