Authors: Cynthia Woolf
“He has for some time,” continued Martha. “I noticed the change. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. The longing there, the joy when you enter a room. If you’d just stop worrying about it, you’d see it, too.”
“Getting him to admit it…well that’s not so easy,” said Sarah. “I remember John wouldn’t admit it until I almost died. Let’s hope it doesn’t take that long for Nathan.”
“I don’t know,” said Martha. “My Nathan’s head is as hard as John’s. After what happened with Hettie, I can’t blame him for being skittish as a new born colt.”
Ella got up and started putting the food on platters and in serving bowls. She needed to keep her hands busy. Today she’d fixed several big pot roasts brimming with carrots, onions and potatoes. She put everything onto separate plates for serving. Then took the roasts and broke them apart with two forks. They shredded beautifully and Ella couldn’t help but feel some pride in her dish.
“Hettie. Is that the woman he was going to marry until she found out he was part Indian?” asked Ella.
“Yup, that’s her. A more selfish woman you’d never want to meet. She cared about Nathan’s money, not Nathan.”
“I’m not interested in Nathan’s money.”
“I know. You married him not knowing if he had two nickels to rub together.”
“I’m not as altruistic as you may think. It just never occurred to me to wonder whether he had any money.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I have money of my own.”
Martha chortled. “Well what do you know? Nathan’s the one who married money.”
“Back to the problem at hand. How do I get him to realize he loves me? Or do I just leave it as it is?” She shook her head. “No, I want him to tell me he loves me. I need for him to know it as deeply as I know I love him.”
“I wish I knew what to tell you,” said Sarah.
They both looked to Martha for an answer.
“Don’t look at me. Sure, I’ve known him the longest, but I’ve never seen him like this before. You know as much as I do.”
“He’ll realize it when the baby is born. John said birthing the baby terrified him more than when I was shot because there was nothing he could do to help me.”
“I don’t know, “ said Martha. “Nathan came home after that and said he couldn’t understand why John was so anxious. That Arapaho women do it all the time without making a sound.”
“Ha! I don’t believe it. I screamed my head off or tried to.”
Ella swallowed hard. “Screamed?”
Sarah looked at her and her whole demeanor changed to one of sympathy. “Oh, Ella, it is the most wondrous thing, but I won’t lie to you. Birthing a babe is the hardest, most painful thing you’ll ever do. But once you get that baby in your arms, well,” she got a far off look in her eyes. “None of the other matters. You don’t remember the pain, just the sweet face of the beautiful little person you’ve created. Who now depends on you and loves you and who you love more than anything in this life.”
Ella couldn’t get past the pain part. She was not one to tolerate pain easily. Headaches nearly sent her to her bed for gosh sakes. She sat at the table, weak in the knees. “Pain? How much pain did you say?”
Sarah came over and put her arm around Ella’s shoulders. “Oh, honey, don’t worry about it. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’ll be fine and you won’t regret any of it. Honest.”
“Would you do it again?”
“In a heartbeat.” Sarah smiled. “I’m hoping that we’ll have another one soon. I want to have lots of children. I don’t know what I’d do without my Katy, MaryAnn and Sam. They are my life, next to John.”
Ella took a deep breath and rose from the chair. “Well, I never thought any of this would be easy, so I guess I just better get on with it.”
“Get on with what?” asked Nathan, his deep baritone voice washing over her like silk.
“On with dinner,” said Ella quickly. “Before it all gets cold. Martha would you call the men please?”
Nathan looked at her and cocked his head, narrowed his eyes in question and then frowned.
Ella shook her head at him and went about making sure all the food was on the table. Because there were so many of them to eat today, she had all the food on the kitchen table and counters. Each person filed by filling their plates before going to the dining room to be seated. Once all the men had taken their fill, Ella had the children go next, followed by the Atwoods, Martha, her and Nathan. There was plenty to go around so no worries that they would run out of anything.
Dinner around the huge dark cherry wood table turned into a boisterous affair with the men talking about the new Hereford cows Nathan got and the bull that John bought in Kansas City and had shipped in. It still galled her that cattle could ride the train all the way to Golden City, but people couldn’t.
The little girls were busy telling Martha stories and Sarah had Sam and was feeding him mashed potatoes and carrots. The little tyke seemed to enjoy them, only spitting out about half of each bite.
Ella was surrounded by people and felt utterly alone. Tears began to pool in her eyes.
“Excuse me,” she said and got up from the table as quickly as she could before the tears began to run down her cheeks.
“Ella?” said Nathan.
“Oh, dear,” said Sarah. “I’m afraid I scared her.”
“Scared her? How?” said Nathan.
“By telling her about birthing. That on top of the emotions she’s going through, I better go to her.”
“No. I’ll go.” He put his napkin on the table and followed Ella to their bedroom. Opening the door, he saw her sitting on the bed, her head down. Knocking lightly on the door, he alerted her to his presence.
She lifted her head, sniffled and quickly ducked her head again. “I’m sorry Nathan. I…I had to leave. I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”
He strode to the bed sat down and wrapped her in his arms. “It’s okay. You’re just pregnant. Sarah says you’re extra emotional now. John told me Sarah cried at the drop of a hat when she was carrying Sam.”
Ella nodded her head then buried her face in his chest and bawled. He just held her and let her get it out. What else could he do? She didn’t know why she was crying and he sure couldn’t help if she couldn’t tell him what was wrong.
She finally stopped, took the hanky from her cuff and blew her nose. Her eyes were red and puffy. He didn’t think she’d want to go back to the dinner table, but he offered to escort her.
“Are you ready to get something to eat? You didn’t eat much before you left.”
“No. I can’t go back yet.” She got up and went to the cheval mirror standing in the corner. “Just look at me. I look awful. I’m not hungry anyway. I’d rather stay here and rest for a bit. I’ll come back in a little while. Alright?”
“Sure. I’ll explain to John and Sarah, but I know they already understand. Probably better than we do since they’ve been through it.”
She nodded.
“Sarah told me she might have scared you with her talk of birthing. Surely it’s not that bad. Arapaho women do it all the time with little fuss.”
“I doubt you really know what they go through, but even if you’re right, I’m not Arapaho. I’m like Sarah. She tells me that I won’t even think about the pain afterwards, but I’m scared, Nathan. What if something goes wrong?”
He patted the bed beside him. She sat next to him, her hands clenched in her lap. She’d never rest if she didn’t relax.
“We’ll have the doctor here and Sarah and Martha. I’ll even be with you if it will make you feel better. Ella,” he took her cold hand in his, the warmth spreading through her just from his touch. “We’ll get through this together. You aren’t alone.”
She laid her head on his shoulder. Releasing her hands he hugged her to him.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that. It helps. Sometimes I feel so alone.”
“You’ll never be alone.” The fierceness in his voice surprised her. “As long as I live you will never be alone. You’re my wife and soon we’ll have a beautiful son or daughter and you’ll be wishing you had time alone.”
Ella laughed. “You’re probably right. I don’t have two daughters to keep him occupied when I need time to myself, like Sarah does. You should get back to dinner before they get worried. I’ll be there soon.”
He gave her a tender kiss. “Put a cool cloth on your eyes and lay down for a few minutes. It’ll help relax you.”
“I will. Now go.”
Ella watch him leave and took his advice, pouring the tepid water from the pitcher into the basin on the commode. She put the wash cloth in and then wrung it out and folded it in thirds. She laid the folded cloth on her eyes after she laid down on the bed. The cloth cooled as the air hit it and felt wonderful on her swollen eyes. She was so tired. It was so nice to just relax for a little while.
When she woke the room was dark. Dinner! She’d slept through it and it would appear supper as well. She lit the kerosene lamp on the beside table. The clock on the dresser said nine o’clock. John and Sarah would be long gone by now and everyone else would be to bed if not asleep. Where was Nathan?
Her stomach grumbled. She’d missed two meals and was absolutely famished. She left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. As she passed Nathan’s office she saw the light beneath the door. She knocked.
“Come in.”
“Good evening.” She closed the door behind her. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You needed the sleep. It was a stressful day and I want you healthy and that means rested.”
She walked over to him, leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He grasped her by the waist and pulled her down onto his lap. “I think you can do better than that.”
“Oh!” She cradled his handsome face in her hands, his whiskers rough against her palms and captured his lips with hers. Her stomach growled.
Nathan pulled back chuckling. “I guess we better feed you first.”
“That’s where I was headed before I got waylaid.”
“I’ll go with you. I could use a snack.”
“Come on then, I’ll fix us both something to eat.”
They walked in companionable silence. When they reached the kitchen Nathan lit the lamps while Ella checked the ice box for leftovers.
“Looks like there’s some cobbler left and we have some cream to go over it. Want me to heat it up?”
“No, cold sounds good to me. You should probably have something more substantial since you missed most of your meals today.”
“I’m fine. This will hold me until breakfast. I’ll make sure to eat better then.”
“Are you sure? You’re eating for two now.”
She laughed. “I’m eating for one and a tiny little person who doesn’t eat much yet.”
The cobbler hit the spot. Her stomach was satisfied and the sweet treat left her sleepy.
“I’m ready to go back to bed. You wouldn’t think I’d still be tired after sleeping all afternoon and part of the night, but I am.”
“Oh, I bet I can get you a little energized.”
She looked over at Nathan and melted seeing the passion in his eyes. Would it always be such for her? All he had to do was look at her and she was putty in his hands. Wanting him and willing to do anything to get him. How long until he tired of her? Soon she’d be big as a house, then what? How would he still find her desirable?
Nathan came and stopped next to her chair then squatted down beside her. “What is going through that pretty little head of your? You have such a serious expression on your face.”
“What are you going to do when I’m big as the barn? How can you want me then?”
“Ella, I will always want you. You’re my wife and that is a bond I will never have with anyone else. It is a sacred bond with me. Is it with you? Will you desire someone else when you get tired of me?”
She shook her head. “Never. I could never love anyone else.” She clapped her hand over her mouth realizing too late what she’d let out.
“Ella, I…”
Moving her hand from her mouth she placed two fingers over Nathan’s lips. “Shh. I know. Don’t say anything. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
Nathan rose and took Ella in his arms. “If I could love you, I would. You make it very easy.” His lips crashed down on hers.
She returned his kiss with more passion than she’d ever felt. Fisting her hands in his hair she pressed her lips to his and waged war with his tongue. Both of them were breathless when they broke apart.
Nathan swept her up in his arms.
“Take me to bed. Show me that you desire me. Please, Nathan.”
“My pleasure.”
She held the lamp while he carried her quickly to their bedroom. He set her down in the center of the room. She put the lamp on the bedside table and turned back to him. Unbuttoning the buttons on her dress slowly, she teased her husband.
He’d sat down on the bed to take off his boots and now lay back on his elbows and watched the striptease she did for him, seemingly enjoying the show if his erection was any indication. Her dress dropped in a pile at her feet. Next she pulled the string on her chemise taking just an inch at a time, on and on until she had it opened to the waist. Once she reached her bloomers, she pulled their string firmly untying it and letting them fall to join her dress on the floor.