Avis Blackthorn: Is Not an Evil Wizard! (30 page)

Let me zap back a week and tell you what
happened after I got out the carriage on the way back from school.
I had fallen asleep in the plush ceremonial carriage pulled
magically through the sky without any horses and started dreaming
about killer rainbows that began attacking me… (I know, but it had
been a stressful year). I woke just as we pulled up over my home
and castle, Darkhampton, as my parents insist on calling it. I
forgot how dark and gloomy it looked, it’s held in a perpetual
cycle of darkness while sunlight passes right around it. No trees,
no plants, in fact, life was barely visible as I gazed down, the
old feelings of being mistreated by my big evil family crept over
me again. I suppose I’d got used to living in comfort, Hailing Hall
had life, sunlight, walking trees, talking statues, the place
buzzed with life… this was… deader than a lump of spent
charcoal.

I was curious when the ceremonial carriage
pulled up for me outside the school (and a little anxious), for I
was rarely treated to such comfort by my parents. It was certainly
suspicious. Just in case though, when I was in the carriage I put
on my new, centuries old Seven League Shoes— a gift from the Lily,
the Headmaster of Hailing Hall. I had no flipping clue how they
worked, but according to the myth, they allow you to… it’s either
walk great distances fast, or run away quicker than you are
normally able to… something like that.

When we touched onto the baron carriageway
outside the drawbridge front door, my Dad rushed out to greet me…
which was odd.

“Oh Ross, there you are…” he barked, not
looking. “Quickly, quickly we need the carriage to go and pick up
Wilso— you’re not Ross! Avis?” He said looking down his nose at me
with a scrunched up bearded face. “This wasn’t for you… Oh well…
get inside quickly!”

So a lovely warm welcome home for me after
nearly a year away. I traipsed into the big Hall — a huge space
that they use for receptions and parties, with a couple of big
fireplaces, the biggest staircase you’ve ever seen and all adorned
with stuffed magical animals in undignified poses on plinths. The
room was miserable, the carpet was the only colour, blood red of
course… but it was miserable because the walls were full of
paintings of old, mostly dead family members — none of whom were
smiling. We have a long history of evil family members and its
rather uncouth to smile, or be in any way charismatic, humorous or
nice.

“There you are,” said a spiky high voice. It
was my Mother, scaring the hell out of me as she popped into
existence out of nowhere. “Come on Avis! Bags down, lets get to
work…” she clicked her bony fingers and a rusty mop and bucket
appeared in front of me.

“Erm…” I squeaked under her dark stare.

“I trust you know how to use it?” she smiled
viciously. “Start in the turrets, immediately.” With a puff of dark
vile smelly smoke she vanished. Well, she hadn’t changed, not at
all. My Mother was still tall, thin and haughty with a face like
thunder, all sharp and pointed as if she’s got a lemon wedged up
the back of her throat. And she was bossy. I sighed and made my way
up to the turrets — I certainly didn't have the guts to defy
her.

My parents grudgingly allowed me meal breaks
in between all the scrubbing. Believe me I tried to get out of it,
but they seemed to know when I was slacking… I had just started a
particularly stubborn black corridor, and thought I would have a
sit down. My body ached, every muscle pleaded with me to stop and
as I sat against the wall my consciousness slipped into a deep
sleep, before out of nowhere a burst of bright blue electricity
struck my bottom!

“
AHH
!” I called.

“Get to work!” called my Fathers voice along
the hallway. Seriously? I mean come on! I needed a break. Why did
they have to have the wedding here anyway? I felt like Cinderella,
being treated like a slave! Mind you, I could do what she did… sue
her family and live in comfort for the rest of her life on the
settlement. Apparently it bankrupted that family and they all had
to move into a council flat with relatives on the
Outside
. I
imagined my parents all living in a tiny flat after I sued them for
mistreatment. I held onto this fuzzy dream as I scrubbed and
scrubbed.

During one meal break sitting at the huge
long table in the Hall eating my hard, mouldy cheese and bread that
Butler Kilkenny brought me — there was a great big noise from the
carriageway outside. Like a thunder clap my parents appeared out of
nowhere by the front door. The drawbridge lowered and in walked my
eldest three brothers Wilson, Simon and Harold.

“Mamma!” they cooed, doing air kisses for
about ten minutes. My brothers entourages then proceeded to go back
and forth to the carriages bringing in box after box of stuff and
piling it up in the hall.

“You can’t leave them all there,” said
Mother, snapping at one of the men who was sweating profusely as he
lugged the heavy boxes.

“Where would you like us to put them
ma’am?”

Simon, the second oldest and dimmest, said:
“In our rooms of course… oh, we don’ have rooms yet. What rooms
Avis in?” I sighed and sank a little lower down the table, but not
before Wilson spotted me.

“Avis!” he called, their beady evil eyes
coming to rest on me. “Which room are you in?”

“I don’t know what room it is,” I lied. “You
can’t have it anyway… I’m in there, why do you want it?”

“Because, we’ve travelled an awfully long
way,” said Simon. “And must rest.”

“We are guests,” said Harold grinning. “Only
fair we get pick of the rooms and if your in it, that is rather
unfortunate.” I smiled at them as best I could, there was no point
arguing with these three. Wilson looked like a dog with a smashed
in face, due to a fight with a Wolfraptor. He wore blood red
ceremonial gowns with gold trimmings… I rather thought he looked
like a baboon in a cape. Simon was simple, very simple, when he
looks at you there’s clearly nothing much there. He’s dead behind
the eyes and brainless — slime always drips from the corner of his
mouth and his choice of clothes is beyond strange. Today’s
selection is: chrome trousers with a neon yellow shirt and pastel
green trimmings. All the brains went to Harold, he is exceptionally
clever and cunning, I would never, ever decide on him as an enemy —
he’s the one sibling I am most scared of.

“Let me vanish all the stuff from my room
first,” I said.

“No, no,” said Wilson. “Leave it, I want to
have a play with it.”

I grimaced. “Well you can’t, it’s mine,” I
called. Mother turned and caught me with a piercing stare.

“Don’t argue Avis. Family dinner starts at
seven,” she announced before disappearing.

I didn’t see any of my other siblings
cleaning. They just stood around conversing with a few early
arrived guests.

“Well, of course Mr. Vasbender,” said Wilson
in a sickening voice. “The media know their role in the new
situation. I am seeing a girl currently who is the executive
manager of the Herrald. It helps.”

“Very good,” called Mr. Vasbender. “I suppose
the illusion of it all will carry on making the intended
effect.”

“Of course,” said Harold.

I pretended to be dusting the banisters
again, so I could get a good listen to what they were talking about
— hoping I would hear something about Malakai. Where was he? What
was he doing? If anyone would know it would be these lot. A little
twinge in my stomach rumbled, but it wasn’t food related, I was
scared. Scared that Malakai would come for me and get revenge for
what I did to him. Suddenly a great racket from one of the
corridors caused everyone to turn and look. Gertrude and Wendice,
were shouting at the top of their voices at each other.

“I WANT THE BLUE DRESS, IT LOOKS BETTER ON
ME!”

“YOU LOOK FAT IN IT! I SHOULD HAVE IT!”

“GIVE IT TO ME!”

“NO! YOU GIVE IT TO ME!”

There was an awful tearing sound, and as they
came into view in the Hall I saw them both holding one half of a
flouncy blue dress. There was a rumble from somewhere deep, before
the highest pitched squealing you’ve ever heard erupted round the
Hall.

“
AHHHHHHHHH
!” they both screamed.

Guests and all manner of life that valued
it’s hearing, covered their ears as the shrill, terrible noise made
every bone in your body shudder for its life. In a scorch of black
smoke Mother arrived. The screaming stopped.

“What on earth is happening here.”

“Wendice tore my dress in HALF!” Sobbed
Gertrude. “You fat cow Wendic—”

“Enough of that,” Snapped Mother. “Give me
it…” They both handed her the two parts, in a wave and a flash it
sewed itself back together.

“Now,” she looked at the dress and then at
the girls. “It will suit Wendice more, here…” she said, handing it
to Wendice.

“But, but…” said Gertrude, her fat lip
wobbling. “That’s… NOT
FAIRRRRRR
!”

“Oh for gods sake,” said Mother. “Get a grip
of yourself girl, you’re too big for that dress… go and find
something more suitable, a shower curtain or something.” In a puff
of black smoke, she was off again. Now, as an Outsider you probably
think that was harsh, your all very… what’s that phrase that Robin
told me…
politically correct?
Which means you’re not allowed
to say anything nasty to each other. But we are an
evil
family. Get used to it.

The Hall stood in silence for a bit, before
my brothers began laughing. Gertrude ran off, well, more of a quick
waddle, sobbing her eyes out as guests chuckled.

Wendice stood about smugly, waving her dress,
before announcing: “You know actually I think she was right, I
don’t think I like it,” with a click of her fingers, the blue dress
caught fire and she dropped it on the floor, where it burned to a
blue dust. “I’m going to find something nicer for the wedding.” She
flounced off back the way she came smiling to herself. Wendice had
changed — last year she was as fat as Gertrude, but now she was
skinnier than me, with long hair and a golden complexion. It was
quite a transformation. She was already saying she’d had twelve
proposals for marriage. I hope she didn’t get married in the castle
again, that’s all I’m saying. I don’t fancy cleaning it all
again!

When they allowed me a toilet break, I raced
back to my room and placed Sedrick, my teddy rabbit, inside my
jacket. I had missed him — before, when it was just me on my own in
the castle, I used to talk to him, sad I know, but I had no other
friends. In my old school, down the road, everyone was too
frightened to come here to play, knowing that my family was the
most evil family ever.

I wondered what Robin and Tina and Ernie were
doing. I would have loved to see Ernie’s face when he went back to
his old house after all those years — you see, last year I made
friends with a young ghost, who, it turned out was the dead brother
of Tina — he helped me defeat Malakai and Robin brought him back to
life, all in the nick of time. He had been a ghost for ten
years!

WHOOSH!

“OUCH!” I cried as a stinging electric bolt
struck my bottom as Mothers voice rang true around this new
room:

“
Get to work, there’s toilets need
cleaning on the third floor!
”

For gods sake, when will this end!?

I carried the mop and bucket to the third
floor and looked around for the toilets, they should be behind one
of these doors. That’s the problem though, all the doors are the
flipping same, so how am I supposed to tell where the toilets are?
If
I
can’t find them, then I’m sure as hec a guest
won’t.

But then a strange noise floated towards me —
a scratching noise, water too…
slop, slap, scratch, scratch,
scratch… slop, slap, scratch, scratch, scratch…
it was coming
from around the corner. Cautiously I poked my head round a stone
effigy of a near relative and saw…

“Ross?” Whoops. I couldn’t help it, he was on
all fours scrubbing the floor!

He looked up with bloodshot eyes, which
winced as they saw me. He stood, clicked his fingers and the brush
carried on scrubbing the floor. “There making
you
clean as
well?”

“I was wondering when I might bump into
you…”

“Why?” I said.

“Why?
Why
?” he said a little too loud,
his face twitchy and dangerous. “Because you had something to do
with the downfall of
him
.”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t know what you
mean.”

“The Lily said as much… you and the
Partington’s… that sodding ghost boy… it all adds up. You did
something
.” His voice dripped with indignation and
resentment, he was livid that he’d been made to clean and somehow
it was all my fault. His dark sunken eyes twitched. His thin lips
chapped and curled inwards, skin pale and pasty, a green hue
surrounding it — he looked like he hadn’t seen sunlight in
years.

I backed away slowly as he came closer. “How
could I do something? I’m a first year?”

Ross rolled up his sodden sleeves. “I’m not
stupid Avis. I know you did something, by sheer bloody luck or
whatever… and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it. Your just lucky
our parents are too busy with this wedding to realise what’s going
on.” His eyes looked dead and black. “
I
was supposed to go
and work for him, soon as I left that awful school… but now look, I
am at home… scrubbing bloody FLOORS! All because of
you
,” he
began talking in a strange high voice, which scared me even more —
“
Didn’t believe me did they
…
when I told them….
and
now look at
ME
! All
your
fault… all
your
fault…” he repeated.

I backed round the corner slowly. I did not
like the look in his eyes. “You’ve got it all
wrong
Ross.”