Avian (The Dragonrider Chronicles) (30 page)

“What other choice is there?” I buried my face in the rag. I was starting to blame Jace for not intervening to stop this. “It’s that or I fight him, which is exactly what he wants. Just tell him to stop it.”

Jace scowled at me. “I’m not his superior, and by healing Lyon, we’re taking away any evidence that he’s doing anything wrong in the first place.”

“Something has to be done,” I insisted. “Lyon can’t keep doing this.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Lyon muttered. He looked as frustrated as the rest of us. “I can handle it.”

Watching Lyon go through this pain every day was beginning to wear me down. I definitely had a new respect for him. He had the best tolerance for pain I’d ever seen. I had broken his arms four days in a row, and he had yet to even second guess stepping up and basically volunteering for it. He was going through a lot just to save my reputation.

“We should be counting ourselves lucky that he is letting you pick Lyon every time.” Jace sighed and moved away from the bed, staring at the door like he was deep in thought. “I suspect that isn’t by accident, though. He’s hoping to attract attention and suspicion.”

“Well, he’s doing an excellent job of it.” I frowned down at my shoes. “Felix knows this has something to do with me. It’s only a matter of time before he figures it out.”

The silence was awkward as we all stared at one another. The question of what to do hung in the air, but no one had the answer. Even after Jace retired to his own quarters, and Felix came back to the dorm with dinner for us, I couldn’t shake off my worries. I wasn’t in the mood to eat, so I went ahead and settled into bed. It didn’t even dawn on me that I had forgotten to take Felix’s sleeping remedy until I felt sleep suck me down into the darkness of another nightmare.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in the old house my mother and I had shared. It stunned me to see it, even in a dream. Just like before, everything looked the same as when I left it. It even smelled the same. But I didn’t get to enjoy the nostalgia for very long.

I was sitting in an old chair beside my mother’s bed. She was lying there, looking so fragile that I was afraid to touch her. It brought back all the pain of what had definitely been the worst time of my life. When my mother got sick, she lost the light in her eyes. That was something I knew I would never forget, no matter how much I wanted to.

My mother turned her head to smile at me from her pillow. She was so thin, and her lips and eyelids were a strange purplish color. I could see little beads of sweat on her brow from the fever.

“You have to be strong, dulcu.” Her voice was weak and soft.

Like in the other dreams, I couldn’t make myself move at all. I couldn’t touch her, or hold her hand, or wipe the sweat away from her face. It made my heart hurt even more.

“Mom.” I started pleading with her. “What’s happening to me? I can speak to animals. I can heal people. What’s happening to me?”

Her smile started to fade as her eyes became distant. “We always remember our ancestors,” she started to whisper. “Always, even after they are gone. It keeps us bonded. It draws our spirits together like reeds in a basket.”

“Mom?” Nothing she said made any sense to me.

“Listen to them, dulcu. Listen and be strong.” Her eyes widened. Her face twisted up like she was about to start screaming, but she never made a sound. The darkness swallowed me up again, wiping away everything and dropping me back on that muddy, snowbound road.

The dream of the gray elf warrior murdering the royal family began to play out before me again. I struggled to move. I did everything I could to will it away, and force myself to wake up. Nothing worked. I was trapped in that repeating nightmare, just like before.

I saw the lone Maldobarian guard standing with his sword in hand, facing the murdering gray elf with no hope of winning. I saw them draw, stepping into combat. This time, thanks to my training, I could appreciate more of the logistics behind their footwork and strikes.

I held my breath as the gray elf moved in for the kill. Everything he did was so deliberate. It was smooth, calculated, and completely flawless—from the way he gripped his weapons, to the way he measured his steps. Nothing was left to chance. I shuddered to think of what he would do to the guard, who could barely stand because of his wounds.

The dream started to collapse on itself again. The only thing I could think about, the only thing I could hear, was that gray elf’s voice ringing in my head like a tolling bell.

“
What would you do to save your own life?
”

The nightmares were back. No matter how much of Felix’s sleeping remedy I took, I couldn’t get any relief. Every night I woke up drenched in a cold sweat with my heart pounding in my ears. Sometimes the pendant around my neck would burn like it was on fire, and other times I gasped awake alone in the dark feeling cold and terrified. After that, I couldn’t go back to sleep at all.

I tried not to let it affect my performance in training, but I knew the lack of sleep was starting to show. Even I could see the baggy circles under my eyes growing darker by the day whenever I saw my reflection. I was always tired, and it was hard to stay awake and pay attention in class.

Whenever we were in front of instructors, I tried not to let my fatigue show. I didn’t want anyone, especially Jace, to think I wasn’t on top of my game. But Thrane seemed to pick up on it right away. It was almost like he could sense I was closer than ever to finally snapping and giving him the fight he wanted. As much as I tried to put up a tough front, he pushed me harder than ever, just waiting for me to break.

The days dragged on, and the rest of the academy began buzzing about the annual officer’s ball. I was looking forward to it, too, but having those nightmares made it hard to think about anything else. When the others started going on about who would be there, or where the ball was going to be held this year, I always seemed to space out. A few of my classmates actually noticed, and asked me if I was okay. I sloughed off their remarks, and tried to make it seem like I was just studying late at night.

I couldn’t fool Felix, though. He saw right through it, and he seemed to take it personally that the sleeping remedy wasn’t working on me anymore.

“Maybe you’ve built up a tolerance to it,” he suggested.

I shrugged. I was digging through a pile of new uniforms Jace had brought to our room. The tailor had stitched our initials into each of the pieces, so it was easy to arrange them into three piles for Felix, Lyon, and myself.

“Have you talked to the medic? You’re pretty chummy with him, right?” he asked, and I could feel the sting of accusation in that question. Whatever was going on between Lyon and me, Felix knew it had something to do with the medic.

I shook my head. “Why would I? It’s not a medical problem, Felix.” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. They felt itchy and tired. “There’s nothing he could do about it anyway.”

Felix was quiet again. He was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed and his arms folded behind his head. I could feel his eyes on me, like he was trying to find some clue about what was going on.

“You’re chummy with Lyon, too.” He baited me. Lyon was still taking a bath, so he wasn’t there to back up my story.

I tried to keep my voice steady. I didn’t want Felix to know how nervous his questions made me. It was hard enough to watch Lyon lie to him, but it was almost impossible for me to fool him. “Why wouldn’t I be? He’s part of our team.”

Felix snorted. “Team? What team is that?”

“You know, Jace’s team.” I said.

“We’re not a team, Jae. Not yet, anyways. We might not even get sent to the same post after this. You know that, right? We may never see each other again.” I knew he was just trying to twist my feelings so I would spill all my secrets. He wanted to make me feel bad—and he was doing an excellent job of it.

“I’m always going to be watching your back, Felix. It doesn’t matter if we’re posted on opposite ends of the kingdom.” I reminded him.

I heard the bed creak as he sat up. “Right. Just like you’ve got Lyon’s back, right?” He snapped at me angrily.

I turned around to frown at him. “Don’t tell me you’re actually jealous because I’m friends with him now?”

Felix snorted again and glared at the floor. “I don’t understand how you can be friends with someone like him. Think of everything he’s done. He beat you up multiple times last year. I even had to save you from him once. Don’t you remember that? He probably would have killed you if I hadn’t shown up. He’s said horrible things about you, even this year. He betrayed us and left us to die at the prison camp. How can you trust anything he says? How can you trust him more than me?”

Words didn’t come to me right away. It was hard to explain, and I wasn’t that great with words to begin with. “Do you think I should hate him?” I finally asked.

Felix raised his eyes up to stare back at me. “I don’t see how you can’t.”

I nodded. “Should I hate everyone who’s ever done something bad to me? Even if they were sorry for it later?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” His eyes narrowed. “Lyon’s proven over and over that he’s nothing but a coward. He can’t be trusted. You’re making a mistake by sharing secrets with him.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe he will betray me, and maybe I’ll end up wishing I hadn’t given him any more chances.” I took a deep, uneasy breath. “I think I’d rather give someone a chance to prove me wrong, than live under the assumption that no one can change.”

The door opened suddenly, and Lyon came stumbling into the room. He was struggling to carry three brand new pairs of black uniform boots. “Look!” He announced proudly, dropping two of the boots as he tried to shut the door. “They’re already polished and everything!”

While Lyon fumbled around, Felix and I kept glaring at each other in silence. I knew he might never understand. He was stubborn that way. But I needed him to trust me. And more than that, I needed him to respect me enough to let me make this kind of a choice on my own. If I got burned, it wouldn’t be his fault.

The academy fell silent as we settled in for the night. I stayed awake long after the others fell asleep, twirling my mother’s necklace between my fingers and watching the shadows from the moonlight move across the ceiling. I was afraid of what I would see if I closed my eyes.

By the time dawn finally broke, I had managed to sneak in a few short spurts of sleep. It was enough to keep me from crashing, although it didn’t do anything to help the circles under my eyes. The academy started waking up. Noise came from the hallways outside our door as people fought for their turn in the baths.

I sat up on the edge of my bed, staring at the stack of clean new uniforms I had set out the night before. Today was the day. Tonight, I might see Beckah again. My stomach squirmed nervously as I reached to pull her handkerchief out of my pocket. I ran my thumb over the stitching of the two dragons. Seeing it always made me smile, no matter how bad things seemed.

“Rise and shine, kids!” Felix shouted as he bounded out of bed. It almost made me have a heart attack.

Lyon basically fell out of his bed with surprise. He came up cursing and sputtering, looking for something to throw at Felix.

“Tonight is the big night. Tonight, we wine, dine, and dance until dawn!” Felix patted my head roughly as he walked past, gathering up his towel and soap. “So comb your hair. Shave your chin—except for you, Jae. We all know you can’t grow a beard. Gray elves can’t grow body hair, right? I guess that applies to halfbreeds, too. Such a shame. The ladies love beards.”

I glared at him.

“Ooh, watch it. You don’t want your face to get stuck that way just in time to scare all the girls away. You look like an angry old buzzard with those circles under your eyes.” He laughed. His sunny mood was really grating on my nerves this early in the morning. “Come on, show a little enthusiasm! Tonight, you’ll be dining at my house, after all.”

“Your family is hosting the ball?” Lyon perked up.

Felix grinned smugly. “That’s right. It was supposed to be a surprise. You guys have no idea what you’re in for.”

“But what about your dad?” I asked. “I thought he was sick?”

“A lesson about nobles, Jae,” he said with a smirk. “We are never too sick to throw a party.”

Lyon laughed like that was a good joke. “What he means is, when it comes to showing up the other noble families, there’s nothing they won’t do.”

“Absolutely.” Felix had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that was a little scary. “Dad would have thrown this ball from his coffin. Besides, Mom’s been writing me and asking for ideas. We’ve got a guest list two miles long and enough wine and ale to float a ship. My whole estate has been preparing for this night for the past two months. Trust me, this will be a night to remember.”

* * *

We left the dormitory with our saddle bags crammed full and slung over our shoulders. All our new uniform pieces were packed and ready. Every buckle and button was polished to perfection. I had even taken the time to trim my hair a little, so the ends didn’t look as frayed. Felix teased me about it, of course. He kept poking fun at me about not having to shave, like it was a big deal or something.

The sun wasn’t even up, but the Roost was already packed with people moving their dragons in and out of stalls when we arrived. A few groups had already taken off, and were catching the first few bursts of chilly morning air. Jace was waiting for us beside Ghost, and he started shouting at us to hurry up the second we got there.

With our armor strapped on, our bags tied down, and our dragons saddled, the four of us took off in formation toward the rising sun. Jace flew in the front, leading the way for the rest of us like a big flock of geese going south for the winter. It took all day to fly across the kingdom, past the royal city of Halfax, to the eastern shores where Felix’s family lived.

The estate of Duke Farrow was so big I could see it even from miles away. Except for the royal castle, I had never seen a place that big before. As we swooped down through the clouds, the sunlight caught off the hundreds and hundreds of gothic-styled arched windows. It looked kind of like a massive cathedral made out of pearly white stone, perched high on a rocky cliff overlooking the cold eastern sea below. I counted a dozen spires of different shapes and sizes rising up toward the sky, flying blue and gold banners with the king’s eagle stitched on them.