Ava Comes Home (24 page)

“Want a lift, girls?”

“No, that's okay,” she said.

Terri ran over. “Sure. I'm sick of walking.”

He opened the front door of the truck and Terri sat next to him. Reluctant to get in but feeling she had no choice, Libby took the seat by the window. They chatted about school and how well the play had been received two nights before. He smiled, “School's pretty much over for another year. Hard to believe.”

Libby assumed since she was next to the door, he'd drop her off first, but he didn't. He made some excuse about having to go to the store and if he was going that way anyway, he might as well drop Terri off first. So he did. She was going to get out with her friend but Terri scrambled over her when he said, “Can I talk to you for a second, Libby?”

“See ya tomorrow, Lib.” Her friend waved goodbye.

“I should go home. Ma will be worried.”

“Nonsense. It's a nice day. Let's go for a drive.”

They didn't talk after that. Not until she realized he was driving out of town.

“Where are we going?”

“A nice little place I know.”

“But I have to get home.”

“You will get home. I'll drive you back myself.”

“I have to meet Seamus after.”

“I'll make sure you do. Relax. It's just a drive.”

She remembered she looked out the window and saw a dog by the side of the road. He was out for a walk, she supposed. He didn't seem to be in any hurry. She remembered wishing she was that dog.

They drove all the way out to Marion Bridge and further still. “I think this is far enough.”

“We're almost there.”

He pulled into an old country road that got narrower as they went on. The truck bounced in the ruts. They came up to a small, run-down house. “Who lives here?”

“It belongs to a friend. He won't mind if we use it.” He turned off the engine.

Her heart started to race. “What are we using it for?”

That's when he grabbed her arm and jerked her over and out the driver's side door.

“Please! What are you doing?”

“Don't talk.”

He yanked her behind him, up the steps. She dragged her feet and grasped one of the porch rails. She pulled against him with all her might but he snatched her around the waist and picked her up like a feather.

“Let me go! You can't do this. Why are you doing this?”

He hauled her in the door and locked it behind him. Then he dragged her through the house and into one of the bedrooms, where he threw her on the bed.

“Please. Don't hurt me.”

“I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to love you.”

“Seamus! Help me!” she screamed.

He reached across the bed and slapped her face. “I am so fucking sick of hearing about your fucking Seamus!”

He pulled her hair and brought her face close to his. “You little slut. I'm gonna show you how a real man does it.” He grabbed the back of her neck and covered her mouth with his own. He kept it there even as he ripped off her skirt and tore off her panties. He pushed her back on the bed.

She screamed and screamed until he punched her. That's when she stayed quiet.

She retreated to a small brown stain on the ceiling. She kept her eyes on that stain until he turned her over. Then she stared at the crack in the wall. As long as she kept her eyes on it she was in a small safe place. So small she couldn't see it. But if she were to lose sight of it, all would be lost.

She remembered being driven back to town in the dark and keeping her eyes on the windshield wipers swishing back and forth. He acted like nothing happened, as if she'd imagined the whole thing. She began to think maybe she had. It was her imagination. Lots of things were. That was it, it never happened.

But then he had to go and ruin it. He stopped three streets from where she lived. He never touched her. Instead he smiled at her. “If you ever say anything about this, I'll tell Seamus. I'll tell him everything we did, and I'll tell him you loved it. Do you understand me?”

She nodded.

She opened the door and got out. He drove off. She walked home in the dark. She walked and walked and it was still dark, so she walked some more and it was still dark. Why was it dark, she wondered? Stop being dark. Stop the dark.

“STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT.”

“Libby, Libby, darlin', it's okay, it's okay. You're safe.”

Ava's eyelids were so heavy she couldn't open them, but she thought she heard Aunt Vi's voice. Then she heard someone say, “She's coming round.”

The light hurt her eyes. She squinted and nothing was in focus. She blinked and saw a few faces swimming in front of her. She picked out Lola's face. That was Lola.

“Hi.”

Lola looked frightened. “Oh sweetheart, I'm glad you're awake.”

“What happened?”

“You fainted, that's all. You just fainted.”

“Where am I?”

“Never mind that, honey,” Aunt Vi said. “We're taking you home.”

She looked and saw her sisters and then all kinds of people in a doorway. She was in a white place. She was in a bathroom. “What's happening?”

Rose bent over and grabbed her hand. “There's nothing to be afraid of, Libby. We're at Ma's wake and you got a little emotional and fainted, that's all. There's nothing wrong with you.”

“Oh, that's good. We're at Ma's wake? She must have died then.” She saw everyone look at each other. “I can get up.”

Rose pushed her back down. “No, honey, you need to rest.”

“But Ma—”

“Ma will understand. Johnnie, lift her up. Gently now.”

Her brother came into the bathroom and smiled at her before he lifted her off the floor as if she were a rag doll.

“It's okay, child. I've got ya.”

Ava rested her head on her big brother's shoulder. She felt safe and warm and sort of dreamy. Maybe this was a dream. She'd have to tell Lola when she woke up. She saw people all around and yet when they walked by, the people stepped back, as if they were frightened of her. Oh well, it didn't matter. Johnnie would take care of her.

Lola wrapped a sweater around her and they went down the steps. People lined the stairs. This must be a premiere, but she couldn't remember what movie it was. She wondered if she should wave.

Ava was bundled into the car. Lauchie drove and Johnnie kept her on his lap. He patted her and told her to hush. The car stopped and he carried her out and into the house. She heard the voices of her sisters and Lola. They were coming up the stairs behind them. So strange that everyone needed to go upstairs at the same time.

Johnnie laid her on the bed.

“We'll take it from here,” Rose said.

“Thank you Johnnie. You're so nice to me.”

”That's okay, baby.” He turned from the room.

Then all these women fussed over her, got her into pajamas and wiped her face and made her drink tea laced with something. Then they wanted her to take a bite of toast, but she had no appetite. Finally they let her lie down and Rose sat by her side and stroked her hair.

“Sing me that song, Rosie. You know the one.”

“‘You Are My Sunshine'?”

“Yes. That's it.”

Rose was still singing when she fell asleep.

Seamus couldn't get Colleen to tell him what had happened.

“Well, something must have happened. Look at you. You're a mess.”

“It doesn't matter,” she sobbed. “Just leave it.”

“One of her brothers didn't say anything to you, I hope, because I'll wring their necks if they did.”

“No. No. It wasn't like that.”

“This is ridiculous. I have a right to know.”

She turned on him. “You left me there. You ran out and I had to stand there with everyone looking at me. It was hard, okay?”

He felt terrible. Her face was flushed and tear-streaked and she looked miserable.

“I'm sorry. I never thought of that. You should've come with me.”

“You never gave me the chance, did you?” She turned away from him and leaned her head on the side door window. “I want to go home.”

“I'm sorry, Colleen. I never should've asked you to go. I knew how you felt. It wasn't fair.”

“Nothing about this damn situation is fair. I never want to discuss it again. You do what you want. Talk to her, date her; fuck her for all I care. I don't give a shit. I never want to hear her name mentioned again. Have you got that?”

He was speechless. His sister didn't swear often. She was terribly upset and it was his fault. He wanted it to end.

The next day at work he had coffee with Roger. He poured them two mugs and put them on the table in the lunch room. Roger reached for his. “Thanks.”

Seamus pulled open a couple of creamers and poured them in. Then he stirred his coffee with a Bic pen.

“I hear it was pretty bad at the wake last night.”

“Someone told you I ran out of there, did they? Goddamn it. Don't people have anything better to talk about?”

“No, I mean about Libby.”

Seamus was about to take a sip of his coffee, but he put it down. “What do you mean?”

“Apparently she had some sort of breakdown. Her brother had to carry her out of the funeral home.”

“What?”

“I'm surprised Colleen didn't tell you. She was in the bathroom with her when it happened.”

Seamus froze.

Roger looked at him. “Are you okay?”

He didn't answer.

“Hey, I hope I'm not speaking out of turn. The only reason I know is because Julie was standing in line at the time. I heard about it briefly on the radio this morning too, about Libby being helped out of the building.”

Seamus stood. “Call me off sick.” He turned around to leave.

“Hey, hey buddy! Look, I feel bad. I didn't mean to upset you.”

“You didn't. Someone else did,” he said over his shoulder.

Seamus got in the patrol car and drove straight out to Colleen's. He saw her anxious face in the kitchen window when she looked out and saw it was him. She was standing with her back to the cupboards when he burst through the door and threw his keys on the table.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“What do you mean?”

He slammed his fist on the kitchen table. She jumped.

“You know damn well what I mean. What did you say to her in that bathroom?”

“Nothing.”

He slammed his fist again. “That's bullshit! Give me some credit. She was fine when she went in that bathroom and a mess when she was carried out. Don't you dare lie to me and tell me nothing happened.”

“I told her to leave you alone,” Colleen yelled.

“And?”

“And that…and that…”

“Tell me the truth, Colleen, or I swear to God, I'll never speak to you again.”

She had a hard time getting the words out. “I told her that what she did to you was unforgivable, partying with boys that summer you were gone.”

“There's something else. I know it.”

Colleen slapped her hand on the counter. “I told her what those two women said outside, about her being with the drama teacher. I said it showed what kind of a woman she really was.”

“And what did she say when you made that sweeping judgment of her character?”

Colleen suddenly deflated. “She said he attacked her, that he was always after her. That he never left her alone.”

“He assaulted her?”

Colleen continued as if he hadn't spoken. “I swear, that was all I said and the minute she told me that, she sort of fell into the wall and I tried to help her, but she screamed at me not to touch her and then her friend came in and called me a stupid bitch and told me to get out. I didn't mean for it to happen. It's like she fell apart. It was scary. I was afraid.” She covered her face with her hands. “I'm sorry. I should never have spoken to her.”

“You've got that right.”

She looked up at him accusingly. “You wanted me to go. You put me in a terrible position.”

“That's right, Colleen. It's my fault. It's her fault. It's everyone's fault but yours. She drove you to it, because she's such a nasty piece of work. You accused her of something that two strangers happened to mention and used it as a weapon against her, even though you had no proof. Did you ever think it might be a painful memory? No. Because you automatically assumed she was a slag and sleeping with not only every boy in town but all the teachers too.”

“I'm sorry.”

He couldn't contain his anger. He turned around and punched the wall.

“Seamus, don't!”

He looked back at her, hardly able to see her for his rage. “You know everything, don't you, Colleen? You and this fucking town know everything.” He jabbed his finger in her face. “She didn't even sleep with me. Me! The boy who loved her more than life itself. The boy she loved more than anyone. And you and these sanctimonious busybodies all delight in malicious gossip that no one can prove. You make me sick. You all make me sick.”

He spun around and grabbed his keys. He heard her shout, “Don't go, Seamus. Don't go. I'm sorry. I never should have…”

He didn't hear anything else, just ran to the car and slammed the door behind him. He revved the engine and pulled out of the dirt driveway, causing gravel to fly everywhere. He had to see her. He had to see her right this minute. It didn't matter what he'd say. She needed to be in his arms because she was alone and needed protecting. Nothing else mattered. He wanted her. Seamus had wanted her his whole life.

He pulled into the MacKinnon yard, got out and walked up to the door. He knocked on it louder than he should have. It was Rose who walked toward him and opened the screen door.

“Rose, I need to see her.”

Rose came towards him, so he had to back up.

“I'd like to speak to you for a moment, outside.”