“June.”
She turned and threw her hands up in the air. “Oh boy,” she slurred, “this is my lucky day. How the hell's it goin', Seamus?”
“Pretty good. I think you better come along with me. We need to sober you up.”
She shook her head and wagged her finger in his face. “No, dearie. We don't need to. I feel just fine.” With that she turned away from him and started to weave down the sidewalk. A couple walked by, giving her a look.
“Whatcha lookin' at, ya goddamn goody two-shoes?”
They hurried away, as he walked over to her and grabbed her by the arm. “Come with me, June.”
She struggled at first, but ultimately relented. “Aw, Geez. You always were a tightass.”
Smiling, he lowered her head while settling her into the back seat of the car. He shut the door and got into the front seat. “I'm taking you to the lockup. You can sleep it off there.”
She gave him a wicked grin. “Are you sleepin' with me?”
“Not today.”
“Shit. You always were stuck up.”
“I'm a stuck-up tight ass. Anything else?”
“Yeah. You're still fuckin' gorgeous.”
He laughed out loud. “You were a babe in high school. Get off the booze and you could be again.”
She dismissed him with her hand. “Nah, you broke my heart. I got nothin' to live for.” She cracked herself up with that observation and he laughed again.
June was quiet for a moment as she looked out the window.
He thought she'd fallen asleep, but she suddenly blurted, “She's here, ya know.”
His stomach went tight because he knew what she meant. He didn't answer, and June went right on talking. “Yeah, I saw her at the airport. A couple of us went down to sneak a peek. She's still friggin' beautiful, the stupid bitch. Of course, she's stuck up too, just hurried past us without a glance, like we was dog shit. Gets in her big fancy car. You should've saw the plane she was on. Right out of the movies, it was. Stupid bitch.”
Seamus was aware that his jaw was clenched. He needed to stop reacting every time someone mentioned her.
“How come she dumped ya, anyway?”
He kept his mouth shut.
“Well, I think she used ya. She was sleeping with everyone in town, you just didn't know it. My brother had her, said she was great.”
He slammed on the brakes and turned around to face her. “Shut your mouth this instant or I swear, I'll make sure you get jail time.”
Her eyes widened. “Geez, I'm only saying what everyone else said. It was no big secret.”
He pointed his finger at her. “I'm warning you.”
She folded her arms. “Fuckin' cops.” She kept quiet though.
He took her to the station and was glad to be able to dump her there. His head was pounding so he bummed a couple of Tylenol from one of the clerks. She looked at him.
“You don't look good.”
“I'm okay. Just a headache.”
“Darn. I was going to ask you if you wanted to get something to eat later.”
“Thanks, but I've got to get home.”
She looked resigned. “I knew you'd say that. Oh, by the way, can you give this accident report to Roger. It's the one from yesterday, near Reserve Mines.”
Seamus couldn't get away from her or her family. “Sure.” He picked up the report and tossed it on Roger's desk as he passed by, then got undressed in the locker room and stashed his uniform. Out to the car, he turned the ignition and headed for the daycare centre. Pulling up to the front of the house, with its crayon shutters and its alphabet fence, Seamus noticed another dad arriving to pick up his kids. He looked familiar, but Seamus couldn't recall the man's name. He thought he might have been on one of his hockey teams at school.
“Hey man, how are ya?”
Seamus nodded his head. “Good.”
“I didn't know your kids were here.”
He shrugged. “There aren't too many daycare centres around.”
His friend chuckled. “True. So what's new?”
“Nothin' much.”
They approached the front door. The guy said, “Hey, did you hear Libby's back in town? Or Ava, I should say.”
Why did everyone keep mentioning her?
“Yeah, I heard.”
“You were lucky, man. Can't imagine having her.”
Moron, thought Seamus, as he went through the door and escaped into the confusion of the front porch, with parents and staff trying to get children into their jackets to go home.
Jack came running up to him. “Hi Daddy, I made a monster.” He held up a lump of clay.
“Scary. Where's your sister?”
He pointed. “She's in there.”
Seamus went into the main room and looked around, unable to locate Sarah at first. A small flutter of unease settled on him for a second, but suddenly the sun came out because there she was, her hair in an untidy mess of curls. She sat at a small table with a pot of paint, brushing the paper with large swipes.
“Sarah. Come on, baby.”
She turned and her face lit up. “Daddy, look.” She ran over with the soggy piece of paper and handed it to him. “See.”
He knelt down and looked at it. “It's beautiful.” He picked her up and she waved the wet picture about. “It's a doggy.”
“Good.” He went back into the porch. “Come on, Jack.”
“I'm coming.” He and the monster ran up and followed him out the door.
The moron from high school was still in the porch. “Nice seein' ya, Seamus.”
“Yeah, you too.”
Thinking the exchange was over, Seamus moved to pass, but the man opened his mouth again. Seamus stiffened, bracing himself for another comment about Libby.
“By the way, I was sorry to hear about your wife. A damn shame.” This caught him off guard. “Oh, yes. Thanks.”
“Your little girl looks like her.”
Seamus wanted to get out of there. “Yes, she does. See ya.” He practically ran down the stairs and over to the car. He put the kids in their car seats and got behind the wheel. His head was still throbbing, despite the painkillers. He rested it against the steering wheel for a moment.
“Are you okay, Daddy?” Jack asked.
He lifted his head. “Yeah, buddy. I'm okay.”
“Can we go to Burger King?”
“Sure.”
He knew Colleen thought he fed his children too much junk food, but he didn't have the energy to peel carrots and potatoes tonight, so he herded them into the restaurant, bought them their chicken nuggets and fries, and ordered a cheeseburger for himself. They sat at a table near the windows and Jack told him about his day. Sarah nodded a lot and said “Yeah” every few minutes. She spilled her milk and then her dipping sauce. Her nose was runny and her face was dirty and he got a few looks from mothers with kids in pristine condition. Seamus ignored them.
They wanted ice cream, so he bought them some and they ate it in the car. He was about to go home when he realized he needed a few groceries, especially diapers.
“We have to go to the store.”
“Do we have to?” Jack whined.
“Sorry, pal.”
“That's poohy.”
He looked at his ice creamsoaked son in the rear-view mirror. “That's your favourite word lately, isn't it?”
“Yeah!” Sarah said happily.
Once more, he hauled the kids out of their car seats. He held their sticky hands as they went in the store. Sarah wanted to get into the little seat at the front of the shopping cart and Jack wanted to get into the cart itself. He held their messiness away from him as he lifted them in. Off they went, down one aisle and up the next, while he threw things in at intervals, trying to remember what was in the fridge. His guilty conscience got the better of him, so he headed back to the fruit and vegetable aisle. Jack wasn't impressed.
“I hate onions.”
“I ate onons,” Sarah mimicked.
“I hate turnips.”
“I ate ips.”
“I hate broccoli.”
“I ate bocci...”
“It's good for you.”
“I don't care,” Jack yelled. He rubbed his eyes. “I wanna go home.”
Sarah nodded. “Home.”
“Just a sec, you two. I'm almost done.”
Jack wasn't having any of it. “This is poohy.” He picked up a stalk of celery and threw it out of the cart.
“Jack! Stop it this instant.”
Seamus picked up the celery and put it back in the cart, though he had no intention of buying it. Jack started to cry.
“Me tired,” Sarah said.
Seamus gave up. “All right. Let's go.”
He hurried around the corner and bumped smack into someone else's cart.
It was Libby.
She nearly died.
She actually took two steps backward. He looked as shocked as she felt. She took in everything in an instant. The boy she loved was now a man. He'd filled out and his hair was shorter, but he was still gorgeous. He always would be.
Then her eyes focused on his babies. They were dirty and looked tired and cranky but they were adorableâjust as she always imagined their children would look someday.
“Libby,” he said.
The last time she heard him say that name was the night before he left for New Brunswick. It was like salve on a heartbreak that had lasted ten years. She couldn't find her voice for a moment, and then she whispered, “Seamus.”
Neither one of them spoke; they stared at each other. She wanted to cry and then she wanted to scream and then she wanted to reach over and take his face in her hands and kiss him for the rest of her life. But she did none of those things. She had no right.
“I was sorry to hear about Vi and Angus. Are they going to be all right?”
She cleared her throat. “Yes. It will be tough going for a while, but yes.” “And your mother?”
“She's very ill.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Thank you.”
His little boy reached over and pulled his father's shirt. “Can we go now?” But his daughter held out her fist and said, “See.”
“What honey?”
“See. See.”
“She wants to show you something,” Seamus said.
Ava stepped closer. “What is it?”
The girl opened her chubby fist to reveal a grape. “Ape.”
Ava wasn't sure what to do, but his daughter seemed intent on giving it to her, so she took it. “Thank you.”
“Sarah likes to give people things.”
“Sarah is a beautiful name. And your son?”
“This is Jack.”
“Hello, Jack.”
“Poohy.”
She smiled in spite of herself. Seamus looked horrified. “Jack, behave yourself.”
“Sorry. You're pretty.”
Ava felt her cheeks burning. “Thank you.”
Seamus looked straight at her. “Like father, like son.”
Her knees went weak, but she was ashamed of herself when she remembered his wife. Not wanting him to think the wrong thing, she said, “How's Sally?”
The look on his face was one she wasn't expecting.
“You don't know about Sally?”
“Know what?”
Seamus glanced at his kids and looked flustered. That's when Jack said, “My mommy's in heaven.”
“â¦eaven,” Sarah chimed in.
Ava looked open-mouthed at Seamus. She stammered, “I'm sorry, Seamus. I didn't know. No one told me.”
Just then she was surrounded by a group of giggling girls. “Excuse us. Can we have your autograph?”
Seamus looked away. “I have to get the kids home. It was nice seeing you again.”
She nodded miserably. “And you.”
Ava ignored the notebooks thrust at her so she could keep Seamus in sight. He walked to the check-out and soon disappeared behind racks of magazines and customer traffic.
“Please,” one of the girls said.
Ava shook her head to clear it. “What?”
“Sign my book.”
Automatically, she took the book and scratched something that looked like her signature. She couldn't stand it any longer. “I'm sorry, I have to go.”
“Oh, please,” the other girls whined, unable to believe they'd gotten this close to Ava Harris only to leave empty-handed.
Abandoning her cart, Ava ran out of the store. He was still in the parking lot, putting the kids in their seats. She hurried over to him. He looked up as he opened the front door.
“Seamus.”
He stood still.
She gulped the huge ball of misery in her throat. “I have no right to talk to you, I know.” She thought he would say something but he didn't, so she had no choice but to continue. “I owe you an apology, but this isn't the time or the place. I need to speak to you, because I may never get the chance again.” Here, she faltered. “I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying. I feel so badly about Sally.”
“We'll talk someday, Libby, when I'm not⦔ He struggled with his own words, and she understood.
“Yes. Someday.”
He got in his car and drove away. She stood in the parking lot, oblivious to the stares and people pointing and the friendly smiles as people recognized her. It was as if she were alone in the universe. A car beeped to move her out of the middle of the driving lane. Ava came out of her stupor and realized she'd been sent on a mission to get some supplies and she couldn't very well arrive home without them. As she hurried back into the store, she vowed she wouldn't say a word about meeting Seamus. Her sisters would breathe down her neck until they sucked every bit of information out of her, and she couldn't share him with anyone. She needed to digest the awful news that his wife was dead. Poor Seamus. Her heart broke for him, and those dear children, losing their mother. Why hadn't someone told her?
When she got back to the house, her brothers Sandy and Hugh were in the kitchen. It was Sandy's turn to look after Ma. Hugh brought mussels for dinner.
“I hope I don't have to cook them,” she said as she threw the grocery bags on the table.