As the Sparks Fly Upward (35 page)

The door opened a few minutes later and Giles, a servant to the doctors, stepped inside. He said, “Dr. Winslow, there is a woman who wants to see you.”

Colin shook his head and muttered wearily, “If she needs to see a physician, tell her to go see Dr. Teague.”

“Yes, sir, I'll tell her.” The servant left, and Colin put her out of his mind. Patients often came to the house instead of the hospital, many of them because they had no money and they needed free treatment. Others came because they had reached the point of no return with a sickness. Colin was usually ready to receive them, but not now. A streak of irritability ran through him as the door opened again. Giles stepped in and shook his head. “She won't go away, Doctor! She says you're the one who's sick and God has sent her here to help you.”

Colin snapped angrily, “She needs to be in Bedlam! Throw her out if you have to, Giles.”

“Aye, sir, I'll do that.” The door closed and Colin tried again to pray. He'd used up all the words he knew, and all he could do was cling to Adam's hand with his spirit in anguish. Then he heard angry voices in the hall, and suddenly the door burst open. Colin was astonished to see Meg Caradoc with a gleaming knife in her hand, the tip of it pointed at Giles, whose face was pale. “I couldn't stop her, sir! She threatened to cut my gizzard out!”

“Get out of here, you oaf!” Meg spat out. She made a sweeping motion with the knife, and Giles backed up at once.

“Let her come in, Giles. It's all right,” Colin said. He waited until Giles had fled, shutting the door behind him. Releasing Adam's hand, he turned to face the woman. Meg shook her
head, saying with disgust, “He isn't much of a servant, is he? Can't keep an old woman from bothering you!” She put the knife away in her voluminous clothing and came over to look at Adam. She was silent for a moment, then said, “He's dying, isn't he?”

“He's very ill, Meg. I'd do anything to save him, but nothing seems to work.”

Meg was looking down into Adam's face. She was silent for a moment, then turned and fixed her dark eyes on Colin. It seemed to him that she was searching his very heart. She finally said, “It's your fault he's dying, Colin Winslow.”

Colin looked stricken. “You don't know what you're talking about! I've done everything—used all the medicines, performed surgery—but nothing seems to work!”

“It's your fault! God has told me so.”

“That's impossible!” Colin said angrily. “I've been praying to God day and night. But I've not heard a word from him.”

“Not a word will you hear from him, Colin, until you fix the sickness in yourself.”

Colin shook his head. He was so tired that none of Meg's words made sense. “I don't know what you're talking about, Meg. I know who I am.”

“God spoke to me about you. It came in the form of a dream. You remember in the old Bible when Joshua was leading the people of Israel into the Promised Land? They fought a battle against the army of Ai, and they were overwhelmed with a terrible defeat. Their men were slaughtered, and they fled from their enemies.”

“Of course I remember that. What about it?”

“I seemed to see all of that in my dream. I saw Joshua after the defeat as the Bible said. He tore his clothes, put ashes on his head, and cried out to God. That's the same thing you've been doing, isn't it, Colin? Well, God didn't answer Joshua; at least he didn't solve Joshua's problems.”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“Do you remember what happened in that story?”

“Of course I do. God told Joshua that there was sin in the camp. He warned him that Israel would be defeated until that sin was cleaned out.”

“Did they find the sin?”

“Certainly! Joshua went before the people and found out that a man called Achan had sinned against God.”

“That's right. I wonder, boy, if you remember what God said to Joshua before he did something about the problem.”

“I don't remember.”

“He said, ‘Wherefore liest thou upon thy face?' In other words he said, ‘Get up! It's time to stop praying and do something!' And he did, as you remember. Achan was found guilty and executed. After that, the problem was solved and Israel won the victory.”

“That's just a story in the Bible, Meg.”

“No, it's more than that! God spoke to me and said, ‘Unless Colin Winslow confesses and repents of his sin, his brother will die.'”

“You heard the voice of God?”

“No, not a literal voice, but it was like a whispering deep in my heart. Now, do you believe this is from God?”

“I don't know, Meg.”

“You'd better believe it! You need to find out what the problem is, and I can tell you it's something buried deep in your heart. If you don't get rid of it, your brother will die, and maybe you too. I've watched you since you were a boy, Colin. You had a good, pure heart when you were young, but something has darkened it. Find out what it is, or face a God who will in no way clear the guilty. I'll pray that you'll rid yourself of this sin.” She turned without another word and left, slamming the door behind her.

Colin desperately attempted to put his thoughts together. He
looked down at Adam, then at the door through which Meg had left.
She's a good woman, and she does know God. But what have I done, God? What have I done? Don't let my brother die because of my sin! Show me my faults!

For a long time Colin cried out to God. Still there was nothing in his heart but a dead weight. He prayed in every way he could think of, and he confessed every sin he could think of. Finally, he slumped down in a chair beside Adam with his eyes closed. He fell into a fitful sleep.

“Colin! Wake up!”

Colin's eyes opened slowly, and he sat up in the chair. His neck was stiff, so he rubbed it. He looked up at Heather, who was standing over him, and got to his feet painfully.

“He's no better, is he?” she asked.

“No, he's not.”

Heather was wearing a silk dressing gown that revealed the contours of her figure. She came closer to him; there was something strange in her eyes. As groggy as Colin was, he could see that she was deeply stirred. “What is it, Heather? What's the matter?”

“Have you ever thought, Colin, how hard it would be for me and for you if Adam lives? He'll probably be a helpless invalid, and I'll be his wife. We could never have each other.”

“You mustn't talk like that.”

“I have no faith. Before you operated you said he would be cured.”

“I thought he would be, but he's not.” He thought for a moment of telling her of Meg's message but knew that it wouldn't be received well. “I've got to sleep a little. Could you sit beside him, Heather?”

“I can't! I can't stand to look at him! I can't live with an invalid, Colin. You know I can't!”

Colin's eyes opened and anger touched his spirit. “He's your husband! You promised to love him for better or for worse! Well, this is the worst!”

Heather suddenly put her arms around Colin's neck. She pressed herself against him and whispered, “I've never loved Adam, Colin. I've always loved you.”

“That is not fit talk!”

“It's honest talk. We've always loved each other. You love me too. I know it.”

Colin reached up to remove her hands, but she clung to him. The words that came from her lips shocked him. “Let him die, Colin . . . !”

“Why, you don't mean that, Heather!”

“Yes, I do, because it's the only way. If he lives he'll be a cripple, but if he dies you'll have the title. We can marry. We'll have each other as we once did.”

At that moment Colin had an epiphany.
This is the sin that's been in my heart—it's my unholy lust for my brother's wife!

Colin couldn't move for a moment, for he was sickened by shame and he knew that God had touched him with a truth that he'd refused to face. He thought back to the affair he'd had with Heather and cried out aloud, “God, forgive me for this terrible sin!”

Heather clung to him, insisting, “Let him die, Colin! He's going to die anyway. You know ways to do things like that. We've got to have each other.”

Suddenly a strange sense of anger mixed with grief became a strong force within Colin. He reached out and shoved Heather away, filled with disgust. He said slowly and distinctly, “I would never do such a thing, Heather. I love my brother! I could never sin against him and against God in this way.”

“You love me! You've always loved me! This is our one chance for happiness, Colin.”

“There's no happiness in the sin you're asking me to commit, Heather. Yes, I had impure desires for you, an awful lust from the time we met. Even after you married Adam, I couldn't put you out of my mind. But I know now that if I don't judge myself for this terrible sin, God will judge me for it.”

“Don't be a fool! We can have it all if Adam dies!”

Her words seemed to hang in the air, and the silence of the room was almost palpable. Suddenly, a third voice spoke. It was a weak voice and unsteady—and came from the lips of Adam Winslow! “Sorry to—disappoint you, my dear wife—but I'm going to live.”

Colin straightened up and whirled around to see Adam's eyes opened. “Adam! You're conscious!”

“Yes, just in time it seems.” Adam turned his head to look at Heather. Something in that brief look seemed to strike her with the force of a bullet. Her eyes flew open, and she began to whimper, “I didn't mean it, Adam! I didn't know what I was saying!”

“Heather, we both know you meant every word of it.” Adam's voice seemed to grow stronger. “You won't be my wife, but then it seems you never were. I'll see that you're provided for, but I never want to see your face again.”

Heather began to cry, but she took one look at Adam's face, then whirled around and ran out of the room.

Colin bent over and took one of Adam's hands in his again. His brother had a strange look on his face, and tears came to Colin's eyes. “Well, you've heard my confession. I've confessed it to God, and I've confessed it to you.”

Adam still had the strange look on his face. There was some strength in his hand, so he squeezed Colin's. “Brother, I've always thought that I was the strong one and that you were the weak member of the Winslow family, but I was wrong. You're the one who should have the title.”

“No, Adam, I never wanted it.”

“It's a miracle that you refused to listen to the hellish proposal of that woman who was my wife.” His grip on Colin's hand tightened and he smiled at him. “You could never harm me, could you, Colin?”

“No, I've always loved you, Adam.”

A sadness seemed to fall over Adam's face. “I thought I knew what love was, but I was a fool.” He squeezed Colin's hand, and a smile turned the corners of his lips up slightly. “But I'm willing to learn if you'll help me, brother!”

There had been no joy in Twyla's life since the surgery. She had not heard from Colin. All she could think about was the love she had for him and how it was not returned. She had loved him for so long that she couldn't tell at what point it changed from the affection of a child to the passionate love of a woman. She only knew it was there, and as she sat in the semidarkness of the room, she was unaware of anything except the grief in her heart. She had lost track of time, and nothing seemed to be right in the world.

A knock at the door startled her, and getting up wearily, she went to answer it. She opened the door. “Colin, what are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you, Twyla.”

Twyla didn't really want to speak to him, for he had never had words for her that pleased her as a woman. She started to turn away from him, but she saw something in his face and asked, “What is it?”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes.” He entered, and Twyla turned up the lamp. “What is it? Is Adam worse?”

“No.” Colin came and took her forearms, holding them tightly. “He's awake! God is healing him.”

“Oh, that's wonderful! It's a miracle!”

“Yes, it is, but I have to tell you all of it, Twyla.”

Colin told her the whole story of Meg's visit and the dream she'd had. Then he told her how Heather had come and made a terrible proposal. “I've been the world's biggest fool, Twyla. I've let that woman dominate my life.” Tears came to Colin's eyes, and he continued, “It was all true, that dream of Meg's. I've had
sin in my heart, and I didn't even recognize it. Maybe I just didn't want to, but I recognize it now and I've asked God to forgive me. Of course he has. I've asked Adam for forgiveness, too, and we're closer than we ever were. He's going to live and be a well man.”

Twyla said, “I've seen this in you for a long time, Colin. I've been sick with fear that you would give in to your love for Heather.”

“No, Twyla, I never had love for her. It was a worldly lust, and only the grace of God and your prayers kept me from disaster.” He suddenly moved his hands from her forearms and wrapped them around her waist and whispered, “I've got you to keep me now. You're my good angel, Twyla.”

Twyla waited, for she had so longed to hear him say words of love—words that a man would say to the woman he loves. But all he said was, “I've got to go back and tell my parents. I need to see to Adam, too. God bless you, sweetheart! It was a good day for me when I found you!” He turned and left, and tears began to flow down Twyla's cheeks.

He didn't say a word about—about love or marriage. He doesn't care for me! I'm just a waif he took in, a servant. That's all I'll ever be to him!

25