As I Fade (One Breath at a Time: Book 1) (18 page)

Nurse Katharine’s eyes lit up, staring up at him in awe, capturing his eyes with hers. Their gaze seemed to last a few seconds too long.

Hmm?
I sensed a stirring energy between them.

Katharine squeezed my foot through the blanket, flashed him another smile, then retreated toward the door and exited. I liked her...as for my doctor, I wasn’t too happy with him at the moment. I considered him the pink elephant in the room!

-14-

Captured

A resistance and unwillingness to move past where I was surrounded me. My compliant nature collided with a wall of stubbornness. I felt the doctor’s eyes appraise me. Chock-f o’ determination, I tried my damnedest to not make eye contact with him. I stared through him like he was a sheet of glass. Who did he think he was? He patiently waited for a response. Yet, I wouldn’t acknowledge him. I wanted to be left alone to ponder my private thoughts. I continued to ignore him, staring past him as if he didn’t exist. I supposed that could have appeared childish.

My eyes moved upward to the ceiling. The sound of the fan’s motor oscillating above me was hypnotizing. I closed my eyes still feeling heavily medicated. I listened to the sound of my own heartbeat, which was calm for a change.

I felt so damned cornered by the bizarre events toying with my memory, along with the string of unanswered questions. If the doctor wouldn’t release me, I’d do the next best thing. I mentally checked out and pretended to fall back asleep.

Doctor Tagorski stayed in the room; I sensed him moving around the bed. At one point, he checked my pulse. I rolled to my side and restlessly slid my hand beneath the pillow to break our contact. Just a fraction of a moment had passed when I heard the sound of a woman’s heels padding across the floor, stopping at my bedside

“She’s sleeping again,” he said to whoever had entered into the room. “Okay, then. Sleep, our little mysterious comet.”

He stole that from the note he found in my pocket.

Surprisingly, Dr. Tagorski pushed back the long strands of my hair with a damp cloth. Even with my eyes closed, I knew it was his hand. It was heavy, firm and masculine yet had a gentle touch as a woman’s would. One minute he was stern, the next he showed more compassion than any doctor I have ever been treated by. “Do you think she’s involved in the movement?”

“
Not a chance,” the female’s voice replied. It was Katharine. She was the one who had entered the room. I wanted to open my eyes and thank her for coming to my rescue, twice that day, but I didn’t dare.

“
There’s something about her that defies our times,” Dr. Tagorski said.

“
Yes, you’re right...she’s so different than women these days...like an old soul—a sassy one too.” Katharine exhaled long. “Maybe she was born before her time. That happens, you know?”

“
Yes, I know,” he responded in an earnest tone.

There was a hush of silence.

What’s happening?
I felt an overwhelming urge to peek at them but again didn’t dare.

“
I think that’s the case,” Katharine chimed in, breaking the silence in the room.

“
Could be...and, what a razor sharp tongue on her...I can’t say I’ve ever heard a woman swear so nonchalantly,” he sighed, “but...since she claims to be from the States, well, from what I’ve heard American women are taking over. God, help us,” he said, followed by a hearty chuckle.

What is he talking about? Women haven’t just taken over. They are powerful leaders. He must have had his head buried in a textbook, for the last thirty years, explaining “how do I pull my head out of my ass?” I shook off the sudden visual of this.

“Hey, I’m from America too,” Katharine said then giggled.

“
Yes, I know...and the most beautiful red-haired American woman I’ve ever seen.”

“
Oh Doctor, I could say the same to you—you’re the most
drop-dead
gorgeous man in Paris—that’s a compliment,” she boldly said, after stealing my line. Well, it wasn’t my line, but a catch phrase coined by a journalist for
Time Magazine
in a 1985 issue about Michelle Pfeiffer.

“
I’ve never had anyone pay me such a nice but interesting compliment. Thank you, but I have to ask have you been talking to our little space alien?”

Space alien?

They both broke into a quiet laughter; their banter was extremely flirty. I heard their footsteps crossing the floor in sync. With their backs to me, I took the opportunity to watch them from beneath my lashes.

Oh my God, Dr. Tagorski and Katharine were embracing. He leaned into her then kissed her, and she kissed him back.

No wonder he had capitulated, regarding my fate with the brain-frying chair, she had him in the palms of her hands, literally. I closed my eyes; it didn’t feel right to spy on them. They appeared to be in love. Or maybe just lust. No, it was definitely love.

Then it hit me, a brilliant thought, if I was getting out of here with my mind intact, I had better have a back up plan.

Katharine confided in me that if I had any more outbursts Dr. Tagorski might resort to giving me electric shock treatment. I told her that I had thought that treatment had been banished. She confirmed it was a common practice in Paris, and it has helped many people who have had traumatic incidents such as I.

The minute they released me, I planned to report how unjustified they had treated me to whoever would listen. Most people have no idea what still goes on in private hospitals...I had heard my share of horrific, unorthodox medical treatments. Now I had experienced it for myself.

Back to my plan. What a fortuitous opportunity. I gripped my cell, pulled it out in a hurry, aimed and snapped two photos of them.

Thank God, the camera still worked. If electric shock treatment crossed Dr. Tagorski’s mind one more time, blackmail would cross mine. I was certain it wasn’t acceptable, even in Paris, to fraternize with a young nurse.

I double-checked to see if the photos had turned out, and they had, perfectly. Even though it was just a photo, the love between them leapt from the screen.

I watched them for a moment more, stealing kisses. I could’ve taken even more pictures, unbeknownst to them. In lieu of my blackmail plan, I had a fleeting thought that the pictures would’ve made a nice gift for Katharine because she had helped me. But then again, maybe not; that may have been considered a crime. Not to mention a little perverted, too.

Suddenly, it didn’t seem right to keep the photos for the sake of my own fate. Contrarily, it felt wrong. I almost hit delete and erased the photos when I noticed an uncanny aura of light around them. It was magnificent! Even on my phone camera, the images were auspicious, and something that could never be duplicated again. I decided they were so worth saving after all.

They were like angelic ghosts with elevated souls, disappearing into each other. I wondered if it was their first kiss?

Not a chance
, I thought. The energy between them was unfettered and indescribable, like magic...and I had captured it in its raw form.

At that second, I closed my eyes again and made a decision to comply with Dr. Tagorski’s methods—no more outbursts. I didn’t have the heart to taint the love between them with blackmail tactics.

My anger subsided and I felt comforted by witnessing the love they shared. It was not every day I had gotten to see deep love transpiring between two people. Aside from what I’d witnessed from my parents.

There was enough hate in the world, and I didn’t want to become a part of it, no matter how someone treated me.

Besides, I didn’t have that kind of power to stop their love. That would’ve been like trying to stop the sun from shining.

They had a way about them, a quiet way, the same way the grass grows, or when the sun dips below the horizon. It’s ever so silent, but beautiful.

Somehow I knew their love would travel on as long and as wide as a river. I wanted what they had. I don’t know how long they embraced, kissed or stared into each other’s eyes behind the closed door of my room. It didn’t really matter. Their secret love was safe with me. Soon, I fell victim to the sedative and faded into the fog.

-15-

Jane’s Plan

A private stillness lingered in the depths of my consciousness, creating images of my existence as to who I was before this condition, before I found myself in this predicament. For a moment in time, I was with the dark stranger whom appeared at my door—someone I knew—but never really did. I recognized the stranger’s beautiful face from my recent past, but his name still escaped me.

Flashbacks of him came in echoes. His voice rose out of the darkness...rare, sonorous tones penetrated my soul. Words of poetry streamed in my head. I knew his voice.

There he was right in front of me. A sudden shocked of his presence startled every nerve in me. My eyes rapidly darted over him, landing on his chiseled face. His glistening eyes stared down at me as his black thick lashes kissed the faint lines on his upper cheekbones.

Closing my eyes briefly, I felt his fingers caressing my heated cheeks, before coiling around a lock of my hair. I begged for time to slow down—for it to stop moving ahead. His lips were inches from mine. My face warmed from the sweet wisp of his breath. Then he kissed me, stealing my heart, but when and where this took place was still a mystery to me.

A fragment of our last conversation came to me. “Teach me how to do this for you, I want to help you. I’ll do what ever it takes to be with you,” I whisper. The memory was vivid as the color of autumn leaves, so bright.

He tilted his head forward, gazing into my eyes. “You will know what to do when the time comes.”

My thoughts blurred, suddenly ending. Hushed voices interrupted the sweet memory, and the image of him slowly evaporated.

“Don’t leave me,” I cried out to him.

His mind, heart, fingers, hands and arms, all particles of him reached toward me. Yet, he was out of my reach in every way.

* * *

Footsteps echoed around me, causing the focus on my memories to fade completely. It was another dream. Another lost memory.

An overwhelming scent of a strong hairspray filled my nostrils. It smelled familiar like the old-fashion kind of aerosol hairspray that my grandmother used to wear.
Aqua Net
, or something like that. It stank of alcohol and something like formaldehyde.

Someone had entered my hospital room, but I couldn’t fully wake up. I could hear breathing. There were two distinctive breaths, one subtle and the other heavy like that of a smoker.

“I have to get that little twit away from Doctor Tagorski,” a female whispered, her tone snide. “He was interested in me long before she arrived here.” It was Nurse Jane; I had no doubt of that. I recognized her sassy voice.

Another female’s voice chimed in, “He was—I’m confused, what about you and Harland?”

“I don’t want to talk about him,” Jane snapped harshly.

“
What’s going on between you and Katharine, I don’t get it?”

“
Doesn’t matter—I have devised a plan,” Jane said.

“
Really...what? Why?” the other female asked. Her voice I didn’t recognize. It was husky and low.

“
I’m going to get Katharine good. I’m done trying to be friendly to her. You saw what she did to me! She’s just a little American
bitch,
and that was the last straw. I’m done with her!”

“
What exactly did she do?”

“
What? You were there.”

“
You mean—” the other female sighed heavily. “Yes, I was there, but I don’t think this girl meant—besides Katharine didn’t do anything to
you,
Jane.”

“
Are you kidding me?” Jane hissed, the pitch of her voice rising in anger. “She embarrassed me,
on purpose,
in front of Doctor Tagorski! I’ve had it with her shenanigans, playing the damsel in distress routine at my expense.”

“
I don’t think it was her intention to upset you at all. But I understand that you aren’t happy after what had happened. Doctor Tagorski was pretty tough on you when you interrupted them...Jane that was stupid. You know he would do the same to Katharine if she interrupted him...even if he was talking to you privately...why did you do that?”

“
I know. I don’t blame
him
.”

“
Well, don’t be upset with Katharine, she really didn’t do anything. She’s not the one to blame—”

“
Stop protecting her. I’m beyond upset. Katharine is going to pay. I will see to it. Besides, they shouldn’t be having an affair. It’s against hospital policy.”

“
Yes, it’s frowned upon, but everyone knows. Even the other directors know. It’s no secret Jane...not anymore. They way they look at each other, is a real give away. I heard the board had reprimanded them, and they were told as long as they keep things discreet, and it doesn’t affect their duties—”