“
Does it get to you, staying at one place like this?”
“
No.” I turned and looked at him with surprise. “Think it might be that I know that I can take a plane out whenever I want. I'm not stuck, I'm just not moving. There's a difference.”
“
Yeah...” He said and a big smile spread. “There's a difference.”
I didn't sleep much that night, and the next morning we were back on the road. I was glad that Eliza had insisted on going with me instead of her mom. Her constant chatter in combination with several cups of coffee kept me awake.
By the time we rolled up outside the mother charter's clubhouse, I was in a complete state of panic. I watched the others walk inside, and after a few deep breaths, I went after them. The funeral was in just a few hours, so everyone was running around, trying to get things finished. I halted and tried to make any sense of it or at least tried to figure out where I was supposed to go.
I spotted him almost immediately. He looked tired, and the second his eyes met mine, the sorrow in them got even more evident. Any plans I'd tried to come up with flew out the window, and I didn’t even hesitate. I walked over to him, and when I saw him sigh in relief I put my arms around his waist and hugged him. His arms were around me, and I pressed my face into his chest. We didn’t say anything, neither of us, just stood there, holding each other, until I heard a voice behind me.
“Scott, we have to go now.”
I turned around and saw a tall, beautiful blond woman wearing a very nice black dress.
“Give me a sec, Sarah. I’ll be right there,” Dawg said and once she’d left he looked at me. “I have to go. Will you be there?”
“
Sure. Just have to change and then I’m going with the others.” I'd volunteered to keep the kids in check, especially Eliza. I wasn't sure about bringing kids to a funeral, but it wasn't my call.
He nodded and took my hand, pulling me with him through a hallway. He unlocked a door, handed me the key and pointed inside the room.
“You can change in here.”
I looked inside. It looked like most of these rooms, and with a nod I walked inside, still looking around.
“Edie,” he said, and when I turned towards him he took a shaky breath, just looking at me. “I’m really sorry.”
“
Don’t, Dawg. It’s... history and not important right now. I’m here for you, and if you still need to talk about it later, we’ll do that, but focus on this now. There’s no ‘later’ for this.”
It really wasn’t important to talk about who hurt who and in what way. Not now. His dad, a man he’d flat out told me he loved more than once, was dead. I wasn’t going to be petty and nag about crap at the moment. I’d be there for him. No matter what, he was my friend, family. Family didn’t hold grudges at funerals for members they loved. At least not any family I wanted to be a part of.
Dawg stretched out his hand and when I took it he pulled me closer and into another hug.
“
Scott. We have to go. Now!” Came from further up the hall. It was the woman from earlier, and she was starting to sound annoyed.
Dawg kissed my cheek, tightened the hug. “Thanks, Edie.” And then he was gone.
-o0o-
Dawg was standing next to his mom looking at the hole in the ground with the coffin containing his dad at the bottom of it. It was so fucking surreal. The hours since he left the clubhouse were scrambled together in a fog. Just a few things that popped out as clear as the sight he had in front of him.
His hand on his dad's black coffin when they were let into the room where it was standing. He was one of the pallbearers, and a woman had explained the procedure. He hadn't heard a single word, only stared at his hand resting on the coffin.
The weight of the coffin as he walked over the cemetery and the scent coming from the flowers covering it. White flowers. Roses and lilies, like the ones in his mother's wedding bouquet. His sister had thought it a bit morbid, but his mom had insisted on it since they'd been his dad's favorites since that day. He always said the smell of them reminded him of the day the most beautiful woman on the planet promised to love him forever.
His mom's frantic sobs and shaking body as he pulled her in for a hug when he came to stand next to her.
And Edie's tear-filled eyes and in her arms Eliza, who was crying as well. He'd sought her out in the crowd all day. They hadn't talked again, but every time he looked at her she met his gaze and her eyes... she didn't look angry anymore. Somehow, seeing her there was the only thing keeping him together.
When it was his turn at the casket he felt tears running down his cheeks. He'd cried the entire fucking time, but he didn't care.
“
Thanks, dad, for everything,” he mumbled while throwing down the rose. “I love you. Bye.”
After that, he couldn't move. Finally he squatted down and rested his face in his hand, crying, while at the same time trying to gain enough control to be able to stand up and walk over to his sister who was waiting for him.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and when he looked up it was his mom, and she was crying as well. He stood up and felt her arm around his waist, and while holding her shoulders, he turned to give the top of her head a kiss. She looked up at him and stroked the tears from his cheeks.
“
Love you, honey,” she said, and he hugged her tighter. “And he loved you, he was so proud of you.”
He knew he had an enormous amount of memories of his dad, but strangely, today he couldn't remember a single specific moment. It was all just his face, his eyes watching him, the two of them laughing together, but nothing specific. But it didn't matter, he knew she was right.
“I know, mom.”
They walked over to the side, watching the others toss their roses and then come up and give them their condolences. When he heard sobs next to him, he turned around and pulled his sister into his arms, and that’s when she really started to cry. While he was standing there, holding her, he missed when Edie talked to his mom, and when he turned around again, he couldn’t see her.
Once they were back at the clubhouse, he mostly felt tired. He didn’t feel like drinking or talking. He just wanted to go to his room and sleep. He hadn't slept properly for days, he'd been so on edge, and now it was as if all the tension had left him. He was beat and had a hard time focusing on anything anyone said. He noticed Edie running around with food, taking care of kids and clearing tables.
A while later he felt a hand take his. He looked down and saw Edie giving him a shy smile and he grabbed her hand in a firmer grip.
“Hey,” she mumbled. “Can I get you anything?”
“
No. Just stay with me for a while.”
She nodded, held up his key, and he took it. Then he pulled her into a hug. He’d been wanting to do that all day. Ever since he left her in his room. And she hugged back. He hadn't asked anyone if she was coming, and when he'd seen her walk into the clubhouse he'd been relieved and terrified at the same time. Relieved that she was there and terrified that she would ignore him. But she hadn't. She just came to him and hugged him. It felt like the first good thing that had happened that week. In months, even.
And for the next few hours she stuck with him, all the time holding his hand or her arm around his waist. Towards the end of the night, he pulled her to the side and into the corridor leading to the dorms. Gently leaning her against the wall he stroked her cheek.
“
I’m sorry, Edie.” When she shook her head and tried to move he held her. “No. I’m going to say this now. I’m sorry, I fucked up and I know I did and the only thing I can say is that I am so sorry.”
“
Dawg... I’m not gonna do the same mistake again.”
He knew what she meant—basically, have condolence sex once again just after a funeral, but this wasn’t the same thing.
“Edie,” he wasn’t sure what to say. “I’ve missed you and I’ve thought about you. Fuck, I’ve even dreamed about you. It feels like I’ve done that every fucking night since that night.”
She looked at him with big eyes, then gently took his hand.
“I missed you, too.”
“
And it’s not just about sex. I’ve missed hanging with you, talking to you. Fuck, some shit happened at the garage I wanted to call you and tell you about it.” He leaned closer and stroked his nose along hers. “So it wouldn’t be the same mistake.”
“
How’s that?” She mumbled with her eyes closed.
“
I’d still be there tomorrow morning.” He stroked her lower lip with his thumb. “I’ll stay with you, and I want you to stay with me.”
She looked at him, her eyes moving back and forth between his, and he noticed a smile on her lips.
“What?” he asked.
“
I’m trying to figure out if that makes it a smaller or bigger mistake.”
He shrugged and then leaned towards her again, chuckling. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “But I'd say it's worth a shot, because I want you around. All the time. Being without you made me realize what's important and it's... being with you. I need you and not just for now, but for the long run.”
She put her arms around his neck and he finally tasted it again, her sweet mouth, and with a groan he moved them further down the hall to his room.
-o0o-
I really wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, and I was actually leaning towards it being a bigger mistake since last time. Simply since I was pretty fucking sure I was in love with him. So, waking up alone again wouldn’t just break my heart, it would crush me. But I couldn’t help myself. It had felt so good, standing with him, holding his hand and feeling his arm around my shoulders. I wasn’t ready to give that up.
What he'd said got to me as well. About realizing what was important. Which was what Vasco'd said, too. That when you knew those things, that's when you could change. Or at least he'd said something like that.
So when Dawg kicked the door shut, still kissing me, and grabbed my ass, holding me tight, I went with it. As he pulled my dress over my head, I dryly noted it was the same fucking black dress as the last time he took my clothes off.
It was exactly as good as I remembered it, all of it. Fucking hell, that man knew a woman’s body like few did. I had my first orgasm with him on top of me, looking into my eyes, holding my chin in a firm grip so I wouldn't look away, and the other hand grabbing my behind. When I closed my eyes, panting and thrusting my hips against his, he leaned his forehead against mine.
“Fuck, Edie. That's good.”
I would’ve verbally agreed if I’d been able to talk. I wasn’t.
The second I was on my side with him behind me, my leg hooked behind his, his arm under my neck holding on to my breast, twisting my nipple and the other rubbing my clit. He hugged me closer when he felt me getting there, kissing the side of my neck up to the soft spot beneath my ear.
“
Fucking perfect, Nibbles,” was his reaction that time.
The last one was me leaning against the wall by the headboard and him, pressed against my back, arms hugging me tight, pounding inside me while groaning.
“So fucking close, Edie. Come with me.”
It wasn’t much of an effort, so I did.
When I was lying next to him, resting on his shoulder with my arm over his chest and he was holding on to my ass, I looked up at him when I heard him chuckle.
“
What?”
“
No, just... fuck! That was good.”
“
Very,” I agreed.
“
Gotta say, I liked you in dreads, but I think I like this better.” He combed his fingers through my hair. “Doesn’t tickle as much.”
That made me laugh, and I scooted closer to him. “So you’ll be here tomorrow when I wake up?”
“Yes.” He turned to his side and pulled me closer to his chest and gave me a kiss. “I’ll be here and I won’t panic.” Cupping my face he kissed me again. “And I’m sorry I did that.”
“
I’m sorry I said those shitty things to you.”
“
Kinda deserved them, Nibbles.”
That gave me an idea.
“How sorry are you?”
“
What did you have in mind?” He asked with a big smile on his lips.
I’d missed that smile so instead of answering him, I grabbed his cheeks and kissed him. He kissed back, keeping it going, and when he pushed me to my back he mumbled against my lips.
“I like where this is going.”
“
Actually, this wasn't what I had in mind,” I gasped as his fingers entered me.
Leaning over me, with that smile still on his lips, he moved his fingers while studying me.
“Then what was?”
“
Why do you call me ‘Nibbles’?”
He kissed my chin, over my throat and down to my left breast. After a quick lick he looked up at me. His fingers were still playing inside me, and the heel of his hand rubbed against my clit.