Armageddon Outta Here - The World of Skulduggery Pleasant (25 page)

Crasis came back with a tattered map and laid it out on a large, freshly carved table. Skulduggery started drawing lines down streets, drawing in the routes the Luas tram went down. Crasis and Valkyrie pored over the map and Ryan, not wanting to feel left out, did the same. He put his Coke on the table and did his best to appear as smart as the other people in the room.

When Skulduggery had marked all the routes they examined the map anew.

“Lot of public places,” Valkyrie murmured.

“A very large amount,” Ryan said, nodding like he was contributing.

“Ryan,” Skulduggery said, and for a moment Ryan thought that he’d accidentally solved the mystery.

“Yes?” he said eagerly.

“Could you take your Coke off the map, please?”

“Oh,” Ryan said. “Sorry.” He lifted his bottle. There was now a wet circle around Dundrum. To hide his blush he took a long swig from his drink.

“The heaviest population centres would be here, here and here,” Skulduggery said, marking the map with Xs. “If the Machine is hidden outdoors, we should be looking for areas that have had extensive construction work in the last few years. If it’s indoors, then we’re looking for new public buildings or shopping areas.”

The Coke went down the wrong way and Ryan choked, gagged, and spat a mouthful all over the map.

Skulduggery, Crasis and Valkyrie looked at him.

“Sorry,” he wheezed, before doubling over into a coughing fit.

“Maybe you should get some air,” Skulduggery suggested.

Ryan nodded, coughing too much to respond, and staggered out of the door. His eyes were streaming and he knew his face was glowing an attractive shade of red. He went to the Bentley and leaned against it, finally getting the coughing under control. Not his finest moment.

“How’re you doing, Ryan?”

He looked around as Valkyrie walked up.

“I’m OK,” he said. “Just choking a bit. Sorry about that. I hope I didn’t spit any on you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He became aware of her looking at him and he looked away.

“Why do you do that?” she asked.

“Why do I do what?”

“Why do you look away whenever I look at you?”

“Um,” Ryan said, “I don’t know. I think, once I realise that I’m looking someone in the eye, I forget how long I’m supposed to do it. So I don’t know, I suppose I look away before it gets weird.”

She smiled. “You’re an oddball.”

“Yeah,” he said, sagging.

Valkyrie didn’t notice the sag. She was looking up the street, watching the people pass. “But that’s OK. We’re all oddballs here.”

Now that she wasn’t paying attention, he could look at her. He liked her face. She was very pretty, had a cute nose and a single dimple when she smiled. He’d always wanted a girlfriend like her – someone impressive, someone confident. He’d like to go back to school once the summer was over and have her beside him. Then everyone would stop and stare, and they’d think to themselves that there must be more to this Ryan guy after all.

But he’d never get a girlfriend like her. He knew that. Girls like Valkyrie saw him as a friend only. They went off with the good-looking guys or the cool guys or the guys who didn’t make fools of themselves at regular intervals. A girl like Valkyrie would never be impressed with someone like Ryan.

He looked away before she looked back. He didn’t want her to catch him watching.

“You’re coping pretty well, you know,” she said, facing him again. “When I first saw Skulduggery and all this stuff, I freaked. I actually blacked out.”

“You fainted?”

“No,” she said, her good humour fading. “I blacked out. There’s a difference.”

He grinned. “You fainted.”

“Shut up. You’re handling this well, that’s all I’m saying. You haven’t once asked to go home.”

His grin went away. “Why would I? You’re not that much older than me, you know.”

She frowned. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“I’m fifteen. You’re, I don’t know, seventeen?”

“So?”

“That’s only two years’ difference,” Ryan said hotly. “We’re practically the same age and you’re treating me like I’m a child. Fine, OK? You have no interest in me. I’m used to that. But don’t stand there and talk down to me like you’re so much better than I am.”

Valkyrie looked at him and didn’t say anything. He started to feel stupid.

Then she folded her arms and tilted her hips and it only got worse. “First of all,” she said, “I’m not talking down to you
or
treating you like a child.”

“But you expect me to want to go home.”

“Of course I do. You were attacked. You’re in danger. You’re hanging around with people who can do magic. You’ve had what we call in the business a shock. Usually, when people get a shock they want to retreat to a safe place so that they can process what they’ve seen. Most people would want to go home right now. But not you. You haven’t mentioned home, haven’t mentioned your family, haven’t tried to run off or call the cops. You are coping well, Ryan. That’s all I said. That’s all I meant. I have no idea what our ages have to do with anything or what you’re talking about when you say I have no interest.”

“Oh,” he said.

“And the only time you have actually acted like a child,” she said, “is right now. I don’t like petulance, Ryan. I don’t respond well to it.”

“Right.”

“When it comes to this kind of stuff, I’m the only one who is allowed to sulk. Skulduggery understands that. Do you?”

“Yes,” he said, nodding quickly. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be.”

“I really am.”

“I gave you a compliment and you jumped down my throat.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “And what was all that about having no interest? Having no interest in what?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“Don’t make me hit you, Ryan.”

He winced. “I don’t know, I was just… I thought you saw me as a, you know, as a kid and… I was just saying that while, obviously, you’d never, like, go out with someone like me, that’s still no reason to talk down to me. Which you weren’t doing, and I apologise again for thinking you were.”

“But what does me going out or not going out with someone like you have to do with anything?”

Ryan tried a smile. “I really don’t know any more. It made sense when I said it.”

She shook her head, looked about to say something else, then stopped. “Oh,” she said. She was looking at him now like Andrea from school had looked at him when he’d asked her to the movies. She was looking at him with a kind of gentle pity.

“It’s OK,” he said. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

“Ryan, we only just met.”

He nodded. “Absolutely.”

“It’s not that I never would,” Valkyrie said, “but I generally go for guys… older than me, you know?”

Ryan tried a laugh. “Like vampires.”

Her tone turned sharp. “We don’t joke about vampires, Ryan.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“I think you’re nice,” Valkyrie said, softening again. “But let’s concentrate on being friends for the time being, all right?”

“Sure. Yep. Don’t worry.”

The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. “Ryan,” he said, “stop leaning against my car.”

“Sorry,” Ryan mumbled, straightening up.

Skulduggery stopped in front of them. He was wearing a different face, and he put his hat on. “I have solved the mystery,” he announced. “Before I take you to where the Doomsday Machine is located, I would like you both to acknowledge how brilliant I am.”

“Uh,” said Ryan, “you’re brilliant.”

“You’re OK,” said Valkyrie.

“That’s good enough for me,” Skulduggery nodded. “Get in the car. We’ve got a world to save.”

hey drove into Dundrum town centre and parked in the multi-storey. Along the way, Skulduggery had pulled over three times to allow Ryan to pee. If Ryan had wanted Valkyrie to start thinking of him as older and more mature than he was, he knew he was not going about it the right way.

Once the Bentley found a place to park, they got out.

“How did you know it was here?” Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery checked his façade in the wing mirror, then straightened up. “Simple detective work,” he said. “We’re going to need somewhere quiet to wait until everyone’s gone. We’ll search for the Machine tonight, dismantle it and then it’ll all be over.”

They started walking. “Shouldn’t we call in the Cleavers?” Valkyrie asked. “We’ll find it faster with a hundred people looking for it.”

“I’d prefer to approach this with a little more delicacy,” Skulduggery said. “The three of us should be fine.” He looked at Ryan. “Nervous?”

“A little,” Ryan admitted. “What if Foe and the others are waiting for us?”

“They might pay a visit to the Machine,” Skulduggery conceded, “but they’re not going to be lying in wait. They have no idea that we know it’s here.”

They passed from the car park into the mall. Valkyrie appeared to trust Skulduggery without hesitation, but Ryan was more cautious. Every time someone walked too close, he’d hop away, waiting for their image to flicker and drop, revealing Mercy or Obloquy or Foe. But the people in the mall seemed to be actual people, focused on their conversations or their shopping, and the only time they glanced at Ryan was when he stumbled awkwardly away from them.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re not very good at acting casual.”

“I forget how,” Ryan confessed, skipping away from a suspicious-looking two-year-old holding a balloon.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked up the travelator and Ryan followed, flinching away from an elderly woman with a wrinkled prune-face. They approached a stocky security guard.

“Excuse me, good sir,” Skulduggery began.

The security guard turned to them. “I’m a woman,” she said.

“And a fetching one you are, too,” Skulduggery continued, smiling. “Which way to the security control room?”

The security guard frowned. “Why? What business do you have there? Who are you?”

“All good questions,” Skulduggery said, nodding, “and all questions I would love to answer. Unfortunately, we only have time for
one
answer, and since my question was the
first
and, let’s be honest, the most
important
question, I feel that it is the question that deserves an answer. So, your security control room?”

The security guard folded her arms. “Do you have the authority to be there?”

Skulduggery’s false face fixed her with a glare. “Do I have the authority?” he repeated. “Do
I
have the
authority
? Tell me, my dear, do I not
look
like I have the authority? Do I not
look
like the type of person who goes wherever he sees fit to go? Or do I look like the kind of person who needs
permission
to do the things that need to be done?”

“Uh,” said the security guard, her arms no longer folded.

Skulduggery loomed over her. “There are things in this world that would turn your hair
white.
Threats and dangers to your very way of life that would send you shrieking into the corner to tremble and sob. Someone needs to protect the world from these dangers and threats. Is that someone going to be you? Is it? Because if it is, my companions and I will leave, right now, and entrust to you our continued survival. But if you have doubts, if you think you might falter right when you are needed to make the ultimate sacrifice, then tell us now and step back, for saving the world is what we do, and we’re really very good at it.”

The security guard’s lip trembled, and she pointed to a door. “That way,” she said. “Turn left.”

Skulduggery clamped a hand on to her shoulder. “You are doing fine work,” he told her, and led the way to the door. When they were through he walked past the left turn, to a room at the end of the concrete corridor. Inside was a table and two chairs. Ryan reckoned this must be where they kept shoplifters while they waited for the cops to arrive.

“We shouldn’t be bothered in here,” Skulduggery said, closing the door behind them. His false face melted away as he looked at his pocket watch. “Three hours until closing. Make yourselves comfortable.”

He sat at the table and took off his hat. Ryan and Valkyrie remained standing.

“I still don’t understand why they want to destroy the world,” said Ryan. “Foe said he couldn’t see the point of life but, I mean, that’s a really
silly
reason…”