Apocalypsis: Book 4 (Haven) (32 page)

“If it made you angry enough to approach her, it’s important,” said Trip.  “I need to know if you were justified in doing what you did.”

Peter stood.  “I’ll tell you what she said.  It doesn’t bother me, just for the record, even though it’s as ignorant as cannerism.”

I shook my head slowly at him, but he ignored me.

“She called me a gayboy.”

I glanced at Trip and knew that it was a done deal for him.  Gail was a goner.

“She shouldn’t be punished for being ignorant,” I said.

Paci stood, putting one hand on Trip’s shoulder and one on mine.  “I think I speak for almost everyone here when I say that prejudices are the simple disguises of hate.  And we don’t tolerate hate in Haven.  Hate breeds negativity and anger and pain.  Nothing good comes of it.  Gail, you’ve been open with your hostility towards Bryn, Peter, Trip, and many others since the day you arrived.  You’ve made no secret of your intention to leave one day.”

She opened her mouth to interrupt, but Paci  held up his hand to silence her.

“We will take a vote here today to decide whether you stay or go.  But before we do that, do you have anything you want to say?  I suggest you come up with something that will allow us to show you some mercy.”

“Mercy?  That’s a joke.  What I have to say is this: you people are all deluding yourselves.  You think you can just hand pick who you want here and who you don’t?  Bullshit.  If I want to be here, I’ll be here.  If I want to go, I’ll go.  You can try to kick me out, but I’ll come back, and I’ll bring friends.  None of you is safe here.  None of you gets to decide for me what I do with my life.”

Paci raised an eyebrow.  “That was your plea for mercy?  Interesting.”  He looked at Trip and then me.  “What’s your vote?  Stay or go?”

“I vote go,” said Trip.  “No question.  She’s a disease.”

Gail’s face burned crimson.  “Figures.  You gayboys stick together, don’t you?”

Trip’s hands clenched on top of the table.

“Easy, brother,” said Paci under his breath.  “She’s nothing to us.”

“Bryn?  Stay or go?”

All eyes were on me.  Trip was right.  She was a disease.  She was trouble.  She’d threatened to kill me.  But I couldn’t just send her out to die, could I?

I caught Bodo’s eye.  He nodded at me and pointed at himself.  
I will take her,
he said, mouthing the words.

I bit my lip as I considered the option.  He was going to leave anyway.  And she knew he wasn’t with me, so she had no problem with him.  I didn’t worry that she’d kill him on the way to the Amazon’s.  I nodded my head at him.

“I vote she goes.  But know this - Bodo has already volunteered to escort her to the Amazon place.  I’m not sure if I could have voted for her to go if we were just going to send her outside the gates.”

Paci stood.  “I vote she goes, escort or not.”  His eyes swept the room and stopped on Gail.  “Gail, you are hereby expelled from Haven for a period of one year.  You can ask to come back after that period if you wish, and we’ll consider your request with open minds and hearts.”

“Fuck you,” she said, right before she spat at him.

The crowd broke out in angry shouts.  Ronald and Jamal closed in, stepping nearer to Gail in a protective gesture.  She shoved them away, acting like she was going to make a run for it.

Flick ended her scheme by tackling her from behind, taking her down and wrestling her arms behind her back.  With Derek’s help he snapped on some cuffs and stood her back up.

Ronald’s eyes bugged out of his head and he pointed at Flick.  “That’s it!  I remember now!  You played that kid cop in that Disney movie!  Ha!”

Gail had a cut on her lip where she’d landed, and the blood was running down her chin and smearing gruesomely across her teeth.

Flick stood next to Gail, his hand on her shoulder, rolling his eyes at Ronald.  “Not now, dude.”

Gail had zero interest in Flick’s former life.  She was practically foaming at the mouth, she was so angry.  Blood sprayed out with every word.  “Fuck you, Bryn!  Fuck you, Paci!  Fuck you, gayboy!  You can’t send me out of here!  You can’t send me out!”

Flick and Derek dragged her out of the room and back to her cell.  She shouted profanities the entire way.

“Well,” said Paci, looking at Trip and then me.  “That was interesting.”

“She’s lucky she’s a chick,” said Trip.

“Since when?” I asked, laughing a little.  “I seem to recall being a chick and you pulling a knife on me.”

“You’re not a chick,” he said, smiling evilly.  “You’re the ball-biter.”

“Call me that one more time and see what happens.”

He pointed over my shoulder.  “Careful, my bodyguard is here.”

I turned around to find Peter at my back.  “Here he is,” I said, moving out of his way.  “Mister righteously indignant himself.”

“Hey, watch your tongue,” he said, moving to stand next to Trip.  “I have a right to be offended at her words.”

“No one’s saying you don’t,” said Paci.  “So when does she leave?” he asked.  “And were you serious?  Bodo really offered to go.”

I nodded.  It felt weird telling Paci.  “He says he needs to leave.  He’ll go there first and maybe to the Keys.  He’s not sure yet.”

“You’re okay with that?” asked Peter, worry in his eyes.

“No.  I’m worried about his safety.”

“What about …”  Paci left his question hanging and I didn’t bother answering.

“Better get them ready to go tomorrow, Peter,” I said.  “Food, a weapon for Bodo, but nothing for her.”

“Gotcha.  Consider it done.” He looked up at Trip.  “Feel like helping me pack?”

“Do I have to?” he asked, looking down with a serious expression on his face.

“Yes, of course.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking my questions are actually questions.”

“Oh, believe me, I won’t.”  Trip rolled his eyes.  “Catch you guys later.”  He followed Peter out of the room, waiting for the crowd ahead to make room for their passage.  He didn’t shake Peter off when Peter took his hand in his and pulled him along.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?” I asked.

Paci stood just behind me.  “Yes.  I never thought I’d say that about Trip and another guy, but it’s true.  They go together well.”

I sighed.  I was so happy for him.  I sent out a silent prayer into the universe that they’d stay that way - happy and comfortable together, with no lies between them.

“Bodo’s leaving.  I can’t believe it.”

Paci’s words made goosebumps go up my arms.  “Yes.  It’s unreal.”  I almost whispered it, I was so distracted by visions of my memories flashing across my mind’s eye.  Bodo jumping out of the water with a huge grin on his face, teasing Peter about his doodling, Paci and me in the tree, Paci fighting and proving himself.  Two great guys.  Both of them had brought me joy and laughter and love.  But only one of them had brought me pain.

I felt Paci’s warm hand settle on the cool skin of my elbow.  I turned to face him.

“Are you sad he’s leaving?” Paci stared into my eyes.

I knew my answer was very important to him.  “I’m very sad.”

Paci’s face fell.  “Oh.”

“Because I love him and worry about him getting killed.”

Paci nodded his head, his nostrils flaring.

“But not because I want to be with him.”

Paci had been about to withdraw his hand, but instead held on.  “You don’t?  Why not?”

“Because.  He hurt me.  He lied to me.  I know he loves me, but I can’t trust him with my heart.”

“Could he have done something that bad, that it can’t be forgiven?”

“I’ve forgiven him.  I just can’t forget.  Every time I think about it, it hurts all over again.”

Paci nodded.  “Maybe I can get a shot at your heart now.  If you’re not too gun shy.  If I didn’t blow it already by forcing myself on you that one time.”

I smiled sadly.  “You didn’t force yourself on me.  I let it happen.  We both know that.” I sighed, the weight of all of it still so heavy.  “Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?  I’m not in any hurry to frolic in the meadow naked, but I’m not saying I’m closed off to a relationship either.”

He laughed.  “Frolic in a meadow?”

“What?  Don’t laugh.  That’s how I picture true love or whatever.”  My face was burning with embarrassment.

“Okay, good to know.  So when you strip off all your clothes and run through a field with me, I’ll know it’s the real deal?”

I laughed as I turned to leave the room.  “Yeah.  Then you’ll know.”

“What meadow?” he asked, walking out behind me.  “Will any meadow do or is there a special one you have in mind?”

“Any meadow.  Anywhere.  But I have to be naked.”

“I can handle that.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”  It felt good to be teasing with a boy again, especially because it was Paci.  I stopped when we reached the hallway, because the realization that Bodo was leaving hit me again and sobered me up quickly.  But a piece of me, a very small piece, wasn’t as desperately sad as it had been just an hour ago.

***

About half of the citizens of Haven showed up for Bodo and Gail’s departure.  Gail remained silent yet furious throughout the entire process, but she wasn’t so stupid that she didn’t take the backpack full of supplies that was offered to her.

Winky stood next to me at the fence.  “She sure is a peach, isn’t she?”

“A rotten one,” I said, quietly so no one else would hear.

Bodo stopped at the exit and turned around.  I walked over to say goodbye, and everyone else dropped away.

“I guess diss is for goodbye den,” he said, looking down at me.

“Yes.”  I began to cry.  It didn’t matter that he’d lied.  He was still the boy who’d joined my little gang when all I had were Peter and Buster.  He became a part of my family that day under the overpass.  “You don’t have to go,” I whispered.  “You can change your mind.”

“Yes, I do haff to go,” he said, crying too.  “Dis is da best for us.  You know dat.  I will send you a message with da birds.  I promise.  Okay?”  He reached out and stroked my cheek.  “You are a beautiful and strong girl who I am ferry, ferry lucky to haff in my life.  I luff you forever and ever, all times.  Never forget it.”

“I won’t.  I love you too, you big jerk.”  I laughed through my tears.  It was so ridiculous that we were saying goodbye.  “This world is so fucked up,” I said.

“Yes.  But it’s ferry interesting, too, don’t you think?”  He smiled and wiped his tears off with his forearm.  “I’m goingk to wrestle dis tiger all da way to da sea where da Amazons live and den maybe I will go to da Keys.  I will sendt you a bird if I go dare too, you will see.”

“I hope so.”  I reached up to hug him and let myself be enveloped in his love for a few seconds.  His familiar smell washed over me and made me sob.

I finally had to push him away.  “Go before I make you stay.”  I wiped my cheeks off with both hands.

Winky walked up.  “Don’t forget me, you big dope.”  She reached up and got her hug from Bodo.  Several others came over for a handshake or goodbye, too.

The last one to approach was Paci.  He held out his hand.  “Good luck, Bodo.  I wish you well.  Send us a message when you get settled.”

Bodo stared at his hand for a couple seconds and then took it in his.  He shook it hard, his grip firm.  “I will.  Watch out for Bryn.  She needts you.”

Paci nodded.  “Got it.”

Bodo left without another word or backward glance.

I stayed there at the gate until I couldn’t see him anymore.

I cried off and on the entire day, avoiding everyone’s company, finally retiring to my bed right after dinner.

I woke up briefly in the middle of the night to find that Peter had come in at some point and fallen asleep next to me on my narrow bunk, while Buster and Freak-the-Cat were dozing in a pile at my feet.

In the middle of the night in a prison cell no bigger than my old bedroom closet, I learned that it was impossible for me to feel completely lost and alone when surrounded by so much love.

***

I was working outside helping to build a more permanent bathroom structure when Jenny came running out to find me.  Paci was standing on a ladder, hammering in some nails, and I was holding the board in place for him.  Paci and I, along with three others, made up the latrine crew.  In two weeks we’d finished separate  shower facilities and now this project.

“Bryn, Paci … I got a message.”

Paci slipped the hammer into the belt at his waist and took the nails out of his mouth.  “Good news I hope.”

“No.  I don’t think so.  You’d better come in.”

I dropped the board where it was and followed her.  Paci put the nails in his tool belt’s attached pockets and jumped down off the ladder, catching up to us quickly.

Jenny spoke as she neared the bird cages.  “It’s weird actually.  I got two messages.”

“And that’s what’s weird? Two of them?” I asked, not sure I understood.

“Well, take a look.”  She reached inside a box that rested on top of the cages, taking out a small booklet.  She put the box back and opened the book up to page she had marked.  Handing it over to me, she pointed to the last two entries.  “Read them for yourself.  I translate them and then burn the notes so no one can put two and two together and figure out the code.”

I read the first one:

Bad penny in the cans and wings.  Watch your feed.

Then I read the next:

All is well.  Sending friends.  Please welcome them in.

The words -
bad penny
- made me sick to my stomach.  “So what’s the deal?” I asked Jenny.  “What do these mean?”

“Well, that’s the thing.  That first one is more like our usual message.  There are codes inside the codes.  But I don’t know what they mean by bad penny.  Cans are usually canners.”

Now I wasn’t just sick, I was dizzy too.  “Bad penny is Gail.  That’s what I always used to call her.  I said that to Kirsten one time.”

“Watch your feed?” asked Paci.  “Is that code?”

Jenny shook her head.  “Wings means the birds themselves.  Their feed is their food.  That’s all I can figure out.  And the second one looks fine to you, I know, but that’s not like any message I’ve ever seen.”

“Did you ever get anymore about Bodo?” I asked, suddenly fearing for all my friends who’d had contact with that Bad Penny.