Anything Could Happen (20 page)

Guy sighed. “It’s lots of stuff, Austin. I’ve known guys who swear they aren’t gay because they’ve never sucked cock, even though they’ve had their cock sucked by a hundred guys. Or that they’re virgins because they’ve never been fucked, even if they’ve been sucking cock for a thousand years.”

Austin took a deep breath. “Well, then, I’ve sucked cock. So I’m not a virgin.”

Guy dropped his head back and groaned. “God, Austin! This is so frigging complicated.”

“It’s
not
complicated,” Austin argued. “Explain.”

Guy sighed again. “You’re so new, Austin.” Were Guy’s eyes tearing up? “Still so naïve. Yeah, you’ve sucked cock—”

“I
swallowed
, Guy,” Austin said. “And I liked it.”

“But you’re still so new to this world. You’ve never had
mutual
sex with another man. You’ve never gone to bed with a man. Kissed—”

“We kissed tonight,” Austin proclaimed.

“—I mean made out. Rolled around on a bed and sucked face. You’ve never undressed another man and had him undress you—”

“You half undressed me tonight,” Austin said. “And
you
were liking it a lot.”

Guy shuddered. “Yes. Yes I did. I liked it a whole lot.”

“So what the hell is going on? You want me. Now you’re getting all virtuous or something? Chivalrous? The boy is innocent? The boy doesn’t know what he wants? I
know
what I want. I want you to take me to bed. I am crapping tired of being a ‘virgin.’ I want sex with a man who wants me.”

“And what the fuck about Todd?” Guy yelled.

Austin fell back. He clenched his jaws and clenched his fists and then took a deep breath. Letting it go, he forced his body to relax. “What about Todd? He isn’t here.”

“But you want him to be.”

Austin shrugged. “I-I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’ll ever find him. I don’t know if he wants me, if he’s even gay.”

“You’re confused….”

“You bet I’m confused. You’ve been flirting with me all night. Knocking people away. You’ve been crapping cockblocking me. We’ve danced. Slow danced. You were holding my hand. Kissing me. And now you’re saying no?”

“God, you must think I’m some kind of sex fiend,” Guy moaned.

“Fuck that,” Austin said. “You explain it to me. You were on me. All night. Everyone thinks we’re having sex at this very moment. You got me all worked up, and now you’re saying no?”

“That’s what I mean. You’re all worked up. Don’t you see? I don’t want you doing something you’ll regret.”

“That’ll be my problem, won’t it?” Austin countered.

“Are you even thinking this through?” Guy asked. “Or is it your dick thinking? Austin….” He shook his head fiercely. “I know all about letting my dick do my thinking for me. It just about ruined my life. I could have gotten killed letting my dick do my thinking. I could have gotten AIDS, and through some miracle I didn’t—”

“So you don’t want me? It’s just your dick thinking?” Austin shook. Is that what the fucker was saying?

“Oh God. No!” Guy leapt forward and put his hands on Austin’s shoulders. “It’s not just my dick.
I
want you. I… I….”

“You
what?
” Once again Austin was shouting, not caring who might hear.

“Oh, Austin. I’m really not a sex fiend. Shit.” Guy shook his head, pressed his palm against his forehead, then scratched his fingers through his hair. “I guess I forgot I don’t have to sleep with someone to be friends with them.”

“You’ve said that before…. What the crap does that mean?” He paused, remembered back to the night of Guy’s little party. Did that mean Guy had slept with all of them? Somehow he didn’t like the idea. All those men. Too many. It wasn’t like Guy was all that old. What had he figured? Twenty-eight? The idea of him being with that many men cheapened Guy somehow. It was something Austin didn’t want to picture.

“Now-now-now,” cried Guy. He sat down on the couch. “I see where you’re going with that. No, I haven’t slept with
all
my friends. I’ll admit, some of them, but not all….”

Some. Not one. Not two. Some
. That made Austin wonder which ones it had been. Had he been with that weird “throuple”? Had a little orgy? Or the gorgeous black man? Guy had hinted he wasn’t straight.

“Stop, Austin. And don’t ask. I don’t kiss and tell.” He dropped his head back and let out a long sigh. Then he turned his face toward Austin once again.

“You don’t get it.
Aarrrgh
. How do I explain?” Guy jumped up again, put his hands behind his neck, looked at Austin. “Sex can be a great way to start a friendship. It’s one of the things I like best about being gay. From what I’ve seen, it seems to be pretty unique in the gay community.”

“Well, great then,” Austin said. “We’re friends already, aren’t we?”

“Hear me out. Fuck, this
is
so confusing!” Guy began to pace. “Austin. I don’t want you to be just a name on my list.”

Austin sighed. List. List? What the crap was that supposed to mean? How many men had Guy slept with? He looked down at the floor. Well, with all those guys in the bathrooms, who knew. He shook his head. But that was years ago. How many men had Guy actually
slept
with? And then before he knew it, he asked Guy just that.

Guy’s eyes widened. “I…. Probably more than you want to know.”

Austin looked away. Jeez. What did that mean?

“It just happens, Austin. It’s so easy. Men have sex. Straight men might have to work a little harder at it because women are a little harder to get into bed. But make it two horny men in the same apartment?”

“Like us?”

Guy sighed. “Just like us.”

“Then why aren’t you crapping taking me to bed? Do you want me or not?”

“Oh, Austin. I want you. I admit it. I want you in my bed. You are so beautiful—”

“Beautiful?” Austin shook his head. Why did Guy keep saying that word? Beautiful? Skinny, maybe. Looked like he was ten, maybe. But beautiful? Never….

“—and sweet and funny and smart, and yes, I’m attracted to you. A lot. You really are like some kind of exotic butterfly. That is what I think of when I think of you. Like those glistening blue ones. Or the kind that shimmer green.”

“Butterfly?”

Guy shook his head. “You really don’t know how fucking gorgeous you are, do you? You frigging take my breath away.”

“Guy!” Austin looked down at the floor, deeply self-conscious.

“And you’re….” Guy’s words petered out. “Never mind.” He looked away again.

“What? Tell me,” Austin said and hated the almost whining he heard in his voice.

“Austin. I don’t want to take the chance that with you, sleeping with you will fuck everything up. One of the things I like about you is the romantic in you. You’re in love. You’ve put on your shining armor, and you’ve come to the big city to rescue your lover. And you know what? Losing your virginity to the man you love could be the best thing in the world for you.” He reached out and cupped Austin’s cheek in his hand, then to Austin’s surprise, pulled him into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m messing up everything.”

Austin hesitated a moment and then put his arms around Guy as well. It felt good. This man in his arms. This being held by another man. So different from the way Joan had felt in his arms. It felt right. Like what it was supposed to feel like. Wasn’t it what he’d been longing to do forever? “I’m so confused….”

Austin felt Guy take a deep breath, felt his strong chest swell against his own.

“And that’s why I’m not taking you to bed.”

A
USTIN
woke to the gentle sound of his uncle’s phonograph. Alone. In his own bed.

Crap. What a night
.

He got up, dressed, peed, and went to find his uncle drinking coffee in the kitchen.

“When did you get home?” Uncle Bodie asked, a twinkle in his eyes. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I got in about a half hour after I went to Guy’s apartment last night.” Austin poured a cup of coffee. “What time is it?”

“Only eleven. You’re up much earlier than I expected. Are you okay, son?”

“No, I’m not crapping okay.” He sat down across the small kitchen table from his uncle. Lucille whined and jumped up, her forefeet on Austin’s knee.

“What happened?” Uncle Bodie asked. “If you don’t mind telling me.”

“He sent me home. He took me up there for sex, and then he made me leave. He said I needed to wait to find Todd. He said a lot of crap that doesn’t make any crapping sense.”

Uncle Bodie reached out and laid his hand on Austin’s hand but didn’t say a word.

“I want to scream. I want to jump up and scream my ass off. I want to cry. I want to break things.”

His uncle nodded quietly. “Then do it. Not break things, of course. But do it. Scream. Cry. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, Uncle Bodie.”

They grew quiet again. Then his uncle said, “I think he was just trying to do the right thing. He’s a good man, Austin.”

“Fuck him.”

Lucille whined again, and Austin absently rubbed her head. Then: “Any calls from the tenants? Anything need done?”

“Just a kitchen sink,” his uncle said. “I was going to call a plumber.”

Austin shook his head. “I’ll do it.”

“No. This is your birthday.”

“It’s the day
after
,” Austin said.

“Indeed it is,” Uncle Bodie said. “But the rule around here is when your birthday falls on a weekend, you get to call the whole three days your birthday. So no work, okay?”

“I need to do something, Uncle Bodie.” It was true. The night before had been way too confusing. “Give me something to do to take my mind off of it, okay?”

“I-I…. It’s Guy’s sink, Austin.”

Austin’s shoulders slumped.

“I’ll call the plumber.”

“No,” said Austin. “I’ll do it.”

Half an hour later, he was knocking on Guy’s door. It opened, and Guy’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Austin. Your uncle said he was calling a plumber.”

Austin nodded. “I know.” He held up the awkward wheel of cable that was the plumbing snake. “This will probably only take a minute. Unless you need a new disposal, that’ll take longer. Let me in?”

Guy sighed and stood aside. Austin entered and headed back to the kitchen. The apartments on this side of the building were pretty much all the same layout, so he found it easily enough. He quickly set to work. The sink was indeed backed up, and luckily, it wasn’t the disposal side. In fifteen minutes, the job was done. Throughout it all, neither of the two men said a word.

“That’s it, then,” Austin said. “I’ll just clean this up and—”

“I’ll do that,” Guy said.

Austin nodded and headed to the door.

“So that really is it, then?” Guy asked.

Austin stopped, stood for a moment, and then turned around. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t want to talk to me?”

“Not really,” Austin admitted. In fact, his stomach had been in knots the whole time, and now, looking at Guy? His stomach knotted even more.

“Do you hate me?”

Guy’s eyes were huge. Empty. Once again, Austin had no idea how to read the man. Did he hate Guy? A strange feeling crept over Austin. Sadness, followed quickly by something else. Something that made his heart skip a beat. No. He didn’t hate this man. In fact.…

God. No
. Was it possible?
Crap oh crap oh crap! Have I fallen in love with him?
He trembled. “No, Guy. I don’t hate you.” He didn’t say the rest. How could he?

“Are we speaking?”

“We are right now,” Austin said.

“That’s not what I mean.”

Austin sighed. “I know what you mean.”

“And?”

The look on Guy’s face! The… anxiousness? Is that what he saw on Guy’s face?

“We’re talking,” Austin said.

Guy’s mouth turned up in a small smile. “Austin, I am so sorry. I really messed up last night. I was trying to do the right thing, and damned if I know if I did or not.”

Austin shrugged.

“I want it to be right. I want you to really know what you want. Thinking clearly. No beer. No rum and Cokes. No hormones.”

Austin took a deep breath. “So if I asked you to take me to bed right now, would you?”

Guy startled. “Are-are you asking?”

Was he? God. Crap. No. He had way too much to think about now. Because when just those looks in Guy’s eyes made his heart start speeding up like this—and how had he not known all along how he felt?—then it was time to get away from him, for at least a little bit, and get his head on straight. “No. I guess not.”

The look of relief on the man’s face was palpable. And what the hell did that mean?

“I better get going. Uncle Bodie might have something else for me to do.”

“Okay,” Guy said. Then, as Austin turned to go: “We’re friends?”

Austin turned back. Saw that face, those eyes. “Yes, Guy.”

Guy took a quick step forward, then back. What had he been about to do? “Thank you, Austin. And sorry about last night. I made a lot of fucking mistakes.”

“Maybe you made a good decision too,” Austin said. Because in light of the feelings he was beginning to realize he might have, what if they had sex, and then Guy just wanted to be friends? It would have been too much. It would have been horrible.

“You think so?” Guy asked, hope in his voice.

I do
, he thought. “I do,” he then said aloud.

Guy nodded and walked him to the door. Then, just as Austin was leaving, he said, “About Christmas….”

Austin froze. Crap. He’d forgotten all about that. He looked at Guy.

“Do you still want me to go? Would it be best if I just stayed here—”

“Alone?” Austin asked before he realized he was even saying anything.

Guy shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

Then, once more, before he knew what he was doing: “Yes. I still want you to come.” This beautiful man shouldn’t spend Christmas alone. Especially since it was apparent there had been more than a few of them spent that way. “Will you?”

“Do you mean it?” Guy asked.

Austin nodded. He did mean it.

Guy’s tiny smile was back. And it grew to a larger one. “If you’re sure.”