Anything Could Happen (14 page)

“Are you disgusted?” Guy grimaced.

Disgusted? Truth to tell, he wasn’t. He was disgusted men used a boy, an underage one at that. But disgusted with Guy? No. He shook his head. “No. I’m not.”

“Really?”

The look on Guy’s face. It broke Austin’s heart. Yes, it
had
been fear he’d seen on Guy’s face. Fear and worry and shame, maybe? “Really,” he said. “You were a kid.”

“Not much younger than you are now,” Guy said. “And it was part of why I thought of you for the part
of
The Kid. I
don’t
think you’re a pervert, Austin. Not at all. It was your innocence that made you perfect. The combination of worldly words you would be speaking, but the air of innocence that surrounds you. Radiates out of you. That contradiction. With how beautiful you are, you would have been perfect for The Kid.”

Austin found he was blushing for about the thousandth time in Guy’s company. Which was embarrassing and only compounded the problem. Beautiful? Why did Guy keep calling him that? He’d looked at himself a million times in the mirror, wished he weren’t so young looking, so girly. He kept growing a short scruff of a beard, trying desperately to look more like a man than a boy. Like Todd. Like Guy.

“I’m not all that innocent,” Austin replied, not wanting to talk about his looks. “You know that. I’ve told you the things I’ve done.”

“Innocent,” Guy repeated. “And God, I hope you can stay that way. It’s part of what I love so much about you.”

Love?
Austin’s heart skipped a beat.
Now what did he mean by that?

“What I wouldn’t do to recapture my innocence. But it’s gone. You know, after getting arrested, I still didn’t stop? My parents took my car, or at least made sure I didn’t drive it anywhere except for school and work. But that didn’t stop me. I talked this girl who had a crush on me into taking me to the mall. I was a lot more careful, of course. That’s how I found out about this rest stop. Some guy who blew me told me about it. He said it was a lot safer, that cops never went there. So I would skip school every now and then and spend like a huge hunk of the day there. It would take me nearly an hour to ride my bike out there, and I almost got home late several times. It was so easy to lose track of time. Especially on those days the T-room was slow and I had to wait to find someone to… you know. I came really close to finally sucking dick myself, but I didn’t. Played with a lot of them, but I didn’t suck one. Then one day it started hurting when I pissed—”

“Hurting? You got a bladder infection? I had one. It is the worst—”

“I got the clap. Gonorrhea.”

“Oh crap.”

“Right again. What was worse is it never occurred to me that was exactly what it was. I was a total moron. I did all that online research about HIV, but it never occurred to me to be worried about gonorrhea or syphilis or chlamydia or even herpes. So I just, like, went to Mom and told her it was hurting really bad when I peed. I figured I had what Tom Hanks had in that movie
The Green Mile
. So she took me in, and of course, that isn’t what it was, and of course, the doctor had to tell her.”

Austin bit off saying “crap” yet another time and elected to stay quiet instead.

“And that was it. I had just graduated, and they said I was old enough, and they kicked me out. Said they didn’t want me to spread my evil nature to my younger brothers.”

Austin felt his face fall, his mouth want to drop open.

 “And I had no place to go. They gave me twenty-four hours, my car, and a hundred bucks. Told me never to darken their doorstep again. They actually said that. Darken their doorstep. How frigging cliché can you get?”

Now Austin could see the tears gathering in Guy’s eyes.

Before he realized what he’d done, he was up and then down on one knee, and had gathered his friend in his arms. Guy dropped his head to Austin’s shoulders, stifled a sob, then slowly put arms around him as well. For a long time, Guy didn’t say anything. Austin glanced over Guy’s shoulders, saw the two gay men looking but with concern on their faces.

Something happened to Austin then. It was as though he had passed through a doorway into another country. It was Guy’s story of countless sexual encounters with other men. Stories of men wanting other men. It was the way Guy would place his hand on Austin’s, even when people could see. It was holding this man in his arms. It was the smile and now the concern on the gay men’s faces at the other table.

Even inside the ugliness and pain, Austin felt joy—like a tiny bird fluttering in his chest. Pain or no, he saw, totally and clearly, he was not alone. This was not Buckman, where he was the only gay man. Or at least the only one he knew of. Then he thought of Mr. Tanson, Buckman’s librarian. Damn. He’d never been alone.

He nodded at the couple at the next table, mouthed “It’s okay,” and…. Oh. They nodded back and went back to their business, giving Austin and the man he held—in public—their privacy.

Not alone.

Then he did something else before he even realized it. He kissed the side of Guy’s face. Then his cheek. His forehead.

Guy pulled back and looked at him. They gazed into each other’s eyes, and with a sigh, Austin went with it.

They kissed.

Nothing big. Nothing long. No tongues. Just a kiss. Like one he might have given to a relative. His gram, maybe.

No. It was more than that. Austin felt the tingling again. The unique feel of the stubble on Guy’s face against the slight growth of beard on his own.

I’m kissing a man.

And it’s not Todd.

He leaned in to kiss Guy again, this time knowing he would go all the way.

Except that Guy shook his head, pulled lightly out of Austin’s arms. “No,” he whispered. “Not yet.”

A small moan escaped Austin’s chest. “Why…?” A word like a whimper.

“Not yet,” Guy repeated. “You have to find Todd.”

Austin shook his head. “I don’t care about—”

“Yes, you do,” Guy interrupted. “And when,
if
, I really get to kiss you, it’s going to be the way I
really
want to kiss you.”

A
S
THEY
walked back to their apartment building, Austin found the chill was beginning to get a grip on him, and to his embarrassment, his teeth began to chatter. He knew it hadn’t been
that
cold when they walked to the coffee shop, or he would have worn his crapping jacket.

“My God, you
are
cold,” Guy said. “I knew it. I’m such an ass.” He whipped off his coat; it reminded Austin of a magician with a cape, the way he whirled it off his own body and behind Austin’s own. “Here.”

“It’s okay…,” Austin said, and felt that little thrill.

“Do it,” Guy said, and helped Austin into it.

And yes. It was warm. Warm from Guy’s own body heat. He felt a stirring in his pants and marveled that was all it took. It was like he was wrapped in another man. Wrapped in Guy. It was incredible.

And when Guy put his arm around his shoulder, drew him close, it was even better.

Now this is when you’ll find Todd. Or he’ll see you. He’ll drive by and see you walking down the street with a man’s arm around you.

And weird. It was the only reason Austin didn’t like the thought of anyone seeing him walking like this with another man. There was something almost exhilarating about walking proudly down the street like this. Everyone who saw them probably figured they were gay. How amazing.

How thrilling!

Because I am gay. I. Am. Gay.

He turned to look at Guy. This man next to him, with an arm around him, he was gay too. Austin found he suddenly wanted to shout it out to the universe.
I’m gay, everybody! And you’re not!

He dropped his head so it rested on Guy’s shoulder. The man was such a nice height. A little taller, but not real tall. Tall enough so if they were standing, looking at each other, and they were going to kiss, he would have to lift up a bit and tilt his head back to kiss the man. Just one more little thing to remind him Guy was a man. Like he needed a reminder.

Austin shivered, but this time it didn’t have anything to do with the cold.

I can’t believe I am doing this. I mean… God, it’s great. It feels so unbelievably amazing! For so long, it’s all been a fantasy. And now it’s real
. He looked around him. Saw the cars passing by, saw people on the streets. Maybe one or two had a frown on their faces, but the others weren’t even looking.
No, wait. That woman over there is. And she is smiling
.

He nodded to her, felt a sense of pride swelling in him that he couldn’t remember feeling in a long, long time. He looked at Guy again. How could he have been so mad at this man? All over a play.

A very sexual play. His eyes went wide for a moment.

A play about sex in public bathrooms. And he was being held by a man who’d had sex in public bathrooms. It seemed so impossible. Guy seemed so… masculine. No. Manly. Dammit. That wasn’t right either. Moral? Chivalrous?

How could Guy have such a past? The disgust Austin had felt about the play was melting away. Who was he to judge this man?
Does it make me any better than someone who might judge me for being gay?

Of course not.

“Guy…. This play of yours.
Tearoom Tango
. I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

Guy looked down at him. “No, you didn’t. I should have realized you might not be ready. Small-town boy and all.”

Austin laughed. “Don’t make me out to be a hick.”

Guy rolled his eyes. “I can’t win for losing with you, can I?” he asked.

“Sorry,” Austin said, and this time what came out of him was more like a giggle.

“It’s okay.” Guy gave him a squeeze.

“So… why did you want to do
Tearoom Tango
?” Austin asked. “I would think it would dredge up all kinds of crap. Painful crap.”

“Oh, Austin. You don’t even know.”

“Then why?”
I don’t understand
.

“
Because
it dredges it up. Makes me confront it and exorcise my demons. And the piece is so damned honest. Brings into the light something that stays in the shadows. That so many men can only be themselves in a sleazy, pissy, shitty restroom.”

“Don’t forget dangerous,” Austin added, thinking of the final scene of the play. That scene had taken his breath away.

“Exactly,” Guy replied. “I love the brutal honesty. The emotions. The way it makes you feel, no matter what it is it makes you feel. It made you feel something and you haven’t even seen it.”

“Don’t remind me,” Austin said, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“No. No, it’s okay, really.” Guy gave Austin’s shoulder a squeeze. “Art is supposed to make you react. And we aren’t all going to react the same way. I think the script is brilliant. I got to meet the guy who wrote it after I saw it. Crazy guy. Crazy in a good way. He’s so impassioned. He feels life so deeply. I admire his courage in writing it. We shared a lot that night….”

“A lot…?” Austin asked, feeling a silly burst of jealousy.

Guy nodded, thankfully oblivious.

“He inspires me. Makes me want to write with the same ruthless honesty.”

“So your play…. It’ll be controversial? Sex? Addiction? That’s what it’s about?”

“No. Yes. No.” Guy shook his head, then nodded. Laughed. “All the above. It’s sort of science fiction—but only sort of. Five people wake up in a steel room, and they have to try and figure it all out. How they got there. How to get out. How to get along. Alliances formed and broken. It’s about human nature. And there’s a gay character. I named him Perseus because he’s my favorite mythological character, and I wanted him to have a really different name. Because all the characters… they’re all people I know, but not
exactly
. They’re each these… amalgamations of people I know or have known.”

“Should I be worried?” Austin said with a laugh.

Guy froze in place, and Austin almost stumbled. He turned. Saw what looked like panic on his friend’s face. “Guy? You okay?”

He watched as Guy visibly gulped, then nodded once. “Sure.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He began to walk again, this time faster. “Everything.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Austin asked.

“Later,” Guy answered. “Look. There’s your uncle.” He pointed, and Austin looked and saw Uncle Bodie on his balcony. He waved to them, and Austin raised a hand in response.

And wondered what could suddenly be bothering Guy.

T
HE
days passed and it got colder. Autumn had hung on bravely as long as it could, but all things change, and the seasons pass one into another. Winter arrived. The last fiery leaves fell, leaving bare branches like fingers reaching for a sky that had gone from blue to gray.

Austin didn’t see much of Guy in those weeks. He tried to keep himself busy, and of course, Guy was involved with
Tearoom Tango
. Austin found his thoughts returning to the play many times. He’d read it as well. Over and over. But it was the first time he got all the way to the end that really shocked him—as he was sure it was supposed to. It seemed The Kid, the very character he was supposed to play, wound up killing the police officer. Apparently in self-defense. Austin had found himself crying when reading those final lines, knowing the desperation and fear The Kid must have been feeling. And he wondered—picturing himself on a stage—if he would have made the audience cry.

But he’d never know now, would he?

Thinking of
Tearoom Tango
invariably made Austin think of Guy’s significant admission and his sexually misspent youth. That led to confusion. Austin didn’t know what to think.

His heart broke for Guy. As a young man, Guy had lost his innocence in an underground of sexual anonymity and promiscuity. No love. No sweet first kisses. No lovers discovering making love together. No romance.

Obviously, Austin saw his blowing Todd in the basement, and subsequently fucking his girlfriend, was hardly romantic either. Who was he to judge? Had he narrowly escaped a similar experience with that notorious rest stop not far from Buckman?