“I’m so sorry they’re blaming you,” Sophie told him on the second day of her new life as a publicly pregnant girl. They’d met at Starbucks after school to talk. “I’ve denied it over and over, but you probably seem like the likeliest candidate, and people love to jump to conclusions.”
Wes looked truly sad as they sat down with their coffees. It was the first time they’d really spoken since she’d broken the news to him yesterday. But even now he wasn’t saying much.
“I guess it’s natural that they’d assume it was you,” she continued, “since you’re the only guy I’ve ever been seen with.”
“Who
is
the father, Sophie?”
“Do you really want to know?”
He nodded, so she told him the whole humiliating story. Well, not everything, since he was a guy, after all. “I just can’t believe how lame and gullible I was, Wes. A pathetic fool.”
“You know what’s really pathetic,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“I actually wish I
was
the father.”
“Oh, Wes, no, you don’t. It’s a horrible position to be in when you’re a teenager. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone—especially not someone I care about.”
“What about this Dylan dude? Is he taking any responsibility for, uh, things?”
“He doesn’t know yet. I mean, if you hadn’t noticed, I’ve pretty much kept this thing secret.”
“The cat’s out of the bag now.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “Mr. Young still hasn’t talked to me about it, but I know he knows. As soon as we’re back from Christmas break, I’ll resign as editor. And from yearbook too.”
“Why?”
“Why?” She looked at him incredulously. “No one will want me doing those things now.”
“I would.”
“That’s because you’re kind and forgiving. But seriously, I need to step down. And you’ll make a great chief editor, Wes.”
“I think you’re jumping to some conclusions.”
“I think I’m being realistic. Everyone knows now. And I’ll be showing soon. The best thing is to just start doing the teen pregnancy center classes. To lie low and wait for D-day.”
“Huh?”
“Delivery day.”
“Oh yeah, right. And what then?”
“I’m 99 percent sure I’ll give the baby up for adoption.”
“But that leaves 1 percent unsure.”
“I know. And it’s a big 1 percent.”
“I think you’re the bravest girl I know, Sophie.”
“Brave or stupid?”
“Brave.” He set down his coffee cup. “I can’t believe you kept this whole thing secret for so long. Most girls would’ve fallen totally apart.”
“Oh, trust me, I fell apart. Over and over. Just when no one was looking.”
“So, how’s Carrie Anne with it now? And your other friends?”
“Carrie Anne has been avoiding me like she thinks what I have is seriously contagious. And now I think she’s turned
Kelsey against me as well. Hannah has been kind but distant. And Jenny, well, after she laid into me for being ignorant, she’s been okay.”
“Christians can be so hard on each other.”
“They sometimes forget that whole forgiveness thing.”
“Which is so weird when you consider that’s why Jesus came to earth and everything—to show real forgiveness.”
“You know what really worries me,” she admitted as they were leaving Starbucks.
“What?”
“Carrie Anne’s dad is the pastor of our church, and . . . well, I just can’t bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. I mean, he watched me make my purity vow, he danced with me at the party. I know it seems silly since he’s not even my father—who still isn’t speaking to me, by the way—but I care what he thinks.”
“Well, if he’s a good pastor, he’ll handle it right and forgive you.”
Sophie nodded, but based on the behavior of Pastor Vincent’s daughter, she had her doubts.
Wes walked her to her car and then hugged her. “I’m here for you, Sophie.”
“Thanks. You have no idea how much that means to me right now.”
He frowned. “Well, I’m mostly here for you. I forgot that my family is going back east to visit my grandparents for the holidays.”
“Oh well. That’s okay.” She unlocked her car. “I’m just relieved to have Christmas break right now. I so need a vacation from all this.”
“Have a merry Christmas, Sophie.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.
“Thanks, Wes. Thanks for everything.”
As Sophie drove through town, she knew she was going to pass the church. Suddenly she knew what she had to do—she had to face the lion in his den. Okay, Pastor Vincent wasn’t a lion. That was more like her own dad. But just the same, she knew it wouldn’t be easy. And as she walked through the front foyer, she suddenly questioned her reasoning and was about to make a run for it.
“Sophie Ramsay?” a woman’s voice said. Sophie looked to see Mrs. Leopold coming around the corner. She was the church receptionist and the one person at the church who usually knew everything about everyone.
“Hey,” Sophie said softly. “Is Pastor Vincent around?”
“I believe he’s in his office. Did you have an appointment?”
Sophie shook her head. “No, I just wanted a few minutes with him, but if he’s busy I can—”
“No, no, let me just buzz him.” She was already on the phone, telling him that Sophie was here, and the next thing Sophie knew, she was being welcomed into his office.
“Have a seat.”
“Thanks.” She sat down and took a deep breath. “I know you’ve probably heard by now.”
He nodded, folding his hands on his desk.
“But I decided to come speak to you face-to-face.”
“I respect that, Sophie.”
“I know you’re not my father, but you’re kind of like a spiritual father, so I know that I’ve hurt you too. So I just want to say how sorry I am and that I hope you’ll forgive me.”
His smile seemed genuine. “I already did forgive you.”
“You did?”
He nodded. “Trying to set a good example.”
“For Carrie Anne?”
“I’m sorry she’s being so hard on you, Sophie. If it’s any comfort, I think she’ll come around.”
“I’m not really surprised that she’s mad. I mean, I was pretty mad at myself at first. And a lot of times I still am. I can’t believe how stupid I was.”
“You need to forgive yourself too, Sophie.”
“I guess I’ll have to work on that.”
“So, how are your parents handling it?”
“My mom’s actually being really understanding—I mean, once she recovered from the shock. My dad . . . well, he’s still angry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I. Really, really sorry.” She shook her head. “If I could turn back the clock, I would. I prayed and prayed at first for God to somehow change things, take the pregnancy away—anything to escape.” She pressed her lips together. “I even considered an abortion.”
“That’s not surprising.”
“I was surprised. I mean, you know me, I picketed the abortion clinic. I am totally pro-life. And yet when it impacted my life . . . I wasn’t so sure.”
He cleared his throat. “Sophie . . . may I ask you something?”
She shrugged. “Why not? My life’s pretty much an open book these days.”
“Well, Carrie Anne said that you’re telling everyone that your boyfriend is not the father of your baby. Is that correct?”
“Yes. Wes is absolutely not the dad. I’d swear it on a stack of Bibles. We’ve never had sex.”
“Carrie Anne said you told her that it was a guy at church camp, is that right?”
She nodded, and now her mouth felt drier than sandpaper. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, and her pulse rate increased. She hadn’t even considered Pastor Vincent’s connection to Dylan when she’d come here today. She’d simply wanted to make things right with her pastor.
“Sophie, may I ask who the real father is?”
She swallowed hard. “Can I tell you this in confidence?”
“Certainly.”
She took in a deep breath and held it. “Dylan Morris.”
Pastor Vincent’s blue eyes grew wide. “Dylan Morris?”
She nodded and looked down at her lap. The room was silent. She imagined she could hear Pastor Vincent breathing . . . and her own heart pounding in her ears. Had she really just told him that his best friend’s son was responsible for her pregnancy?
“I must say, you’ve caught me by surprise, Sophie.”
She looked up. “You don’t believe me?”
“No, I’m not saying that. It’s just that—”
“I know. Dylan is a family friend, and he’s a good Christian and—”
“Good Christian men make mistakes too, Sophie.”
“Yes . . . believe me, I know.”
His countenance softened. “Dylan does have a way with the girls.” Suddenly Pastor Vincent looked concerned. “Does Carrie Anne know yet?”
“No. I can’t even imagine how she’d react if she did.”
“She still has quite a crush on Dylan.”
“I know.”
“This really is a pickle, isn’t it?”
Despite herself, Sophie smiled. “Yes, it’s a real pickle.”
“Does Dylan know about this yet?”
She shook her head. “I—I don’t really know how to tell him, Pastor Vincent. I mean, what do I do—just call him up and say, ‘Hey, you’re gonna be a daddy’?”
“That is rough.”
She just nodded.
“Would it help if I got involved?” He paused. “Because you must understand that legally—and for many other reasons— Dylan needs to be informed.”
“Would you do that?”
“Under one condition.”
“What?”
“You’re absolutely certain that Dylan is the father.”
Sophie pushed away her feelings of indignation. After all, why shouldn’t he ask? This news was shocking—what else might he not know about her? So she told him the whole story—sparing some details—about how they only had sex twice. “The truth is, I wasn’t even sure what happened the first time, and I actually told him no. Then the second time, I wanted him to stop . . . but I also wanted him to love me. He said he loved me.” She was crying again. Would there come a time when she could tell this story without tears?
Pastor Vincent was taking notes. Did he think this was going to turn into some kind of court case? Or did he plan to use this against her? After all, he was Dylan’s friend as much as hers. He looked up with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry, Sophie.”
She blinked. “You’re sorry?”
“This should never have happened to you. And at one of our camps.” He shook his head. “It’s actually making me quite angry.”
“I’m sorry, Pastor Vincent. I didn’t mean—”
“No, I mean I’m angry at Dylan. I expected more from him. And I suspect that you never would’ve broken your purity pledge if he hadn’t pressured you and taken advantage of you like that. I’m really disappointed in him.”
“Now I feel like a tattletale,” she admitted.
“The story needs to be told, Sophie. In some ways, it should be shouted from the rooftops.”
“You mean
everyone
will know?”
“Maybe everyone needs to know. It’s an old story, Sophie— selfish young men taking advantage of innocent young girls, making promises just to get what they want.” He actually slammed his fist on the desk. “But when it’s a young man who professes to be strong in his faith, well, it just really infuriates me.”
“But it’s not like I really want to punish Dylan. In some ways, I’d like to just keep the whole thing a secret.”
“But what about the child?”
Her hand slipped down to her stomach. “The child?”
“He or she may need to know who both parents are.”
“I suppose.”
Pastor Vincent’s anger was replaced with sadness as he and Sophie wrapped up their discussion. She knew he was hurting for both her and Dylan, and maybe even for Dylan’s parents. Surely they would be disappointed too.
She was about to leave, then thought of something. “You’re not going to tell Carrie Anne, are you?”
“No. I’ll leave that to you.”
“To me?”
“Wouldn’t it be kinder for her to hear it from you before she hears it from someone else?”
“Maybe.” But the truth was, Sophie wasn’t too sure. If anything was going to put the final nail into the coffin of what used to be their friendship, this would surely be it.
“You cannot be serious.” Carrie Anne stared at Sophie like she was seeing a three-headed space alien that had just threatened her life.
“I am serious.”
“You expect me to believe that you had sex with Dylan Morris?”
“It’s your choice to believe it or not. But it’s the truth.”
“I think you’ve lost your mind, Sophie.”
“Thanks. There were many times in the last few months when I would’ve agreed with you.”
“You’re saying that you and Dylan did it at camp?”
“That’s what happened, Carrie Anne.” Sophie’s voice was flat. “I’m not proud of it.”
“And you never told me?”
“I never told anyone. Do you know how ashamed I was? Do you know how humiliating this is? I mean, it was bad enough to know that I’d broken my vow. To realize that Dylan had just used me—”
“Now you’re saying he used you?”
Sophie wished she’d done this by phone, and then she could just hang up. But she’d come to Carrie Anne’s house and now she was stuck in her bedroom. Maybe she should just leave.
“Dylan isn’t like that.” Carrie Anne stood in front of her mirror with her hands on her hips.
“Like I said, you can believe what you want to believe, Carrie Anne, but the truth is the truth. And since you obviously have no interest in knowing what the truth is, I think I’ll go.” Sophie reached for the doorknob.
“Wait.” Carrie Anne turned and looked at Sophie with narrowed eyes. “What was Dylan’s reaction when you accused him—”
“I haven’t accused him of anything. If it wasn’t for your dad, Dylan would remain totally out—”
“My dad? What does he have to do with this?”
“He’s also my pastor, Carrie Anne. And he offered to speak with Dylan.”
Carrie Anne just stood there. Maybe she was speechless. “Look, I am really, really sorry for how this is hurting you. I would do anything to make it all go away. But life isn’t like that. Sometimes your bad choices and mistakes follow you to the grave. That will be the case with this one.”
“So what are you going to do?” Carrie Anne’s voice softened ever so slightly. “I mean, with the baby?”
“Probably give it up for adoption.”