Angel Over My Shoulder (17 page)

“Close your eyes and when you open them we’re going to be in the future.” She trusted him completely and closed her eyes. His lips moved softly near her ear as he whispered. “Open your eyes.”

She did and they were no longer in her bedroom. They were standing in a small, cluttered studio. It was a dream, but she felt the tiled floors beneath her bare feet and smelled paint and thinner. Alan was holding her hand, but another Alan was sitting on a stool and painting a picture. He was in deep concentration. His long curls had been cut short and she could see a difference in him that marked a passage of time. He was older but not by much. He didn’t know they were there…

Leslie looked at her Alan; the one whose hand she still clutched. He was paying more attention to the artwork then the other Alan. Leslie’s breath caught. Most of the artwork was of her…of her and…a baby!

The door to the studio opened and another
her
walked into the small room carrying a toddler in her arms.

“Oh my god…” Leslie whimpered in complete shock. They had a child. Dear god…she was a mother! Alan released her hand long enough to place his arm around her waist and to draw her closer to himself.

“Shhhh.” He whispered. “We aren’t supposed to hear ourselves, remember?” She nodded, staring at herself, at her baby in her arms.

The baby was probably not even two years old; a little boy with a head full of dark curls and golden brown eyes. The other Leslie leaned forward and kissed Alan’s head.

“Come on, baby. Dinner’s getting cold.”

“Sorry, babe. You know how I get absorbed. I can’t seem to get this painting out of my head.” The other Alan plopped his paintbrush into a glass jar containing some solution. The little boy reached for him.

“No honey, Daddy’s hands are dirty.” He leaned forward and blew a strawberry on the tot’s cheek, causing him to laugh hysterically. The other Leslie was staring at the picture…she was blinking her eyes and seemed shocked.

“I’ve seen this before…” The dream Leslie suddenly looked around and her eyes came to rest on the real Leslie and Alan. “I remember this…this is the dream.” She whispered. The dream Alan stood up slowly and stared at where she was staring.

“You’re right. This happened before. We were standing right there, remember?” He said.

“Yes.” The dream Leslie replied. “I was watching myself…and I was so unsure…” She suddenly smiled. She couldn’t see the other her, but she knew that she was there and began to speak directly to herself. “I am so happy. You will make the right decision and you will be so happy. I wish that I could tell you all of the wonderful things that you will experience but…I don’t need to, because you’re going to live them. Thank you. Thank you.”

Tears were on Leslie’s cheeks when she opened her eyes and awoke. Alan was stretching and coming awake. He looked at her quickly and then looked around.

“Did you-?” He began and she interrupted.

“…dream about our future. You dreamt it too?”

He nodded. “The studio and-”

“…a baby.”

“Our baby.” He corrected.

She felt weak and excited and afraid. “Is that the future you saw?”

He slowly nodded his head. “It was a little different. You didn’t speak to yourself and when I first dreamt it, it was a bit longer, but essentially, yes.”

She sighed and rolled onto her back to consider the ceiling.

“How…how do you feel about it? Being a mother, being married to me?”

“Married?” She looked at him coming up on her elbows.

“I can’t believe you didn’t notice the wedding rings! That was the first thing I looked for.” She moved closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder. He was her past, her present, and now she clearly saw; her future.

“I’ve been lonely all of my life. I never pictured a husband and children in my life. Hell, I was just trying to keep my sanity.” He squeezed her to him. “But I want that little baby.” Tears sprouted in her eyes. “I want him so bad.” She started to cry. “I want to be happy for once in my life. And I want you. I want you real and not just in dreams. I want us to be together-”

He pulled her into his arms and held her through her sobs and then longer, content to just lay silently in each other’s arms, eventually making love again…and not worrying about a condom.

~***~

“I have to go back to Ohio, I’m sorry.” Leslie said a day later.

“I want to go with you.” Alan was pacing. They were in her home…he had not gone back to his house or to school. She was placing things into a suitcase.

“Alan…that’s not a good idea. I’m going to end a relationship with a man that has been a great friend, a partner, a…lover, and I’m going to do it clear out of the blue. I couldn’t stand to hurt him more by bringing you along. Plus, there are so many loose ends that have to be tied up.”

He still wore a frown. “I could go, and no one would ever have to know—HE would not have to know.”

She reached up and placed her hand on his cheeks. “I want that future. That’s the future I intend to live! Do you understand? I don’t have any doubts.”

He covered her hand with his own. “I do, because the future changes…I think when we know it, it changes. It already has. In the dream you talked to yourself! What if…” He shook his head. “Something could make it change!”

“I think that only two people can make the future change; and that is you and me. And we know that we don’t want to change it.”

He began pacing again. “I just wish that you wouldn’t go.” He held up his hand in supplication. “But you will…I know this.” He sat down on the bed. “While you’re gone, I guess I have some loose ends to tie up, as well.”

Leslie placed a hand on his shoulder. “Will you dream about me tonight?”

He smiled.

Several hours later, Leslie was in the Greater Cincinnati Airport…which strangely was located in Kentucky. She saw James; a six foot three inch tall, hulking red-head with tattoos and black-out sunglasses. He spotted her and a smile crossed his face as he easily cut through the crowd. Most people moved out of his way because they didn’t know that beneath his tough guy, biker exterior beat a heart of gold.

She smiled back, genuinely happy to see him. If she could, she would have changed the past year of her life and never allowed him to get so close. She loved this man; she just wasn’t in love with him.

He picked her up as if he hadn’t seen her in a year! “Hi, darlin’.” he drawled as he kissed her.

She returned the kiss, feeling her eyes sting with emotion.

“Hello yourself.”

“Let’s go get your bags and go home. I missed you.” He gave her a meaningful look.

“Home? Where’s that?”

“Missy and Derek’s. They offered to let me crash. Man, you should see your god-daughter, little Leslie. She’s a grown up now. I remember when she was just a chubby little kid that used to stick her fingers in the cupcakes.” James chattered as they retrieved her bags, not seeming to notice that she wasn’t contributing much to the conversation other than a few smiles and a few responsive comments. They walked arm and arm to a rental car and drove back to Missy and Derek’s place.

“What do you think about me…selling one of the bakeries?”

His brow went up in surprise. “Oh?”

“Not the main store.”

“Well, it’s not been easy managing two stores in a state different than the one you’re living. I guess I sorta saw you selling the Connecticut store and moving back here.”

She paused. “I think I’d like to stay in Connecticut.”

“Okay.”

She didn’t say much else until they got to the house. Missy hurried out the door and was standing next to the drive when she opened her door.

“GIRLFRIEND!!! You are looking so good!” The two friends hugged. Missy had picked up enough weight to now be called pleasantly plumped. They walked arm in arm into the house as James brought in her bags.

After they finished their greetings, caught up on old news, and gossiped a bit Leslie looked around to make sure that James hadn’t returned. He had stepped out to give them time to catch up.

“Missy.” She gripped her friend’s hand, her expression solemn. “I’m leaving James.”

Missy just stared at her as if she couldn’t figure out the puzzle behind those words. “I don’t…understand. I thought that you and James were doing great. Leslie…don’t do this again; dump a perfectly good guy! James is crazy about you…” Her friend gasped. “Oh god…he’s going to ask you to marry him this weekend!”

“Oh no…”

“We can’t talk about this here! He might come back.” She led her friend to her little sports car and they went for a drive. “Okay,” Missy had a grim look on her face. “Did you meet someone else?”

“It’s…not that simple.”

“You’re cheating on him! I can’t believe-”

“No. It’s the other way around. I was cheating on someone else with him.”

“Huh?” Missy had a completely perplexed look on her face.

“I’m not in love with James. It’s not because he’s not a totally terrific guy. But I’m in love with someone else and I’ve been in love with them for a long time.”

Missy had a horrified look on her face and she almost crashed the car pulling up to the curb. “We ain’t talking about Derek, are we?!”

“What? No!”

Missy had the good graces to blush. “I’m sorr—well who the hell are we talking about?”

“Angel.”

“Who the hell is Angel?”

She looked at Missy and it reminded her almost exactly of the last time they talked about this; almost twenty years ago. Back then she’d had faith in her friend, and had been able to talk about things that were hard to share. Missy had never let her down. She would tell her the truth.

“A long time ago, we were sitting in your Mom’s car and I put in a cassette tape of this Cure song; Pictures of You.”

Missy was still parked on the side of the road and she nodded. “Yeah, I remember that night. Your grandmother had terminal cancer and that was the summer that you were taking care of her.”

“Yes. Do you remember the story I told you about this guy in my dreams?”

“A guy in your dreams?”

“Yes, he follows me around. He’s always there-”

“I remember that. You used to dream about a cute white guy. I asked you if you were doing it with him. Leave it to you not to have fun with a dream guy!”

“Actually, I did begin having fun with him.”

Missy smirked before her expression grew serious again. “Okay. But what does this have to do with anything?”

“That boy that was in my dreams I fell in love with him back when I was a teenager. We had this…dream love affair.”

Missy nodded slowly. “It’s hard to follow up a dream. No real man can ever compare. But you have a real man now, honey-”

“Yes! I do. That boy that I used to dream about, that existed only in my dreams is real now. He and I can be together in reality.”

Missy’s eyes darted away from Leslie’s. “A-are…are you saying that you are having a love affair with a guy that you used to dream about as a kid? That the dream guy is real?”

“Wow…you caught on quick. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Missy searched for the right, delicate words. “Does this man know that you think he’s the dream guy?”

“He’s been dreaming about me the way that I’ve been dreaming about him! I never knew that I was the Angel over his shoulder just as he was the Angel over mine.”

“I see.” Missy said, hesitantly. She searched Leslie’s eyes. “This guy, you want to be with him? You love him more than James…and he’s real, right? He’s not a figment of your imagination?”

“Yes. Yes he’s real, yes to everything that you just asked!”

Missy nodded. “When are you going to tell him?”

“Are you saying that you believe me?”

“No, but I know that you aren’t one to give in to fantasy. If you believe it, then that’s all that matters. The thing that concerns me is James.” Leslie nodded.

“Me, too.”

Leslie decided that she wouldn’t procrastinate. As soon as they got back to the house, she went in search of James. He was on his phone with a supplier. He held up a finger to her and she waited patiently until he was finished.

He closed his cell and pulled her into his arms. She came along stiffly. He released her immediately.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked at him closely. “I…love you. I love you James.” His expression didn’t change; he didn’t smile because he could hear the big ‘but’. “But I’m not IN LOVE with you.”

He turned his back and walked away from her. She could have gushed on but decided to stay quiet in order to allow him to absorb what she was saying.

“Do you know how devoted I am to you?” He asked softly, back still turned to her.

“Yes.” She whispered. “You’ve always been there for me; personally and in business. You’re one of my very best friends.”

He turned to look at her. The hurt was evident in his green eyes. “Is this your way of saying that you don’t want to be together anymore?”