T
HE GIRLS
’
DORM WAS A
large room on the second floor with terracotta tiles underfoot, an arched window and four single beds. Though I was so tired it felt as if I’d been wrung out like a dishrag, I lay awake that first night in my borrowed pyjamas for hours. Curled tight on my side, I tried to tell myself that somehow we were actually going to defeat the Council, and everything would be okay – that the premonition of sorrow that had hit me in front of the house hadn’t meant anything at all.
Or the feeling of dread in my dream, come to that.
It wasn’t easy to convince myself though, when the hunting pack over the Zócalo had been exactly like what I’d seen. Recalling the rest of my dream – the strange boy in the park – I frowned into the darkness, a flutter of worry passing through me. If the events in the Zócalo had come true... I shook my head, irritated at myself. There was just no way. The idea that I could ever care for another boy the way I did for Alex was insane.
Forget the dream
, I decided. Not all of it was accurate; that was completely obvious – and reality was more than enough for the time being anyway, with Kara and the others all half-afraid of me, watching my every move.
They’ll get over it once they figure out I’m basically as human as they are,
I thought. I stared at the window; a street light shone through the thin curtains.
It’ll just take time.
Remembering the atmosphere in the dorm when Kara had brought me in, I sighed. Okay, maybe a whole lot of time. Liz and Trish looked nothing alike, but could have been twins, the way they’d stood watching me side by side with their arms folded protectively over themselves. Liz’s expression had been cold, her black hair half hanging over her face. Trish had looked scared and anxious, biting her lip – somehow the look didn’t really go with her freckles and cheerful snub nose.
“So she’s staying?” said Liz.
“Seems that way,” replied Kara shortly. She was putting fresh sheets on the one empty bed; it was in the corner, slightly away from the others. I don’t think anyone was too upset about that, including me.
I moved to help her. “Yeah, we’re staying,” I said over my shoulder to Liz, and caught her whispering something to Trish – who looked almost ready to cry when she saw me watching; she waved her hand at Liz in a frantic shushing motion.
I straightened up from the bed. “Look, I know this must be really weird, but—” I stopped. They’d both frozen, as if a chair had suddenly started speaking. Great. Instead of alarming them further, I turned away and picked up the pyjamas of Trish’s that Kara had given me: blue with white polka dots.
“Is there a shower I could use?” I asked Kara. There hadn’t been one in the bathroom she’d directed me to earlier, and I was dying to get rid of the grime from travelling all day on the Shadow.
“Yeah, but only one, unfortunately,” said Kara, finishing with the bed. I was trying not to stare at her the way Liz and Trish were staring at me – the sculpted lines of her face were so exotically gorgeous. “The boys usually get it at night; we take ours in the morning,” she went on without looking at me. “But if you wanted to go ahead, since it’s your first night...”
“No, that’s all right, I’ll wait,” I said with an inner sigh. I started towards the bathroom to get changed – the last thing I felt like doing was getting undressed with Liz and Trish scrutinizing my every move – but then I stopped. If I did that, they’d be imagining god knew what about me; that I had angel wings sprouting out of my shoulder blades or something. So I set my jaw and got changed right there, keeping my back to them and feeling their eyes burning holes in my skin.
“I, um...don’t need those back, or anything,” Trish blurted as I pulled the spaghetti-strapped pyjama top over my head.
“Thanks,” I said, as if I didn’t know exactly why she didn’t want them any more. And as everyone else started to get ready for bed too, the silence in the dorm had felt like a blanket smothering the air out.
Lying awake now, I was starting to seriously regret insisting that Alex and I didn’t sleep in the same bed here. I could be with him this very moment, curled up in his arms and talking through the day’s events. And then later...my cheeks tinged as I stared at the high, old-fashioned ceiling; I counted its cracks in the glow of the street light to take my mind off the fact that my heart was suddenly beating faster. Yes, good call on not sharing Alex’s bed, Willow. Thumbs up.
Then I stiffened.
I could hardly even describe what I’d just felt – it was like a sort of
rushing past
, as if I were standing beside a river and could sense the intensity of its current, ready to knock me off my feet. But it wasn’t beside me, it was inside of me, so powerful that it felt like I’d get swept away if I even dipped a toe in.
The feeling lasted only seconds; then it faded. Frowning, I closed my eyes and went deep within, searching. Nothing. I looked again to be sure, carefully exploring every corner of my mind. The weird energy was gone, if it had really been there in the first place – there was no sign of it. I shook my head at myself. Okay, psychic glitch time.
Then I became uneasily aware of my angel. Usually she waited inside me to be sought out, but now, all at once, she was just
there
in my mind
,
watching me, with her wings opening and closing.
I stared back at her, wondering what was going on. Ever since we’d bonded, her presence had always brought such a sense of love, of comfort. Now it seemed different. Edgy. My angel’s shining face was my own, but my scalp chilled as I realized: there were different thoughts than mine behind her eyes. Thoughts I couldn’t read.
That sense of rushing power, like something had been awakened.
Shaken, I withdrew and lay huddled under the covers, listening to the sounds of the others sleeping; the faint noise of traffic. I’d never been conscious of my angel having her own thoughts before – or even having thoughts at all, really; she’d always simply been me. What had just happened? And what would have occurred if I’d shifted my consciousness to hers – this radiant twin who suddenly felt like a stranger?
The idea brought a shiver of apprehension, and I hated it. I’d only barely gotten used to having this other part of me, and now suddenly it seemed so...alien. I let out a breath. Had I really just been thinking about how human I was? The irony wasn’t funny, somehow.
It took me a long time to finally fall asleep. And even when I did, I could still sense my angel, restless inside of me.
“Okay, today I just want to see what each of you can do,” said Alex.
We were standing in the range: a long room on the ground floor that looked as if several walls had been knocked down to form it. There were arched windows down here, too – and though I hadn’t noticed when we’d arrived, they’d been boarded up from the inside. Kara had told me that morning that Juan had bought the place outright, plus all of their equipment. Apparently being an AK paid a lot, which wasn’t really news, given Alex’s Porsche when I’d first met him. And like Alex, Juan had squirrelled away part of his money in cash, though apparently on a far greater scale.
“So we’ve got enough to keep us going for a while,” Kara had said as she got dressed that morning, while I tried not to gape at her perfect body. She was so sleek and toned; she actually had a tiny six-pack. And an
AK
tattoo on her left bicep, just like Alex’s. A strange feeling stirred through me at the sight of its gothic letters; I’d always associated that tattoo only with Alex.
She caught me studying her and stiffened, snapping a T-shirt over her head. “What?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Sorry. You just...look like you’re in really good shape, that’s all. I guess I’m not, that much.” It was true. I’d always been thin without trying, but I used to get Cs and Ds in PE, because my best friend Nina and I would just sit and talk half the time. Thinking of Nina, I felt a pang, wondering what she thought of me now.
“Huh,” said Kara, brown eyes narrowed as if she didn’t quite believe I hadn’t been up to something. “Well. We’ll get you into shape,” she’d said grudgingly
.
“So what’s
she
going to be doing?” asked Sam now as we all stood in the firing range.
“Excuse me?” said Alex coldly. He was wearing faded jeans and a black T-shirt he’d borrowed from someone. I’d never seen him wearing black before; it made his dark hair look a shade lighter, his eyes almost bright blue.
“Her. Your half-angel girlfriend,” repeated Sam in his Texan drawl, folding his arms over his muscular chest. His short blond hair was spiky with gel. “I’m assuming she’s going to be part of the team, right?”
The news that Alex was taking over as lead had been met with a mix of wariness and something like relief. Everyone seemed to respect Kara, to admire her for stepping in after Juan died – but no one argued that she should stay in charge now that Alex was here. Remembering the apprehension I’d picked up from him that night in the tent, I watched him closely now, trying to send him good vibes. He didn’t seem to need them. No matter what he might have been feeling inside, there was no hint he was even nervous as he stood facing the group.
“Okay, I want to get a few things straight with all of you,” he said, and though his voice was calm I could tell how irritated he was. “
She
has a name. It’s Willow. And yes, she is going to be part of the team. This is her fight too. She cares as much about defeating the angels as any of you.”
I tried to smile as everyone glanced sideways at me. I could feel the suspicion in the room, as if a snake had just slithered through it.
“If you’re accepting me as lead, then you’re also accepting Willow,” Alex went on. “Because I’d trust her with my life. So I do not, repeat,
do not
want to hear any crap from anyone about her. Yes, she’s half-angel; no, she is not going to harm you in any way. And that is seriously the last time I ever want to have this conversation. Is that understood?”
Mumbled yeses. Sam looked like he was about to say something else, then thought better of it. My cheeks were in flames. I understood why Alex had had to do this, but part of me wanted the floor to splinter open and drop me into the core of the earth.
“Good,” said Alex finally. “Let’s get started. Kara, can you get everyone going with some target practice? Willow doesn’t know how to shoot yet; I need to give her some basic training.”
Oh. I’d forgotten that I’d promised to learn how to shoot. But even with my lifelong dislike of guns, it was still ten times better than just standing there while everyone in the room avoided looking at me. Alex took me to the back of the range where there was a table, to show me how to load a magazine.
“You’re doing great,” I whispered to him. “Seriously.”
He made a face as he looked down at the pistol he was holding. “Yeah...I guess we’ll see how it goes.” He pulled the magazine out with a
click
and discharged the cartridges, then started pressing them back in again in a smooth, rapid motion
.
“Okay, look, this is really easy – just watch how I’m doing it.”
I hesitated, wondering what was bothering him. I knew he must be even more worried about the situation with the Council than I was, when he was the one responsible for training everyone. But this felt like something else.
He glanced at me; a slight smile appeared. “You know, you sort of have to pay attention if you’re going to learn this. Here, I’ll do it again.”
This time I took in the steady rhythm of his thumb as he pressed the cartridges in. “Like a Pez dispenser,” I said. All around us were the faint thuds of silenced bullets. They weren’t loud, but they were
intense
, somehow; you could feel the whole room vibrating with them.
“Yeah, exactly.” Alex took the cartridges out again and handed me the empty magazine. “And listen, I’m sorry about just now, with the group,” he added in an undertone. “Hope I didn’t embarrass you.”
“It’s okay,” I said, thinking how strange it was for us to be standing this far apart. I’d gotten so used to touching Alex whenever I wanted – it seemed as natural to me as breathing. I knew he felt the same. Earlier that morning, he’d pulled me into one of the storerooms as I’d come out of the shower room wearing a borrowed bathrobe – stroking my damp hair back with both hands, kissing me deeply, the two of us pressed up against the wall in the shadows.
“I missed you last night,” he’d whispered between kisses.
“Me too...me too,” I’d murmured. His arms had felt so safe around me, as if the weird sensations of the night before would never have happened if I hadn’t been sleeping away from him. As if they weren’t important at all any more.
I swallowed as I looked down at the magazine, struggling to push a cartridge in. I’d been trying not to focus on it, but that sense of my angel being restless was still there. I was so conscious of her as a separate presence that she almost felt loose inside of me; I was reminded of Peter Pan trying to sew his shadow back on. God, I hated this – not knowing what was going on with my own body.
“Hey. What’s up?” asked Alex.
I shoved my worries down as far as they’d go and slammed a door on them. There was no way I was telling Alex this; it was too not-human for me to even want to think about it. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
He propped a hip against the table, watching me carefully. “Those girls haven’t been giving you a hard time, have they?”
“No. Well, a little. Nothing major.” I manoeuvred another cartridge into the magazine. It wasn’t nearly as easy as it looked. “How did you
do
this so fast, anyway?”
He glanced down at my hands. “Practice. What do you mean, nothing major?”
I shook my head – Liz and Trish staring at me while I put on my jim-jams was really the least of my worries just then. “Seriously, Alex, it’s okay. I’ve got to make my own way with them, you know? It’s no good if my boyfriend the lead AK gets all involved every time someone looks at me funny.”
I could tell he understood, even if he didn’t like it much. “Yeah, all right,” he said finally. “But listen, I have to make sure that everything’s running smoothly with the team. So if it gets to the point where it might affect that, then I need to know, okay?”