Authors: Jennifer Lavoie
“Sleep well?” Mrs. Kensington asked with a pleasant smile.
“Yeah, uh, thanks. For the blanket, I mean. I didn't realize I was so tired.”
“You were talking and then you just went out, like a light,” Ryder teased once he gathered his composure.
“That's all right. Could you help us with dinner? I need to go ask Kyle something.”
“Sure,” he said, and took her place.
“When you're finished cutting the carrots, just toss them in the pot. Ryder, add the celery too, and put in some salt and pepper, okay? I'll be back in ten.”
The boys agreed and watched her leave.
“She seems to leave at rather convenient times,” Andrew noted dryly.
“That's Aunt Lisa. She has a lot of tact. Especially when it comes to things like this.”
“Things like what? Like cooking?”
“No, dork. I meanâ¦when she knows someone wants to tell someone else something important.”
“Oh.” Andrew grabbed another carrot and cut it up slowly. Beside him, Ryder stood silently.
“You heard us talking, didn't you?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “Sorry.”
“It's all right, I guess. I meant what I said.”
“Which part? You said a lot,” Andrew tried to tease, but the words fell short.
“The part where I said I liked you a lot,” Ryder admitted, pausing in cutting the celery. He looked at Andrew, his face completely open, and Andrew could see the honesty there.
“I know. I really like you, too. A lot.”
“I know we've only been dating for a couple of months, butâ”
“You don't have to say anything else, Ryder, I get it.”
The two continued to work in silence, cutting more vegetables and adding them to the pot. Ryder added some water while Andrew put in the salt and pepper. When Andrew put the shakers down, Ryder turned.
“But I think I love you,” Ryder blurted, face red. He stared at Andrew with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe he'd said it, and Andrew stared back, his own cheeks heating.
After a tense moment of silence, the two started to laugh. Ryder pulled him into his arms and leaned back against the counter. “Wow. That so didn't come out how I wanted it to, but okay.”
“A little fierce there,” Andrew teased.
Ryder looked down at him, head tilted to the side, the question burning in his eyes. Andrew could read it there: Did he love him, too? Andrew didn't say anything, just pulled Ryder's face down to his and gave him a small, gentle kiss.
It was answer enough.
That night, Andrew's father called to speak to him. “Andrea told me what happened in school today. Are you all right?”
“I'm fine,” Andrew replied after taking a moment to process what he said.
Andrea told him? Why?
“How's she doing?” Andrew asked.
His father sighed into the phone. “I don't know. Since she got home she seems different. Quieter. She doesn't look as angry as she did before, but aside from telling us what happened during lunch, she won't talk about it.”
“Is she there now? Do you think I could talk to her?”
“She went outside a while ago. Look, son. Your room isn't quite finished yet, but we put the new flooring in. If I stay home tomorrow I can get your furniture moved back in and you can come back home.”
As much as Andrew liked staying with the Kensingtons, he did want to go home. He missed seeing his parents and listening to their easy banter. He even missed Andrea.
“I don't want you to miss work.”
“It's fine,” his father said. “I think it's time you come home. Your mother misses you. I miss you. I know despite what she says, Andrea does, too.”
Andrew said good-bye to his father and hung up the phone.
“How did it go?” Ryder asked.
Andrew jerked his head up and saw him leaning against the door frame, arms crossed.
“Room is almost done. Dad said he'll stay home tomorrow to put everything back in and I can move back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Wow, that's so soon. I kind of hoped you'd be here longer,” Ryder said softly.
“Yeah, I know. I don't know how Andrea's going to take it. I mean after today, who knows what she's thinking. Can't imagine what she's going to do when I'm back at home.”
“Well, with you back she'll have to face her problems head-on and get over it.”
“Maybe.” Andrew shrugged.
“It'll be fine.”
“But I don't want to leave. I like it here.”
“I know, and I like having you here. But hey, we'll still see each other at school. And you can always sleep over and stuff,” Ryder said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
Andrew flushed and waved a hand. “I know, but it's still not the same, you know?”
Ryder nodded and sat down next to him. “I know. We'll figure something out. Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be right here.” He leaned forward and gave him a small kiss. When Ryder pulled away, Andrew pulled him back and the two fell onto the bed. Ryder pulled off one of his shoes and aimed it at the partially open door. It hit it squarely with a
thunk
and the door shut.
“Nice shot,” Andrew said, impressed.
“Thanks. Now, where were we?”
“If you need to get away, you don't even have to call. Just come back, okay?” Ryder reassured him after Andrew had packed all his things the next day after school. He pulled him into a tight hug. Andrew relaxed and nodded. School that day had been tough, and Andrew kept thinking about going home that night. He had known throughout the day that he'd made the right decision, but now that it was actually time to leave, his stomach twisted in knots.
“I'll call you later and let you know how everything is,” he told Ryder as calmly as he could manage to sound.
“Okay. I really wish you would let me go with you.”
“I know. But I need to do this myself.”
Ryder sighed. “I still wish I could go.”
Andrew stretched up and gave him a kiss. “I'll be fine. Andrea and I need to work this out. And we're going to, today, whether she likes it or not.”
She didn't show up at school today. I wonder what happened.
Ryder playfully ruffled his hair. “Just don't hurt her too much,” he teased.
“I promise I won't,” Andrew replied, then hesitated. Three little words had been gaining ground in his mind since he had been spending more time with Ryder, and they threatened to spill out now. The same words Ryder had said earlier. “Ryder, Iâ” he started, but Ryder cut him off.
“I know, Andrew.” He grinned and gave him another kiss. “Get going, or I'll convince you to let me come along.”
*
His father met him outside when he parked the truck and walked in with him. The house hadn't changed except for the holiday decorations being packed away. He felt bad for not having been there to help with it, but shrugged the feeling off.
“Everything is all set. We moved all your things in there, but if you want, we can rearrange them to however you want.”
“I'm sure it's fine, Dad. Let's just go up.”
The two of them went up the narrow stairs with Andrew following his father. Down the hall from his parents' room his door stood open. The hardwood floor looked fantastic. In the center of the room was a dark blue rug to keep him from freezing his feet in the morning if the room was too cold. The walls were the same light blue shade they had been before, but they had been washed. Without any scuffs or marks, the room seemed larger.
His bed stood in the corner where it used to be, the nightstand right next to it below the window. His mother had changed the curtains and put up dark blue ones; they were open onto the frozen driveway below. His low dresser stood next to the door with his television mounted on the wall and DVD player sitting off to the side. Against the other wall stood his desk, with a small desk light and his laptop sitting there, waiting to be turned on. His swivel chair had been tucked in under the desk. Next to that sat a small three-shelf bookcase.
“It's almost too clean in here,” Andrew said, wrinkling his nose. “I mean, there's nothing on my desk or dresser.”
“Well, you'll have to fix that, won't you? Sorry we didn't get to change the paint, but we can always do that later.”
Andrew nodded. “It's okay. And everything's fine the way it is. I don't need to move anything,” he said, and tossed his bag on his bed. His father nodded and set the other bag down. “Where's Andrea?”
“She's been hiding out in her room ever since she helped me move everything back in.”
Surprised, Andrew looked up his father. “She helped?”
His father nodded with a small smile. “Yes, she did. I didn't ask her, either. She offered. And I think when you talk to her you'll find she's a little moreâ¦reasonable.”
Andrew looked up in surprise again. “Did you talk to her?”
“Your mother and I did, yes. We sat down with her and we all talked about you coming home. I think it did a bit of good for her. She's behaving a little more like herself than she has been the last few weeks.”
“That's a relief to hear.”
“Just go easy on her. This hasn't been easy for her. I know,” he said, holding up his hand to cut Andrew off. “I know it's not easy for you, either. And I'm aware it's not right what she did. But think of how your sister feels too, okay? Just think about it. Dinner will be ready soon.”
He left a moment later and Andrew sat down on the edge of his bed, alone. The heater in the bedroom had been turned on, so it was comfortably warm, but not as warm as Ryder's had been, and he missed it already. He stood to turn up the thermostat and then sat back down again. A minute later he tore through his bag, sorting clothes to wash. Restless energy filled him. Andrea was just down the hall and he needed to talk to her, but he stalled for time as he tried to collect his thoughts. He wanted to talk before dinner, but he knew waiting until afterward would be better in the long run. But what would he say to her?
*
Andrea came out of her room after their father's third call up to her. While Mom pulled the roast out of the oven and cut it, the two of them sat in awkward silence: Andrew tapping his fingers on the table, Andrea fidgeting nervously.
By the time the roast was cut and ready to eat, Andrew felt sick. He poked idly at his food, only taking a few bites. Andrea barely touched hers as well. The normal banter that filled the dinner table was absent and a pervasive silence filled the air.
“I'm sorry,” Andrew and Andrea said, suddenly and simultaneously, both trying to break the tension. They stared at each other from across the table for a moment and then burst out laughing. It took only that second for the tension to dissipate, and their parents smiled with relief.
The two of them ate quickly and cleared their plates. Without saying a word to each other, they both put on their boots, jackets, and gloves and went outside.
The sun had already set, but the moon in the cloudless sky reflected off the snow, making it bright enough to see. They trudged up the hill through the drifts, heading toward the quiet of the barn. The only sound Andrew could hear came from their boots tramping down a path and the soft puffs of their breath. Everything else was muffled from the snow.
Andrew stopped in front of the pond and looked at the covered surface. Ice had frozen it over and the snow built up on top of it. There were a few spots where animals must have stepped on it and broken through because nothing obstructed the view of the black, frigid water. The trees were completely bare and offered a clear view of the sky above them. When the twins walked to the other edge of the pond, they stopped and stared at the pile of lumber lying beneath a tree. Most of it had been buried under drifts of snow, but pieces of it were poking through.
“It came down,” Andrew said, surprise and disappointment in his voice.
“Yeah. Dad thinks it was the storm on New Year's Eve that did it,” she said, digging a hole in the snow with her boot. “We thought we heard something outside but he didn't bother to check until he came up a few days later to get something out of the barn.”
“Oh. I always hoped we'd fix it up, you know?” Andrew said softly.
“Yeah, but we outgrew that a long time ago. We don't have time for games like that anymore. Even if we had fixed it and made it stronger, it wouldn't have been big enough for the two of us.”
“Funny, it seemed bigger than that when we were kids.”
“Everything seems bigger when you're a kid,” Andrea said quietly. They stared at the pile for a length of time, standing in silence. Andrew remembered how they had wanted to sleep out there one time when they were nine, and their mother said no. Their father talked her into it, saying they would be fine in the tree. The twins hadn't made it more than five minutes before they scrambled down and begged to come back inside. Andrew smiled at the memory and laughed softly.
“What?” Andrea asked, turning to look at him.
Andrew recalled the memory to Andrea and asked, “Do you think Dad said yes because he knew we wouldn't last out here by ourselves?”
Andrea thought about it for a moment, looking up at the sky. “Hmmâ¦you know, you're probably right.”
They shared a laugh and then turned to find the log they often used as a bench. The snow covered it and Andrew had to brush it off before they sat down. It was cold even through his jeans, and Andrea huddled against him to keep warmer.
“Soâ¦you're really serious about Ryder?” Andrea finally asked as they stared down at their house.
Andrew could see the lights on in nearly every room downstairs and the glow from the fire. Smoke poured out of the chimney, curling up into the sky before it dissipated. “Yeah, I am.”
“And you like him a lot?”
Andrew nodded. “A lot.”