Andre (3 page)

I
woke
up too late for breakfast at the cafeteria, so I decided to stop at the café for something on my way to the library. My sex dreams returned last night, only this time Andre was the star. Since Ginny gets to spend her morning doing my laundry, I’m on my own. I’ll probably let her off the hook after this one time, since guilt will take over. I had so much fun singing last night I might take Jake up on his offer to stay with the band.

Holiday music greets me as I enter the campus center and make my way to the café. It puts me in a festive mood, and I go for the peppermint mocha along with a cinnamon roll. As I walk toward the back of the restaurant, my pastry taunts me, and my stomach growls. I notice Eric in a booth by himself. I flash to last night when he saw Andre holding my hands. I cringe a little inside and make a snap judgment to slide into the seat across from Eric.

“Hi,” I say. Eric stiffens and glares at me as I continue. “Look. Last night you didn’t see what you thought you saw. Andre had just helped me up when you walked out of the dorm.” He crosses his arms as he sits back, and I add, “We’re only friends.”

“You sure? Because you didn’t look that way on stage either.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Stage is the operative word in that sentence. Think about it.”

“So you were acting.” Eric’s shoulders relax a bit, and he drops his arms. “Good,” he says. “I should have known you wouldn’t date a
townie
.” Eric grimaces a little, making it clear how he feels about the locals. I get what he means, because I’ve grown up with that attitude too. Truth be told, I feel the same way. Only...

Eric leans forward and changes the subject. “You were really good last night. I wanted to come talk to you, but—” He sits back and glances around.

“Thanks.” I begin to slide out of the booth. “I should probably go so things don’t look weird.”

“No.” Eric lowers his voice when I stop moving. “That’s not what I meant.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He shakes his head. “Hold on.” Paper rips from a notebook as Eric tears out a sheet. His pen scratches on it before he folds it up and hands it to me.

I smile as I read what he wrote—“I like you more than I should.” A vision of Andre flashes in my head.
Forbidden lovers.

Eric’s right to be worried. He’s in charge of my lab grade, and the best-case scenario for me if we got caught having a relationship would be I’d have to repeat the class, and no matter what he’d lose his job. I slide the note back to him and ask, “Friends?”

He returns his gaze to me. “Yes.”

This time I do stand up and grab my food. “I don’t really want to take this class twice,” I say as I flash a quick smile before I leave to go to another table to eat. As I walk away, I picture Andre in my head again, and I push the image out. Eric’s right, he’s a townie. My bones thud against a hardwood chair as I sit at a table. A townie with the deepest blue eyes...
oh my god!
I gulp a mouthful of my coffee, and it scalds my tongue as I force myself to think about Eric’s brown eyes. So warm and inviting. Blue eyes are definitely overrated.

When I finish my breakfast, I go to the library to study. I have an essay to write for British Literature. Beowulf requires my full attention, and it’s a welcome reprieve from my boy troubles. I make a good dent in my homework before it’s time to meet up with Andre.

After a quick change into a cute outfit, I head to the garage. While my heart dares to wish it will just be the two of us, my head hopes Jake is there too. According to Ginny, he was the one that suggested Andre and I work on duets to add to our line-up since our voices are so well matched.

The parking lot is nearly full when I arrive, and I park in a space out of the way like Ginny instructed, so paying customers can have the good spots. By the time I get to the door, my thighs sting from the cold. Leggings under boots were probably not the best choice. I welcome the warmth when I enter the waiting room, and the receptionist lets me by when I tell her I’m part of the band Second Sound and here to rehearse.

The faint music of Andre’s guitar carries to me as I approach. It’s a slow melody, and he glances up at me when I enter the room. He doesn’t stop playing, and I walk as quietly as I can toward him. I even take care to remove my outdoor clothing so I can enjoy the song. When he’s done, I say, “That was beautiful, and so sad. What is it?”

“Something I’m working on.”

“Do you have lyrics?”

He shakes his head and reaches in his bag for sheet music. He hands the songs to me and says, “I’m going to get us some water.”

“Okay.” After he leaves, I glance at the music on his stand. The handwritten notes are the music I just heard. I sing the tune while memorizing the notes before me. I don’t want to forget it.

Once I’m done, I sing the songs we’re going to run through as I wait for Andre to return. I raise my voice when he walks through the door. It’s a classic ballad, and I expect him to join in. Instead Andre comes over to stand next to me to read the music. I hand it to him, because I know all the words. We pick our way through as if it’s the first time he’s ever sung the song.

When we’re done, I frown as I ask, “Don’t you know that one?”

“No. I’m not from around here.”

Right. He’s from the North Pole or something.
I gaze at the mystery man. All I really know about him is that he’s a werebear, and that scares the hell out of me. I reach for the rest of the music, and papers flutter to the ground when I knock them off the stand. We both crouch down to pick them up, but I snatch them up quickly to avoid reliving the attraction I felt last night when he touched me. I pretend it works, even though my skin is tingling as if it’s begging for him.

When we get to another Andre doesn’t recognize, I say, “I have an idea.” I pull my phone out, and my fingers tap on the screen as I work on pulling up a video of the tune. “Let’s listen to the original version of the ones you don’t know so you can get a feel for them before we sing.”

Andre watches the band on the screen intently, and I catch a glimpse of his smile before the song is over. He says, “My phone doesn’t have Internet.”

I’m more than willing to share, and I think I can use this situation to my advantage. I say, “Sure. But for each recording I play, you owe me the answer to a question.”

Now his smile does appear. “Fine.”

“Tell me how you got into music.”

“When I was a boy, my father gave me a guitar and told me it was my job to entertain us at night.” He sweeps his hand around the room. “Where I come from, we didn’t have all the stuff you have.”

“Do your brothers play anything?”

“You owe me a video first, but I’ll put it on your tab.”

I chuckle and marvel at the dimple I notice in Andre’s cheek. It only appears when he displays a full smile. He says, “I have a musical family. We all play multiple instruments and sing.”

“I’d like to meet your brothers some time. Are you close, like me and my sisters?”

He nods and asks, “Tell me about what you were like when you were thirteen.”

It seems like an odd question, and I frown as I try to recall that time. “I was horribly awkward. I had a growth spurt and towered over all the boys.” I cringe. “Be glad you didn’t know me.” We’re silent for a moment, and I say, “Your turn. What were you like at thirteen?” I recall that Tori said puberty is when werebear come into the ability to shift.

“Awkward too. I was very skinny because I shot up to almost my full height that year.” He pauses, and his gaze is intense, as if he is not sure if he can say more.

I help him out. “My sister Tori told me what you are. Was that the year you could shift?”

“Yes. It was also the last year of happiness before our clan fell apart.”

“Oh, no. I’m so sorry. What happened?”

“Our former alpha was not very wise with money and gambled away our land. My parents were killed in a battle with a warring clan that took over the small territory we had left. My brothers and I were forced to remain in bear form to survive until we moved here.”

“You spent almost a decade as a bear?” I ask.

He nods as he says, “You asked why I don’t talk. It’s because for a long time, I didn’t have to.”

“Wow.” I imagine reappearing in the human world and experiencing the technology that has happened in the last ten years. “You’ve missed so much.”

He stares at me for a moment before he says, “I did. But if I didn’t come here, I wouldn’t have met you.”

I flash to the first day when he matched my step as he walked me to my dorm. I recall the way dream Andre kissed me last night.
I don’t know what to say, and my fingernail clicks against my phone when I push the button to play the video again. While Andre watches the song, I watch him and try to sort out what’s going on. My body screams for him as if he’s my destiny, while my head is telling me to stay away.

We spend the next two hours previewing Jake’s selections, and I ask my questions. Most of the songs are dance tunes, but the last one is a recent hit that made me cry the first time I heard it. It’s about a forever love, and when we sing it, I’m foolish enough to lay my words out there as if they’re mine. I’m even more delusional when I believe Andre does the same. The last line ends abruptly with the word you, and the silence that follows is deafening as we both stare at each other.

My gaze drops to his mouth, and I take a deep breath. Andre takes one too, and it’s shaky. Maybe I wasn’t alone in my feelings after all. I’m about to speak, when he reaches out his hand and touches my lips with his fingers. He shakes his head as if he doesn’t want me to speak as he traces my mouth with a light touch. It’s sensual, and a tiny noise of desire escapes me.

I tilt my head up as his finger moves under my chin and along my jaw line. He continues to below my ear and then down the side of my neck. I’m hypnotized by the simple action, and when he traces my collarbone, I begin to tremble. Andre has moved close enough that heat from his body radiates toward me, and when he lifts my chin, the only thought in my head is how badly I want his kiss.

At first Andre brushes his lips gently against mine, but he soon follows with gentle nips. Now I groan as my nipples harden against my bra. They tingle with lust as my core quivers. I place my hands on his chest, and muscle is solid under my palms. My touch seems to ignite something in the Nordic god, because he makes a low noise when he grabs my face and darts his tongue in my mouth. The sound rumbles, and when I realize it’s a growl, I jerk back.
I just kissed a bear!

My hand flies to my mouth, and it’s cold on my burning lips.
I shake my head as I back away from him. “No.”
Oh god.
The nylon of my jacket is slippery in my hand as I grab it and run from the room. I don’t put on my winter clothing, and race to my car. Icy air fills my lungs as I pant and fumble in my coat pocket for my keys.

The leather of my seat is firm with the cold, and I crank up the heat as I slip my arms into my jacket quickly before fastening my seat belt with a click. I glance into the rearview mirror before I turn around to back up, and the color of my eyes startles me. I stare at them. They appear to be a darker green than usual.
What have I done?

When I pull out of the parking lot, I catch a glimpse of Andre outside the door to the garage. I don’t have to study him to know he’s standing like a statue as I run from whatever it is we started the first time we met. My car fishtails from taking the turn onto the snow-packed road too quickly, and I take my foot off the gas so I can gain traction. I manage to regain control of the car. But my heart is still beating erratically, and I’m afraid stopping that won’t be so easy.

I
’ve done
a lot of stupid things in my life, and the one thing I’ve managed to learn is that you need to face your problems head on. After I ran out on Andre yesterday, I knew I had to deal with the situation. Ginny and I are in the car and on our way to rehearsal. She’s driving, and I hold my hands up to the warm air blowing out of the vents. It takes me a moment to realize I’m humming the song Andre was working on yesterday, and it reminds me that I was singing to him in my dream last night. I add words to the music. “I didn’t know I was lost.”

Ginny asks, “What’s that?”

“A song Andre is working on.” I didn’t tell her about kissing him last night, but it’s time to fess up. “After the session tonight, I need to talk to him and clear a few things up between us.”

“Uh-oh, what happened with you and broody boy?”

“We kissed.”

Ginny cuts a quick glance at me. “No way!”

“Unfortunately, yes way.”

“Oh my god, was it hot and steamy? Or wet and drooly? I’m betting the first, because nobody that hot is a sloppy kisser. So what’s the problem?”

I sigh. “Have you forgotten he’s a werebear, Gin?”

“So? It’s not like we can actually hold it against him, considering we have bear blood too.”

“Yeah, well, Tori might be okay with changing into a werebear, but I’m not.”

“You mean you don’t want to get all growly with super-sized sexy?”

I can’t help the smile that comes from her words. “God, you’re ridiculous. But I’m serious. I can’t get involved with Andre.”

“I’m serious too. I don’t get the problem. You’re clearly attracted to each other, so why can’t you just hang out for a while? It’s not like it has to be forever.”

I recall Tori explaining the difference between true mates and regular ones. Only true mates are forever. And surely Andre and I aren’t that. “He’s a security guard.”

We’re at the garage, and Ginny stops the car. Her eyes are squinted when she glances at me and says, “I’m disappointed in you, Nessa.” The gears clunk into park, and shame rushes up to heat my ears.

Ginny’s door groans open, and I say, “Wait. That’s not really what I meant.”

“Of course it is. Tori was right; you are like Mom.”

Her door slams hard, and I sigh as I get out. “Ginny, wait.” She stops, and I say, “I just can’t deal with... you know. Okay?”

She rolls her eyes and turns away from me without a word. I hurry to catch up, and we walk toward the back together. When we enter our space, Andre is already there. He avoids my gaze.

Jake hands me music, and the pages are slick in my hand as he says, “Nice choices on the songs. I added one or two that you didn’t pick, and we’ll run through them all tonight to make a final decision.”

I glance down and notice the last song Andre and I sang is on the top. My stomach knots up, and I say, “I don’t know about this one. It’s kind of a downer, you know?”

Jake frowns for a second. “Are you kidding? That’s the get-laid song we play at the end of the night.” He shakes his head as he mumbles, “Girls.”

Damn it.
I have no idea how I’m going to sing that after what happened yesterday. I close my eyes for a second to focus before I begin my warm-up exercises. When Brita arrives, we get down to business. Usually I stand up front while Andre is in the back. But Jake asks him to step forward so he can watch us interact.

Andre and I go through the motions, but both of us lack feeling in the words. It doesn’t help that every time I gaze at Andre, his face is as hard as chiseled marble. Partway through the second song, Jake yells for us to stop. He asks, “What’s going on with you two? We need emotion, passion.”

I say, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” I glance at Andre as he practically glowers at me. He nods at Jake, and Brita’s sticks set the tempo as we try again.

This time I pour on the act. The bass of Andre’s guitar reverberates through me even though he still gives me his best stoic face. His scent fills my nose when I shimmy around him, and the edge of his guitar is smooth under my fingers when I drag them along the edge to emphasize a sexy line I sing. Jake eats it up, and when we finish, he says, “Yes. I love the teasing girl and untouchable guy thing. Nice.”

I catch Ginny’s eye, and she scowls. Clearly she’s not so impressed.
Whatever.
I’m doing the best I can, given the situation.

By the time we get to the last song, I’m mentally exhausted, and I have to force myself to keep from crying when Jake says it’s time for the ballad. My vocals begin the song, and I close my eyes and try to put myself in the body of a character. I imagine her begging the guy to tell her she’s wrong about their relationship being over even when she knows she’s not.

When it’s Andre’s turn to sing, he seems to have done the same, because emotion shows on his face as he takes on the role of the male telling her it’s too late. The pain of his words lodges in my heart. I get a little too wrapped up in my character, because near the end of the song, a lump forms in my throat, and when we sing the last line together, my voice cracks. Silence hits, and I blow out a shaky breath as I blink back the tears that fill my eyes.

Jake drops to his knees in front of me and lowers his head and arms as if he’s worshiping me as he says, “I am not worthy of your greatness.” I chuckle as he stands up. “You do that at our next gig, and I swear to god, men will be groveling at your feet.”

Brita says, “And the women will be throwing their underwear at Andre. Damn, you do cold well.”

Don’t I know it.
I glance over at him. He stares at me, and his eyebrows lift just the slightest, as if he’s asking me a question. But hell if I know what it is. I walk over to him and say, “I need to talk to you.”

He nods.

I huff. “Words would be good here. I can’t read your mind. You could say, ‘Sure, we can talk in my car.’ Or maybe ‘Yeah, let’s hang out until everyone leaves.’”

The small smile I recall from the night we met twitches on his face. “My car.”

I turn on my heel, and when Brita drops her head and Jake glances away, I realize everyone witnessed my scene. Ginny tries to hide her smug grin.
Wonderful.
I grab my coat and put it on as I wait for Andre.

When he’s ready, he says to Ginny, “I’ll drive her back to campus.”

She says, “Perfect. Thanks.”

Andre walks off without even glancing at me, and I follow. His steps are quick, and I scramble to keep up. Cold air blasts my cheeks when we get outside, and I return to my normal gait. That damn polar bear can just wait. Besides, maybe his car will be running and warming up by the time I get there.

I watch him walk to an older-model Toyota truck, and he does turn it on before I get there. The door creaks loudly when I yank it open. I wish I were the kind of person who could remain silent and let him speak first, but I’m not, so I launch into what I planned to say before my seat belt clicks into place. “I’m sorry about last night. I never should have kissed you and given you the wrong idea.”

Andre asks, “What is the right idea?”

I wonder if he doesn’t understand the phrase, so I say, “I have plans for my future that include kids and—” I recall Ginny’s words earlier.
You’re just like Mom.
I sigh. “I can’t be a werebear, Andre. I
won’t
be that.”

Andre’s jaw flexes, and he turns his attention to the truck to shift into drive. When we start moving, I say, “I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends.”

He says, “Friends.” Andre steps on the brake, and I jerk forward with the sudden stop. He turns his gaze toward me. “No, Vanessa. We’re meant to be mates. Nothing else.” He resumes driving.

Mates?
I gaze out the passenger window, and my heart aches as if a vice is tightening on it. I plug Eric into one of my favorite fantasies, and I envision him driving an SUV with me beside him. Children are in car seats behind us as we go to the club for some family event.
Is that what I really want?

I glance over at Andre quickly and wonder what the alternative would be. But all I can imagine is being in his arms, as if the rest doesn’t matter. I turn back to the window and trace a heart in the condensation. I know the grease from my finger means it will linger for days and reappear in the fog. I wonder how long it will take him to wash it away.