An Unexpected Hunger (12 page)

We laid in bed, Ricky on his back
, while I nuzzled my head into his chest. His fingers grazed up and down my bare back, spreading goose bumps all the way down my arms.

“Promise me something,” Ricky said.

My head shot up with a sickening feeling of déjà vu.

He
laced his fingers with mine as I waited for him to continue.

“Promise
me that you’ll never go out with Ethan again…or talk to him.”

“Are you jealous?” I teased.

“How can I not be? I’ve only been waiting for you to come around since the fourth grade.”

I laughed
and propped up on my elbow. “Fourth grade? You seemed to have kept yourself pretty busy since then.”

“That’s because you would never give me the time of day.”

“Yeah, right,” I protested. “After tenth grade you barely even looked at me.”

“That’s because I was playing hard to get.”

I laughed even harder. “That’s the woman’s job.”

“Oh.”
He leaned up, and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

“I’m serious,” he whispered. “Promise me.”

I nodded my head, giving him a silent yes.

He flopped back down on
the bed. “Aren’t you going to ask me the same thing?”

“Promise me you won’t go out with Ethan e
ver again,” I said, looking up at him.

“You know what I mean!”

I exhaled. “I’m not going to make you promise me anything. The last time I did that it backfired. You are who you are, and I’m okay with that.”

I think.

Ricky shot up from the bed again as I sat up, creating a space between us.

“What is that supposed to mean?”
he said.

“It means I know sex is sex,
and I’m not going to try to convince myself that it’s anything more than that.”

Ricky scoffed, swinging my comforter off of the lower half of his body. He grabbed his boxer briefs
off the floor and slid them on.

“
So, that’s it then, huh?” he said, turning around. “You won’t even give me a chance because of what you think you know.”

“I’m not try
ing to be a bitch. I just don’t want to play any games. This time I refuse to convince myself that this is any different.”

The words were falling out of my mouth like a damn that had busted open.

Ricky stood stock still, his hands on his hips, his fingers just touching the curve of his obliques. “Oh, what? You had one fucked up relationship so now you think you’re an expert?”

“What do you want from me Ricky?” I asked, defeated
. I sunk my head into my hands.

I felt the bed shift, Ricky’s hands pulling mine away from my face.

“I want you to give me a chance,” he said. The storm in his eyes was settling, the grey shifting to a lighter shade.

“Okay,” I said. “I promise.”

I LET RICKY sleep in while I snuck downstairs to make breakfast. The smell of Spanish omelets and bacon must have woken him. When I turned around to plate the food he was leaning against the counter in just his unbuttoned jeans.

“Morning,” I said with a smile. “Hungry?” I placed the plates on the table and rummaged through the fridge for what was left of the orange juice. I felt Ricky’s arms wrap around me and his head nuzzle into my neck.

“I love it when you cook,” he crooned. He unfastened the tie to my robe and ran his hands down my torso.

“You’re going to make me drop the juice,” I teased, nudging him away.

Sitting at the table, watching Ricky inhale his breakfast, I felt hopeful that this could actually work.

“So, have you thought about going back to working a real job ye
t?” He darted his eyes over to me as I took a sip of my coffee.

“Are you trying to fire me?”

“No,” he said. “But you can’t be happy doing it.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know…the money isn’t
too
bad. Plus, my boss is kind of a hottie.” I winked, and Ricky smiled wide and bright. I caught a little blush to his cheeks.

“It’s just that it was always your dream to
own your own restaurant one day,” he said.

I scrunched my eyes. “How do you
know that?”

“Mrs. Rossi’s class. We had to write a paper about what we wanted to accomplish as adults and read them out loud to the class.
You said that you wanted to take over your dad’s restaurant.”

“You remember that?” I asked, astonished.

“I remember a lot of things.”

“
Such as?”

He paused, holding
the fork mid-bite. “You coming to visit when my mom was sick. You weren’t…you weren’t afraid to come over, not like a lot of other people. Even when she got really bad. ” His eyes flickered back down to his plate.

“
Your sister was my best friend. I wanted to be there for her. I’m just sorry I couldn’t make it back for the funeral.”

“So
, what happened?” he asked “With your dad’s place?”

“My mom shut it down,” I said. “He was going to leave it to me
, but since I was still so young he left it to my mom instead.”

With that accident, I lost everything I knew…my dad, my dreams of cooking with him, carrying on the restaurant he
worked so hard to build. I had begged my mother not to sell it, but she wasn’t convinced that I could handle it on my own.

“Well maybe one day you’ll get another chance
,” he said.

I smiled. “Maybe.”

Ricky finished the last bite. “I’m stuffed.”

I smiled and took his plate to the sink,
hoping that he was right.

* * *

“Stop at the mailbox a second, I haven’t checked it in a while.”

Ricky s
lowed the car just close enough that I didn’t have to get out to open the mailbox. I shuffled through three days worth of mail full of bills and grocery store circulars. All the envelopes were addressed to my mom. All but one. My heart dropped at the sight of the scraggly handwriting scrawled across the white envelope. There was no name, just a return address.

“What’s the matter?” Ricky asked.

I shoved the mail into the side pocket of the door. “Nothing.” My heart was practically beating out of my chest. “Just stuff for my mom.”

Ricky hesitated before driving off. Every once in a while I caught myself bouncing my foot against the floor of the car. I had to tell myself to calm down since Ricky would steal a look my way every few minutes. He didn’t say any
thing to me, but I could tell he knew something was up.

When we finally got to the bar, Ricky headed home to switch cars with Nick and catch a show
er before coming back to work. I thought about what it was going to be like working together after last night. Danny and I were so good at hiding our secret that none of our coworkers caught on. Here, they noticed when someone came in wearing a different kind of deodorant.

I walked into Ricky’s office, plopping my purse with all the mail onto the
shelf next to Ricky’s desk. It was too big for its place in the room, and nine times out of ten I ran my thigh right into it.

Thank goodness
that we were slow because all I could think of during the small lunch rush was the letter in my purse. I tried to think of how Danny would have gotten my address when I remembered I had given him my mom’s name and number for my emergency contact at work. He laughed when he saw that the address was in New Jersey, commenting on how quickly my mom would be able to arrive in time to be any use. I didn’t know anyone else who lived closer.

Ricky finally strolled into the bar at three o’clock. Heidi rolled her
eyes as he wandered over to me and whispered in my ear while I cleared a table. I giggled just to piss her off even more.

“What’s happening here?” Mia asked from behi
nd the bar, her finger waving between Ricky and me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You two…you’re both smiling from ear to ear. Something happened, didn’t it?”

“Back to work!” Ricky teased.

I grabbed the stack of menus I just finished wiping down and returned them to their holder up front.

“Dammit!” Ricky yelled from his office. I heard the familiar sound of the metal shelf reverberating through the room
, and then the plop of stuff falling on the floor.

I peered into the doorway to his office.

“I gotta’ move this fucking shelf,” he said, rubbing the front of his thigh. He bent down to grab the stuff that had fallen, which included my purse with all the mail.

Before I had time to react, Ricky held the letter in his hands, staring at my name written on
the front.

“For you?” he asked, holding it
in between two fingers.

I nodded my head, trying to think about what I
was going to say.

“Who would be writing
to you from California?” His tone was soft and low, which made me even more nervous.

“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it ye
t. It’s probably from Lauren...she was my neighbor. We wanted to stay in touch.”

“Really? Like pen pals?”
he baited.

“Something wrong with hearing from a friend?” I said, trying to deflect.

“No.” He tossed the letter, along with the rest of the mail back on the shelf. “It’s just a phone call might have been a little easier.”

He
wasn’t buying my story.

I looked back as Heidi sat a couple in my station
. “I can’t talk about this now. I just got sat.” He ignored me, and stared down at the writing on the envelope.

“Hey,
” I said, snapping him out of it. I tenderly grabbed his cheeks with my hand. “It’s nothing. Stop worrying.”

I planted a soft kiss on his lips and walked away, hoping I was right.

* * *

I grabbed the letter out of my purse a few minutes after I heard the shower running. Ricky trie
d to get me to join him, and although the offer was more than tempting, the curiosity about the letter was eating away at me.

“I’ll go in after you,” I told him as he undressed in front of me.

I took one more look at my name and address before flipping the envelope over. I ran my finger along the seal, and unfolded the lined paper. I read the words so fast I had to reread a few sentences.

Alex
a,

I have tried to convince myself that I could let you go. Forget about you and everything we had together. I just can’t. Rachel and I have decided to end things and move on. Hopefully, by the end of the year our marriage will officially be over.

I need to hear your voice. Please. I’ve tried to call
, but obviously you have changed your number. This is the only way I knew how to reach out to you. I need you. Please call me.

I love you,

D.

The shower faucet squeaked and it took me a few minutes to notice the water was no longer running. The bathroom door swung open and Ricky stepped out, a towel notched around his waist. I shoved the let
ter in the nightstand just in time.

“Feel better?” I said, getting up. From the corner of my eye, I caught the sliver of white as the envelope fluttered to the floor.
For a split second it felt like the earth had fallen out of orbit. Ricky’s eyes followed the envelope and when it hit the carpet he picked it up.

“So?” he asked. “Did she have anything good to say?”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, you know, the usual: How are you? How’s the weather?”

Ricky tossed the envelope onto
my dresser.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” I said. Every quiet second that passed felt like
the walls were closing in on me.

Ricky looked back and nodded. “Okay.” His lips drooped down into a frown
, and he rummaged through the bag that he packed to spend the night.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and lean
ed my cheek against the curve of his back. His damp skin smelled like my citrus body wash. He stood up and wrapped his hands around mine pulling me around to face him. He looked at me from under his lashes and planted a kiss on my lips so soft it took me by surprise.

“I’ll be right out,” I said.

I showered, combed my hair, and brushed my teeth all in five minutes. When I came out, Ricky was laying on the bed, propped on a pillow. I changed into shorts and a cami and crawled in next to him, positioning my head in the crook of his arm. His phone rang on the nightstand and he picked it up, looking at the number.